บท 87: Realizations
"James? What are you doing here?"
Walking into Sarah's private room at the infirmary, it felt pretty bad that this was the first thing she said, as if she had assumed that I wouldn't have time to check up on her. Although I hadn't had the time to do so yesterday, with us having today off, it felt like something obvious to do.
Not minding her accidentally rude question, as she was most likely honestly just surprised, I made my way to the chair next to her bed and sat down. "Of course, I'm checking up on how you are feeling. Oh, I brought you these as well."
From my inventory, I brought out the flowers I had bought on my way here, as well as a vase to put them in. An abashed and flushed princess had to lower her eyes, "You didn't have to do that... But thank you..."
After putting the flowers on her nightstand, I started going through the motions, "So, how's your body? From what I heard, you were pretty lucky?" Her hands started to tightly grip the covers that warmed her body, as her body clad in the white gowns started to lightly tremble. "Yes... I was lucky..."
'Is her body still scared, remembering what happened? Or is there something else going on?'
Not knowing what to do, I just patted her shoulder awkwardly. "There, there?" It couldn't be helped, after all, I had no experience in this kind of thing. For some reason, it seemed to work, as she turned her head to me, "What are you... Pffft! Ha...hahaha!"
I didn't understand what had made her suddenly start laughing, but I would absolutely take it as me doing a great job with this whole 'being friends thing'. Sadly, it didn't take long for her to savagely rob me of my inner victory.
"How can you be so good at anything you do but be so bad at this? Shouldn't you tell me 'it's not my fault' or 'you did well to survive', or something?"
'Oh... right, that's a thing...'
Though I understood what she was getting at, I wasn't very fond of lying. I had absolutely no qualms in withholding information or telling some half-truths, but lying wasn't really my thing. It just didn't feel right.
Scratching my head, I did my best to convey my thoughts without revealing that I had been looking at the entire fight on the side. "Well, are you sure you would have wanted me to tell you that? Judging by your face, you don't agree with that anyway, right?"
Biting her lower lip, it appeared that I was right on the money. "So then I guess that you didn't do particularly well and that you feel like it was, at least, partly your own fault. And if you do feel that way, isn't that the truth?"
'Ah, shit... Maybe I said too much...'
With tears starting to slowly roll down her face, my heart sank as I had defaulted to one of my oldest bad habits; Being too honest. It had been a long time since I had felt comfortable enough with someone to just speak my heart, but somehow this girl had successfully made me do so.
So, like the man and good friend I was, I had to take responsibility for my actions. "Sorry, I didn't mean to make you upset. I'll see you later.", and stood up in order to leave the room.
"Please wait!"
Before I could turn around, her hand gripped the hem of my black uniform jacket, stopping me from walking away. Still, with tears falling, the princess had no intention of holding the fact that I spoke the truth against me.
"Please, don't go... I'm not angry just because you spoke your mind..."
Adhering to her words, I sat down again, still with a tinge of guilt in my heart. It was so bizarre that I had managed to feel more things during the few months I had attended Ainu than I had felt during all my years on Earth.
Even worse was that I also consciously knew that it was as if my emotions were submerged underwater, numbed and suppressed. Though they had gotten more prominent every day that I was around these people, it was as if I couldn't truly experience them.
"James..."
"Yeah?"
"How did you get so strong? You have a frail and small body, you suck at making connections and you are a commoner, and an orphan at that. It just makes no sense to me how you were able to become so powerful."
'Ouch!'
Sarah had answered my brutally honest words with her brutally honest words, sticking her verbal knife through my heart repeatedly. Still, I knew what she was getting at. In her eyes, it was probably absurd that I could do so much with so shitty conditions.
Scratching my cheek, I felt conflicted as I couldn't exactly tell her that all of my efforts were doubled because of my clone, but I didn't want to say nothing either. After a couple of seconds of thought, I found an answer.
Letting myself smile, I faced the princess with as much honesty as possible, while still keeping my secrets locked away. "It's not about being strong or weak. Although I would probably say that I am strong compared to a lot of the other freshmen, that's beside the point."
A bit confused at my answer, the beautiful girl tilted her head a bit, as her tears had finally stopped rolling down. "What do you mean?"
"Strong and weak are just relative concepts, they are not set in stone. If I compare myself to other freshmen, I am strong, but if I compare myself to your father's royal guards, I am pitifully weak. So it's not necessarily about becoming strong, but about becoming stronger. And this does not just relate to pure power or strength. It's about doing everything you possibly can with the tools you have at your disposal."
I had no idea if she would understand what I meant, but as a healer, it wouldn't be a boon to get lost in search of power, it would be a detriment. That didn't mean, however, that she shouldn't try her best to grow stronger.
Turning her eyes down to the bed, it was hard to know what she was thinking. "I see... I guess I just hoped that you had some kind of secret, something that could explain how you got so strong... But I guess I was naïve."
Sarah had no idea just how right on the money she was with her thoughts, but there was no way I was going to reaffirm them. Then, the aura around here completely changed, as she met my eyes with a smile, "Thank you, James. Thank you for telling me the truth without caring about the fact that I'm a princess who could easily get you executed for being rude."
"Wait, stop! I didn't mean it! I mean, I did but..."
The curvy upper body of hers bent over, giving my eyes a delightful view as she started laughing, "Hahahaha! Your face...! Pfft! Hahaha!"
I didn't enjoy this one bit. Her suddenly changing characters and using my own signature, teasing, against me was inexcusable, even more so as she had managed to keep her face so incredibly serious.
"Tsk! Leave it to a haughty princess to not understand the woes of a commoner. Oh, how sad it will be for the great nation of Mensch when you come to power."
Crossing her arms, she surprised me yet again by not backing down at all, "Oh? Well, I guess it's for the best for my first decree to be making sure to get a certain commoner a job. Maybe as a cleaner or a butler in the royal castle."
Having no idea what made her change to this more playful person all of a sudden, I couldn't say I disliked it. Not only did she seem to be able to endure my teasing, but she was also quick to retaliate. 'Did she practice in secret?'
It hadn't been long since her face had gone completely red from trying to banter a bit with me, but now, that embarrassment appeared to have completely vanished.
Sitting in her room, we spent longer than I would want to admit just talking about everything and nothing, making sure not to miss every single chance to tease each other when there was an opening.
****
[Arthur's Pov]
'Everything hurts...'
With my entire body covered in bandages, I imagined myself looking like a mummy if someone were to see me. Having woken up a day after the attack of the demons, I felt useless. Not only did I not manage to bring the demons down, but I also put Anna's life in danger due to my negligence.
If not for the angel who had saved us, everything would have been destroyed in that single moment. I had been blinded by chasing power, blinded by my desperation to avenge my family. I didn't need the power to avenge my family, they were already dead, after all. I needed the power to protect the people I cared about who was still alive.
There was no doubt in my mind that Theia had saved me, showing me the path I had to take in the future, just like she had done when I was younger.
'I will not let you down...!'
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