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68.51% System for Dummies / Chapter 74: Dreams and the farm where all unloved mascots go.

บท 74: Dreams and the farm where all unloved mascots go.

Spoiler alert, everything that happened in the last chapter was nothing but a dream. Do you seriously think, I would sell the integrity of my story for one measly powerstone? Come on, this story had an entire audience of now, lemme check, 75 collections─this much should be worth at least 2 powerstones.

I keep saying it fam; know your worth!

Else, you too might find yourself writing about stupid ideas random people on the web gave you.

And let my sacrifice be a lesson to you all: only whore yourself out if you know people would actually buy it.

Cuz dreams, as they say, were quite the fickle thing. People didn't say that stuff? For the sake of the argument I was about to make, they now do.

Those dreams were often lifelong wishes. For example, I wished to be a competent writer and entertain everyone with my stories. Up until today, the results were mixed in a sense.

I mean, my writing was not bad; sadly, it just did not earn me a single cent.

Dreaming on an empty stomach was not a dream; it was called starvation. Sounded a lot worse now, did it not? The world did not run on idealistic views about doing the things you loved. It ran on something we call "money".

Although many people on this site wrote English in a manner that made it seem as if they had developed an entirely new language, which just so happened to resemble the original one─these people found the poor man's philosopher's stone.

They turned crap to gold.

Art was dead and system authors killed it. No, the harem writers must have ruined it before those. But what about the Isekai novels, did they not kill personally kill art?

I do wonder, had art truly ever lived? Or might it be nothing more than a dream of an empty stomach?

Either way, enough of the thinking. Using your brain was boring, peeps were here for fun things. Everyone wanted the dopamine and neuron activating rants...yes, Imma give these people the show of a lifetime.

Which, of course, meant that I would be doing the literal opposite. You could not give these people an inch, otherwise, they would be asking for a whole mile by tomorrow.

What might start out harmless as a kiss or, god forbid, hand-holding could turn into a gigantic orgy in the blink of an eye.

But, I didn't want to be so negative. Cuz today was literally a good day.

The unicorn, Uniporn, was about the be deported to the farm where all the goldfish go once they die. Down the toilet, it would go. Sadly, the system was too stingy to install a real toilet... therefore we would just pretend it would be flushed down one.

By the way, this was not a dream, but reality. Finally, after suffering for 4 chapters, this marked the end of a mistake. We would be free of the tyranny; the 69-saying stallion was about to be no more.

I could hardly wait to live in a world without this horrifying existence. Mind you, this whole place was still a burning dumpster fire, but a dumpster fire without a stupid sex joke in it.

...okay, to clarify it would be a dumpster fire without that specific sex joke in it.

Some people might truly feel sad about the sudden departure of our new mascot. To those people stay strong and keep it in your memories. That way Uniporn would always be by your side. I could not understand why anybody would actually want to do that...but you do you guys.

In the end, this was not about me or you or about the story itself. This was about releasing the brain-damaged unicorn from its suffering.

As much as letting go hurt; it was the only logical choice to free a beautiful creature and grant it the after-life it always deserved.

Everyone knew that such a creature should have never been born in the first place.

Yet, someone clearly did not get the memo and forced me to give life to it─a life full of pain and torture. The clock has been ticking, counting down to the eventual freedom from the curse of 69.

No longer would people lust after unicorn horn dildos. Seriously, when would people finally sexualize me instead of everyone else. I had feelings too...and it hurt like hell for people to prefer a Uniporn over me.

My confidence had hit rock bottom ever since people stopped sexualizing the sexy author.

Did you know, just how much cash that darn unicorn raked in for posting content on its OnlyF*ns? Its content was very much beloved for reasons I did not have to specify. It had found a hole in the market and in its customers.

Was that a fetish thing? Or were people just suicidal and wanted to go out having a good time? I could not and did not want to understand the reason for its popularity.

Anyhow, anybody that made more money than me was not welcome in this story any longer. Hence, it got the boot and would be yeeted outta here. Launched directly onto that fabled farm, where all of them dead animals go.

Where it would live happily until everyone had forgotten about it.

I would love to send many more things towards that direction, but sadly other authors are not eligible for deportation.'Tis was such a shame.

Welp, can't have it all.

People could dream, yet nobody would be getting any special treatment whatsoever. Unless they were readers of WN, then they would get bullied.

"But Mom, this novel clearly proves that if I were to throw myself in front of a speeding truck I would be reborn into a magical world and stop being a loser," exclaimed your average smut reader...clearly thinking with his lower head.

While any other world, should it exist, needed that kind of imbecile; planet Earth had more than enough of said specimen. While I personally did not mind the occasional (in)voluntarily trip to kill some demon king... one ought to remember that bargain came at the very, very low price of death.

I beg you guys to reconsider because WN still needed its readers. Without you guys, the world might be a better place, yet your favourite authors would be poor. Think about the authors, what would they do without you?

Actual work?

Good one. Might I suggest the market niche left behind by our dear unicorn; I heard there would be quite the gaping hole, after its unfortunate passing.

Before someone complained. All of this was just a joke...no reader of my story should feel motivated to start an account on that specific adult money-making machine. You guys were too ugly either way, but just don't, okay?

Aight, look at the word count! It was time to say our goodbyes to our beloved mascot. Its hard for everyone. Though let us give it a minute of silence and think about all the good things it brought to this story.

.....

Okay, the minute has passed! Bye, bye Uniporn, the unicorn.

May you rot in the deepest pit of hell!


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