บท 62: Anger 1
Neil rubbed his face looking tired of struggling with his thoughts.
Let what will happen, how it will be, and like what. The most important thing is that Neil will continue to live it like water flowing in a river.
Neil turned to go back to his class, and as soon as his eyes widened, he froze where he was standing. His head felt like it was hit hard by something invisible.
"Riksa?" called Neil with his voice suddenly choked.
Neil felt his body pressed against the floor, fear running like someone splashing ice water all over him.
Sain took a step forward towards Neil, far enough for Neil to reach him. Sain's arms crossed in front of his chest with a sharp gaze piercing the spot into Neil's eyes. As if digging into Neil and ready to pull his soul out of his body.
Neil can't even or maybe he can't even come up with his defense, that Neil only comforted Michelia after the girl found herself in this mirror dead with a severed head through the photo she just found.
No, he couldn't defend himself. Because this was indeed his fault, but still he didn't know exactly which part was wrong?
Neil just stood still waiting for Sain's every move to punish him, he glanced at Sain who was just silently watching Neil with his sharp black eyes. Neil couldn't stand this, he suddenly had a strong urge to kneel down to apologize to Sain.
Neil just feels he is not guilty of anything, Michelia is a friend and the most important person in his life and of course, Neil must be by his side now. Yeah just trying to cheer up Michelia for nothing else. So, if Sain is angry. Let him do it for Neil. If Sain wants to punish him, then let him. If Sain wants to fuck him as Neil sold himself, then so be it. If Sain killed him now, Neil would be very grateful for him. However, it was of course that Neil would not stand by if Sain did something bad to Michelia.
However, they were in fact just silent with a heavy atmosphere around them. Neil even struggled to catch his breath, he felt a tightness gripping his chest cavity. It hurts as if someone hit it hard. Neil fell to his knees with the sound of his knees hitting the floor hard, he winced at the pain in his chest. Neil's hand rose to press against his chest hoping the pain would go away. He bit his lip so tightly that the blood he was sure of spread all over Neil's mouth.
Neil's head rumbled with increasing pain, his stuttering breaths audible to the ears. He glanced forward to see Sain's shoes that didn't seem to move from there, Sain just watched it. Watching Neil who was as if his soul was pulled out and met his end.
Will he die?
Neil hopes.
His lips locked, neither grimacing nor screaming for Sain's help. Neil curled up into a ball on the floor, a smile suddenly appearing on his lips.
He wished this would be the end, this easy. Neil would be very happy if this really happened.
Pain spread throughout Neil's body until slowly Neil's consciousness thinned and he became confused about where he was now. In a dream or he was still lying on the floor with joy coming over him when Neil knew that his suffering would end.
Neil smiled even more.
Neil's eyes were heavy he slowly closed his eyes and his lips lifted to say the words he was ready to say. "See you later."
***
"Father, what is my name?" he asked, blinking weakly.
"Neil," his father said almost quickly. But Neil noticed he looked like he wanted to take his words back.
"Neil? I like that. Did Father give it to you?" asked Neil with intense curiosity.
His father nodded with a smile still on his lips. He looked at Neil with obvious affection, it made Neil's chest feel warm and happy together. "Father gave you a name before you were born. You're a little baby Father I loved you very much even before you were born."
His father stroked the top of Neil's head with affection radiating from his wide palm.
Neil blinked his eyes around the room that smelled of thick medicine. Neil carefully asked his father "Father, where is a mother?"
His father was unmoving uneasily under Neil's gaze, he didn't know why his father was being so anxious about his question.
But Neil quickly realized that maybe he didn't have a mother.
And Neil rushes to quickly dive into his father's thoughts. "I'm sorry, Dad. I didn't mean to ask like that."
His father smiled pinching Neil's cheek gently and then pulling Neil's hair making him pout in displeasure.
His father started to speak but didn't answer Neil's previous question instead of saying something else. However, it made Neil feel bubbling happiness. "I love you so much, you are so strong. I'm always proud of you and happy to have Neil."
"I love Father too," Neil said that but he felt something missing for him to say as if he lacked someone to say something similar.
***
Neil squirmed under the thick blanket that shrouded him, he slowly blinked carefully still adjusting to the bright light that suddenly entered his senses of vision.
Neil is still processing what actually happened, whether he is gone. But Neil still felt everything, the air, the thick medicinal smell, the light, his slow breathing, and the texture of the blanket in his grasp. Somehow he was disappointed by that fact.
So, he's still alive?
Neil moved slowly which caused him to wince in pain that suddenly radiated through every nerve in his body. He had absolutely no idea why he suddenly felt this excruciating pain.
Neil sat slowly, his eyes wandering around the dull white walls. He glanced at the closed bathroom door beside him and hoped someone would come out of there to tell Neil what happened after he lost consciousness.
Neil recalls how Sain had seen him fall crouched on the floor pitifully. He hoped it was Sain who brought him here, but Neil was sure Sain was still very angry with him considering what Neil had done.
Maybe he just left Neil.
Neil flinched when he found the exit swinging open, he blinked with a smile that rose quickly as he expected Sain to come to see him.
However, Neil's smile immediately faded when he saw another figure standing in the doorway, looking at Neil with obvious gratitude seeing Neil open his eyes.
Neil realized Sain didn't care about him anymore. He had left Neil then when Neil really needed him. Somehow it made Neil's chest feel uncomfortable, and it hurt in a different way.
"Faiz? What are you doing here?"
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