บท 26: Never again
...
{Farid... So it's you. We were... Uhm... playing marines and pirates... What? If you can join us? Sorry, we are already full on both teams...}
{You heard that sister Elena said? Farid isn't right on the head...}
{He always looked at the air whenever we played... Now I know why}
{Aren't crazy people dangerous? Then, is Farid dangerous as well...?}
{Why does a weirdo like you get so much attention from sister Elena?!}
{Uwaaah... He beat up Rayhan... I guess he is indeed dangerous...}
{Sometimes he still looks at the air even when there's nothing there... But why? Didn't sister Elena say that Farid had been cured already?}
{Monster...}
...
"..."
Looking at the ceiling of my base, I recalled each of my memories back at the orphanage, and the last words that Rayhan had said to me.
I was always an outsider in the orphanage. No matter how much I tried to ignore it, it was obvious that none of the other kids really liked my presence.
The few kids that allowed me to play with them, but I guess they always did it because of pity rather than because of real friendship.
And it always was because I was different from them... All because I had this screen beside me.
Fortunately, I didn't care much about such things at that time, as I still had sister Elena taking care of me.
But... was what made me different from them good or bad...?
For the past few years, I've thought that it was good. After all, without this screen, would I have gotten as strong as I was now? Probably not.
However... Today a small question had arisen in my mind...
What would be of my life... If this screen never existed in the first place?
Would the other kids at the orphanage have treated me as one of their own if I didn't have this screen?
Would the pirates have taken the kids and sister Elena as hostages if I had never become a bounty hunter in the first place...?
Would sister Elena never had gotten injured then...?
Would I... have not killed anyone if I didn't have this screen?
"..."
What was I?
... That was a question that often grew within my mind for these past three years working as a Royal Guard...
Someone who protects the people from the pirates?
A prodigy that learns everything a hundred times faster than other people?
The youngest Royal Guard of Arabasta to ever exist...?
The strongest human in the world?
A bounty hunter...?
Or...
{Monster...}
... A monster?
Why was I the only person who had a screen? Why was I the one that it gave power to?
What was my purpose...? What was I even supposed to do with this power?
{How is it possible...? How can a stupid brat like you have this much power?!}
The words of that pirate echoed within my mind.
Yeah, in a sense, I was still a brat... Yet, I was given this "system"
Why?
What did this thing want me to do in exchange for this ability to grow while doing nothing at all?
However, no matter how much I thought about it, no answer came to me... And I just continued to grow stronger while not knowing anything.
The feeling of confusion only left one question in my mind.
"Was I born to be a monster, or something similar...?" Confused, I muttered something like that, and soon closed my eyes to reflect.
After all, what I had done to Graybeard today had made me truly realize what I had grown into without noticing...
A being that can turn anyone into minced meat if he ever desired it, a being that can destroy everything around if he ever goes out of control, and a being that instilled fear into everyone...
No matter how much I thought about it... That was the same definition of a monster...
Even now, my hands covered in the blood of an adult several times older than me were not something that a normal kid should have...
Nor was the screen beside me.
The way my punches smashed and tore apart Graybeard's entire body... It wasn't something that a kid should be able to do.
The way I killed someone just because I got angry... Was that something that a kid would do?
The problem I had right now was not about having killed Graybeard... I had somewhat prepared mentally for that as I had thought that it was normal in the world that we lived in nowadays... No, the problem I had right now was about what I would do in the future If I ever got stronger than I was now...
Would I stop being human at some point?
Would I one day kill a person by flicking my finger?
Would I cause an earthquake by tapping my feet on the ground?
...
Was I a human in the first place... Or something completely different...?
After all, what kind of human has a screen following them and feeding them strength at the cost of nothing?
And if I grew too strong to control myself... Would someone precious to me like sister Elena suffer the consequences like today almost happened?
I made the building collapse today because I hadn't been able to control my anger... What would happen in the future if I went out of control again?
"..."
Looking at my bloody hands and tightening their grip to the limit, I felt the power to crush anything if I ever desired it within them and squinted my eyes at the feeling... It was addicting to no end... And it was what made me want to grow even stronger...
Flashing thoughts would often pass through my mind... Thoughts like, If I had more power, would I have been able to stop anything bad from happening today?
If I was any faster, stronger, tougher... Would anything have been different today?
It would have probably been.
However, was that really the case...? Or was I just looking for excuses to justify my addiction for growing stronger?
Maybe it was both.
However, now that I was aware of it, I couldn't help but see the screen beside me like a devil extending its hand to me, telling me to lose myself in the strength that it gave me and ask no questions.
A treat with the devil... That was what this seemed.
-Sigh...-
-Rustle...-
Standing up from my bed, I walked up to a mirror in the corner of the room and turned to look at my own reflection in it.
In there, I looked pale, and the look in my eyes was incredibly bleak. I tried smiling like I usually do, but what came out was simply a lame attempt to smile that would not fool anyone.
It had been a lot of hours since I had arrived here at my base... And since then, I hadn't gone out no matter what.
I was pretty sure as well that it was already the hour for me to go to the Castle to train and do some patrolling. However, I was scared to go outside...
What if I met any of the kids? Or, What if sister Elena had woken up, and she was already looking for me...?
I didn't want to meet them... Not with them knowing what I had done... Not with them having seen what I did.
What would sister Elena think of me now that she knows I killed someone so gruesomely?
What would sister Elena think, knowing that the kid she had taken care of for so many years had somehow turned into a being that can take lives away so easily?
Even I, looking at my bloodied hands, wasn't able to see myself as a kid anymore... But instead something entirely different...
I was not sure what... But for sure I was not a kid... Not with the screen beside me.
In that case, what would sister Elena see? Would... she make the same expression as the kids when we escaped from the building...?
Would she... fear me...?
...
"Damnit..."
Scratching violently my hair, I walked away from the mirror and approached the window on the second floor of my base.
Through the window, I saw the Royal castle in the distance.
"Should I go...?"
I was sure that I was supposed to be there an hour ago... However, I didn't want to go.
What would Vivi say about what happened today? What would Pell say...?
What would everyone in the palace say...?
"..."
The only thing that calmed me, was that none of them were there to see what I did.
-Sigh...-
But would they see me the same, even after knowing what I was able to do if I ever got angry? I had my doubts.
After all, I myself couldn't.
-Knock-
-Knock-
-Knock-
Suddenly, as my hands were beginning to tremble involuntarily, the sound of someone calling at the door startled me and snapped me out of my thoughts.
Looking at the door, I felt my chest tighten in reflex thinking of a hundred possibilities about who would be the one behind the door before I then took a deep breath and walked towards it.
Then I felt it... Although it was a little bit hard to control right now, my observation Haki told me the person's identity right away.
"Pell...?"
-Click-
Opening the door, I was met with the always ghostly and serious expression of Pell, who seemed to have something to say to me.
"Farid... So here you were"
"..."
"Can I enter...?"
"Yeah"
Closing the door after Pell entered, we both walked towards the couch of what would be said to be my living room and sat down in silence.
"..."
"..."
It was quite strange and uncomfortable even... None of us said anything for a whole minute, and just when I was about to try and say something to him, he opened his mouth first and startled me with what he said.
"Vivi-sama is worried for you, Farid... And since you weren't coming to the Royal Palace, I came here to pick you up"
"Vivi is...?"
Lowering my eyes in shame, I tried muttering a few words of apologies, but then Pell interrumped me as he looked at my hands.
"That blood... Are you okay Farid?"
"Y-yeah, I won't get hurt by something like that, hahaha..."
"I meant mentally"
"..."
Staying silent while not knowing what to answer, I looked to the side, before Pell suddenly called me out once again.
"Farid?"
"Ah, yeah, I'm fine, It was... just a pirate after all... The reason I got late was that I was a bit busy and didn't notice the passing of time, sorry Pell"
Smiling the best I could, I feigned a laugh and apologized to Pell, who only looked at me for a few seconds, before he smiled and let out a sigh.
"I see, that's good then. Should we go, then?"
"Ah, yeah... Let's go"
Standing from the couch, both of us walked to the door, before Pell turned to look at me, and called me out once again.
"What's wrong Farid, aren't you coming?"
"..."
Looking at the mirror for one last time, I let out a deep breath, before I nodded at Pell and followed after him.
Vivi is still at the castle, after all. I can't just leave her alone, can I?
...
°
°
°
Like that, several days passed after the incident. However, even then, I couldn't say that I forgot completely about it.
Sure, my mind was able to focus on other things... However, it would always return to the same whenever there was a little silence.
The illusion of my fists being covered in a disgusting amount of blood, and the horrible sounds of my surroundings collapsing just like that day... They would all repeat whenever my mind roamed through my memories too much.
The faces of the other Royal Guards whenever they lost to me in a duel... Their expressions of fear remembered me of the horrified faces of the kids... The looks of any servant when they saw me show my superhuman strength, it was the same as those of the kids... Horror and fear to no end.
I hadn't paid any attention to it before, probably because I was accustomed to those kinds of expressions whenever I captured a pirate... However, whenever I saw it these days, it would remind me of that moment when the kids stayed away from me in fear and looked at me with expressions full of dread.
However, even then I didn't say anything... After all, Vivi was still here, and I didn't need to worry her about my problems. Having her be my friend and smile like always was enough for me...
It was left to say, It seemed like she hadn't been able to notice my current state, and easily believed me when I told her that I was fine, much like Pell had done.
Because of that, our days continued being like they were before, with both of us having fun and learning together...
The only differences were that I often hid how bad I felt to Vivi whenever we were together and that I didn't patrol the streets of Alubarna anymore... Mainly because I was scared of meeting sister Elena or any of the kids in the streets... And I didn't want them to see me.
Because of that, I tended to stay a lot longer in the palace during these days since I had free time.
Even now, I was doing nocturnal patrolling across the whole castle and making sure there was no one with bad intentions trying to infiltrate the castle.
-Whisper...-
-Whisper...-
After all, with my enhanced hearing, even something like whispers was something extremely simple for me to overhear.
Though, most of the time they talked bad things about me... Just like now.
"Shit, that kid that the head guard adopted is just too scary... How can he beat us when we have so many years apart?"
"Don't worry about it, monsters are monsters. There's no way normal people like us can match them"
Once again, the term monster appeared when referring to me, making my whole body flinch, and my teeth to grit in anger.
However, just as I was about to leave in order to not hear them anymore, the words of one of them made me stop right where I was standing.
"Shit, how can Vivi-sama be friends with a monster like him? If It was me, I would be scared shitless every day of my life"
"Can't you guess? It's because she and Pell-sama want to make him into a good weapon for the Kingdom. Otherwise, why would that Pell-sama adopt such an abnormal brat?"
...
Hearing that, my whole body grew cold.
Not wanting to hear anything else, I ran to my temporary room here at the castle without caring about my job as a guard anymore and threw myself in bed.
Then, I looked at the screen, which was beside me, and let out a dry and short laugh.
"Heh..."
Maybe it was true... Why would they be so okay with me killing someone, after all? It was rather strange that they had not blinked an eye after hearing that I had beaten someone to death at the shortage of 12.
I was a kid that had surpassed the so-called strongest warrior of Arabasta even with my short age and learned everything that the princess had learned through years in just a few months... How could they not bat an eye at that?
Heck, it was too strange.
Was Pell really seeing me as nothing but a weapon for the Kingdom?
...
Did Vivi see me like that...?
...
No.
Maybe I was just overthinking everything, and those were the words of two assholes who didn't have anything else to do but complain about their lives out loud.
There was no shortage of them around the world, after all.
Maybe Pell wasn't like that, and neither was Vivi.
-Rustle...-
But just in case... I wanted to ask them.
I just wanted to confirm it.
"Huff..."
Getting up from the bed in one jump, I walked up to the door and placed my hand on the pommel.
Maybe it was because of my fear, or my nervousness, but my hand just wasn't moving at that moment.
"Tsk"
-Click-
Clicking my tongue in frustration, I increased the grip on my hand and rapidly opened the door without minding my fears.
After that, I left the room and walked toward Pell's room at a steady pace.
My chest ached more and more with each step I took, as the fear of everything that those guards had said grew immensely in the process.
What if what they said was true?
What if the only person whom I thought didn't fear me was just using me because of my power?
What if I was alone?
I just didn't want to think about it.
I've been alone for too long, and I didn't want to go back to being like that, after all.
"Huff..."
Soon, after walking a few minutes more, I arrived in front of Pell's room and took a deep breath, before I called at the door.
-Knock...-
-Knock...-
-Knock...-
"Pell, are you there?"
...
It took a few seconds, but soon, I started hearing a few sounds from within the room and rapidly heard someone approaching the door at a hurried pace.
-Click-
After that, the door opened, and Pell's ghostly face appeared from behind the door looking at me in confusion.
"Did something happen, Farid?"
...
It was actually a bit hard for me to pronounce the words that I wanted to say, but after tightening the grip on my fists, I forced myself to speak and rapidly asked what I wanted to ask the most.
"Pell, would it be okay for me to stop being a Royal Guard?"
There was a small silence after I uttered those words, but soon, Pell's eyebrows deeply furrowed and his expression turned furious.
"What?! Of course not!"
There was not a slight hesitation in his voice. However, not wanting to give up just then, I smiled slightly and asked him one more time.
"But I want to do something else... Maybe, you know, something like a helper? I would help you guys from time to time if you ever need...-"
"Stop saying stupid things! You are very important for this Kingdom's future! How can you simply be a helper?! With you, this Kingdom, and Vivi-sama will have a great power protecting and supporting them!"
...
Huh...
"Hahaha, sorry for the question. The truth is, I was just joking. After all, how can someone as strong as me just be a helper? I will become the strongest of all Royal Guards and protect all of you, don't worry!"
"Tsk, this is not an hour to go and joke around Farid... It's 1:00 AM for god's sake... -Sigh...- Whatever, I will go back to what I was doing. Goodbye"
"Hahaha, yeah, goodbye"
-Slam!-
Slamming the door in my face, Pell went back into his room, and soon the fake smile on my face disappeared.
"..."
'So Pell did see me like that... Huh?'
It took me a while to digest what I had just heard.
My heart felt heavy... However, knowing that it would not do me any good to cry at this point, I took a deep breath and turned to look behind me with a grim expression on my face.
Without giving it a second thought, I turned around and began walking toward Vivi's room.
"Damn it..."
Spitting out a curse, I noticed how my hands were trembling, and squinted my eyes.
"Please..."
Gritting my teeth, I looked up and saw Vivi's room in the distance.
I was scared... Really scared...
Would it be that I was really alone? Would it be that no one really liked me?
Would it be that, my only friend, with whom I had spent countless memories during these four years together... Was actually using me only for my power?
Was I... not her friend?
...
I needed to know, despite my fear.
-Sigh...-
Then, finally arriving in front of the door, I took a deep breath, before then I called at the door while doing my best to calm my trembling hands.
-Knock-
-Knock-
-Knock-
-Click...-
It didn't take long before the door was opened, and soon, I saw Vivi opening the door while scratching groggily her left eye, probably still a bit sleepy.
"Farid... Do you know what time is it?"
"Yeah, sorry Vivi, I was just a bit in a hurry. I had to ask you something..."
"Hmm, What is it?" Looking at me confusedly, Vivi stopped scratching her eye and soon tilted her head.
"I... I've been thinking of quitting being a Royal Guard... Of course, I will still visit you from time to time, so you don't have to worry about us not seeing each other in a long time. What do you think?"
"No!!"
"Huh?"
"You can't leave just like that!"
"No, but-"
"How can you just leave Pell, all of the people in the castle, and me, like that?! We are friends, right?! Why do you want to leave so suddenly?!"
"But, Vivi-"
"It doesn't make any sens-!"
-Snap!-
"I don't want to be a damn weapon!!"
-Crack!-
Suddenly, as my patience reached its limit and involuntarily made me yell angrily at Vivi, I felt something crack inside my hand and immediately turned my eyes to look at it.
There, I saw that the door frame had been completely smashed after I gripped it too violently.
'What did I...'
Then, as I turned to look at Vivi once again, I saw it.
"...!"
Her expression had fear and confusion in it.
...
It remembered of the expression of the kids... and those of the guards... and everyone else...
"..."
"Hah"
Turning my eyes to look at the screen beside me, I let out a dry laugh, before I turned around, and left swiftly without minding the confused screams of Vivi in my back.
Who cared if Vivi was really part or not of that plan about making me into a weapon for Arabasta?
Who cared if I was at fault for making her angry and she was only like that because her friend wanted to leave suddenly out of nowhere?
In the end, even if she was really my friend, I was not someone that could have friends... It seemed that anyone that would come into contact with me would end up fearing me.
The kids, the people of the castle... Anyone-
No matter what I did, it always seemed to end in one of those ways. And for the people that still didn't fear me... It was because they either didn't know about my strength, or... Viewed me as something useful for their convenience.
Even Vivi had fear in her expression just now...
Pirates, kids, warriors, my friends... my mother and father whom I never met... It ALWAYS ended the same. Somehow, it seemed that no one liked me.
And how would they? I was not something that could have friends, after all.
Maybe, as those kids had said... I was indeed a monster.
...
And a monster should stay far away from the people.
...
-End of Volume 1-
°°°
(A/N: Might have ended up being a bit edgy or who knows what, but that was the last drop of personality forging that I needed for Farid and the last incident that would make Farid an unwilling system used, as the title says.
The next chapter will be already Farid being an adult, and the cannon will have already started, so look forward to it!)
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