บท 43: Dying Tickles by Lets Do That Again (Dark Souls)
Summary: An unlucky guy, Garret is pulled into the dark and depressing world of Dark Souls. As such, he decides to do the only sane thing one can do in such a situation, change the story for the better.
Link: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/11317969/1/
Word count:164k
Chapters:45
Dying Tickles Chapter 1: Let's have an adventure
"Hmm…hmm…zzzzz…o-oh man, do I not feel good."
Garret was cranky. He had stayed up till 3:00 am to finish his AP Lang paper, and now his head feels like a cement mixer. "Ooh man, my head" he groaned, rubbing his temples, "I knew I shouldn't have drunk all those Monsters. I feel like-what am I wearing?"
Normally Garret goes to bed in what he wore that day. Last night, that was some faded jeans and a TeamFourStar "Get Dumped" T-shirt. Now he sees that he is wearing some sort of robe, gloves, stange looking boots and a hat. "…I don't remember taking anything last night… Maybe I'm still dreaming, yeah, that's probably it, still-"
*THUD*
At that moment a corpse fell on the floor. Craning his head up, Garret could see a man in armor gazing down at him before nodding and moving away. Garret recognized the scene, how could he have not, it's part of the opening for one of his favorite games ever, "but that's insane, I mean, come on, what are the odds that I'm actually in Dark So-"
At that point he got a good look at his arms, brown and course, as opposed to the usual tan and wiry. Shakily, he took off a glove to see a brown and frail hand. He reached for his face and felt what he could only describe as wrinkly leather over bone. He reached under his robe to feel the left side of his chest, and he could feel rope like protrusions all along his pectoral.
"…I-I-I don't have any nipples. Haha. Okay, funny time over, let's gather some facts. One. I am in the Undead Asylum. Two. Oscar just dropped down a body with what can only be the key out of here. Three. I am a sorcerer if the hat is any indication. Okay, let's do this."
Garret got up to get a closer look at the body. As it turns out, the key was glowing a pale blue on the corpse. "Hmm, well that'll make things easier to find." Picking up the key he moved toward the door, and noticed that he had the straight sword hilt on him. "I don't need this" he said as he tossed it to the floor.
Moving across the hall he had to stop and gag as the stench of the room assaulted his nose. "Uggh geez, if this is where virtual reality wants to go, you can count me out." Forging on he took notice of the demon patrolling the room next to him. Upon realizing that he would have to fight that things cousin upstairs he shivered and hurried to the ladder to reach the bonfire.
Upon reaching the bonfire he paused, not really knowing what to do. "I guess I should just hold my palm up to it and wait". He did that, and the bonfire did not respond. "Oh come on, light dammit!" he shouted to the bonfire. Nothing happened. "…Please…?" The bonfire burst into life. "Thank you".
He decided that now would be a good time to see what special item he got as his gift. Upon rummaging in his satchel, which he managed to stick his whole arm down, he found the old witch's ring. "Oh, great, now I can feel extra guilty when conversing with Quelaan. Whatever, better than the pendent".
Deciding he had wasted enough time, he moved on to open the large door in front of him. "I must be a lot stronger than I was before because my arms should have given out long ago" he idly thought as he opened the iron door. Moving in he gazed up and saw the asylum demon. It jumped down with a crash before glaring at him. He yelled out "COME AT ME BRO!" and booked it for the gate on the left wall.
He almost made it, but then the demon swung its hammer and hit his back. Thankfully, the hit knocked him clear into the hall as the gate shut closed behind him, but that was a small comfort compared to the pain roaring across his spine.
"OH GOD OH GOD! ERRORS WERE MADE! ERRORS WERE MADE!"
He managed to crawl his way to the bonfire and held his palm to it. It refused to light. "Is this going to be a regular thing!?", thankfully for Garret, the bonfire lit up and he felt a calm wave pass over his body and heal his wounds. "Ohhh yeah. Is this what morphine feels like, cause I love it" he moaned out.
After getting basking in the fire until its effects wore off he moved to the archway where a hollow was waiting at the end of the walkway to shoot him full of arrows. "Okay, should be simple enough, grab my shield, hold it and run up to the hollow, grab my dagger, and shank the jerk in the gut".
He ran in, rolled under an arrow, grabbed his shield, and ran towards the hollow. It fled to the stairs on the left, but Garret made short work of it with his new dagger.
Moving up the stairs he headed to the right and, with mush hesitation, moved up the next flight of stairs.
*RUMBLE*
"And there is it". He dove to the left and fell flat on his face. But all was good as he would soon gain the Estus flask for some bonfire on the go.
Upon entering the room he saw a pitiful sight, Oscar, all decked out in his armor, was wheezing heavily on the pile of rubble he managed to fall on.
"Oh you" Garret heard Oscar rasp out "you're no hollow eh? I'm done for I'm afrai-"
"Quiet Oscar, Knight of Astora" Garret told him.
At this Oscar paused, "How do you-?"
"Know your name and title? Simple, I have the gift of…foresight. I know a lot of things."
"Ah, so you are a chosen of the gods?"
"Not these gods" Garret muttered.
"What?"
"Nothing, just drink your Estus, both of us are getting out of here alive."
"But-" Oscar wanted to argue that he had nothing left for.
"But nothing" Garret cut him of. "Your family believes in a prophecy right, that an undead from the asylum will somehow save the land. Well that's me, and as the Chosen Undead I say you are coming with me".
"What would you want with an almost dead knight like me?" Oscar queried.
"You have a magic sword and shield and are more versed in combat than me, a simple scholar. Now, are you going to drink your flask, or am I going to have to help you chug it down?"
"No, no," Oscar said "I am fine." He drank his flask dry and stood up. "Now, you know my name, but I don't know yours".
"My name if Garret of Eearth".
"I have never heard of this Eearth?"
"Not surprising. We like to keep to ourselves. Now, you should have the key to unlock the door down there. Lets refill the flack and then head on up".
As the both moved for the bottom set of stairs Garret felt his bag rustle. He paused to see what was going on and pulled out the Estus flask Oscar had just finished.
"Is that my flask?" Oscar asked.
"Yeah… Hold on, let me try something". Garret pulled off his hat and stuffed it in his bag. "Okay, Oscar, check your bag". Sure enough Oscar pulled out the hat from his bag.
"How peculiar" Oscar noted.
"Shared item storage, that'll come in handy" Garret said. "Come on, we got things to do".
While at the bonfire Garret was drawing shapes in the dirt with his dagger and Oscar was checking his armor to see if it was all fine after crashing from the roof via hammer. He then asked Garret "Garret, you have the gift of sight no?"
"Yeah, what of it?"
"Can you also look into the past?"
Garret then turned to look directly at Oscar. He sighed, "I have a limited view of the past yes".
"Then, do you know what started all this, the undead curse and all?"
Garret then looked to the sky. "…Oscar" he eventually started "I can give you an answer to your question, but to do so I would need to explain a lot of backstory that, frankly, I don't have the patience to do right now."
"But you do know".
"Yes. And to reiterate, I am not telling you at this moment…When we have neared the end of out journey, I will tell you, and everyone else, what you want to know. But you may not like".
"Everyone else?"
"Oh yeah, I plan on having at least 5 members in this part, all with a purpose. Now come on, we got us a demon to kill".
As they moved up the stairs, Garret had a thought "Follow me Oscar".
Garret led Oscar to the opposite stairwell, which had crumbled to disrepair. Garret tried to climb up the shambled staircase, but it crumbled even more under his weight. "Well never mind then" he said, and started to go back down the correct path.
Oscar felt compelled to ask "And what was that for?"
Garret replied "Oh nothing, thee is just a ring up there that will be useful later on, but I can always grab it on the return trip".
"Return tri-you mean to come back here, for a ring?"
"Not just that, a doll too. And maybe to kill the other demon in the basement."
Oscar had stopped moving and was staring dumbly at Garret. "You're mental".
"Well this is an asylum" Garret retorted.
"…Let's just get out of here."
At the foot of the stairs Garret stopped Oscar. "Okay so there is going to be one hollow up these stairs waiting for us. From there we will have three more hollows to contend with, one of which has a bow and some arrows. Now, a catalyst for sorceries is going to be up there, so I need to grab that. You lead".
"Why should I lead?"
"You have better armor, a better shield, and a much better weapon than me" Garret deadpanned. "As well as more experience in martial combat".
"Point taken…Let's go".
Oscar made short work of the hollow at the top of the stairs with a slice across the chest and ran outside. Garret quickly followed to get his catalyst. Oscar had just finished off the two hollow by the fog door and was moving on to the one with the bow, but then he heard a *PING* and a flash of blue light sailed over his shoulder and onto the hollow, which then fell into a heap.
Garret then walked up to Oscar. "Thank you" Oscar said.
"Don't mention it. Now, beyond that fog is the room where I left the demon. There is a small ledge when we exit the fog. You are going to jump down it and stab the thing in the head. Then you hop off and slash at its feet and butt."
"And what shall you be doing as I risk my life?"
"Shooting at that thing from the ledge with my spells. After all, my dagger isn't going to do much."
Oscar just glared at him before conceding that Garret would be more useful shooting off spells.
"Oh, and don't bother trying to block its hammer. Just two-hand your weapon and dodge the swings, they are pretty easily telegraphed".
"I shall take that into consideration".
Entering the fog gate, Oscar looked down the small ledge he was on and immediately hopped off to stab the demon in the eye. Het missed its eyes, but still got a good hit, before hopping off and rolling away. The process of slash and roll repeated for a bit until the demon took a large swing with its hammer, and Oscar moved to block it. When it impacted, he flew back several feet and felt like he tried to stop a bull. "Maybe I should follow his advice and just focus on dodging" and moved his shield to his back so he could hold his sword with both hands.
Garret meanwhile was hitting the demon repeatedly with soul arrows. "This is actually pretty boring when I'm not on the ground; just aim, shoot, and repeat. Nothing to i- why is it right under me?" While mindlessly shooting off spells Garret failed to notice the demon had moved away from Oscar and back towards the ledge. "…Balls".
The Demon leapt into the air, hammer poised to crush Garret to a pulp. Lucky for him, he rolled of just in time to avoid the attack, but still hurt himself on the fall.
"Are you alright Garret?"
"OH YEAH! I'M FEELING FINE! NOW LETS KILL THIS THING! Oooh my legs".
At that cue Oscar rushed the Demon while Garret drank from the flask. Not a moment too soon to as the demon barely missed Garret with another swing. He pulled out his dagger in his right hand, with his catalyst in his left and moved in to strike. Oscar ran up with a slash at its legs, while Garret to stab it in. Then the demon beat its wings and hovered into the air. Knowing what was about to happen, Garret charged up a shot to hopefully kill it before it the ground. It worked. The arrow flew off and went right through the demon. It disappeared in a flash of light and a key dropped down below it.
"Good shot" Oscar complimented.
"Thanks" Garret replied, "That was my last soul arrow too. Come on I got the key, lets get out of here". The two exited the building and started heading up the hill. They soon reached the top of the hill. "Hey Oscar" Garret asked "Are you afraid of heights?"
"A little" he confessed, trying not to look down the cliff, "why do you ask?"
"No reason. Just don't open your eyes for the next few minuets, or hours, I don't know how long this will actually take".
"What are you-BY THE GODS!" At that moment a pair of giant crows descended on the two, grabbing one each. And so their epic quest truly begins
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