บท 89: Child – Introspective
[author] Been spinning around too long reworking this chapter, so we'll just push through and hope it all sorts itself out later. :sweat:[/author]
It didn't look like much time had passed. The sun was still pretty high in the sky from what I could see through my window.
It seemed like the chat I had with Rudeus... My future self? No, our timelines were definitely different. I would never become him, and his past was different than mine.
While we had the same starting point, our lives split off in junior high school. Where he was fascinated with tinkering computers and assembling them to the extent of neglecting his studies, I had been fascinated with programs and doubled down on my studies to try and recreate a bunch of things in code.
There were a few more differences, but it wasn't important. Interesting, considering that he seemed to get dragged down by 'sloth' while I get held down by my 'pride', but that was all.
What was important was the information he gave me. The 'future' he came from.
It wouldn't come to pass. The paths we walked had diverged early on.
First of all, by now he was already teaching Eris back in Roa and living in with the Boreas family as her tutor. Not only that, but the guy was literally the scum of the Earth. A shameless pervert who was worse than Dad and was a complete lecher.
It looked like he mellowed out over time, but still... I could have turned out like that?
The multiverse really was a thing where we knew frighteningly little...
But in any case, there were a few things to keep out for. Key regrets that Rudeus wanted to make sure didn't happen to me.
First was the so-called 'metastasis' event. A mana incident that caused the entire Fedoa region to get teleported across the world.
Rudeus didn't know exactly why it happened, but he suspected that Hitogami had a hand to play in it. Hitogami meaning Being W.
Interestingly enough, that guy never showed up to talk to me. Apparently, in Rudeus's timeline though, he did.
That begged the question of why Being W was ignoring me. And why he tried to directly intervene with me instead of taking the subtle approach like he did with Rudeus.
Was it because he knew that I wouldn't buy it? That I would figure out his intentions and so it wasn't worth the time?
Something to note and bring up with everyone else.
Anyway, long story short: Being W was bad news. I knew that already, but he was *really* bad news. On the upside, he seemed to be limited. After all, he was never able to directly intervene in Rudeus's time. Not only that, but he wasn't omniscient. If he was, then Rudeus would never have been able to develop his time travel magic.
But he was strong and had a lot of players on the board.
Rudeus didn't know exact details, but he had suspicions. And he also said that Orsted was the key to reaching that guy.
Normally, at least.
I was pretty sure I knew how to get to that bastard.
If this was a game... It was basically like Chr*no Tr*gger. I could jump to the final boss and beat him up at any time really, but the problem was the fallout and stat check.
No one knew how strong Being W really was. So we couldn't just plan this willynilly.
But that was a goal for the far future. For now, it was better to play the long game. Bide my time and slowly gather things.
Definitely was going to be a doozy explaining this to Master Roxy, Mom, and the others though.
I stretched and then headed outside. As I did, I sorted out my thoughts some more.
Definitely needed to apologize to Mom. I definitely hurt her feelings a lot by brushing off what she was saying. Especially since she was probably just worried about me.
Didn't blame her at all. Rudeus had been super edgy... with good reason. But that had started to bleed over to my thoughts and actions too. The worry and anxiety about lacking strength. The rush to pursue power. The callous disregard for life...
I basically had a horcrux deal going on, so things were definitely messed up. And this was a giant mess too.
...And from the timing, that metastasis incident was due any day now.
I ran my hand through my hair and muttered, "Always so much to do, huh?"
It was already going to be a lot because I caught Being W's attention that day, but after Rudeus started messing around things definitely got worse. The question was what I would do about it now.
...Well, there was one thing that I knew I should do.
That guy suffered a lot because he kept things close to his chest. Well, that and he wasn't serious about training until it was too late. Since he had been depending on others so much and thought they were infallible, he ended up getting blindsided.
I could learn from him.
He wasn't wrong. At least, in the beginning. It was important to trust other people. To depend on them. And he also wasn't wrong in wanting to make himself strong too. In wanting to be strong enough to stop whatever threats emerged.
But that wasn't enough. No matter how strong you were, if the people you cared about weren't able to protect themselves, you would always be in trouble.
Rudeus experienced that first hand. Because he sought more power for himself, the people he cared suffered the price.
I couldn't have that happen.
...But it seemed like I subconsciously started to act to avoid that already.
Like he said, we were different. It was a fundamental change that stemmed from our past.
I trusted and valued my family from the beginning. I didn't want to see them hurt and so took active steps to make sure nothing happened.
That guy didn't realize how much he cared until it was too late.
...Though that probably resulted from him thinking he was better than everyone else since he was technically older.
...And that guy had memories of his past life still.
Maybe that helped too? Rudeus was still more his past life than his current one whereas I had definitely become 'Rudy' more than anyone else.
Well, until that guy came in and started changing me.
But anyway.
I scratched the back of my head and looked around.
The fields were empty. I thought that Eris and Sylphy might be playing outside, but it looked like they might have headed off together somewhere. Maybe helping to play with Norn and Aisha?
I didn't know, but whatever the case, it seemed like I was alone right now. Alone with nothing but my thoughts and worries.
Even so...
"You know, you worried too much, Rudeus."
That old guy wasn't around anymore. After our chat, it seemed like his lingering regrets faded away and he vanished. Even so, I still had some things to say to him.
I looked up at the clear blue sky and said, "I'm not like you. And this world isn't the same as the one you lived either."
It was different. WE were different.
Some tough things might still come in the future. And Being W could still be a bastard and ruin things.
But I was sure of it.
"I'm doing my best, and everyone is stronger. No matter what, this won't be a bad end."
Everyone could see mana, so if that teleport incident happened they would be prepared.
Dad was stronger now than he was in that timeline. And I had countermeasures for my countermeasures prepared, so a situation like the one Rudeus had where his powers were ineffective should never occur. Not to mention the trump card that I somehow snagged due to the shenanigans Rudeus pulled and the shenanigans I did in expanding my mana.
Mom had that protective bracelet I made for her. Not only that, but she was also better at magic from Master Roxy teaching her.
Then there was Mama Lily getting stronger too...
It was just different.
Not to mention the fact that I was on Orsted's good side.
...Though there was also the weird bit about me having Laplace's traits...
Whatever the case, we would be fine.
I was still worried, but I trusted in everyone. Just like before with how I let Dad handle the knights.
And speaking of that...
"Being W is probably operating under the assumption I'm like Rudeus, isn't he?"
Since that guy tried to force the override with Rudeus and probably knew all about Rudeus, he would be moving with the premise that I would act like that guy did.
Micromanaging, striving to obtain power at all costs and holing up to keep my family safe... That was definitely what he was planning.
Because of that, I had to be careful, but I also shouldn't be someone who was too worried.
Like Dad said, this would become a cage. And if I wasn't careful, it would be easy to devolve into a sort of Demon Lord who locked everyone he cared about up inside some castle and then glare and declare the world my enemy while working to fight some unseen god.
Then there would be lots of wars, people that I would massacre without worry or concern because they were aiming towards me and my family. And in the end, I'd probably get backstabbed by someone I cared about because I had changed, or they thought that it would be a mercy instead of a betrayal.
Yeah. Lots of bad ends that way.
I didn't want to end up like Rudeus, after all. While that guy had good intentions, he was the embodiment of the phrase 'the road to hell is paved with good intentions.'
Well, that and the whole 'live long enough to see yourself become the villain' schtick.
"But enough of that."
I had been living in a funk for too long now. Made a bunch of people worried too. And also definitely probably resulted in Sylphy developing some unfortunate yandere tendencies...
"Hah..." I ran my hand through my hair and muttered, "So many things that I need to fix and prep for. I really need to start that journal..."
Note to self: start recording thoughts and daily events in a journal. Considering how much of a JRPG my life had become, it might actually help 'save' me in the future by seeing where things went wrong.
But for now...
"Let's check in with Master Roxy and get her thoughts on this first."
And do my best to not think about how one version of me married her in the future. And Sylphy. And that complicated relationship history with Eris...
...Dammit, Rudeus. There's something called TMI, you know? Sheesh.
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