บท 24: Sometimes, the gods of romantic comedy are kind.
I was being somewhat facetious when I tossed out the phrase "wildenthusiasm and mayhem," but that was how things unfolded. This tenniscourt in the corner of the schoolyard was now crowded and bustling withcommotion. Had I bothered to take a head count, I'm sure it would easilyhave been over two hundred people. Of course, Hayama's clique was there,and a lot of others had heard rumors from somewhere and had descendedupon us.
The majority of them were Hayama's friends and fans. They weremainly second-years, but there were some first-years mixed in, and I couldsee a few third-years sprinkled in,too.
For real? He's more popular than most politicians.
"HA-YA-TO! WOO! HA-YA-TO! WOO!" After the audience cheered hisname, they started a wave.
This was totally like a pop idol concert. I don't think all that cheering wascompletely sincere. The majority of them were just rubbernecking to see a spectacle. Right? I wanted to believe that. Either way, from an outsider'sp erspective, their enthusiasm seemed rather cold, and there was an almost religious air to it. It was a truly fearsome teenage religion indeed.
In that crucible of chaos, Hayato boldly strode to the center of the court.Even with this many spectators gathered around, he wasn't the least bithesitant. He was probably used to that degree of attention. Surrounding himwere not only his usual hangers-on but also boys and girls from other classes.
We were completely engulfed by them. Gazes flitted here, there, andeverywhere, and when I closed my eyes, I ended up dizzy from theearsplitting tumult of it all.
Hayama was already holding a racket and standing on the court. He gazedat us as if deeply interested to see who would step forward.
"Hey, Hikki. What'll we do?" an anxious-looking Yuigahama asked.
"We're not doing anything." I glanced toward Totsuka. And speaking of Totsuka, he was acting like a pet rabbit abandoned at someone else's house.
He walked up to my side, timidly pigeon-toed.What the hell? So cute. Apparently, I wasn't the only one who thought so,and I could hear the shrill sound of girls' cheering Prince! and Cutie-Sai!flying at the figure who stimulated such protective urges. But every timeTotsuka heard those cheers, his shoulders trembled. Seeing his reaction, theTotsuka fans freaked out even harder and wailed. Even I freaked out a bit.
"Totsuka isn't going to play, huh…?" Hayama had said it was a matchbetween non–club members. In other words, this was a match with Totsuka and the tennis court on the line.
"Zaimokuza, can you play tennis?"
"Leave it to me. I read the entire series, and I even saw the musical. I have a slight advantage in this quaint game of ball and net."
"I was stupid for asking you. And if you're gonna think up a lame way to say tennis, then come up with one for musical, too."
"Then there is naught but for you to play, Hachiman. And how would I say musical in an old-fashioned way, then?"
"Good point."
"Do you have a chance at victory? And what would be an old-timey wayto say musical?!"
"No, I don't. And shut up. If you can't find a way to change it into something else, then change that character you're playing. You're already out of characters, anyway."
"I-I see… You're so smart." I impressed him so much, he snapped out of character. It appeared Zaimokuza's problem was solved now, but mine was not, not by a long shot. Agh…what a mess.
As I was coming to my wits' end, a certain someone tossed a rude andirritated remark at me. "Hey, can you hurry it up?" I raised my head,thinking, Shut up, you slut, and there was Miura, grasping her racket as if shewas checking it.
It seemed I wasn't the only one surprised to see her holding a racket.
Hayama was, too. "Huh? You're gonna play, Yumiko?"
"What? Of course I am. I've been saying I want to play tennis."
"Well, but they're probably going to have boys play. You know, um,Hikitani, was it? That guy. Then you'll be at a disadvantage," Hayama said as
if in warning.
Who's Hikitani? Hikitani isn't going to be playing. Hikigaya is playing.
Probably.
Miura thought a bit while she sproinged her ringlet-curl things. "Oh, then,we should just make it a boys-girls mixed doubles match. Oh man, I'm sosmart. But, like, are there any girls who would even pair with you, Hikitani?That would be too funny." Miura guffawed in crass, shrill cackling, and thehangers-on all burst out laughing with her.
Even I laughed before I realized what I was doing. Heh-heh-heh…feh-huh-huh. Frustrating to admit it works,
but extremely effective nonetheless. I was engulfed by darkness.
"Hachiman. This is dire. You have no female friends. And if you were to try asking some girl you don't know, none of them would help a nondescript,lonely bastard like you. What'll you do?"
Shut up, Zaimokuza. He was completely right, though, so I couldn't tellhim to take it back.
It was too late to say, Sooorry, forget all that stuff I said! at this stage of the game. I glanced toward Zaimokuza, wondering what I should do, andhe looked away awkwardly, avoiding my eyes as he whistled voicelessly.
When I let slip a sigh, Yuigahama and Totsuka followed suit as if part of a
chain reaction.
"Hikigaya. I'm sorry. This would have worked out if…I were a girl…"
It's true. I wonder why he's not a girl. He's so cute. "Don't worry aboutit." I kept my thoughts to myself and patted Totsuka's head. "And…don't you worry about it, either. You have a proper place where you belong, so you
should keep it safe," I said, and Yuigahama's shoulders twitched as she bit
her lips apologetically.
Yuigahama had a position within the class. Unlike me, she was capable of
forming proper human relationships. She still actually wanted to be friends
with Miura and her clique. Though I am indeed a loner, it wasn't like I was
jealous of crowds who were friendly with one another. It wasn't like I was
praying for their misfortune… I'm not lying, okay? Really.
Ours was neither a close circle nor a group of friends. We were just a
ragtag band brought together by fate, or rather, dragged together by fate.
I just wanted to prove this one thing: that loners are not pitiful people, and
that being a loner does not make you inferior. I was completely enlightened
by the knowledge this was purely for the sake of my own ego. I was super-
enlightened. So enlightened I could teleport and breathe fire and stuff.
But I didn't want to deny the validity of who I was then or who I was in
the past. I would never say that my time spent alone was a sin or that being
alone was evil. And that was why I would fight in order to prove the truth of
my justice.
I walked alone to the center of the court.
"…it." I heard a tiny sigh, so tiny it was nearly lost in the crowd.
"Huh?"
"I said I'll do it!" Groaning quietly, Yuigahama's face was bright red.
"Yuigahama? You idiot. Don't be stupid. Forget about it."
"What's so dumb about this?!"
"Why're you doing this? Are you stupid? Or do you like me?"
"Wh…what? You're the stupidhead talking nonsense. You're so stupid!"
A terrible, menacing look on her face, Yuigahama yelled, "Stupid, stupid" at
me over and over, so mad she was turning crimson. She stole the racket from
me and swung it violently.
"S-s-s-sorry!" While somehow managing to dodge her swipes, I
immediately apologized. That whooshing sound skimming by my ear was
really scary. As I apologized, I pleaded Why? with my eyes.
Yuigahama apparently picked up on that, and she looked away shyly.
"Well…like…y'know? I'm in the Service Club, too…so it's normal for
me to do this, right? It's…where I belong and stuff."
"Hey, calm down. Take a good look at this situation, okay? Our club isn't the only place you belong. Look, the girls in your clique are giving you the
stink-eye."
"Huh? Actually for real?" Face twitching, Yuigahama glanced over
toward where Hayama and the others stood. Her neck turned around so
jerkily, you could almost hear it creak. It was so unnatural, I wanted to tell
her to put some WD-40 on it.
The girls of Hayama's group, with Miura at their head, crossed their arms
and glowered our way. Of course they would. You made such a loud
declaration, they could obviously hear you.
Miura's unnaturally large eyes, colored pitch-black in mascara and
eyeliner, were filled with hostility, and her blonde hair, curled in drill-like
whirls, swayed in displeasure. Was she Madame Butterfly or what?
"Like, Yui, if you're gonna stick with those guys, it means you're going
up against us. Are you okay with that?" Queen-like Miura folded her arms
and tapped her foot on the ground. It was a pose of royal rage.
Overpowered, Yuigahama gently shut her eyes. Her fingers gripped the
hem of her skirt, and nervousness made them tremble. The ogling onlookers
burst into an exchange of whispers. This was no different than a public
execution. But Yuigahama lifted her head and squared off against the other
girl.
"Th-that's not what I… I mean, it is like that, but… But…my club is
important to me, too! So I'm gonna do it."
"Huh… Oh, really? Don't embarrass yourself," Miura replied bluntly. But
there was a smile on her face. A smile that blazed like the flames of hell. "Get
changed. I'll lend you a girls' tennis uniform, so why don't you come, too?"
Miura jerked her chin toward the tennis club's room to the side of the court.
She was probably trying to be nice, but that gesture only gave the appearance
of saying, Why don't I end you in the clubroom?
Yuigahama followed her, her expression stiff, and everyone around issued
expressions of pity as she walked away.
Well, you know. My condolences.
"Hey, Hikitani." Hayama spoke to me as I was pressing my hands
together in prayer. He must have had some pretty strong communication
skills if he was talking to me. Even though he got my name wrong.
"What?"
"I don't really know the rules of tennis, and doubles are pretty hard. So maybe we could not take this too seriously?"
"Well, this is amateur tennis. We just hit it back and forth and keep score,
right? Like in volleyball."
Hayama smiled brilliantly. I smiled along with him, a rather unpleasant
smirk.
While we were at it, our partners returned. Yuigahama's face was all red
as she drew nearer, trying as hard as she could to pull her hem down over her
legs. She was wearing a uniform that was like a polo shirt with a skort.
"Like…this tennis outfit is embarrassing… Isn't this skort kinda short?"
"Uh, don't you usually wear your skirt about that short?"
"What?! What d'you mean?! Y-you mean you're always looking?! That's
creepy, so creepy! You're such a creep!" Yuigahama glared at me in rage and
raised her racket.
"It's okay! I don't look at all! I don't even notice! Relax! And don't hit
me!"
"That…kind of makes me mad, too…," she mumbled, slowly lowering
the racket.
Zaimokuza cleared his throat dramatically as if he'd been waiting for that
moment. "Hmm. Hachiman. What about our strategy?"
"Well, I guess a good plan would be to aim for the girl." A dumb-looking
girl like that would probably be an instakill. She was definitely the weak
point, anyway. Going for her would be a much better idea than taking
Hayama head-on.
But when Yuigahama heard me say that, her tone turned wild. "What?
Don't you know, Hikki? Yumiko was in the tennis club in middle school, you
know? She went to Regionals."
I observed the Madame Butterfly known as Yumiko. It was true. Her
stance looked legit, and her movements were extremely light.
Watching her, Zaimokuza mumbled, "Heh, so those sausage curls of hers
are not just for show, huh?"
"They're more of a loose wave, though," said Yuigahama.
Who cares.
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