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10% my youth romantic comedy is wrong, as i expected : Oregairu / Chapter 4: competition with Yukino Yukinoshita's'!

บท 4: competition with Yukino Yukinoshita's'!

"Yukinoshita. Sorry to interrupt."

"A knock…"

"Sorry, sorry. Oh, don't worry about me—do go on! I just dropped by to

see how things were going." Ms. Hiratsuka leaned against the wall of the

classroom, smiling coolly at an exasperated Yukinoshita.

She looked back

and forth between the two of us. "I'm glad you two seem to be getting

along."

Why and where the hell did she get that idea?

"You keep working on fixing that twisted character of yours and

correcting those rotten, sordid eyes. I'm going back now. Go home by the

time school is over, you two."

"H-hold on a minute, please!" I reached for the teacher's hand, trying to

stop her. Immediately, I was wailing, "Ow! Ow, ow, ow, ow! Uncle! Uncle,

uncle!" as she twisted my arm. I frantically tried tapping out until she finally

let me go.

"Oh, that was you, Hikigaya? Don't stand behind me like that. I'll end up

using my moves on you rather ungently."

"Are you Golgo or what?! And you meant accidentally, right? Don't do it

ungently!"

"You sure have a lot of questions for me right now. Is something wrong?"

"There's something wrong with you! What do you mean, correct me?

You're making me sound like a juvenile delinquent! What the heck is with

this place, anyway?" I demanded.

Ms. Hiratsuka went hmm and put a hand to her chin, briefly adopting a

thoughtful expression. "Yukinoshita didn't explain it to you? In short, the

goal of this club is to stimulate personal transformation and resolve people's

worries. I guide students here who I believe are in need of change. Think of it

as the Hyperbolic Time Chamber. Or would it be easier to understand if I just

called it Revolutionary Girl Utena?"

"That's needlessly difficult to understand, and those examples give away

your age."

"Did you say something?" She shot me a murderously cold look.

"No." I muttered quietly, hunching my shoulders.

Seeing me like that, Ms. Hiratsuka sighed. "Yukinoshita. It seems you're

having trouble correcting him."

"The problem is he isn't even aware of his own issues," Yukinoshita

replied, indifferent to our teacher's pained countenance.

Why did I suddenly feel like I wanted to bolt? It felt like that time in sixth

grade when my parents found out I had a porno mag and lectured me over

and over about it.

No, that's not what I should be thinking about right now.

"Um…you keep talking about my correction or transformation or

reformation or girl revolution or whatever and having fun chattering away

together without me, but I don't really want any of that," I said.

Ms. Hiratsuka tilted her head to the side, dubiously. "Oh?"

"What are you talking about? If you don't change, you'll be in deep

trouble, socially speaking." Yukinoshita regarded me as if her argument were

as sound as No more war! Abandon nuclear weapons! "From what I can see,

you are markedly lacking in humanity. You don't want to change that? Have

no desire to improve yourself?"

"That's not what I mean. Like…um…I'm saying I don't want to talk

about myself to people who are telling me, 'Change! Change now!' If I

changed just because someone told me to, that new person wouldn't even be

me, anyway! And besides, the self is just—"

"You just can't see yourself objectively," Yukinoshita interrupted,

preventing me from snatching a quote from Descartes in an attempt to sound

deep. It would have been a great line, really. "You're just running away. You

can't move forward if you don't change." She cut me down in a single stroke.

Why was she so sharp? Were her parents sea urchins or what?

"What's wrong with running? You keep saying, 'Change, change!' like

the village idiot who only knows one word. What'll you do next? Face the

sun and say, 'The brightness from the west is too harsh and keeps bothering

everyone, so today, please set in the east!'?

"That's just sophistry. Don't shift the conversation. The sun isn't even

what's moving, anyway—it's the Earth. Do you not know Copernican theory,

either?"

"It was obviously a metaphor! If you're calling that sophistry, then what

you're saying is sophistry, too! In the end, I would only be changing to

escape reality. Who's the one running now? If you're really not running, then you wouldn't change. You'd make a stand right there. Why can't I affirm

who I am at present and who I was in the past?"

"…If that were true, then no worries could be solved and no one could be

saved." The moment the words no one could be saved came out of her mouth,Yukinoshita's outraged expression became truly bloodcurdling. Reflexively, I

flinched. I was almost ready to break into an apologetic S-s-s-sorry!

In the first place, words like save aren't really something a high schooler

usually says. I had no idea what it was that drove her to feel so strongly about

this.

"Calm down, both of you." The sound of Ms. Hiratsuka's level voice

relieved the current stormy atmosphere…or rather, the storm that had been

there from the start. I looked at the teacher's face, and she was honestly

grinning and joyful. She looked like she was having fun.

"This has gotten entertaining. I love developments like this. It's sort of

like Shonen Jump! Great, right?" She was getting excited about this for some

reason. Though a grown woman, her eyes sparkled like a little boy's. "Since

time immemorial, the way of shonen manga has been to resolve a clash of

perspectives on justice by means of competition."

"Uh…what are you talking about?" I was talking, but she wasn't listening.

Our teacher unleashed a boisterous laugh, faced us, and loudly

proclaimed: "So let's do this. You're going to guide the lost lambs who come

to you. Save them according to your individual principles and prove their

veracity as much as you see fit. Who can serve others the best? Fundamental

Fight! Ready? Go!"

"No." Yukinoshita refused bluntly. Her gaze conveyed an iciness

equivalent to what she'd been leveling at me a moment earlier. Well, I felt the

same way, so I figured I'd nod. Plus, G-Gundam is old.

Discovering her students' shared feelings on the matter, the teacher bit her

thumbnail in frustration. "Ngh… It would have been easier to understand if

I'd said 'Robattle,' huh?".

"That's not the issue here…" Medabots? That's way too obscure.

"Teacher, please stop getting carried away in a manner unbefitting your

age. It's really painful to watch." Like hurling an icicle, Yukinoshita flung

her sharp, frigid words at our instructor.

That seemed to cool Ms. Hiratsuka down, and after the color of shame

faded from her face, she cleared her throat as though it had never happened.

"A-anyway! The only way you can prove that you are righteous is through

action! I told you to compete, so you're going to have a competition! You

have no right to refuse."

"This is complete tyranny…"

She's an utter child! The only adult part of her is her chest! Oh well, I just

have to pretend I give a crap about this competition and then be like, "Tee-

hee! Aw, I lost! " Participation counts, as they say. What a wonderful and

convenient idea.

But that horrid little-girl-on-the-inside, giant-boobs-on-the-outside

woman child continued spewing her absurdities. "In order to make you two

fight with all you've got, I'll give you an incentive. How about the victor

being able to order the loser to do anything?"

"Anything?!" Anything means, you know, that. That is to say, anything.

Gulp.

There was the sound of a chair scraping as Yukinoshita drew back two

meters and adopted a defensive stance. "With him as my competition, I feel a

threat to my virtue, and so I refuse."

"That's prejudice! Second-year boys aren't necessarily always thinking

obscene thoughts!" We're thinking of, um…lots of other things! Like…world

peace? Yeah…we're not thinking of much else.

"So even Yukino Yukinoshita is afraid of something… Are you that

unsure of your ability to win?" Ms. Hiratsuka asked, her face adopting a

nasty semblance.

Yukinoshita looked a little sullen. "Fine. Though I find it rather vexing to

give in to such cheap provocation, I will accept your challenge and deal with

him while I'm at it."

Whoa, Yukinoshita sure hates losing! What gave me that impression, you

ask? Only an extremely competitive person would have added that I can tell

you're provoking me part. But what did she mean by dealing with me? That's

scary. Cut it out.

"So it's settled." The teacher smiled smugly, ignoring the mental daggers

Yukinoshita was tossing at her.

"Huh? What about what I want?"

"From that leer on your face, I don't even have to ask."

Well, yeah, but…

"I will be the judge of this competition. My judgment will be arbitrary and biased, of course. Don't overthink it; just do whatever… I mean, do your best

to be reasonable and appropriate."

Tossing that line over her shoulder, our instructor exited the classroom. In

her wake stood myself and a very unhappy-looking Yukinoshita. Of course,

we weren't talking to each other.


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