บท 33: Chapter 29: Orders.
Chapter 29: Orders.
Elizabeth's POV
It has been three days since my father's return. The emperor has been nothing but quiet, I don't like how Victoria didn't have much time for me anymore because she was being called so suddenly.
I don't know why.
I had the opportunity to ask her one morning because she's required to check up on me there.
"Good Morning princess Elizabeth." (Victoria) closes the door behind her and sees me laying awake in my bed. I surely made a grumpy expression, my arms crossed and my lips pouting.
"Victoria, why did you suddenly get so busy? I don't get my usual hugs and pats from you anymore." I complained one day after not seeing her the whole afternoon.
The whole time in the library I felt so alone. I didn't want any guards to intrude on my research, my intrusive thoughts won however and asked for them to buy me a couple of things to experiment on.
"Apologies for my absence these past few days. I need to talk to your father, clearly he is not… fine." she replied, clearing out my closet for new dresses to be stored.
"Did you not like spending time with me anymore since father arrived?" I pouted some more and I heard her chuckle, my little grumpy child figure must've looked cute to her while I don't feel cute.
I had the urge to be selfish and childish when it came to Victoria's time. I was beginning to think I've gone territorial over my mother figure.
"Oh dear, you've missed me?" she asks me, holding my sides before carrying me toddler style. My silver eyes met her green emerald ones, I felt safer being in Victoria's arms than the bed.
"Mm… no I didn't miss you."
"Really~?"
"Wait- what are you?! Bwahaha!"
One of her hands went to my waist proceeding to tickle me! Hahaha!
"Victoria, stop! Hahaha! This is so unfair!" I pushed her hands away but I was too weak, the tickling continued and I laughed so loudly.
"Nope won't stop till you admit that you missed little old me." (Victoria) tells me and I couldn't help but kick my feet all over the place still laughing. "Come on, admit it!"
"Hahaha! M-Mom stop!"
I felt a little happy calling her mom again… eh?
"..."
Victoria actually did stop.
"Apologies, maybe I went too far." (Victoria) smiles sadly, telling me that she went too far but- huh?
"Huh?" I let out unconsciously at the same time as my mind. We were having fun- and in the past she was just getting used to me calling her mom.
Why did she suddenly get so stiff?
"Victoria-"
"Princess, let's prepare you for another upcoming ball."
She puts me back down into the ground, not being able to look at me and keeping herself busy by finding me a formal dress… but the thought still ran through my mind.
"Victoria, is something wrong? You can tell me about it- I can keep a secret." My small little feet went by her side and started pulling on the skirt of her uniform gently just to gain her attention.
She stopped browsing through the closet but she was still silent. I did my best puppy eyes that worked every time I needed to get her on my good side.
"Please talk to me." I pleaded, pulling her uniform even further, feeling a little hurt how she was ignoring me even though I was near.
"Oh… Elizabeth." (Victoria) mutters, and my heart leaped out of joy hearing my name being called. "I'm sorry but just- seeing your father made me realize you calling me mom is wrong."
To call Victoria, mom is wrong?
"Why is that so?" I ask her innocently, and she leads me into the bed patting the sheets telling me to sit down to have a proper serious talk about the subject.
"Because- the former empress is your true birth mother and I'm just your caretaker." (Victoria) places her hand on the left side of my cheek, feeling its warmth I wanted to fall back to sleep. "I'm afraid that, if you get used to calling me mom- you won't try and get to know your real mom."
"So even if you ask me to let you call me mom in private- you mustn't have any slip ups, your highness." (Victoria) tells me and it was clear that there was no other room for negotiation.
My heart sank.
"Is it really a big deal? Calling you mom won't hurt anyone." I ask her and she takes off her hold on me, making me frown.
"Yes, I must know my place. I am only your maid, nothing more." (Victoria) stands up, posture straight and strict on herself.
"A ball will be held in honor of your father's return from the way, we should find a fitting theme that even if we have lost, the land of snow we will still live on."
Sniff…
I don't know why but there's like this weird water forming in my eyes.
"Yeah… I guess blue is okay." I tried my best to respond in my normal voice but my chest just feels heavy hearing every thing that Victoria told me but I understand.
I understand why she must keep a professional line when it comes to things like these, a child of royalty getting attached to a maid- I don't give much care towards the rumors it might bring.
But if it makes Victoria uncomfortable I'll stop calling her mom from now on.
"Would you like one with silver laces?" she asks, and I nod, being unable to look her in the eyes because I was afraid these liquid in my eyes were tears of sadness.
"Mm… that's fine."
Our way of conversation started to shift, quick as it may, I wasn't used to it. She still promises to keep doing her duty on protecting me, just we'll be less open to one another. "You'll be needing shoes, your highness. Let's find something with the color white to act as a symbol of hope for the others to see."
"Yes, please do so."
We were like robots moving just to get things done in silence.
"What time will the ball start?"
"Tomorrow late in the afternoon. Your cousin, Lady Melrose Treamia Nevemayr will also attend." (Victoria) tells me at least one piece of good news that won't keep me in the dumps.
I haven't seen Melrose in weeks, I was starting to miss her. We've only had a few hours of time together in some balls and formal events that we attended.
Not to mention the crowd of other noble children trying to befriend us were tiring. My technique on dealing with them is to politely give them some of my time, a few minutes and then excuse myself to tend to the other guests.
"That's good to hear." I started getting ready for the rest of my day ahead. We'll be doing a bit of homeschooling-
"And I won't be your only instructor anymore. The emperor has ordered you the finest tutors in all the kingdom to teach and discipline you instead."
Victoria gave me at least ten instructors that will teach me in different academic subjects the kingdom offers. From; math, languages, history, culture, diplomatic relations, etc.
…
Normally I would have no objections but with all of this and none on the study: Art of war?!
I was pissed!
"I understand your other request but what's this?! I'm barely even at the right age to be pushed for this much work!" I complained and she didn't look too happy about it either.
"The emperor has asked me to tell you to study well, he's… expecting much from you. Being a well educated woman could land you a good husband in the future, he said." (Victoria) lowers her head down.
"He's already finding a suitable partner for you."
I can't believe it.
"Where is he? How dare he just come back after all these years and just-" I was getting frustrated and cranky, hearing all of this it made me think how he's already preparing me to be arranged to some little boy with a snot running through his nose that I don't even know!
"He is your father- he has a right to decide what's best for your marriage." (Victoria) tells me and that felt like another hurtful blow to my heart. "I'm five!"
"Arranged marriages have no limits on what age they start." She held me down and I didn't realize I was panicking and breathing in a fast manner.
Marriage- I didn't even have any lover in my past life?!
"Hah… hah… agh." I had to hold my heart and head, because everything feels so heavy.
Almost a hundred thoughts were running through my mind, if I marry someone I will be horrible- like my mother in my past life.
She got married to dad, getting addicted to cigarettes and alcohol. She didn't even care if she got bruised by him most days.
I've always thought that was normal.
And that scared me.
What if I get married and end up like that? What then? My peaceful days of living lavishly might be over so soon.
"Hah! Ungh…"
Am I having a panic attack?
"Hah… hah…"
"Your highness, what's happening?!"
No, no, no!
I tried my best to keep a clear mind but the beat of my heart is just so loud.
Thump… thump…
Victoria's voice was slowly getting fuzzy and distorted.
"Panic… attack, hurts."
I didn't realize this would follow me even here. I thought I left this horrible thing back at home.
Why does it have to happen now?
My knees felt weak, I could feel Victoria's hands holding and keeping me close. "Anyone! Help! The princess is-!"
"S-Stop… hah… don't…" I tried reaching out for her, I don't want her calling anyone because this… not healable by any spell out there.
"Princess?!"
"Don't call… anyone, please."
I wanted to tell her so badly that I just needed to settle my body down, and make it relax. I don't want anyone else seeing me in this state either, they might think I'm being cursed by dark magic instead.
"Hah… hah… hah…" I was shivering in my seat.
The thought of marriage is something so scary that it made me like this.
I'm so sorry, I don't know- I just can't think right- I'm so sorry I won't do it again-
"One little birdie flew on top of the tree…"
"?!"
Victoria…?
"It found a nest, an egg left with no one to rest on the top of the little shell."
She's singing… somehow that makes my heart… being at ease.
"Hah."
"Oh tweedle dee, the bird chirps to say the eggs might be cold."
Pfft-
Why… Did she pick such a silly lullaby to aid me?
A few more minutes of singing and my heart beat was back to normal, I was no longer quivering and felt calm. Victoria was by my side, holding me close. I didn't want to let go.
"I'm sorry, I know you told me to keep things professional-" I started out, my body still feels heavy but I continued. "After this we'll follow what you… told me."
Victoria out of nowhere hugs me, and keeps me close to her chest.
It felt warm, comfortable and I'm almost falling back to sleep.
"Princess, I'm afraid. I may not look like it but I'm afraid."
"Me… too."
Victoria cups my cheek before hugging me again, "And I can't disobey the emperor's orders."
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