FELINE
I stay there in the sitting room right in front of him. In my mind, I'm not thinking anything. No thought crosses my mind. My hands are still where it doesn't belong, his face. "What was I thinking? nothing?"
Then all of a sudden I trail my hands along his face to his chin making him look up forcefully but his eyes are still fixated on me. I tilt my head. Now I am thinking. Now I've returned to the new me. I say in a voice that isn't mine. It is thick but feminine. It is soft but echoing. It sounds like I speak with a voice changer but it still feels like mine, the voice.
'What were you talking about ?'
His eyes are still fixated on me. His gaze is strong as whirling breeze. It is as if he resists me. He resists my control on him, one I never knew I had. One that came when I was with Laylah in the room. One that came when I broke the Top's finger. Yes, that one. He resists but I somehow did it. I somehow controlled his entity. I speak again repeating my question. Then he says "The flash."
'I was asking about the flash.'
'Why? No one mentioned it. Why now? Why bring something up now when I wasn't even involved in it at all. Was it the Top? Was it was she wanted all along?'
'Yes. We set out to find Laylah cos of the flash. It was in the plan from the beginning, from the time of the library, five years(5) ago. That was the first time I was assigned to her and since then we've been keeping an eye on her.'
He stops. "Is he resisting it again?" Then he continues with a more reddened face. His veins pops up like popcorn. His veins are more interested in seeing who the person is? Who the hell has the guts to control him? In my subconscious, I notice his scars. The one I gave him. It looks like it had a zipper. Sad.
He continues.
'We kept an eye on both her and you. Like killing two birds with a stone you unknowingly helped us.'
'I do..n..t..under..stan..nd..I..did...wh.at?'
'As soon as you chose to get revenge on Laylah, you did all the work of finding out where she lives, where she schools and all. All we did was have someone watch you so we could get her from you the moment you had your hands on her.'
I am more confused than ever. I never noticed anyone trail me. I thought I was more than careful or was it a hallucination? Let him continue talking I'd figure it out.
Still, on his chin, my fingers squeezes his chin causing another mark. It is bleeding. I have to get information from him and he needs to speak and speak fast. 'Who did you send? Who did you people send? You all have been spying on me since five(5) years ago? Am I still being watched now?'
I am slowly losing it. I am laughing hard sounding more sarcastic than ever. I look around me surveying my environment making myself believe they are still somehow watching me. "Can I control myself ?"
'Answer who...d..id...you...send.'
He says it out like he rushes his words. 'Your mother.'
I am more confused than ever. "Wh...a...t?" I can't take any of this. I have been played big time. I'm losing it. I can feel it. It's as if someone's dragging my inside with me. All the pains I have been feeling are slowly finding their way through me. Like they've been waiting for me to lose it. Like they've been hiding in a corner of my subconscious and now, they'd win!
'I..d..on't..ha..ve...a..mo..ther...Nathaniel's who I have...So...ex...pla...in. Now!' I managed to get my words back.
'Think!' Why is he shouting? It doesn't even matter. 'Did Nathaniel tell you of any marriage? No. No! He didn't, so why conclude you don't have a mother.'
'I...do...n't...under....sta....nd....Dad's....n...ot....my..re...al...dad..So...st....op...spew...ing...non...sen...se!' I had lost it. They've taken over. All of whatever was hiding. I leave boy Nathaniel with force not pushing him but myself. I am pacing in front of him. It is pathetic to see even for Anne. I am shaking. My head is so hot. I feel the heat radiating out of me. My skin turns red! My nervousness takes over. This is it. I should give up. Just there as I am struggling with my wellbeing, boy Nathaniel added.
'Nathaniel's your real dad. He just didn't tell you. Your mother left you on the streets as you always had presumed. Then Nathaniel took you in. Your mother, she caused this. All of this.' It was more like he was convincing me than he told me the tale of my existence. I pay no mind to that cos I didn't even notice. "Nathaniel's my dad? Hun?"
'No.'
'NO.'
'NO!' I touch the sides of my head frequently hitting it. My head is jamming. 'I can't process !' I scream out in frustration, in pain, in confusion. "I've lost it, finally."
He adds, fueling my entity like he wants all of this. Like he wants me to become this. And now he has won. 'And do you know the worst part? Hun? She's someone you know. She's someone who you're interested in. She's the one who you wanted to give Laylah to, Feline.'
I can't express any words. I can't utter letters. My brain can't just think. I'm in front of him. My face is surprised more than ever. My whole life is...not that I care but, why? I storm out of the house pushing against the door and break the lock. I roam through the forest, through the woods. Along those bush paths. Along with those thorns. Along with those shrubs. I wander through not in my right state of mind under this early morning sun. I am now among the roaming and mad.
Nathaniel is on the floor, kneeling. He's smiling. He's choking on his laughter. 'And there we have it, checkmate.' Then he continues with his laughter, loads of it.
WHERE'S MY DAUGHTER?
I AM BOY NATHANIEL
Salut à tous. Bienvenue dans une nouvelle caractère, me. I feel so pleased about everything in particular. "Hmm, this is it isn't it? Pleasure."
'Veronica Siphoned, thank you.' I give her a bow because I am so grateful. I won't have achieved anything if it wasn't for her. I let my arms touch each other through my fingers. My arms lay above my head as I fell to the floor on my knees with my eyes faced down. I get up a few minutes after. I am that grateful.
Still, on my knees, I say
'And there we have it checkmate.' I stand uplifting myself from where I knelt. It felt like I finished praying. I can't hold it anymore, this laughter. I still laugh like I am crazy dragging my feet yet lifting them. I trail myself to where I locked up Laylah -- where I threw her to be precise. It feels fun, all of this.
I can't help it still. I unlocke the basement door and let myself in. Laylah sits there on the bare floor staring at me.
A thought came through my mind "I shouldn't be doing all of this, should I be? Have I forgotten my purpose? Have I forgotten why I set out for Siphoned?
I kicked the thought out as soon as it came in. I am doing the right thing?"
'I'm doing the right thing!' Unknowingly, I said it out loud.
'Eh?' Laylah can't even wait for me to finish talking and she already replies. 'You're doing the right what? All of this, you think it's right?' Again with her sarcasm. I miss someone by my side. Nagging me but I can't fall for that.
"No! I'm no more Nathaniel. I'm not Nathaniel."
'I am boy Nathaniel!' As Siphoned calls me. The boy with the blank look.
'Yes, yes, say it out to make yourself believe it. You know this isn't right. You know you're not to turn out like this. He wouldn't have liked that. And you know that deep down you still do because you're still you. You're Nathaniel, the great, the good. Are you going to throw it all out? Cos of her? Cos she took from you what she wasn't supposed to? Eh? '
I say nothing to her. I can not be sweet-talked. I know what I am doing. I hold back the tears that wants to trail down my cheeks. My eyes hold it back forcefully. I hold in a sigh. I move my torso to the left then my whole body. I let my back face Laylah. Even when I still resisted, it let its way out. I clean the drops with my sleeves. With my right hand, I clean both cheeks. I let out a sigh followed by a cry that turned into a smile.
I hold back the urge to give in. I man up and turn to face her again.
'Sit.'
I tell her to sit on the chair I gave Siphoned when we arrived her at first --the fine mahogany. She sits with her eyes wide open. Cute like a puppy. "I shouldn't be doing this to the person I thought of as a younger sister? Should I? I haven't strayed, have I?"
I still fight back the tears trying to make their second grand entrance cos I knew if I let it I won't be able to hold it in.
I sit leaning towards the right of the chair cross-legged. Mother says we should exhibit manners. 'A man always regardless of strength should possess integrity, manner, kindness, softness. Leave the hardness for your wives.' Mother was wise. We missed her, Mathew and I. We talked about how we missed her a lot before all of this. Before Siphoned took everything. Long ago when Laylah, Mathew, and I were together undisturbed.
' Now I have to figure out what to do with you cos you're useless now. My goal was Siphoned and I have got her now. You need to go. You need to be eliminated. So choose how you'd like to die.' I say with a shaky voice but still strong and fierce. I am not falling for her talks again.
' Do you want to be cut open or butchered ?' I get up from the chair I sat right in front of her. I go to the table. The large table of tools. I say the above after I got to the table cleaning my nostrils. Catarrh came out of it against my will. I lean with my full weight on the table with both hands after taking a look at the sword-like knife taking my gaze back to the butcher's knife. '
'Or do you want to be burnt? Alive? Ehn? Can't you hear me? Can't you speak !' I still say it with my back facing her. I can't bring myself to face her. I've gone through roads that can't be turned back from. I set out for this and I must finish it. My utmost goal is one. And is Siphoned.
I let out puffs of air.
' It doesn't matter anyway. Just go. Not to your parents. If Siphoned knows you were missing I won't be able to protect you. Go and hide somewhere safe. Come back after everything has died down.' I clean my tears and I continue. 'I've set out for the worst path possible even though I lose my life on this, I am going to achieve it.'
I turn to face her and she is beaming. Like she knows I can't do it? Like she knows a part of me still exist. She nods in affirmation to what I said. She gets up to leave but as she reaches the door she calls out to me.
'Hey Ethene. Let's go there sometimes. You and me.'
I make my eyes shift from the chair she sat down before which has now turned empty to the door which she stands by. Her words are always comforting. She is the same age as Mathew. In the same class with Mathew. She is always wise. I say in return in a calm almost sad voice. I still have the cry in my throat. I can't break down in front of Laylah for her sake.
'Aucun problème.' M'y French accent is still here. It isn't going anywhere I guess. I had to hide my accent behind an English one. Cos of that same person, Siphoned. "Will she remember me? Will she see the resemblance? I guess not. She couldn't see it before."
I can see that Laylah manages to not cry too. I smile in return. And that is it. Laylah has escaped, finally.
'Siphoned is next.' I say with a strong face. My cry has hidden somewhere. I feel a surge of energy as soon as I had her name on my lips. I scoff as I face the wall. 'You, just wait.'
WHERE'S MY DAUGHTER?
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