บท 14: CHAPTER THIRTEEN : ON MY WAY TO NIRVANA
ON MY WAY TO NIRVANA
Anne racks my head for all things are possible. Feline and boy Nathaniel.
I get on my feet after I awoke going down the stairs to look at my relatives. I need to see for myself the state in which they stay. I get down the stairs and contrary to what boy Nathaniel said they aren't in that state. "What happened? Did he speak a lie?"
'Hey, is everything okay? You do not look so good.' Aunt Noa who hasn't uttered a word to me says that.
Aunt Nellie adds. 'Yeah, you look pale.'
I ignore them turning my back to their faces and go across the stairs how I came down, thinking. I get to my room where Laylah and boy Nathaniel stays and I shut the door behind me. I pay no mind to almost dead Laylah. Boy Nathaniel pays no mind to her too but he keeps staring. His stares feels familiar.
But has he...have we met other than the Top's incident? I highly doubt that. I forced my gaze upon him making him aware that I am aware. He doesn't stop he keeps looking. He is so engrossed in me that his stares speaks to my subconscious, dead.
'Are you lost? frozen? Which one? If you're going to stare at me all day you should have told me. I haven't had breakfast!' The aroma of my neighbor's food gets stuck in my throat making me salivate.
'Get to it will you, whatever you wish to do. You should have just said it with your mouth rather than telepathy. Do what you must.' I say to him swinging my arms beside me till I get to a coach close to the window.
It's chilly. "I might catch a runny nose." I reach for the window wanting to close it but something isn't right. I don't feel so good. Nellie and Noa are right. "What's wrong with me? What's this feeling?"
I stagger to close the window carefully to not lose my hand. My arm feels numb like it's a piece of machinery that got a workload past its capacity. My arm wants to let go dragging apart one by one.
I groan in silence using the last strength left in me to slam the glass. I turn facing boy Nathaniel and he still stares.
'What?' The pain I feel right now isn't stopping anytime soon. It feels as if my whole body is breaking apart. The pain goes in circles through my whole nervous system. My normal self won't have been this still. I haven't been normal since the incident.
I bear it. Slowing it whole. Choking it through peristalsis. I pay no mind to its retaliation I continue still.
Boy Nathaniel gets to work. He has seen enough to classify me. He has seen what he wanted to whatever that is. I can feel it that he feels so. He gets to Laylah who is as good as dead. He brings out a machete from his jacket.
It takes me by surprise. How did it even fit in? My pain isn't subsiding but I bear it still accepting all its outlets. He removes Laylah's dress. What is he doing leaving her with only mini top on?
He lets out her arm. It's as if he measures it with his eyes. Then all of a sudden to my surprise he cuts it, her arm. Her elbow to her fingers gets separated from the top arm.
More pain came rushing in tenfold. My ears goes deaf. My eyes freeze. I can't see a thing. It jerks me forward and I remain in that position. I feel alive still not dead. My whole dark face turns red, faint red. My nose starts to bleed from the intensity. A sharp pain emerges in my chest. In my top right chest slowly but painfully. I endure all.
Is this it? Nirvana?
I haven't repented. I'm going to die this way? Please, God no! I'll listen. I'd be more patient. I'd repent. He didn't answer. The pain multiplied. Mucus filled with blood came out rushing through both nostrils.
Nathaniel stands there observing me like I am a control experiment. I feel nothing. No emotions. No pain towards him. No wrath. Nothing. I do not know how it happened but it stops. The pain.
I breathe my breath feeling nothing. The whole current of previous pain I felt steals my feelings, my emotions. No emoticons can express what I felt, what I feel.
I feel down. Every nerve of mine remembered clearly what has happened like it is happening right now within me but I am numb. I'm fully aware of what is happening as it has happened.
Nathaniel takes her arm shoving it in the place where he kept the machete previously. I can't feel anything but everything. A continuous cycle that can't stop.
A migraine came in. Since the incident, I have been having this non-stop continuous cycle of headaches. It is as if they took turns. I pay no mind to it letting it do its bidding.
Nathaniel indicates that we go now. I didn't ask him where I don't care. Well, I do in some way but what I am feeling has me all mixed up. I don't feel anything but everything. It's cyclic. He lifts Laylah in his arms carrying her like a baby owing to my condition.
He closes the door after him. I pay no mind to him. Everyone seems to care less about us. They are out and about doing their respective chit-a-chat whether to themselves or someone else. I can't care less. Nothing bothered me right now except that I have become numb. Not feeling anything but feeling everything at once.
We get to the car outside. My legs became heavy. All this cos I wanted to join their circle, the famous cult. The Top. I can't bear it again. I let out a cry then fall on the white snow.
Oblivious and unknown to me that my cry is shaking everyone. As I let out the cry, boy Nathaniel who holds Laylah in his arms as he advanced towards the passenger's seat gets blown with full force towards the window. The glass shatters letting its pieces take seats in his beautiful masterpiece of a face.
My relatives freeze including Laylah who is half dead. Only boy Nathaniel isn't.
He turns to face me with blood dripping his face decorating it as if his face is a cake that's being poured chocolate.
With wrath in his eyes and words. He utters 'Shit. She just had to do it again!' I look at him half unconscious. On my way to Nirvana feeling nothing but what I feel in the whirl of wind.
Electricity. Feline's got that too. I felt it when we first met.
WHERE'S MY DAUGHTER?
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