บท 19: Grace

Fei Li had thought that would be the end of it, that Lu Qinyi would continue to sit out in the snow when no one was around to drag him back inside. That he would continue to sit idly with Fei Li to avoid having to meet his subordinates' worried expressions when he was refusing meals. That there wasn't much that could be done about it. Despite this, he couldn't suppress the discomfort he felt and had tried one more time to offer Lu Qinyi his pity, pushing a plate of food toward the other. But Lu Qinyi had merely smiled an empty smile before turning his head to stare out the window. Fei Li concluded that he was ultimately correct, believing that there was nothing that could be for the grieving Lu Qinyi. That is however, until a guest showed up unexpectedly.

Lu Qinyi froze up as his eyes followed the figure who gracefully passed by the window. There was a gentle knock at the door, the door opening a peek as a feminine voice called out "May I come in?"

Fei Li's brows furrowed at this unfamiliar visitor but upon seeing Lu Qinyi's shocked look, he decided to simply allow it. "I suppose."

With a swish of the skirt of her delicate dress, the woman entered. Her features mildly resembled Lu Qinyi's, dressed in dainty whites and blues, dark brown hair spilling from a neat bun to one side of her head. This bun was held in place with two hair pins, one an intricate gold, the other a white jade that was similar in style to Lu Qinyi's. But most familiar was the straight, confident posture she held herself with, the spitting image of her brother's. "You must be General Fei. Please excuse my interruption." She spoke politely but not timidly, even meeting Fei Li's gaze directly.

He glanced her up and down once. "And you would be Lu Yanlin I presume." She confirmed this with a small, polite smile.

"Yanlin! What are you here for? You aren't meant to be here." Lu Qinyi finally reacted, pure delight overcoming the shock of his sister's sudden appearance.

She turned to him, smile vanishing as she took his chin between her thumb and fingers, tilting his head to look up at her as she closely inspected him. "What do you think I'm here for? To see you of course. As soon as I heard Jianyu had died, I knew you'd be like this, not sleeping or eating well. As if I had a choice but to come." She said with displeasure.

Lu Qinyi hmphed, his lips tilting up slightly in a small smile. "As if I need you. I would get by just fine on my own."

"Well I'm here now. Drop that act already." She held her arms open slightly in an inviting gesture, her hard expression softening into something more gentle.

This seemed to do the trick as Lu Qinyi's face slowly sank. Finally, tears started streaming from his eyes and he threw his arms around Lu Yanlin's waist, burying his face against her stomach as he started to sob. Fei Li was shocked to say the least, hardly having expected to see a dignified general sob in his sister's arms in front of him. But the siblings paid him no mind for the time being. Lu Yanlin held his back with one hand, the other stroking his hair gently.

"They killed him. I let them. His head... I was holding it... his head," Lu Qinyi mumbled miserably, slightly muffled from how his face was buried against Lu Yanlin.

"I know. Daiyu wrote to me." Lu Yanlin whispered softly.

Fei Li cursed his trained hearing, feeling incredibly awkward hearing these words that weren't meant for him to hear. He considered getting up and leaving but he hated the thought of that bitter cold beyond his room, so he remained, trying not to pay the siblings any mind.

"The soldiers... their cries..." Lu Qinyi's words fell away into sobs. Lu Yanlin merely waited for him to continue, comforting him with steady movements. "I let them all die..."

"I understand." Lu Yanlin whispered to him quietly. Lu Qinyi's shoulders dropped as if those two words were all he needed to lift the weight of the world that bore down on him. After a few more long moments, Lu Qinyi's sobs quietened. He remained with his arms around his sister and face hidden from the burdens of his life until Lu Yanlin pulled his arms from around her. He looked up at her, head tilted slightly and eyes still red from crying. She hooked her arm around his and pulled him up from the chair. He offered no resistance, easily pulled about although he stumbled slightly from how unexpected this action was. Fei Li, who had his head turned away, fidgeting uncomfortably with the empty cup in his hand as he wished very much not to be there, also looked up at this movement. He stared in surprise as Lu Yanlin tugged the obedient Lu Qinyi over to his bed and pushed him back onto it.

"Get some rest then I'll have A-Jiao prepare something for you to eat." She stated mildly as if nothing at all was wrong with this situation.

Lu Qinyi stared at her wide eyed before glancing over at Fei Li then back again. "Yanlin-Jiejie... this isn't my bed. I can't rest here."

Lu Yanlin half turned to look over at Fei Li. "General Fei, you wouldn't mind would you? Just for the time being."

Fei Li could hardly believe that there would come a day he'd have to reply to such a request. For some reason when he was met with Lu Yanlin, whose eyes held unknown depths as they stared at him, this woman of dignified elegance who held the unruly Lu Qinyi in place with only one hand, he felt like agreeing. Besides, the red eyed general who hadn't slept well in a week was truly pitiful.

"It's fine." He said after a moment, much to Lu Qinyi's surprise and Lu Yanlin's approval. Fei Li gathered his robes to stand, finally deciding he would rather face the cold than intrude further. Lu Qinyi glanced at him before he allowed Lu Yanlin's hand to guide him to laying down. Lu Yanlin sat on the side of the bed by him and he curled up, head nuzzled close to her side as he closed his eyes. She rested a hand lightly on his head. Fei Li quietly slid the door shut behind him, pulling his cloak tight against the biting cold.

After some time had passed, Fei Li returned to his room to find Lu Qinyi sat up at the table, staring into the depths of a bowl of soup in his hands. He had more colour to his face, seeming much more spirited despite his face off with the innocent bowl of soup.

"Even if you stare at it until the soup goes cold, you still have to drink it." Lu Yanlin said mercilessly.

Lu Qinyi frowned "Yanlin-Jiejie.."

"You need to eat."

But he wasn't done trying to get out of eating, switching to try another pleading tactic. "Mingyu.."

"That won't work either. Eat."

He frowned slightly further before finally raising the bowl to slowly sip at it. Lu Yanlin seemed satisfied as she looked up to greet Fei Li with cupped hands. "Many thanks for allowing us the use of your room, General Fei."

Fei Li nodded in response, standing off to the side with his arms folded in his cloak, soaking in the warmth of the room to rid himself of the chill that still clung to him. He felt no need to remind them that really, he had no power here what-so-ever. Even if they wanted the room he used, he shouldn't have really had any say in it, let alone be thanked for it, but both Lu Qinyi and his sister seemed to neglect acknowledging this fact.

"Mm, many thanks General Fei. I'll ask A-Jiao or Lin An to bring you some sweets later." Lu Qinyi agreed over the rim of the bowl.

Fei Li looked aside, quickly dismissing the idea with a "No need." He felt this compensation was too embarrassing to accept, despite the fact the other wasn't wrong in his thinking. He was never unhappy to receive sweets.

"Does General Fei like sweet things? I doubt there would be much to use here but I'm sure I can make something."

"Isn't that kind of you Jiejie. Who would have thought even the Northern General isn't enough to intimidate you?" Lu Qinyi teased.

"Of course not. If I could be intimidated by anyone in this world, however would I keep you in your place?" She said easily, pouring out three cups of tea and inviting Fei Li over with a light gesture of her hand.

"That's true." Lu Qinyi agreed with a grin as he eagerly moved to swap out his bowl of soup for a cup of tea.

Lu Yanlin blocked him however, moving his cup aside. "Soup first." Lu Qinyi huffed unhappily as he gazed down at his still half full bowl with dissatisfaction.

Fei Li watched these sibling antics with minor interest as he took his seat, accepting his cup of tea from Lu Yanlin. He glanced her over again. Even he had to praise her courage, to offer the enemy general tea completely unfazed, not even a hint of fear or discomfort.

"Siyu, why don't you go fetch your papers? I have something I'd like to ask General Fei about."

Lu Qinyi narrowed his eyes at her. "To leave you with him, even with the guards at the door, would be utterly stupid of me. He could likely have a hold of you before the guards even had a chance to react. Even my two finest might not be his match. I know you're capable of thinking this far, so are you testing him or me? You truly think he wouldn't dare try something?"

"That would be good." Fei Li added in lightly as he stirred more honey into his tea. "Your sister's life is surely enough for you to let me go home."

"As if I'd give you the chance," Lu Qinyi retorted with a glare. "Yanlin, I'm not leaving, you can ask whatever you want to ask in front of me." He dumped the soup bowl on the table then slumped back in his chair with his arms crossed as if to show his determination to stay. He gave the two an irritated look, certain they were both purposefully riling him up.

"Are you saying you wouldn't be able to kill General Fei if I was in his hold? I had thought you more capable than that." She replied breezily, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

Lu Qinyi sank further, contemplating whether he could throw something at her or not. Deciding he couldn't, he could only continue glare at her as he waved over Lin An to ask her to fetch the papers in his place. "You think too highly of me."

Fei Li neglected to comment although slight amusement could be seen in his eyes behind the screen of wisps of steam that rose from his teacup. It truly would be a close thing, whether Lu Qinyi would be able to act fast enough to prevent any harm coming to Lu Yanlin if they were in such a situation. But the topic was only being thrown around to peeve Lu Qinyi, not to discuss who would have been the victor.

Lu Yanlin turned her attention from her moody brother to Fei Li, teacup clasped between her thin hands. "General Fei, I'd like to know what is intended for the South if you were to win the war?"

Lu Qinyi looked even more unimpressed. "Worried I'd lose the war? Have some faith in your little brother Yanlin-Jiejie."

"You yourself said your success isn't guaranteed and with your behaviour, you don't give much to have faith in. Regardless, I'd like to know what would happen if you were to lose."

"How pointless. Nothing good happens if I lose," Lu Qinyi muttered but then fell quiet to let Fei Li answer.

"The North would take over the South. It's people would be integrated and the North would elect officials to control its affairs. United under my emperor, the conflict and grievances between the North and South would be settled and there would be peace." Fei Li explained as if the matter was simple, but even he understood it wouldn't be so and knew how he was painting over the difficulties and unpleasantries the post-war would entail.

Lu Qinyi hummed. "It truly sounds nice to lose your freedom and independence when you put it like that. It's not that I care that much but I've never truly understood why the North can't leave the South be. Is the fact that you have to regard us equally as our own people really that much of a bother? Or is it that you can't deal with the blow to your dignity that you haven't been able to force our submission so far?"

"It does sound too nice. The South quite enjoy their freedoms and take pride in their independent identity. It was hard earnt. They would be quite aggrieved, how will your Emperor handle it?" Lu Yanlin agreed, a slight tilt to her head as she looked at Fei Li.

Fei Li remained perfectly calm in the face of these interrogations. "Two independent countries can't coexist forever. For the greater peace, the North and South should be united. The South will come to understand this with time. My Emperor isn't cruel if that's what you're worried about. Your citizens won't be treated unreasonably."

Lu Qinyi raised an eyebrow slightly, looking rather unimpressed. "You talk as if you'll certainly win. Do you think so little of me now that you believe your victory is certain?"

Fei Li looked at him passively, his tone mild. "Not at all. I was just asked to speak of as if I were to win." He didn't mention that he had no choice but to win. It was all his life was meant for.

"That's good to know." Lu Yanlin, feeling no need to disagree with Fei Li any further.

At that time, Lin An was hovering at the edge of the room with a decent sized but seemingly light wooden chest in her arms, hesitant to interrupt.

"Thanks Lin An. Just set it beside Yanlin."

Lin An smiled shyly in return, quietly placing the chest down beside Yanlin's skirt. The latter set her tea aside and leaned over to flip the latch and open the chest. Fei Li leaned just slightly to have a look at the contents but to his surprise, it was filled to the brim with neat stacks of paper, not seeming all that interesting. Lu Yanlin pulled a couple sheets and held them up to examine them in the light. They were covered in intricate patterns cut from the paper. They were impeccable, the details so sophisticated that it seemed even a breeze would tear those delicate patterns. One of the papers Lu Yanlin held seemed to be more floral in design, while the other artistically depicted various animals. These kinds of paper cutting arts were normally made for festivities but there were none upcoming and the volume and variety of patterns of the papers didn't have a logical explanation.

Lu Qinyi was examining Lu Yanlin's reaction intently, smiling in self satisfaction as her eyebrows rose gently, awed by the handiwork.

"Quite good. Your detailing has improved." She finally admitted, pulling a few more papers from the chest to look them over. Fei Li's fingers twitched, hesitating before curiousity won out and he picked up one of the sheets to have a closer look. The innumerable amount of tiny detailing cuts that covered the paper was astonishing, Fei Li had to admire the work put into these as he held the paper carefully.

"General Lu made these? I hadn't taken him for someone with such a careful hand, nor any amount of patience."

Lu Qinyi's gaze turned to Fei Li before he nodded. "Yes. I made them." He grinned. "I'll take that as a compliment."

"There's quite a number of them this time around. Has it been particularly stressful for you lately Siyu?"

"Of course it has. I swear, this one will be the death of me!" Lu Qinyi replied, pointing at Fei Li with his thumb.

"Ah. I was wondering what occasion these were made for." Fei Li half mumbled, his brows raising with mild interest. He paid no mind to the latter part of the other's statement, holding the paper cutting up to admire the light pouring through the numerous details. "You create paper cuttings for stress relief then?"

"Something like that. I would come to Yanlin when I was feeling irritated or overwhelmed. Yanlin taught me how to make them as a distraction. It's something of a habit now, sometimes I do it to calm down, sometimes to help me think." Lu Qinyi explained briefly but didn't really seem to think it was anything interesting, brushing the sheets on the table into a pile.

Lu Yanlin smiled lightly, lifting her teacup to take a sip. "The first time I taught you, it was simply because I was busy cutting them for the Spring Festival. You came in so worked up you wouldn't sit down, pacing about the room. However, you took to it better than I expected."

"Using me to help with your work, tch! Why do I ever go to you for support?"

"As your dear sister, I do my best to support you. Who would you go to if not me? Father perhaps? Or mother?"

"As if. If I wanted to be comforted, I'd go to Yang Ye. If I wanted to be scolded, I'd go to Mei Mei. What do I need you for?"

"You already have their support and yet you still need to cling to the dress of your elder sister to feel safe. You tell me, what do you need me for?" She responded coolly, cruel smile on her lips as she knew she had once again trumped him.

Lu Qinyi glared at her for a moment before looking away with a huff, having nothing further he could say to this quick tongued sister of his.

"Is Daiyu well then? Is she busy today?"

Lu Qinyi shrugged although he knew she was. Zhao Mei was currently in her room, sorting and organizing records but this was one of the few disruptions she would accept. "She shouldn't be too busy. I'll call her over."

He walked over to the otherside of the room, opened the door then cupped his hands at his mouth to help his loudly called words travel across the courtyard. "Mei Mei, Daiyu is asking for you." He watched for a few moments before quickly standing aside. Zhao Mei didn't even acknowledge him or the owner of the room as if they didn't exist, rushing straight over to Lu Yanlin and throwing herself at her in a moment of joy and excitement.

Lu Yanlin's lips quirked upward in a soft smile as she returned the other's hug. "Daiyu, I missed you."

"Mingyu." Zhao Mei acknowledged with an uncharacteristic affectionate tone. She then unwrapped her arms, taking Lu Yanlin's hands in her own. "It's been too long, we have so much to catch up on. Come, let's go. I already have some snacks prepared."

"You're thoughtful as always, Daiyu. Are they the same snacks as last time? Those were quite nice." She asked as she was willingly dragged off by the keen Zhao Mei. She managed to give Fei Li a nod farewell as she was hurriedly led from the room.

Fei Li was still comprehending the joyed and openly affectionate Zhao Mei he had just witnessed, the contrast to her usual self was too great.

Lu Qinyi saw his expression and smiled in understanding, shrugging one of his shoulders. "I believe it's a girl thing... Mei Mei and Yanlin get like this every time."

Fei Li was silent a moment before speaking. "I hadn't known they shared such a friendship."

"I'd be surprised if you had, to have pried so far into the private life of myself and my lieutenants would truly be concerning. They were quick to form a close friendship after Mei Mei started helping me out, so close I have to wonder whether Mei Mei is more loyal to me or Yanlin. Although seeing Mei Mei like that is a truly rare experience, it isn't anything military. Why would you care to know about such a thing?" He stated lightly although both he and Fei Li knew the advantage of such irrelevant information. Such subtle understanding of someone let you know which thread was best to pull to undo them.

"I can't simply be curious?" Fei Li asked without much care, flipping the paper he still held between his fingers.

"Hm. I suppose you can, I just hadn't thought you'd be curious about other's personal affairs." Lu Qinyi replied as he turned to leave the room but he was stopped by Lin An lightly grabbing the corner of his sleeve. "Mm? What is it, Lin An?"

A soft blush spread across her face under Lu Qinyi's gaze, her head quickly lowering but she still managed to quietly mumble "Master Lu, the papers..."

"Oh, those." His gaze shifted to the chest as he considered for a moment. "Burn them I guess. I have no use for them."

Lin An frowned gently, feeling it was a shame but nodded obediently. Fei Li also felt it was a shame but pointless things shouldn't be kept. Since they were to be burnt anyway, he lightly pressed his fingertip on the paper. It was as fragile as he imagined, the faintest misplaced touch tearing the intricate patterns. He regarded the tear in the paper before tossing it aside to be collected by Lin An.