บท 181: Separation
"I want to invite him to dinner. We should talk with this man. He is the Crown Prince of Avalia after all." Royal Consort Gwendolyn lifted her chin and looked up at her husband.
The Emperor harrumphed.
"But he looks like he's going to steal my daughter away!"
"And what if he does? The man is obviously besotted with her."
"And how did you know this?"
"I could see the way he looked at her, so full of love and longing."
"Pshah, Woman. Are you sure you're not mistaking it just for lust?"
"No, Rex. He looks at her the way you look at Anastasia." Gwendolyn gave him a dry look.
The Emperor cleared his throat.
"And this is your only criteria?"
Gwendolyn thought for a second.
"Why yes. Yes it is." Her blue eyes glittered. "I want her to be able to experience what it feels like to be utterly and completely loved by a man. I want her to feel so loved by a man that his love spills out everywhere and cannot be contained."
"But he's a dragon—" the Emperor protested. The dragons lived clear across the galaxy! If he wavered on this, he would not be able to visit his daughter but once every few years.
"And dragons cannot feel love? Are you saying they don't know how to cherish their women?" Gwendolyn was insisting.
The Emperor looked at her in confusion. Why was she suddenly so adamant about this? Did she truly want her daughter to be married that far away from her?
"No, that's not what I—" he tried to say, but Gwendolyn cut him off.
"Or are you saying that because my daughter comes from my body, she does not deserve the kind of love that is reserved for special women like Anastasia?"
The Emperor inhaled deeply. So this was what it was all about. He had encountered random jealous rages from each woman he'd married. This was just another jealous rage.
He looked at his youngest wife with sad resignation. The glittering in Gwendolyn's eyes were not anger. They were unshed tears.
Emperor Rex sighed.
He'd had five wives throughout his reign. Most of them were political alliances, and Gwendolyn was no exception.
She had come to him through an alliance with the wolven community, a young spirited girl full of sparkling life and spirit. She had enchanted him right from the start and eventually he had grown to love her.
He loved Gwendolyn because she was the mother of two of his beautiful children whom he also loved dearly.
She was also steadfast and unwavering, a solid anchor for him when turbulence swirled around them. It was also a godsend that she was a wonderful musician who played her instruments for him and gave him much needed respite from his hard days at work.
In bed, she executed flawlessly and gave him so much physical joy, he often sought her out when he needed a caring, nonjudgemental shoulder to rest on.
Gwendolyn was a raving beauty, there was no doubt. He sometimes found himself drowning in her beautiful blue eyes and her luscious lips. Her long legs were works of art that he'd spent many many long nights worshipping.
But she was not Anastasia.
Anastasia transcended beauty. Anastasia was the goddess of his soul. And try as he might to be fair to all of them, there was no way he could hide the fact that even after all these years, he was still completely and hopelessly in love with his Anastasia.
"Do you feel cheated?" He asked, straight and to the point. Rex was never one to beat around the bush.
Gwendolyn paused for a moment, and then nodded.
"Would you be happier if you could find a man who would be able to give you what your heart desires?"
For a moment, Gwendolyn said nothing. She turned away, looking into the distance.
Then she took a deep breath.
"I truly love you. Truly, I do." A tear slid down her face.
"I just don't want to be second or third in your heart. Is that too selfish? My heart cries out to be loved completely and fully just for being myself."
She turned back to him with imploring eyes.
"I want to be loved as if I am a precious person, and not just for what I can do or give to a man."
She wiped the stray tear from her cheek.
"If my daughter is able to experience that kind of love, it is worth it, even if…even if I have to travel to dragon realm to ensure my daughter gets to experience that kind of love that I never got."
Emperor Rex sighed. "I'm truly sorry that you feel neglected. I always try to give you as much time as I can."
He waved a hand. "We have two children to prove that I spend an inordinate amount of time with you."
"But you don't truly love me." She whispered.
"I guess that depends on your definition of the word 'love'." He said with deep emotion.
"My definition of love is what you give to Anastasia every waking moment of your life." She raised her head and stared straight at him. There was nothing clearer in her mind than this.
Emperor Rex shook his head.
"My dearest Gwendolyn, there are so many ways to love someone. In all the years we've been together, have you never felt any love from me at all?"
She shook her head. "You only love me because I do things for you and I help care for your children. If you strip all that from me, there would be nothing left between us."
"I want someone who truly loves me. Truly, deeply, madly loves me."
"Gwendolyn." The Emperor shook his head. "That is a very transitory kind of love. It can't last forever. Eventually, what grows over time is what you and I have. Deep love and respect and understanding."
"Hmmm." Gwendolyn closed her eyes. "If it's so transitory, how come you are still feeling it with Anastasia?"
The Emperor took a deep breath. He couldn't argue with her there. She spoke the truth.
"What are you trying to tell me right now Gwen?"
"I'm trying to tell you I need more from you. I deserve to be loved by you in the same manner that you love Anastasia."
Emperor Rex shook his head with deep sadness. He did not want to lose her but he loved her too much to lie to her.
"I cannot force my heart to do what it can't do. I love you, Gwendolyn, but the love I have for you is different than the love I have for Anastasia."
"It is a very subpar love that you have for me, Rex. I want to be loved as a woman, not just as the mother of your children."
"We have a good solid marriage, Gwendolyn. You know that I would do anything I could for you."
"I want you to love me in the same way you love Anastasia."
The Emperor sighed again and shook his head. It wasn't that he didn't want to. It was that he couldn't.
"I will tell you that the love you have for Anastasia is not transitory and it won't fade. I know that because it's the same love I have for you." Gwendolyn's eyes began to flood with tears.
"I've been in love with you since the day I met you. I give you my heart and my soul, Rex. And that's why I feel so soulless. It's because it hasn't been replaced with your heart and soul."
She turned away.
"What you give me—it's not enough, Rex." Gwendolyn stated firmly. "I'm tired of being last on your list."
Her sparkling blue eyes turned back to him.
"I want to separate from you."
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