บท 15: The Visit!
Sunlight flows into my room through the bay window, reflecting a red light behind my closed eyes. I groan and turn over to continue my beauty sleep, but the light somehow managed to get to that part of the room too. With a sigh, I blinked my eyes open to get used to the sudden change in aperture. I smack my lips and slowly sit up, scratching my head as I do. My lazy eyes trail over to my clock, and I squint at the neon red digits.
8:15 AM
I close my eyes for a second and mentally told myself that I need to get up. I roll over and grab my phone, letting out a crestfallen sigh as I realize I forgot to plug it in last night. I mentally slap myself and hesitantly at the percentage. It only has 30% left. I purse my lips with a scowl on my face just as my phone buzzes in my mind signaling an incoming message.
Ashton: Hey, baby girl!! Please tell me you're awake. I don't think Aria will be joining us today. I'm leaving my place in 30 minutes. See you soon.
I freeze in place as I remembered I ought to visit my father's grave today, and considering it's a couple of towns away, we have to leave earlier if we want to be back before sundown.
I rushed to the shower to get ready for the day. I knew this day was coming up, but no amount of preparation could get me organized to mourn my father. I miss him every day. I grieve him every day, and I think about him every day. But somehow, this feels different.
I've been able to visit him once before after the funeral. It wasn't a very pleasurable experience when my mom got to know about it. I called an Uber who drove me to and fro to the gravesite that day. I got back home in the evening to see my mom pacing through the house with a panic expression on her face. Well, you can guess how that turned out.
I skipped down the stairs, trying to keep a neutral expression on my face. I can't risk my mom knowing about this. I walk into the kitchen to see Martha flipping the pancakes on the stove.
"Morning, Sleepyhead!" I let out a small chuckle, taking my place on the stool in the kitchen. She is alone in the kitchen. Mom and Levi are usually here when I come, especially on Saturdays.
"Morning." I look around for any sign that my mom and Levi would be joining us soon, but there is none. "Where's everyone, Martha?"
She turned to pass me a smile before taking her attention back to the stove. "Well, someone may have heard about your plans to sneak out today." Oh, shit! I knew she heard something yesterday. She definitely won't let me go. "Don't make that face. She doesn't know. I think Sir heard you, so he took your mom out for the whole day."
"Thanks, Martha. But really?" I asked as she placed the stack of pancakes in front of me.
"Yeah. But make sure you're back before 6, or we're all toast." I nodded as I heard the familiar roar of Ashton's banged-up Jeep. I hear the front door open, and not even a second later, Ashton comes walking into the kitchen.
"Good morning, lovelies!" He announces as he wrapped his arms tightly around me. Ashton is definitely a sight for sore eyes with his sunken brown eyes and raven black hair. He's standing at a good 5'11 feet tall height compared to my 5'7 height.
"Hey, I need oxygen to breathe, you know." He smiled at me before taking a piece of my pancakes. "Thanks for doing this, Ash, and I'm sorry you had to leave Sara all by herself."
"Hey, she's not by herself. Her boyfriend is home with her. And you know I can't say no to you." Sara is Ashton's older sister. I've met her once before when she came to one of Ashton's games.
"I think you guys should get going now," Martha said, making me nod. I stood up to put my plates in the sink. "And Ash, please have her here by 6."
"Sure thing."
We leave the house, and I instantly regret wearing nothing but a hoodie and leggings. It's almost 10. There's no point in going back for a coat. I want to be able to spend time there without feeling rushed.
I give Ashton the address, and he punches it in.
"You know," He glanced at me as we pull onto the highway. "I don't know much about your dad. What was he like?"
I frown slightly as I took a deep breath. "My mom took me away from him when I was 15."
"I know that. You know when I told Sara I was visiting your dad. She was like My! is he handsome?." I let out a small chuckle at his ridiculous effort to copy his sister's voice as I look towards the window. "Then I told her, I'll ask you since you haven't really mentioned it before."
"Of course, he's handsome. How do you think I got this cute?" I flipped my hair, a ghost of a smile lighting my lips. Ashton looked at me from the side of his eyes before shaking his head.
"Mhmm, I'm sure he's cuter than you." I slap his arm, letting out a small laugh. "Hey! No hitting the driver, rule number one."
"Not when the driver is rude." I stuck my tongue out to him.
"You know, Athena. It's okay to talk about him. He'll want you to talk about him, and by you doing that, you are keeping his memory close to your heart." He glances at me for a second before looking back to the road. "You don't have to carry the pain all alone. I'm here for you. Always have, always will be."
"I know, Ash. Thank you." I sigh, and my eyes follow the tress as we drove past. I have never really spoken about him to anyone before except Madison and Ari. I just feel like saying it out makes to more real and I know I ought to have accepted the truth by now, a part of me won't.
"I'm sure he's proud of you, Thea." Ashton said quietly. I passed him a smile as I close my eyes, wanting already for the day to end.
The GPS sounds just as he finished and directs Ash to take the next exit. I glance out the window to see our surroundings, and familiarity runs through me. We aren't far now. We've entered the town they met.
"Thanks for doing this again, Ash." I said as he brought the car to a stop in front of the cemetery.
"No problem, baby girl. I'll wait here. Wave me over if you need me." I nod as I opened the door and step into the light drizzle. I stand there for a second or two, staring down at the grassy hill where my dad is currently sleeping.
Every step I took made my legs feel like a rock as I approached his grave. No matter how many times I tell myself I'll be fine, it feels more like a lie.
Here lies Nathan Christian Brown.
Loving husband and father.
1970-2013.
I felt tears brim at the back of my eyes as I slowly reached out to trail my hand on the words written on his dark and lonely stone. I brushed off the dead leaves that are scattered on the stone before sinking down to my knees.
"Hey, dad." I begin. "How have you been? I hope it hasn't been too cold? I know how much you hate the cold." We never go out on winters except it's really important. He normally complains about how much the cold freezes his insides. During the winter, he wraps himself up like a burrito cursing profusely under his breath.
A cool breeze sent a shiver down my spine, making me laugh. "I guess it's a little cold then." I bite my lower lip, and I looked down at the grass, feeling it thread through my fingers. "I miss you so much, dad. Putting up with mom has not been easy, and I'm trying to be the strong girl you think I am. But I don't know if I can do it anymore. I don't even know how I feel. I'm not sure if I'm strong enough to hold the pain any longer. I'm getting tired of everything."
My body raked with heavy sobs as I poured my mind out. The wind slightly picks up, making goosebumps rise on my skin. I shiver and pull my light sweatshirt tighter around my body to provide even a bit of warmth.
"Do you always enjoy crying in public places?"
I nearly jump out of my skin at his sudden voice. I snapped my head to the side. Aiden was leaning against a tree not too far from where I am.
"What are you doing here?" He rolled his eyes before texting away on his phone.
"Like I said, this is a public place."
"Yeah. Because people just wake up one morning and be like Ohh, I wanna take a walk to the cemetery." He stood there like I didn't even say anything. "Hello! Privacy, please."
"I'm not disturbing, am I?" Ashton ran to me, his breaths deep and heavy. For someone who plays sports, he's very lazy.
"Is everything okay, Ash?" I asked as I stood up to my feet.
"Yeah, yeah. But I have to go."
"What? But--"
"I know. I totally forgot I had a shift at Tim's today. They can't find someone. I'm so sorry, baby girl." He looked at Aiden before looking back at me. I needed no one to tell me what was going on in his head. I shook my head as I mouthed no to him.
But like always, he ignored me as he faced Aiden. "Hey, dude! Can you drop her off at Tim's when she's done here, please?"
"Sure, why not?"
"Sweet! Thank you." Ashton hugged me. "I'm so sorry, baby girl."
I watched as he ran off to the car and zoomed away, leaving me with the arrogant boy that never fails to annoy me.
Oh, joy!
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