บท 37: Dawn

Zhang Wuji slid down the door to a seated position. He kept staring at the packet. 'Right, I'm just a nobody to Wang Bao.'

'And I was smug about jumping a few levels. It doesn't matter how high an insect jumps, it will get squished under someone's foot. That shit for mentor won't help me become an alchemist. Been long since I even read anything. I most probably will be kicked out the sect after three years. But, there's no fucking way I'll do this!'

He got up and was about to kick the packet away. 'Wait! What would he do if I were to say no?'

'Whatever, he won't kill me. He may not be punished but will definitely be kicked out if he were to kill.' He grabbed the packet, intending to throw it away.

'He could get a lackey to do it. Using his family's influence, saving a lackey wouldn't be tough.'

'Why the fuck would he use all his influence for a nobody? I'm overthinking. But it's best not to throw it away. I'll go and politely refuse. Better safe than sorry right?'

He kept it in his pocket and entered the room. He slammed the door shut, put the packet on the table and sat down on the bed staring at it.

'I'll most probably be back to being bullied after this. He might torture me to an inch from death, cut my tendons, make me incapable of cultivation, maybe even harm my family and friends.'

'Maybe I should- no no no, no way I could do something like that. I won't be able to live with myself after that. I'll, I'll figure something out.'

'He must've thought of this sick game when I beat up Han Bao. It's better to stay away from such sick bastards. It doesn't matter what happens, fuck him. I'm not gonna do this.' He lay on the bed intending to sleep for the day.

'Me doing it or not doesn't effect him anyway. But doing it would give me a place to stand in this world. Not doing it would anger the sick bastard. The choice is quite obvious.'

'What the fuck is wrong with me?! No this can't go on like this otherwise I'm afraid I'll accept the task.' He got up and went out for a walk to clear his head.

He walked in the direction of the target grounds. Beating them up would be the best way to calm his thoughts.

'But not accepting it would mean I would be in danger. It should be fine then right?'

Wan Lin's disgust filled eyes flashed in his mind.

'Where was he when I was in trouble? I was the one that didn't tell him. But what could he have done? Nothing! If this thing lands me in trouble, he'll do the same and this time I'll be done for.'

'Fuck! I've only been thinking of myself! What about the girl? I can't ruin the girl's life!'

'If not me, someone else would do it. Wang Bao must've done something like this multiple times. I'm just a tool. A tool can't be faulted with anything.'

'What the fuck am I thinking?! I can't believe I'm even considering doing it!'

'I deserve to be happy too. This happens in the world. If not me, someone else would do it. This is my ticket to the true world of cultivation. If things go the way they are, I might just be kicked out of the sect and my cultivation life would be over. This is a world ruled by strength. If I don't want something like this happening to me, I should get strong as soon as possible.' He slapped his head repeatedly as if to knock the thought out. Various thoughts kept assaulting him on the way.

He reached his usual dummy unknowingly. He practised for a bit, but his mind was completely lost in thoughts. Not long later he felt mentally exhausted and decided to go back.

He was breathless, eyes bloodshot. His head hurt. He felt as if the whole body was rejecting him. With a sudden burst of emotions he punched the ground.

'Why!! Why should I suffer for some random girl! It's not like I would change her fate by declining! Fuck!!'

'Please stop it please please just stop.' He held his head and struggled like a fish taken out of water. He kept begging, with tears in his eyes, but, no one was listened to him.

He felt more and more uncomfortable. His clothes above his chest were soaked with blood, but he didn't stop scratching. He felt like he would suffocate if he didn't dig the thing out.

Sometimes he would beat his head to the ground out of agony, sometimes with his fists with anger. But whatever he did, he still remained caged.

Finally he collapsed from fatigue. He stared at the moon, helpless. A long time passed. He had unknowingly slept on the road. He shivered and was woken up by the cold wind. From in between the trees, he could see the red horizon. He slowly sat up. He felt weak. His head and chest had long stopped bleeding. He stared at his dirt filled palms for a moment before intending to go back to his room.

He put strength in his arms, lifted his butt off the ground and looked up. The sun was rising. Everything else faded as the sun from being a small arc above the horizon, became half a disk and then a full orange-ish red warm ball of light.

As he felt the warm rays on him, Zhang Wuji broke down in tears. He bawled loudly. He let it all out. Like a wronged child in the warm embrace of it's mother, he let go of all his pain and fears as they flowed out his eyes.

After a while he wiped his tears and got up. He had come to a decision. There was no more conflict within, no more fear, no more guilt, just plain relief and a sense of freedom like never before. It is baffling how binding yourself to a cause could provide such liberation.

He went back to his room, did his daily cultivation, took a bath and went straight to one of the training grounds under Wang Bao. It was time to use the token.