บท 105: Self-Loathing
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***
A day ago.
Barbara was headed to the Village of Springvale to carry out a task set by the Village Head.
The request was to send in a healer so naturally, Barbara as the Deaconess had to take part as she was a part of the support class from the Church of Favonius.
Her eyes sparkled with determination when she thought about the people who needed her help.
Unfortunately, she was of no help to the villagers, as Barbara could only heal minor injuries and skin issues, not actual illnesses.
No one in this world could heal illnesses with magic or spells. It was simply impossible.
The only way to help them would be to make medicine or be skilled enough in alchemy.
But alchemy masters were rare, and the Chief Alchemist Albedo, the Alchemist prodigy was currently unavailable as he went on an excursion to Dragonspine, and they weren't notified of his location.
As for making the medicine, no one knew what to do or how prepare it. It appeared to be a new illness never before seen.
There were no instructions that would save them.
They were...left for dead.
The request didn't specify what the villagers needed so Barbara dejectedly returned back to Mondstadt, blaming herself for being useless once again.
The Acting Grand Master Jean, her sister, told her not to worry about it, but her words weren't taken as encouragement, but discouragement instead.
They always were.
Once again, the inferior sister was unable to prove herself.
Unable to help anyone.
Locked in her own shell of depression, while everyone depended on her older sister instead.
Her older sister was stronger than her.
Better at swordplay than her.
Taller than her.
She was everything Barbara wasn't, and everything she strived to be.
She was...
More beautiful than her.
More dependable than her.
More charismatic than her.
More famous than her.
More.
More..
More...
...
..
.
What did she have that her sister didn't? What was it that she needed to do in order to feel like she was still alive?
To feel like she was actually worth something?
Even if you compared their Visions, Jean's Vision could heal a whole area of Knights in seconds while Barbara could only heal about four people at the same time, and she was supposed to be the healer, the supportive class.
She had nothing. Not a single thing she was superior at. Even if it came to simple things like spreading butter over a loaf of bread, she wasn't better.
(Pathetic, useless, inferior version.)
Barbara repeated those words in her mind whenever she went to sleep, whenever she woke up early in the morning, whenever she didn't manage to accomplish something...
Boiling with hateful emotions, every day when she woke up, Barbara was putting on a happy expression as a facade.
She swore to herself that she would only feel depressed for about thirty seconds before switching back to her happy persona, but that plan was already failing.
She stared at the mirror, trying to adjust her mouth and cheeks to form a smile, or a happy expression with her fingers as if she was an emotionless machine.
She was an "Idol" after all... She had to smile!
It was only natural! If people saw her with an emotionless expression, she would lose the only thing she had going for her, the whole "Idol" thing she read about ages ago.
(Disgusting. I hate you. I hope you die soon.)
She cursed in her mind as she looked at her pathetic reflection in the mirror.
And the day after she returned home yesterday, her terrible wish might have been fulfilled...
Not long after she woke up, Barbara suddenly collapsed...
***
"...I was the one talking to her yesterday. She seemed healthy, although she was obviously disappointed as she was not able to help those villagers, and yet─"
Jean looked down while biting her lip. Tears slowly welling up in her eyes.
"She collapsed..."
Jean knew that as the youngest child, Barbara had it the worst.
Their parents divorced when they were young and each of them took an heir for themselves.
One for the Knights of Favonius and one for the Church.
At that age, especially that young, it was really stressful to see your parents hate each other and then separate.
She wanted to take care of her little sister better, but they barely met each other when they were younger, and now, loads of work and other things were hindering Jean from even approaching her.
Not to mention that Barbara was actively avoiding her lately and always used excuses to make sure the two of them wouldn't be able to meet up.
Both of them lived in a completely different world.
One had dedicated her entire life to protecting Mondstadt, the other dedicated herself to praying to Archon Barbatos as his current followers were rapidly decreasing and so did his power.
Soon he might be even forgotten...
Right now, Jean hoped her little sister would be cured.
She placed all of her hopes on Lumine and Yomite, maybe even on Barbatos, who recently went missing.
If her sister was to succumb to this disease, she would be without a doubt stricken with terrible grief.
Unfortunately, although Jean was holding such high hopes towards Yomite, despite having memory of previous life, his knowledge of Illnesses was fundamentally shallow despite how vast it was when it came to novels and plenty of other things.
(I am not a doctor... But seeing her pleading eyes...I will do my best...)
It was completely unknown just how useful he would be.
Maybe he could use his Tempus of the Story ability to know the answer, or see her status with Tempus of the Heart...
There was still a chance.
(It'll be disappointing if I won't be able to help...But then again, maybe Lumine would be able to do something about it instead. She has plenty of cheats after all.)
Yomite was shaken by the running of the lizard-like creature he was sitting on, with his hands clinging onto Jean's sides, while Lumine whom they took with them, sat behind him.
It was a bit cramped, and it wasn't a horse but he still enjoyed the ride a lot.
(This is a new world...there might be different kinds of illnesses, bacteria, viruses... I honestly don't know if I can be of help...)
If Barbara was really infected with a contagious disease, Yomite would be unable to meet with Hu Tao, Iris, Fischl and the others until the disease's incubation period had passed.
That time would take more than a week.
Hu Tao would be alone for quite a while...
(Heck, why am I thinking of her at times like these... It's not like she didn't do her business while staying alone for the past who knows how many years. She pisses me off...Why did she have to act so stuck up...)
Despite what he was thinking, Yomite spent the most time with her out of everyone in this world and was concerned about her well-being.
He really valued this connection but wasn't yet sure if he wanted to expand it into something more... Something like being lovers.
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