บท 8: Chapter Eight
"Corbin, help me out. Do you want me to come to bed with you, or if you want I can set up the cot next to the bed here. I just...I don't know what to do. And I don't want to make things worse by scaring you."
Corbin held out his arms to him in silent gesture and Ivan went to him with no more hesitation.
"You came for me." Ivan would have missed it had Corbin's face not been pressed so close to his ear.
"I told you I wasn't going to leave you to the wolves. I'm sorry I didn't get there sooner, baby."
Corbin shook his head as he began to sob. He cried for over an hour before he finally began to settle. "How can you stand to touch me now? Now that you know what I am. What I've always been. What I was always taught to be. How can you stand me? How can you look at me the same?"
Ivan sat up, his weight propped up against his elbow. He padded away the tracks of tears on Corbin's face. "Because I love you, Corbin. I've always told you that whatever it is in your past wouldn't make me turn away from you. And it won't."
"But when they...today...when they...I got hard. Th-they made m-m-me c-c-come. How can you not feel like I betrayed you? How can you not be disgusted with me?" Corbin hid his face against Ivan's chest.
Ivan wrapped his arms around him once again. "Because I love you, baby. And what they did wasn't your fault. Not when you were a kid. Not today. Your body doesn't understand your mind doesn't want it. It responds only to the stimuli of it. It's natural. It doesn't mean you wanted it. It doesn't mean you liked it. It certainly doesn't mean that I think you did me wrong."
Corbin couldn't answer through his silent wails as he clutched onto Ivan as if for dear life.
"Corbin..." He paused. He couldn't tell him yet. "I love you," he said instead. "And I'll do whatever it takes to prove to you that I'm not going anywhere. That I love you just as much right now as I did this morning when we woke up. Baby, I'm not going to leave you. And one day, baby, one day you'll tell me about it all. And I'll listen undivided. And I'll love you. No matter what, I love you."
"I love you, too, Ivan. I need you. I can't do this alone. I can't relive this alone. I'm scared, Ivan, I'm so scared. Help me, baby, please, help me."
Ivan held him closer still, tightening his grip as tight as he could without hurting his bruised ribs. "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere, Cory."
"Promise?"
"God, Corbin, I swear, baby, I swear. I'm right here."
It was two days later that Ivan approached Corbin. He could no longer keep it to himself. "Cor...I need to talk to you. I can't in good conscience keep it from you anymore."
"Wh-what is it?" They had been watching television after dinner. The last two days had been emotionally driven with frequent breakdowns on Corbin's part, the events of him being taken still heavy on his mind.
Ivan turned his face toward him, shut off the T.V. and leaned forward, bracing himself on his knees, lacing his fingers together. "A few days before you were taken...I was doing some digging into the past of each of the victims. The trails were thin, but eventually I was able to connect each of them and you to one man. I was looking at a mug shot of him from the 80's and it struck me...so I did more digging and discovered that Alister Martin had three children. Two from the same woman and one from a different woman. Sean Mathew Martin. Devon Elizabeth Martin. Marcus Jacob Franklin. I found out everything. From your fingerprints I discovered that when you were twenty you changed your identity. When...when you wouldn't tell me...I had to know what I was up against because Goddamn it I had to do something to protect you. I had to be prepared even if you didn't know."
Corbin didn't say anything for a moment before, "Go on, Ivan." His voice was soft, quiet.
"Sam had a couple guys following us. Devon's mug shot came up along with your father's. When she entered the restaurant, they put a tracking device on the car. I knew who she was. I knew she wasn't your wife. That's how I found you. Cory...Devon's dead."
Ivan looked to his right at the sound Corbin made, his eyes watering along with Corbin's as he continued to tell him what happened that day. "When Sam and I entered the bedroom your father was...on top of you...Devon... she was trying get him away from you. He grabbed her when we came in and he...had a gun to her head." Juno jumped between them on the couch, resting her head on Corbin's lap. "I told him to let her go but he just...fired...then we fired. I'm so sorry, Cor." Corbin didn't say anything, he didn't move, he didn't blink. "Corbin..." Ivan reached out a tentative hand, stopping short when Corbin pulled away with a whimper.
"Please don't touch me right now, Ivan." He saw he saw he saw he saw he saw oh God he saw Corbin's breathing became irratic as panic began to set in. It was one thing to know. It was a whole different other thing to see.
"Y-you...you saw...you saw h-h-h-h-him...you saw him...you saw...you saw what I am..." Corbin dragged his eyes upward to Ivan's. He'd never before seen such a look of despair on anyone's face.
"Corbin, baby, no. 'What you are', my love, no." Ivan wanted so badly to reach for him but refrained, clasping his hands tighter to each other.
"How do you still love me, Ivan? I was raised to be a whore. When I was nine, Devon was eleven, and Marc was fourteen, my father put this on us." His hand covered his hip where the tattoo-brand lay hidden under his clothes. "I was groomed from infancy, Ivan...until you it was all I ever knew. By...by the time I was seven I slept with more people than most in a lifetime. I was traded. I was sold for days at a time...or rented, I guess..." Corbin wiped his face and shook his head, his eyes lowering in shame. "How can you love someone like that? How can you look at me and not think I'm as fucking filthy as I am?"
Ivan watched him squirm for a moment, his own eyes spilling over. He sniffled. "Juno, get down." She did and Ivan scooted over. Taking Corbin's hands in his, he kissed each of his palms. Corbin had screwed his eyes shut as relentless sobs shook his frame. "Because...you know what I see when I look at you? Hm?" Corbin opened his eyes and shook his head. "I see you. I see how your smile lights up your face. How it lights up my whole world. I see the spark in you when you talk about something you're passionate about. I see how beautiful you are, inside and outside. I see the man I fell in love with." The look on Corbin's face Ivan felt in his very soul. "Your past, horrible as it was, my love, isn't who you are. Your name isn't who you are."
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