บท 19: Dean Thomas | No Matter What
We broke up because he wants Ginny, and she wants him, too. Now that she's into Harry Potter, he's coming back to me. Hilarious! What am I to him? An exceptionally easy replaceable doll? Not because I love him to the extent that I'll kill a death eater if that's what he wants, does not mean I'll let him play with my heart.
Storming my way into the Great Hall, I saw him talking to Seamus, but then Seamus point me, and Dean's head snapped in my direction. He abruptly stands up from his seat and hurried to my side, following me to a seat next to Neville. I ignored him and didn't even bother glancing up from doing my homework. I can feel his gaze on me boring a hole into my face. Finally, I cannot stand the weight of his stares anymore. Slamming my book close, I glare at him.
"What do you want, Thomas?!" I snapped, sending a heated glare in his direction.
Thomas look around him and let out a defeated sigh upon seeing a couple of stares from the other student. He forces a smile at me, before pushing himself out of the seat and walking out of the Great Hall.
"Aren't you a bit too harsh on him?" I don't want to admit it, but I do feel bad for shouting at Thomas like that. I want to settle things with him, but my pride can't accept that fact. Letting out a sigh and facing Seamus, I grab my quill once again.
"Things are like this between us, because he chose to cheat on me."
"And he had shown you how much he regretted it. He wants you back!" I clench my fists at the clear anger in his tone.
"Don't you know that breaking a girl's heart, can never be mended by just going back to her and saying sorry? No one can blame me for acting this way! He had started it. Do you expect me to just forget how easily he tosses me aside after he set eyes on Ginny?! When all this time, it was me who stayed by his side."
Seamus tried to speak up but then chose to just shake his head and ignore my comment. I frown at him when he muttered something under his breath. Maybe, so I can't hear him, but I still did, and hearing that fact from him, sent a spiral of emotions on me.
"I hope you don't regret everything when he finally gets tired of trying to get you back and find another girl to give his attention to."
But will I truly regret it?
☪
I got the answer the next morning. Right, where I stand, I can see him snogging one of the girls from Ravenclaw, and the pang in my chest was worse than the one I felt when he broke up with me for Ginny. It only means that he wasn't that determined to get me back. Or do I just really give him so much of a hard time that he eventually gets tired of trying?
Tears started streaming down my cheeks. I do regret it now. I just want him back, but my pride gets ahead of me and now, I am losing him again. Who can blame me? It's as if everything is a joke on him and he doesn't take things, seriously. Am I that easy to replace, that if he saw someone he likes he'll leave me, then come back so fast when he didn't get what he wants as if nothing happened at all?!
I hastily wipe the tears from my face and stomp towards the table where my brother is sitting. I didn't mind if Dean saw me or anything.
"Blaise!" My brother looked up at the sound of his name, immediately frowning at the sight of her crying sister.
"The hell are you crying on about?" he exclaimed, standing from his seat which is right beside Draco. Blaise jumps across the table to get to me, and quickly cups my face. "Did someone hit you?!" I sniff, before softly brushing his hand aside, along with the constant shake of my head.
"No one did... But I like to hit someone now." I stated, still wiping my tears messily like a lost child.
"Let me guess... Dean Thomas?" I once again sniff, before nodding my head at him. Knowing that nothing won't happen by confronting my ex-boyfriend, Blaise sighed at the sight of me, before softly drying my tears with his thumb.
"What do you want to do?" Blaise playfully winks at me, and I can't help but stupidly grin at him.
"Can we sneak into the kitchen tonight? I want lots of chocolate. Can we also ask the elves if they can make Butterbeer?" Blaise laughs at my request while nodding his head, on the other hand, Draco was saying something about me having a sweet tooth.
"I still have a lot of chocolate frogs, which I bought on the train on our way here. Would you like some, Depress Baby?" Blaise just laughs at his best friend, while I frown at the dirty blonde Slytherin.
"You should be thankful you have chocolates because I'll surely hit you."
The two boys just snicker at my response. Shaking my head, I chose to sit with them, unconsciously glancing at the Ravenclaw table just in time to see Dean staring at me. I let out a tired sigh, before looking away.
Maybe... Maybe we're truly done.
☪
Like what I planned with Blaise and Draco, I sneak out of the dormitories just to get into the kitchen. The only problem is, that there are no 'We' but only 'I'. Yes! The two hooligans just bailed out, and I was left wandering around the castle unaccompanied. Only the Lumos spell, serves as my light.
The kitchen was directly located under the Great Hall, down the staircase leading to the Hufflepuff Basement. Downstairs, in a broad stone basement corridor, brightly lit and decorated with food-themed paintings, there was a painting of a bowl of fruit hanging on the wall. To get inside the Kitchen, you need to tickle the pear in the painting. It was a trick I learn from the Weasley twins, which I soon taught to Blaise and Draco. The pear would giggle and turn into a large green door handle, revealing the entrance to the Hogwarts kitchens.
The moment I stepped inside the room, his laughs echoes around. Filling not just the spaces, but also something I didn't know had been empty inside my heart. I slowly move forward, not wanting to make any noise.
"Do you think she would like this?" Dean ask, looking down at an elf who nodded at him wilfully.
On Dean's hand is a tray of steaming chocolate cupcakes, along with a glass of... Butterbeer.
"Are you not going to join us, Y/N?" I almost trip on the stair when I heard my name. Biting my lower lip, I finally come out from hiding in the corner, showing myself to Dean and a few house-elves.
They all look at me. Dean particularly. His smile greeted me with warmth. I bit my lower lip once again, trying to stop myself from crying after remembering the image of him with a Ravenclaw student.
"What are you doing here, Dean?" the house elves started going back to their work. A few of them wave at me, before leaving Dean and me alone.
"Here. I made it with the help of the house-elves." I look at him for a moment, before looking down at the tray he was handing me. I contemplate it for a moment, then let out a sigh and accept it.
"What for?" I asked, placing the tray on the table in front of me and sitting down. Dean remained standing for a couple of seconds before finally sitting beside me. He move a bit away, probably so that I won't be the one to do so.
"I just want to. I mean, I know it's your favorite," he answered, smiling at me.
I look at the tray and grab a cupcake. The heat is bearable so I took a bite. A smile forms on my lips as I chew on it. It was delicious. Maybe more than what Mom used to bake when I and Blaise were still kids.
"This isn't bad... So... Why?" I took another bite, looking at Dean who has his face leaning on his hand prop against the table, obviously watching me.
"What you mean why?" he asked, his brows furrowing. I put the cupcake back into the tray, and turn my body to face him properly.
"I mean, what's the point of doing this, Dean? We're done." the smile faded from his lips and he sits straight.
"Why do you ask such a thing? Why? Can't I do anything for you anymore?" I let out a scoff at his question.
"Are you honestly asking me that? Of course, Dean! We're done. We're not together anymore. What part of that don't you get?!" I don't even know why I said all of that, but I know I didn't mean all of them.
"Do you hate me that much to the point that you can't stand being with me? Being around me? To the point that you need to question everything I do." he stands up, staring down at me. I scoff and stand up too. Standing fee inches away from him.
"I don't hate you, Dean. I'm disappointed in you! Disappointed with the fact that you can just throw everything we had for a girl like all our memories were nothing to you. Was your love that easy to change? Was my love not enough for you?"
"Y/N, you know it's not like that."
"Then what is it?! Because If I'm being honest, I don't know anything anymore when it comes to you." Tears are then streaming down my cheeks. Sobs slipped past my lips against my effort to hold them back.
Dean moves closer, his hands cupping my face. I tried to move away, but my eyes met him as he wipe my tears with his thumbs. He leans forward and then kisses my forehead, before wrapping me in a warm embrace. I finally started bawling my eyes out, trying to push him off. His embrace tightened around me.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Y/N. I know it's not enough, but I'm sorry. I don't know how to explain everything, but I never stopped loving you. You might not trust me or even believe me, but I'll wait. No matter how long it takes for you to give me another chance. No matter how long it takes for you to give me another chance. I'll stay! This time till you say you truly don't want me anymore."
I can hear sobs from him. His chest heaving faster than mine. I can feel his arms trembling around me. All I wanted to do that time was to hug him back, but my ego won't let all that happened just be for nothing. All the pain I went through. So, I push him off of me. This time, successfully, and the wall of the resolve I built almost went down in an instant when I saw tears rolling down his cheeks. His begging eyes staring at me.
"How can you lie so easily, Dean? How can you tell me you'll wait when you were just snogging a Ravenclaw student earlier in the Great Hall? Do you really think I'm dumb?"
His brows furrowed in confusion. He tried to get to me, but I step back. He notices so he stops. Probably not wanting to set me off.
"Y/N. I don't know what you're saying, okay? Baby, I swear. I didn't flirt with anyone at all. Not ever since I started trying to get you back."
I wanted to run. Just run away and not deal with him any longer, but deep inside, I know that I can't. Because I fear that if I do so, it will finally end everything. I don't want to end what we have. I just... I just want to make sure everything will be fine this time. It's tiring to get hurt.
"Are you saying I'm a liar now?"
"Y/N, you know that's not what I meant. Baby, please." I feel like anytime now, Dean will be kneeling in front of me.
"Dean-"
"It wasn't him, Y/N. It was me." We turn towards the owner of the voice and see Seamus standing at the end of the stairs. "I asked Hermione to brew me a Polyjuice potion a month ago. I don't know why. I just feel like I'll have a use for it, and I did. I used it this afternoon to help you realize that no matter how painful what happened between you two, you still love him. I don't want any of you two to regret letting go of each other just because you guys are too hurt to understand your feelings."
"I didn't tell you to do anything!" Dean snapped, and rush towards Seamus. I run to him and grab his arms to stop him.
"Seamus, leave before I hex you!" I stated, glaring at Seamus while blocking Dean's way to get to him.
The latter just nodded. Mouthing a soft sorry before finally leaving the room.
"What are you planning to do? Beat your best friend?!" I exclaimed, standing in front of Dean with my arms folded across my chest.
"Yes! I'm losing you again because of him." he tried to walk past him, but before he can, I smack the back of his head. I settle myself down with that even though what I truly wanted was to slap him across his face.
"I might not approve of his way, but Seamus did help me realize just how much I'm scared to truly lose you. And no matter how I want to deny it, I can't. Dean, I still love you. That didn't change. But not because I do, doesn't mean I still trust you. I want you back, and I might be the dumbest person to still do it after everything, but it won't be the same, Dean. And you know that."
Dean step closer, this time, I didn't move away. He brushes loose hair out of my face and hooks it behind my ear, before kissing my forehead. He cups my face, before pulling me in another embrace.
"I know, Y/N. I know. I know you won't trust me the way you do before. You will doubt me every time to feel insecure about our relationship, but it's okay. That's the result of the most stupid choice I've made. But I'll stay. I'll stay no matter what. Because this time, I won't be losing you, Y/N."
He pulled away for a bit. His forehead leans on mine, and our nose touches.
"Can I kiss you, Y/N?" I can't help the smile from forming on my lips at his question. I simply nodded my head, and then I am filled with bliss.
The warmth from his hand is filling my face, and I can feel my chest beating so loud against his body as he presses us closer.
"I love you, Y/N," he muttered in my ears after we pull away from the kiss. I bury my face in his chest...
"I never stop loving you," I muttered under my breath, wrapping my arms around his body as he did to mine.
☪
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