บท 240: State fluctuation

This kitchen quarrel was the most crucial scene in "Like Crazy", not because it connected to the story's ending, but because it encapsulated the film's essence.

In reality, both Jacob and Anna were still deeply in love with each other. Jacob's persistent flights to London and unwavering efforts, facing Sam's affection, he was still striving to get closer to Anna. Anna still felt jealousy, unease, and longing. When Jacob's gift of a bracelet accidentally broke, she was on the brink of collapsing.

Their love burned so fervently, almost consuming all their energy. Even across the Atlantic, they were still striving to bridge the gap. The physical exhaustion gradually transformed into mental fatigue. They had no strength left to quarrel, and they were gradually forgetting their goals and aspirations.

So, what were they really doing?

Would things be simpler if they chose to give up? Anna could establish her life in London with Simon, while Jacob and Sam managed their furniture workshop, fading into obscurity, truly ending it. If they chose to give up, would life become easier? Jacob wouldn't need to constantly shuttle between the two cities, and Anna wouldn't have to desperately plead for a visa. If they chose to give up, would life become smoother? Anna could fully devote herself to her journalism career, scaling heights, and Jacob could focus on designing furniture, expanding his business...

Every ounce of rationality in their minds was shouting at them to give up. They still loved each other deeply, yet they had also started to hate each other.

People often thought that love and hatred were opposing forces, but in a moment of clarity, they realized that they were two sides of the same coin. They intertwined, impossible to distinguish. The deeper the love, the deeper the hatred; the more intense the resentment, the harder the love. When love and hatred had merged into one, what was driving them forward?

This was the theme of "Like Crazy": Anna and Jacob still loved each other deeply, yet they also had companions by their side. So, how should they choose? Love or companionship? Or to put it more accurately, is the essence of love passion or companionship?

This quarrel scene required not only tension and sparks but also intricate emotional changes. Each line and every gaze hid a multitude of emotions. However, in their recent performance, Renly and Felicity clearly hadn't given their best.

Renly clearly understood the difficulty of this scene.

Last time, this scene wasn't done well. Both lead actors hadn't performed well. Their lines and emotions weren't sufficiently in place, merely presenting the surface conflict between the two, failing to convey their inner hesitations, entanglements, and confrontations, let alone the contradiction between love and hatred. This weakened the power of the emotions.

However, this time, Drake had higher expectations for the film. The script's depth had been excavated through prior high-quality filming. The emotions had accumulated sufficiently, reaching the critical point of transformation. Therefore, he naturally anticipated the two actors to deliver even more outstanding performances, to completely ignite all the chemical reactions, and propel the entire film to a new height.

Renly's state wasn't at its best, an unprecedented and unparalleled occurrence.

Renly's grasp of emotions was not finely tuned enough. What was Jacob's true state of mind? Did he and Sam share any emotions beyond being colleagues? Faced with Anna's questioning, was he more guilt-ridden or angrier? In the face of Anna's suspicions, what kind of emotions was he experiencing? Not to mention the intricacies between Anna and Simon later on, and how his mindset changed.

If Renly himself didn't fully understand, how could he possibly portray it?

Up to this point, including all the prior filming of "Like Crazy", Renly had never felt this way. Was this the first time he encountered a bottleneck in his acting? Or could it be said that this wasn't a bottleneck, merely a momentary halt? After all, every actor's state could fluctuate to some degree.

Renly tried to sort out his thoughts but found it wasn't an easy task. His previously well-organized mind seemed to be lost in chaos. "Or perhaps this emotion is exactly how Jacob feels?" Renly thought seriously, but his thoughts remained blocked, utterly inexplicable. This feeling was truly frustrating, and Renly couldn't help but feel irritable.

"Renly, can we talk?" Felicity called out to Renly as he got up. "I'm not feeling well, really not well."

Felicity spoke honestly. In the scene just now, if Renly's performance had some flaws, unsatisfactory but not too terrible, then her performance was utterly disastrous. Her lines were like a wandering soul, her acting stiff and inexplicably bizarre. Not to mention any spiritual depth, she even seemed to have lost her fundamental skills, making her performance unbearable to watch.

Felicity felt that she couldn't sort out such complex emotions. She couldn't empathize with Anna's emotions, let alone resonate with them. Therefore, she needed to talk to Renly. Not only because Renly was her partner, but also because Renly was an exceptional actor, even better than she was.

Renly rubbed his temples involuntarily. "Sure, but... I need to talk to Drake first. If you're willing, we can later." Renly gave a bitter smile. "My mind's a bit foggy right now. A conversation might help clear things up."

"Haha, that's true here too." Felicity laughed. "Then let's go find Drake together."

The two approached the monitor, where Drake was reviewing the scene just now. It must be acknowledged that this scene was still at an average level. Considering Drake's previous standards, it was usable, and it wouldn't pose a problem when projected onto the big screen. However, after the influence and training of this period of high-quality filming, Drake's standards had risen, and he naturally couldn't be satisfied with such a level of performance. He needed more.

"Drake," Renly interrupted Drake's review, directly posing the question, "During this period, nothing happened between Jacob and Sam, right?"

In the past, Renly's words would have carried an unequivocal affirmation, but today they turned into a question. Drake could also sense that Renly was off today, but he didn't inquire further, simply nodding to confirm, "Yes, after Jacob married Anna, he and Sam didn't have any issues." Was this Jacob's story, or Drake's story?

Renly nodded with a profound meaning. So that was why Jacob was so angry, so agitated. But the even more frightening thing was that Jacob realized the bond of trust between him and Anna had been severed. They had begun to doubt and question each other. Behind the arguments was a hidden, even crueler reality.

Jacob knew that even if he convinced Anna, what then? It would only be temporary. A phone call, a glance, a small incident in the future could ignite the suppressed doubts all over again.

"So, did something truly happen between Anna and Simon?" Felicity wasn't too certain. After receiving Drake's affirmative response, Felicity fell silent. Now, she somewhat understood Anna's inner unease and restlessness. It wasn't only because of Jacob and Sam, but also because of her own betrayal. She began questioning herself, agonizing over her choices, and even hating herself, yet she didn't know what she should do.

This reminded her of the dialogue between her and Jacob when he had first come to London. Before he left, they had talked about how he felt like an outsider. This time, she had become an outsider in Jacob's life.

Felicity suddenly fell silent. She could feel the deep despair and pain in Anna's heart. But when had things started going wrong? She tried to recall those clues, to understand the emotional threads that Jacob had initially portrayed. How did Renly interpret and convey them?

Felicity looked up at Renly. "Do you think we're still in love?" The question was oddly phrased. Clearly, Felicity was one of the parties involved. Why would she ask "we"?

However, Renly understood right away. Felicity was inquiring about Jacob and Anna. "Yes, we're still in love, deeply in love." Renly rubbed his temples again. He wished he could light up a cigarette but then realized he was in costume; Jacob didn't carry cigarettes. "But sometimes, love can't solve all problems."

"So, is it the distance?" Felicity asked.

"No. It's just life." Renly answered again, his response carrying a hint of sadness and helplessness. Was Jacob feeling the same way? Renly felt like he was slowly suffocating but couldn't pinpoint what was suppressing him.

He couldn't stay here in this situation any longer. The stifling feeling was unbearable. "Drake, I need five minutes."

After saying that, Renly didn't pay attention to the astonished gazes of the others. He quickly left the small apartment, sprinted down the stairs, and briskly jogged along the street. He continued until he was a street away, finally finding a café. After buying cigarettes there, he lit one and placed it in his mouth, and his emotions started to calm down slightly. Of course, London's brisk fresh air played a role as well.

He needed to breathe in the fresh air.

Lowering his head, he momentarily cleared his mind of all thoughts. The image of Jacob and memories would still surface intermittently, but that choking sensation was fading away, and that was a good thing.

Renly strolled along the street, taking a leisurely walk. What he needed right now was calmness, followed by reflection. He took a deep breath, and the cool and crisp early autumn air brought a sense of relief.

Two figures appeared in his line of sight. They stood outside the apartment building, looking around as if searching for the apartment number. Then, they saw Renly, and Renly saw them. His steps came to a halt, and from a distance of about twenty steps away, he stood still.

However, those two didn't seem to mind. The petite and well-proportioned woman raised her right hand, waving gently with a warm and bright smile on her face. "Long time no see, Renly."