บท 187: Budapest

Observing Hazel's radiant smile, Renly spread his hands, "I think it's more likely that I won't even pass the auditions, then I'll be directly eliminated. And then, you'll sail through, making it all the way to the end, becoming the new American Idol and fulfilling your dream."

Initially, Hazel thought Renly was joking. She giggled heartily, amused. However, she soon caught the focus and earnestness in Renly's gaze. Her smile froze, and for a moment, she stood still. Then, her smile gradually turned bitter, a taste of bitterness rising on her tongue, surging almost uncontrollably. "It's not that simple. I need help even to eat, to walk. How could I possibly travel to "American Idol" and compete?"

"Things are that simple," Renly's voice remained courteous and gentlemanly, yet now it was decisive, leaving no room for argument. This made Hazel suddenly raise her head, her gaze astounded and bewildered. "That's "American Idol"! It's a stage to test your singing. You just need to step onto the stage, sing out loud. No one will care whether you're standing, sitting, or... lying down."

Renly's tone was as teasing as ever, but this time, Hazel didn't laugh. A surge of anger and frustration began to well up within her. She halted herself several times, teetering on the brink of speech, until at this moment, it burst forth, "What do you know? You're not the sick one. You're not the one lying in a hospital bed. You're not the one who even has to expose themselves to nurses while going to the bathroom! You don't understand anything! You can do whatever you want without constraint! You don't understand! You just stand there, condescendingly dispensing your superficial comments, no different from those selfish, arrogant narcissists!"

"I do understand. I understand it all." Renly, however, didn't flinch at all. He looked unwaveringly at Hazel. A powerful force gripped her, leaving her with nowhere to escape. She could only stare at Renly, unblinking.

"I know that when Death's scythe looms over your neck, when even basic survival becomes a luxury, dreams become a useless extravagance, even less valuable than waste. Yet, I also know that if we give up, if we forsake dreams and hope, then everything becomes meaningless. We'd just be dragging on, struggling for mere existence, like walking corpses. We'd merely exist to eat, drink, and excrete. The brain loses its purpose. Essentially, everything narrows down to the basics. A day and a decade cease to differ. So, why not end it all here?"

Renly's words retained their genteel and gentle manner, yet their underlying firmness was like a resounding declaration. Hazel stared at Renly's bright eyes, astonished and immobile. The intense energy that surged from that boundless abyss was so authentic, so urgent, so profound that it penetrated her many layers of armor, striking deep into her most tender core. How could he possibly know? How could he possibly guess her every thought?

The shock was so overwhelming that Hazel remained seated, dazed and speechless. A shiver ran through her soul.

"I also know that in the end, after self-pity, self-abandonment, I'd regret it. I'd regret not at least giving it a try. Even if just a trial." Renly inhaled deeply, his internal emotions almost uncontrollable. At this very moment, he lost control for the first time, because in Hazel, he saw himself, himself from a past life.

He had no idea how much suffering Hazel had endured because ALS was far more terrifying than he could imagine. But he did know that in his previous life, he hadn't even experienced the gradual loss of vitality. He had been sentenced to death early on, and the ending of becoming a high-level paraplegic had mercilessly put a chokehold on his throat, leaving him no chance to struggle. He also knew that Hazel could still fight, strive, and struggle. She still had a chance, and once that chance was missed, it would be gone forever.

"This is your dream. If it's not you who realizes it with your own hands, then who are you praying to for someone else to make it come true? Jesus? Buddha? The Maker? Or your parents?" Renly tightly clenched his fists, forcefully suppressing the surging emotions. He knew it was unfair to Hazel. His words were too self-evident, and they were mixed with too many personal emotions. He didn't have the right to criticize Hazel's life this way.

In the depths of Renly's gaze, Hazel captured a hint of struggling pain. Though fleeting, it quickly disappeared behind her eyelashes, obscured by a thin mist, and was no longer visible. Yet Hazel could clearly feel that profound emotion, seeping into her soul, causing it to tremble profoundly, surging like a tide, so real, so profound.

Unexpectedly, Hazel's eyes brimmed with tears, not just from empathy, but from her own inner resonance. She suddenly realized that, just like Renly couldn't casually judge her, he didn't know what she had actually gone through; and conversely, she didn't know what stories lay hidden behind Renly's reckless behavior. She had never understood, nor was she willing to. But in those few phrases just now, Hazel sensed the fear and vulnerability deep within Renly's heart.

Like herself.

Renly didn't continue speaking; he simply watched Hazel in silence. He saw her hesitation and struggle, her fear and vulnerability, her pain and anger.

He knew it was easier said than done. He had hesitated and struggled for a whole lifetime before realizing in this lifetime that he had to chase his dreams wholeheartedly. And now Hazel, at just fifteen, was even younger than he was when he had been sentenced to death in his previous life, seven years younger. He couldn't demand more from her. Yet, Renly knew that if time could be reversed, he would give everything just to exchange for a chance, not to start over, but for a chance to take the plunge, a chance at a slim hope before it was too late.

He was fortunate to have a second chance, to start anew, but what if Hazel wasn't so lucky? Even more importantly, Hazel's condition hadn't completely deteriorated yet; she still had opportunities. However, the time left for her was running out.

His fingertips danced gently on the strings again, light and joyful, romantic and poetic. The low notes seemed to tap on the eardrums like drumbeats. Golden sunlight, rich coffee, tender grass, vibrant flowers, black and white butterflies, running children... vivid scenes formed in his mind almost unconsciously.

Hazel couldn't help but lift her gaze. Her eyes landed on the faint smile at the corner of Renly's mouth. It was clear and bright, specks of fragmented golden light gently swaying in his eyes. Amidst the cheerful strings, her jumbled thoughts dissipated.

[

My house in Budapest, my

My hidden treasure chest

Golden grand piano

My beautiful castillo

You, ooh, you, ooh

I'd leave it all

]

Renly began to hum softly, his slightly lowered voice carrying a hint of depth, yet it flowed as gracefully and richly as the strings of a cello. In just a few words, he painted the canvas of that exquisite emotion. Hazel couldn't help but slowly close her eyes, envisioning the ancient elegance of Budapest's alleys. Golden pianos, deep red wines, treasure chests aglow with light. She imagined walking silently on the deep brown carpet, with the oil paintings on either side showcasing the owner's artistic taste. The ornate carpets and copper teapots exuded tranquility, and the faint scent of tea mingled with the afternoon sunlight.

All this beauty was beyond belief.

[

My acres of a land

I have achieved

It may be hard for you to

Stop and believe

But for you, ooh, you, ooh

I'd leave it all

And give me one good reason why I should never make a change

And, baby, if you hold me, then all of this will go away

]

The moving melody didn't seem overly complex in arrangement, yet each phrase was as beautiful as poetry, pure to the extreme, simplified to perfection, yet reaching the pinnacle of simplicity. The brisk rhythm caused Hazel's fingers to gently tap her knee, setting the beat. Her body couldn't help but sway lightly, as if she was meandering in a sunlit stream—warm, free, casual, and languid. Her fingertips seemed to touch the rounded curves of pebbles, the gentle lines of flowing water, and the graceful trails of the light breeze.

The world lit up bit by bit, golden sunlight piercing through the vast darkness, slowly, gradually, awakening the exuberant vitality of all life.

[

My many artifacts

The list goes on

If you just say the words, I'll

I'll up and run

Oh, to you, ooh, you, ooh

I'd leave it all

And give me one good reason why I should never make a change

And, baby, if you hold me, then all of this will go away

]

Unable to contain herself, Hazel chuckled lightly. It was as if she saw the long sheepskin scroll piled at Renly's feet, him dressed in vintage French court attire, holding a feather, lightly marking the rare treasures on it. Then, he'd lift his chin slightly, saying with an air of pride, "I'm willing to give up everything." The words were casually spoken but carried an ironclad conviction, tinged with a hint of coquetry and aloofness.

The vivid image was truly amusing. And so, Hazel's lips curved, allowing a smile to gently break through, even spilling into a chuckle. Joyful and content. Her body swayed along with the rhythm, her fingertips and toes unable to contain their restlessness, starting to dance a light jig.

[

My friends and family, they don't understand

They fear they'll lose so much if you take my hand

But for you, ooh, you, ooh

I'd lose it all

And give me one good reason why I should never make a change

And, baby, if you hold me, then all of this will go away

]

Unexpectedly, happiness reached its peak, joy to its utmost, beauty to its zenith. Warm tears brimmed her eyes, but she still didn't open them. She simply allowed those warm tears to trickle down from her tightly closed eyes.

She understood—understood the melody's beckoning, understood the resonance of the lyrics, understood Renly's consolation. In this moment, she truly understood, as if she had touched her own soul. It had been a long time, a really long time.