บท 24: 1. Side-Chapter: Comedic veggies (slightly R-18)
(A/N: This chapter is non-canon including the Fan-Fic and the original manga. You could skip it and nothing will happen. But if you stick around. I am trying to make a funny chapter)
When I was 12 years old. I suddenly had the idea from multiple Japanese novels, I read in the past. In those novels, they would say that the meat and veggies have mana in them so they taste better than than the veggies on earth.
Me being the utterly stupid Saiyan that I am. I thought that it would be a good idea to try it out. So, I prepared ingredients for a feast knowing full well that I had never even tried doing it prior to today. Ki being the life-force it is. When I infused them in the food, I encountered a nightmare that even a Saiyan could not solve.
---Flashback---
I was happily thinking myself of the feast that I was preparing. Drool was flowing out of my mouth that I was occasionally cleaning with my sleeves. I started to pump Ki into the food. More the Ki, the better the taste right. Thinking of that, I went my human Oozaru form. Then I pumped my whole Ki reserves into the food, leaving me exhausted.
The fucking veggies and the other ingredient came to life and gained sentience. When I saw that I was dumbfounded. They taking the chance of my stupor fled the mansion scattering everywhere. I being the good samaritan that I am, didn't do anything and went to my room and turned on the news. It was pure chaos outside.
---Our OG protagonist from the series---
Midoriya was tasked by his mother for the first time to buy groceries for the house. He went into local store bought some veggies, eggs and meat. When he came back home, he happily put the groceries on the table and thought that he should prepare the food for his mother today.
As he lifted the cucumber and was preparing to chop it. It suddenly developed eyes, mouth and limbs. Being the pussy he is, he dropped the cucumber to the floor too afraid.
"What happened!! Eat me, Eat me bitch, come at this daddy!!" Uwaah, Sooooorrrryy". The veggie peeled at Midoriya challenging him to eat it. Midoriya being the coward started to apologise to the cucumber. He was doing Dogeza in front of the veggie and apologising while the veggie had its leg on Midoriya's head still repeating the same words gangster style.
---Scene change---
One young lady in her 20s was frustrated from last night's shift and had just came home. She couldn't find her toys to relieve the stress and thought to improvise. She picked up a corn from her groceries and looked at it with lust while panting.
The corn understanding the situation didn't do anything and waited like good boy waiting for its reward from the owner. The girl undressed and sat on her bed with her legs spread. Ready for the pleasurable deed.
The Girl inserted the corn slowly feeling the bumps. She was about to moan but suddenly a voice startled her. "Mamma Mia, Girl that's some tastes you got there. I like that, want me vibrate with tongue out. I will show you to the ninth heaven!" Hearing that sudden voice, she immediately dropped the corn on the bed and fled the room. Shouting " GHOST ".
Girl, This senõr ain't no ghost. I am but a Man of Culture, helping a young girl with her problems". The corn said with a straight face and a helpless voice.
--- Scene Break---
One young handsome ikemen was going through the supermarket buying veggies for his dinner that he was going to prepare for his Girlfriend. As he picked up a radish. He heard a voice just come to it.
"Junior, You don't know the immensity of heaven and earth. How dare you not pick this exalted immortal for the delicacy that you are going to prepare. I will show your Nine Generations what it means to ignore my words!" The radish had a sagely appearance with a moustache falling to the sides of its supposed face. It had the make belief appearance of an elder from those xianxia novels. It was yelling at the Ikemen with a red tint to it body.
The Ikemen picked up the radish and gave it a yank. He struck the radish on the side of the basket full of veggies. The radish knowing that it fucked up, started pleading like the typical Xianxia characters.
" Please senior, Spare me. This junior looked at your exalted self and couldn't see mt Tai. Please spare me". Seeing this a crowd formed near the young man and people started muttering to each other. Seeing all this the young man hurriedly fled the scene.
---Scene break---
Coffee beans were moving on the road in a military formation.
"Squad, today our mission is to enter that café and make sure that we get prepared into delicious coffee for the masses!!" "Yes, Sir!!" The captain yelled followed by the other beans.
The beans then hurriedly went into the café. " Attention civilians, we are here to be made into delicious coffee for you all!!" The captain bean yelled, which got the attention of everyone there. People seeing the beans got scared out of their wits and fled the café.
What is the problem? we just wanna get made into delicious coffee. Why don't you people understand us?" The captain yelled at people in sorrow and dropped on its kneed on sorrow.
---Flashback end---
That day was an utter carnage in Japan. That day was recorded as the biggest terrorist attack in the history of the world.
Many vegans changed and went into eating more meat than veggies.
(A/N: No offense to anyone. This was my first time trying something like this. Let me know, how you find this attempt. This was my first and last time doing this. If I do get demanded, I might do another comedy scene but thats it. Thank you)
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