บท 13: Chapter 13
BELLA P.O.V
The week following our breakup was the hardest thing I've ever done. Trying to get an essay and a book finished while also trying to not break down, was hard. So on Thursday, when my afternoon class got canceled, I called Charlie to see if I could come home for the weekend. I didn't tell him that we broke up, Billy did. Said Jacob hadn't left his room in days and he was worried about him. So I figured I could go home and see if he wanted to talk. I also decided that the month of September sucked. It was the worst month out of all of them.
I asked Embry if he wanted to come with before I bought a bus ticket. He said he didn't want to because if he did, he would be forced to run patrol and he was liking his new found freedom.
So, I bought myself a bus ticket and made the hour of trip, on a bus. I was exhausted and my butt hurt by the time I got home. Charlie picked me up from the bus stop.
"How are you doing?" He asked. I shrugged. I was keeping my grades up which I was thankful for. I didn't want them to start slipping this early in the semester. "Are you gonna go see Jake?"
"Probably. See if he wants to talk. Work things out." I answered. I was hoping that he would want to talk. I wasn't sure if he would kick me out.
"Just eat something first and then you can go." He commented. "Maybe you should call over there first and see if he's even home." I shrugged.
"What if I call and then he leaves because he doesn't want to talk to me?" I had tried to call him a few times since we broke up and he would either answer and have simple small talk or he would answer and then right away hang up so I couldn't even leave a voicemail.
"I guess you have a point." He said as he pulled up outside the house and quickly got out to grab my bag. I went inside and got myself something to eat. I really didn't want to eat but forced it down so Charlie wouldn't think that I was neglecting myself. I quickly ate before grabbing the keys to my truck off the hook. "Be safe." He called after me as I left. I drove over to Jakes. His car was parked outside the garage so there was a chance he was here. Unless he was out with the pack. I parked the truck before getting out and quickly heading up the steps before the rain could start. I knocked and waited. I could see Billy through the window as he came to the door.
"Hello, Bella." He greeted me.
"Hi, Billy." I gave him a small smile. "Is he here?" I asked softly. He seemed to hesitate before giving me an answer. "I just wanna talk to him." I confirmed.
"He's in his room." He answered moving away from the door so I could come inside and move own the hall. I knocked on Jake's door hoping that he wouldn't get mad that I came here without calling.
"Yeah?" I heard him call from the other side.
"Um. It's Bella. Can I come in?" I hadn't prepared myself to see his room. That was the first place we ever had sex and I wasn't sure how it was going to affect me when I saw it. The door swung open before I could prepare myself any further. He stood in the doorway blocking my view to his bedroom. He moved towards me, making me step back and he closed the door behind him. I looked at him, he looked almost angry but I couldn't place the look on his face.
"What are you doing here?" He asked. It made me nervous and I started playing with my fingers. "Well?"
"I just figured we could talk."
"You could have called." He answered moving around the kitchen. I watched him but kept my distance. It was difficult standing here looking at him.
"You don't answer my calls." I answered softly.
"Hows college?" He changed the subject.
"Fine. Busy." I shrugged. I wasn't really her to make small talk. I wanted to see where his head was at. I watched to see if he would have reaction and he didn't. "How has it been here?" I asked.
"Fine." He answered looking through the fridge.
"I'm sorry." I blurted all of a sudden. I hated thinking that he was mad at me. I just wanted everything to be back to normal. I wanted to be his girlfriend again. Then the fear of him imprinting creeped into my mind. I used to be the only girl he noticed when we went out somewhere. His eyes were always on me. Now I wasn't sure if he was out looking at others.
"For what?"
"Being so busy that I couldn't contact you. I should have made time. Or at least texted you to say I was going to be busy for a certain amount of time and you could call after. I just, I don't want to lose you." We both knew how difficult this long distance thing was going to be. It was hard when you spend every single day with someone and then suddenly your contact is limited to phone calls every so often. "I'll be better. I'll make better choices."
"It's not about making better choices!" He raised his voice. I shied away a little looking down at the floor. "This is about you not making me a priority."
"I know. I'm trying, Jacob. The first few weeks are difficult. I'm handling things better now." I rushed trying not to get emotional over the fact that he was upset with me and he thought that he was second best in my life. Yes, school was important but Jacob was the most important thing to me. More than anyone or anything. I could see how angry he was. He was slightly shaking and his face was red. We should probably stop this conversation before it got out of control and we both said things to hurt each other.
"You've always been good at balancing school, a job and a boyfriend. How come suddenly you can't balance it all?" The anger was still dripping in his voice.
"College is much harder than high school. It's a lot harder being away from you. Not being able to see you. I can't just drive down here and see you." I shook my head. "If I'm not making you that's fine but you make me happy. I just want to be with you. I'll take classes online. I'll move to community college in Port Angeles or something. I'll do whatever I have to." I begged.
"I don't want you to change schools for me. Unless you're not enjoying yourself." He commented. "I'm just being selfish." He sighed. I understood where he was coming from. I wanted things to just go back to normal. But I also didn't want to be one of those couples who broke up and got back together all the time. So if he needed space, I would give him space.
"If you need space that's fine. We can be friends until you're ready." We were both so young and we had plenty of time to decide what we wanted. If now wasn't the time, then I would wait. I was fine being just friends if that's what he needed. But I needed to be his friend. I needed him in my life. When he didn't respond, I stepped towards the front door. "I should get going." I whispered. I looked up at him. He didn't making any moves to stop me. "Do you want me to leave you alone?" I asked. As much as it would kill me, I would do anything to make him happy.
"No." He answered. "Maybe just some space." I nodded. "Are you home all weekend? Maybe we could hang out tomorrow? If you wanted."
"Sure." I answered. "Call me tomorrow." I answered. I turned to walk down the hallway. "Bye, Billy." I called into the living room.
"Bye, Bella. Good to see you. Drive safe." He answered. I'm sure he was relieved that we weren't screaming at each other. Although I did see a few broken kitchen chairs out near the garage when I pulled in. It was raining pretty heavily on my way home. I felt okay about our talk but knew that he was going to take a while for us to be okay again. I wasn't expect him to call tomorrow.
When I got home Charlie was on the couch. Usually Billy would call and tell him when I left their house so I'm sure he was expecting me.
"Hey." I said. "I'm still hungry. Can we order something?" I asked.
"Sure. What do you want?" He asked.
"Pizza's fine." I answered sitting down. "He said he wanted space. So I guess we're still broken up." I sighed. I didn't have big expectations when I came home this weekend. "But he does wanna hang out tomorrow so I guess that's progress." I answered.
"Does he look okay?" I shrugged. Nothing seemed to have changed besides his hair. He got a haircut.
"He looks fine." I'm sure he was handling this a lot better than I was. I felt like I was falling apart. With Edward things were much different. I never saw him again. With Jacob. I couldn't even explain. He was the first person I had sex with. I had been intimate with him. I had trusted him with my entire being. Enough to get naked with him and to give him everything I had.
Charlie got up and grabbed a menu for me to pick what I wanted. He got pizza, some fries and some chicken fingers. I went off to shower while he waited for the food. I changed into pj's before joining him in the living room. He was watching a football game. I didn't understand football at all but it kept him entertained.
When the food came he got up to get it before coming back. I sat on the floor in front of the table with Daisy pretty much in my face as I ate. Once I was full, I headed up to my room to do more reading for a class. Charlie came in not too long later to say good night.
But still, even being back in my comfortable bed, I had trouble sleeping.
*JACOB P.O.V*
I was an idiot. I had to be right? Lost the girl who I was totally in love with. Well I didn't lose her, she still very much wanted to be in a relationship with me. But I did feel like we both needed space. She had a lot going on with college and I had a lot going on with the pack and with work.
"She seems like she wants to get back together." Dad commented when he came into the kitchen after she left.
"She has enough going on without me being a distraction." I commented. I wanted her to do well and school and get an education and get a good job.
"You're not a distraction." He commented. I shrugged. I really wasn't in the mood to talk about it. For once I just wanted people to leave me alone about it. Sam was on top of me about it. Obviously seeing everything in my mind. "You're young. You're in a phase of we only care about each other. We're going to be together forever. You're 17, Jake."
"I don't want to talk about it anymore." I huffed before getting up. I hated talking about it. I decided to head out and go for a run. Hopefully no one would be out. I'm sure someone was hanging around waiting for a call but I just wanted to be alone. I phased once I got into the woods. At first it was silent. Not a single voice was in my head.
Then Quil popped in.
"Hey man" I heard in my head. "How are things?" I sighed. Of course they all knew everything that was going on in the pack. Nothing was ever private.
"I'm fine." I answered back showing him the conversation I had with Bella. We both needed time to decide what we needed and wanted. I of course wanted nothing more than to be with her. But I did want some space. Mostly I wanted her to get everything settled before we jumped back into a relationship. We would figure it out. We always did.
I ran with Quil for another hour before heading home. I took a shower. I mostly just stood under the water. I finally stepped out and dried myself before heading to my room. I was actually really thankful that I didn't let her into my room. I didn't want it to smell like her. I put on a pair of boxers before laying down. I stared up at the ceiling. I was awake all night worried about seeing her again tomorrow. But I knew I needed to see her. I still wanted her in my life.
*BELLA P.O.V*
The next morning I was up around 9. Charlie was already off at work. I made my way to the kitchen and made myself a bowl of cereal. Once I was finished eating I cleaned my bowl. I went to get dressed and then did my homework while I waited for Jake to call.
I got two assignments done before I got up to make myself some lunch. I was starting to think Jake wasn't going to call. I mean he had to be awake by now right? I waited around for what felt like hours. I read. I researched community colleges. I cleaned up the kitchen. I did some laundry. I gave up when Charlie pulled in the driveway after his shift.
"Hey."
"Hey." I smiled. I hadn't made dinner but he didn't seem too upset about it.
"What happened to hanging out with Jake?" He asked.
"He never called." I wanted to give him the space that he asked for. I wanted him to come to me on his terms. I didn't want to nag him and get him annoyed and drive him further away. "I didn't make dinner. I'm sorry."
"Don't worry about it. Sue is coming over with dinner. She heard you were home and wanted to make you a meal."
"Oh. That's nice of her." I commented. "How are things with her?" I asked. I knew that they were both going through things right now. Both of their daughters left. Sue's husband died. They were leaning on each other for support. I'm glad he has someone.
"Fine." Charlie of course wasn't going to give me any details because I never gave him any details.
"Are you two official?" I asked. He right away turned red. I just wanted to make sure that he was being taken care of. That him and Sue could lean on each other in their time of need. I'm sure he was hoping for the same for me and Jake. He stumbled over his words a little.
"I don't-" He stuttered. "I don't know what we are." He finally answered.
"Have you discussed it?" I asked. I wanted to know. Someone should be happy around here.
"No. We haven't. I thought it might be too soon." He shrugged. The doorbell rang and he rushed off to get it. I was almost hoping that it was Jake but knew it was Sue as soon as I heard Seth's voice.
"Hey, Seth!" I smiled at him.
"Hey, Bella." He smiled back at me. "How are you doing?"
"Good. How are you?" I asked.
"Good. Same old same old." I knew what he meant. Running around the woods waiting to catch a vampire. Seth always loved the chase. From what Jacob told me. But he always seemed like he enjoyed being a werewolf. The other hated it. "Heard about you and Jake. I'm sorry."
"Did he say anything?"
"Not really. Just said he was hurt that you didn't talk as often." It was hurting on both ends. I knew that it was hurting him a lot more. I was busy and was distracted. He had nothing else going on.
"He asked to hang out today but he never called." I commented.
"Why don't you call him?" He asked.
"Don't wanna be the annoying ex-girlfriend." I answered as Sue and Charlie came into the kitchen. She was holding a crockpot and he was holding a tray. I grabbed plated while Sue and Charlie set everything down. I grabbed forks and knives for everyone and we all sat down at the table together.
I was just about to finish eating when the front door opened. Charlie jumped up first with Seth right behind him. Jacob came walking into the kitchen.
"Jacob, son, I almost shot you."
"I knocked." He said. "Then I figured I would let myself in." He shrugged. Seth sat back down before Jacob's eyes landed on me. "Hey, Bells." He smiled a little.
"Hey, Jake."
"Walk with me?" He asked. I right away stood up and put my plate in the sink before heading out of the kitchen. I followed him down the street to the spot where we looked at the stars. "I want you to know I do love you. And I do want to be with you." He started. "More than anything." I nodded. I knew he loved me. "But I want to make sure that I'm not a distraction for you. And maybe I overreacted. I know you're busy. I know how important school is. All I ask is that you let me know when you're gonna be busy. Not hearing from you sucks. It's hard being here without you. Not knowing if you're okay."
"I'll make sure I reach out more. Anyway I can. Emails. Letters. Phone calls. Texts. Fuck I'll send a bird!" He seemed shocked by words. I rarely swore.
"A phone call would be fine." He smiled at me. "A bird would be cool though."
"I know how hard this is. And I'm sorry." I commented to him. "I'm so sorry I haven't made the effort." I looked at him.
"It's not your fault. I know this." He said grabbing my hand. "I want to be together. I'll even start helping with your homework." He smiled. I shook my head smiling. "We knew it was going to be hard. I just have to try harder." I nodded leaning into him.
"I missed you." I wrapped my arms around him. He wrapped his arms around me, holding me tight. "I love you." I kissed his chest. I never ever wanted to break up again. I wouldn't be able to handle it.
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