บท 9: 'Beautiful'
In a palace Soojin was disrobed, she was being adorned with silk.
Not a fabric in her eyes, more so of a commodity.
Silk, shimmery golden, reflecting the rays of light that bounced off of its hem.
Tightened over her torso, so tight that she could pass out from all the blood pooling in her lower body.
The corset had been hand stitched by the Royal Tailor who'd even stitched Soojin's Red Wedding Hanbok.
The fit of the dress was marvellous, if she could say so herself.
You know that feeling of detachment one has, to things they're given for the very first time and told it's theirs?
That's how she felt in the dress.
You could embellish her in Rhinestones, White Pearls from China, a Diamond studded Crown, the finest Silk from the lands of India and yet she'd stare back at a reflection, foreign to her.
Surely, living a life in deprivation for a majority of her time had nudged her in the wrong ways.
Hell, it had even roughened her up to the Tyrannous world she was forced to live in, from the minute she caught her first breath.
She hated Patriarchy.
She hated the smirk that adorned Min Yun Ki's face whenever his devious eyes fell on her, that made her feel so little and insignificant.
She hated how men scrambled at the shift of his fingers, ready to lay down their lives for a man who barely knew them.
She hated how women would step up and bestow themselves at his two feet, just for him to fondle and cherish them until their bodies gave up or he grew bored of them.
She hated how he he'd hold her hand in the courtroom, before the star studded eyes of the poor commoners, who were clearly being fooled.
She hated how he'd shove her around like an object, pull her in by the waist, dig his sinister fingers around the expanse of her arms, proving to the world that she was his and no one else's.
She hated how her heart raced and her legs trembled when he'd corner her in his chamber, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear as he'd lean in and spew words minced with crudeness and vulgarity that'd have her insides churning in anticipation.
She hated how she'd end up turning into mere putty in his manly hands that'd mould her in ways she never knew her body could be sculpted.
She hated how he'd boast of setting fire to her insides yet walked away from her, respecting her territories just as she'd enter a foreign reign where she was willing to forsake her ideals just for the caress of his pebbled fingertips over regions she'd fondled at the thought of his Twin, who looked just like him but rained down generosity and chivalry.
Lastly, she hated how she was starting to believe there was no way to revive humanity in the cold and stone hearted King she'd married out of pure compulsion, Min Yun Ki.
"You look beautiful, Madam." One maidservant spoke out as she placed a final touch of rouge over Soojin's perched up cheeks.
Soojin however, could only stare back at herself, starting to lose what was left of her identity.
'Beautiful' a word she'd heard plenty of times.
Not in ways one would want.
This word was enough to add salt to her wounds.
Wounds that were open and had remained so, for the second half of her youth.
It was enough to take her back to times she wished she ceased to exist.
Times when her own mother was ready to solicit her body for money.
——————
"Soojin-ah, don't carry your stole today. You've such a flawless neckline, your collarbones stick to your milky white skin the right way.. You wouldn't want to hide away all that, would you?" Her mother spoke, shifting away the hair that landed over Soojin's bust, tucking it behind her back, her neck on display in the mirror that stood in their shabby home.
"B-But mother, w-we're heading into the city to get fish.. no one would dress that way there.." Her timid voice coupled with those innocent round eyes spoke out, wide.
Caressing her daughter's mane with the tips of her fingers, her mother leaned into her ear, whispering words no daughter would hear echoing out of their mother's lips.
"But you should. You don't expect me to be the only one working to feed you and Joon Ki, do you Soojin-ah? A girl your age should be fending for herself…Besides, the Commander in Chief of the Baekmin Military saw you while you were walking back from the temple..He'd like to make you his, Soojin."
16 year old Soojin trembled at the words her brain was trying to process to the best of her abilities.
She clutched her long skirt, hard.
"M-Make me h-his?" She utters, riddled with confusion and an ominous feeling that just wouldn't go away.
"Yes, Soojin-ah. But it's only for a night." Her mother, her protector enunciates on the one night arrangement she'd been cooking up for Soojin.
"Mother, I just commenced my reproductive life last year. I-I don't think I'm ready for this, M-Mother." Soojin winces, her mother's hand that lay over her shoulder was starting to get heavy for her meek shoulders to manage.
"Soojin-ah, how do you think your cousin Ryunjin receives 3 bags of rice every week? Why do you think she's stopped coming to school? Ah Soojin, you're far too innocent for this day and age..She's King Min Yun Ki's concubine. His men spotted her at the market in the city and the King called for her, at once. Now my sister lives a life of pride, not having to even go out and work. The edibles reach them at their footstep, they don't have to step a foot out. I, however, am the unfortunate one. Your father was useless, died in the war and your brother..don't even make me say it.." Her mother spews out, rage and jealousy reflected in every syllable.
"Soojin, promise me. Promise me you won't let me down..Promise me you won't disappoint me..Promise me you'll do what I ask of you.." She turns a teary eyed Soojin, who's pupils were shaky, tears threatening to spill.
She loved her father.
He loved her immensely, he walked her to school every morning, he prepared her meals when her mother was busy attending to Joon Ki.
Every night, he'd recite poetry and stories that ended with a happy ending.
He wasn't fond of Soojin's mother.
Thought she was too materialistic for her own good, unsatisfied with the means they were living in.
In fact, it was even her mother who'd forced her father to enrol in the military when the war against Baekmin broke out, only because the military needed more manpower and was paying their soldiers 5 golden coins for their contribution.
While they did gain the 5 golden coins, she lost out on her father.
Soojin was 12 when that happened.
She was 12 when her entire life changed, when she realised that being born a girl was not a boon, as opposed to what she'd been made to believe by her late father who called her Rose, lovingly.
Soojin cried 5 days after her father's slaughtered dead body was delivered at their footstep and on the 6th day, went back to school.
She was determined to attain the ranks of a scholar, to persevere so hard, the world would be compelled to bow down before her.
"You're beautiful, Soojin-ah…unlike your brother who's wasting down to his bones. You'll get us out of this circumstance. You're beautiful. Men would kill for a taste of you. Trust me." She says, staring at Soojin's quivering lips.
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Beautiful, what an ugly word, Soojin thought to herself.
Her thoughts were broken by the arrival of The King's mother, The Queen who'd checked in to see how Soojin had been prepped for the joyous occasion of the Lunar Harvest Festival.
The maidservants find their way to the back of the room, head bowed down in respect.
Soojin stands up, greeting The Queen whose eyes raked over Soojin's body.
"You do look beautiful. I see why Yun Ki gained an infatuation towards you. I see why he treats you so different from the rest.." She says, circling around Soojin.
"I appreciate your views, Mother." Soojin says.
Pausing before Soojin's front, The Queen lets out a scoff.
"Mother? Don't call me that. Yun Ki may have picked you up from the streets but I haven't lived this long to hear a lowly commoner address me this way. Soojin-ah, we're not equals and you're not royalty. You're just a means for my son to pass time. He's appeased by your full breasts and your voluptuous figure..that's temporary. You'll breed his baby and the minute he sees your disheveled and ruined body, he'll abandon you. So, dear Soojin-ah, do not get swayed by these pearls and diamonds. They were never yours in the first place and you won't be the only ones he showers them in. Let's not get ahead of ourselves, Soojin-ah. Enjoy this while it lasts." The Queen says in a condescending tone, twirling a bead of pearl between her fingertips.
"While I'm here in this Kingdom, My Queen, you are my husband's mother and as much as you and I would hate to come to terms with that, the truth cannot be denied. The People of Baekmin celebrate me, they look up to me, they idolise me. What would they think of The Royal Family if someone was to tell them how poorly The Queen Consort was being treated? What would happen if they learnt that this wedding was a sham? The Queen Consort and The King haven't even slept together..What would The People of your Reign think of your Son, who already bears a tainted image amongst them? If anything, I've redeemed his reputation, I've made the monster look as close to a human as possible by accepting this proposal. So dear Mother, I'd love if you attended to matters that concerned you..Maybe have another garden built, facing the East of the Manor? It looks rather shabby."
With this, Soojin walks out of her chamber, leaving The Queen stunned beyond limits.
No one had dared to speak to The Queen this way.
She'd have to get used to that.
An eye for an eye was what Soojin believed in.
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