บท 2: Why are my disconnection notices still printed on paper?
"Why is the city on lockdown again?" A high school student asked while his bag was over his head to shield himself from the rain.
"Yeah bro, why the fuck do they just always close the city when those things pop up, it's annoying!" His shivering classmate passed on almost the exact same thing to their friend at the front.
"You know guys," the guy in the front started, "We just have to trust the Alliance about this. They know what they are doing. Anyway, it might just be another errant portal popping up or something." Their classmate is a Wanderer in training, an already documented Metahuman that will join the main force after his various integration training regimen concludes.
This is the Alliance's main source of fresh, young talents. They have a system that can detect Superhuman physique from various teenagers that apply. Since it is common knowledge that human physiques undergo intense change in puberty, the Supers of old have long concluded that it was during this time that Superhuman abilities mostly manifest. Of course there are exceptions to the rule…
"Yeah you gotta believe your trainee friend, punks." Out of nowhere a voice appeared. The already shivering classmate number two had his hair standing on end again.
"Wha—" with shivers also spreading to the trainee's face, he realized it was a legendary figure standing behind their backs.
"Hound?" A wolf was staring with bloodshot eyes straight through the trainee.
"Who?" His two other classmates also turned, then dropped to the ground in awe.
"Hound!"
***
'Shit! I have to fucking go even faster! I shall not miss a damn second of it! Fuck!' In an expletive filled mental monologue, the main character whose name we still do not know even at chapter two, showed his complete addiction to this anime.
Actually, he does not need to watch the anime at all. Not at all.
Because, as much as his anime addiction is concerned, he has read thousands of manga. That included the manga of this show, Two Piece Man.
Therefore, I conclude… that he is a complete otaku.
The thing is, he claims that the experience is never complete with just the manga alone, so he has watched over a thousand anime as well. As for how much time he has wasted on this dumb logic he has, well… you better not think about it…
That is why he is running at a speed in the realm of lions chasing its prey. Just to watch a goddamn anime that he had already read in its entirety anyway.
He does not even remember the show he put on in the streets, just because of his dumb single-mindedness. He is so focused on getting to his room, opening his television, and watching the anime, that he forgot the most pressing requirement for everyone that needed to watch TV… at least except for the 'one should have a TV first.'
"Yes… it's exactly five in the afternoon." This guy….
He pressed the light switch the first time like someone just going through the motions. No light.
He pressed the light switch the second time like someone irritatingly woken up while it is still dawn. Again no light.
He pressed the light switch the third time with beads of sweat rolling down his forehead, and an inexplicable feeling of rage washing over him. Again, no—
When the wave of realization struck him about those needs I told you earlier, he screamed. "Fuck!" As expected he was livid.
"Fuck! Why did you do this to me!" The extreme otaku tapped the light switch multiple times with reckless abandon, hoping against hope that his line just tripped and the electricity would be back immediately.
Of course, it was to no avail.
"Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me…" curse after curse came out of his mouth like a gatling gun as he tried to ease his rage at the people that cut his power line.
"Why would you cut my line! Damn you! You should have just waited until around six!"
He completely missed the point.
Why would the electricity linemen even cut his line? Of course it is only because he is long past the disconnection notice.
"Wait where is that electricity bill? It should be here somewhere." He took a deep breath as he stared wide-eyed at his twenty square meter room… which looked like a hundred square meters with all this stacked filth…
Finding a piece of paper in this wreckage of a home is worse than trying to clean all this stuff up. So, why bother, right?
"Fuck this! I am gonna go take a shit." When in doubt, go take a dump. Taking a dump clears the mind just as it does the body.
But he has not forgotten about that anime, right?
Of course not! How could he! The buildup of the events that transpired earlier until now is for him to watch the current episode of Two Piece Man! But not only is he currently not watching the episode, he also has no electricity! I bet you are asking me now about the light in his bathroom, he has a remedy for it! He did not even close the damn door!
Another monologue filled with curses sounded out of the smelly bathroom. Good thing he had water, because if his water supply were cut short too I can never imagine what would happen to this literal shithouse.
Right as he finished his expletive-filled reflection, a eureka moment happened.
"Now, I remember." With a grin that makes anyone wanna punch him, he continued, "I use most of the paper in this house as toilet paper."
Wait that's it? That's the eureka moment?
Archimedes, please get up from your grave and beat this guy up!
"Hehe, I am really smart." His smug face is basically an invitation for a beatdown.
He grabbed half a piece of paper from a metal box just beside his toilet, and without even looking at what that sorry piece of paper actually was, he wiped his bottom like an enlightened king.
He snorted one more time and threw the piece of paper to the bin. Then, grabbed the remaining half of the paper from the box.
"You know what, I have already missed the episode, so I am just gonna pay my respects to you, unlucky Mister Paper. Aiyo… I always pitied pieces of toilet paper before… since they always see the ugliest, dirtiest things before… uhh… getting wiped against those repulsive things…" his voice trailed off until the only sound that could be heard was a wild piece of poop splashing into the water.
"How… could I be this unlucky? Answer me!" He almost choked on both the smell of his shit, and his own bullshit.
You might not have any idea on what is currently happening here, but it can be summarized in just two words: The paper he is using is the disconnection notice.
Since when are those 'two words?' That's like nine.
You get the point.
He used the same paper the disconnection notice was on, to wipe his butt.
Eureka!
In tears, he casually put the remaining half of the disconnection notice to the side and grabbed another piece of paper, making sure that this time the paper does not have any important matter in it.
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Konkey_Dong
Konkey_Dong If I make mistakes, to the kind sirs/madams, please comment on where the mistake is, and I'll do what I can. I won't get angry... I promise... I'm a shitposter... I must not..............
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