บท 16: Chapter 16
Haya's POV
"Aarib?" I mumble all of a sudden, a dark emotion taking hold of me.
"Mhmm?"
Just ask it. Just ask it.
"Why do you want to marry me?"
He looks shocked, as if never in a million years did he expect his question from me. Lost somewhere in his own thoughts, he takes his sweet time to feed my curiosity.
Instead when he finally does say something, it's not the answer I want to hear.
"Go inside, Haya. And please, listen to what I say," he murmurs softly, no anger in his tone.
Right in this moment something changes between us. I don't know what it is, and suddenly I am back in my room dreaming what I did before.
It was a nightmare. Aarib was in it. He was chasing me while I ran away from him as fast my legs would carry me, laughing, giggling. I was so breathless, and every two seconds I would peer behind me to find Aarib getting more close to catching me. I knew he was purposely running slow. There was no way I could run faster than him. I could hear his beautiful laughter that warmed my chest, the way his grin made my heart skip a beat.
And then suddenly we were somewhere else, at an abandoned building. And I was screaming because men in black suits had tied Aarib to a pole while they mercilessly beat him until blood coated most of his face.
Then I heard Feroze's voice from behind. He was laughing at my misery. He knew hurting Aarib hurt me more than any bullet could.
"You could have saved him all this pain," he had said to me, inching closer. I was rooted to the spot, hearing Aarib screaming behind me, hearing the blows he was taking because of me. "You could have saved him. Just by marrying either one of us. But you didn't. And now he will pay for it while you wither in all the guilt which will one day eat you up."
"Hey, where'd you go?" Aarib's voice pulls me out of my memory.
How can I be so ruthless?
I could save him all this trouble. . .just by a marriage.
"Nowhere," my reply is quick. "I'll try to do as you say. You can go home now. My family will be here any minute now." I step back into my house. My chest hurts. I almost close the door but something inside of me prevents me from doing it.
I need to say it. I don't know what's suddenly gotten into me. Maybe because the dream is still fresh in my head? I have no damn idea. I just. . .i have to say it.
"I'd listen to you. Because I can't take risks."
His smile almost brings me to tears. It's so genuine. So delicate to me. "Good girl."
"Because I care about you, is why I will listen. Because the thought of losing you knocks all the oxygen out of me." I add this in because. . .I have no idea why. "Don't think there is any other reason why I am being so cooperative," I add again, just in case. I don't want him to get the wrong idea like I am in love with or something.
Though I am totally falling for him.
Totally.
Mischief and playfulness dances in those stupid pretty blue eyes. I really need to stop getting lost in them. Like, seriously. His eyes are like the ocean on a sunny day, shining, reflecting the light everywhere. Just as it's easy to get lost in the ocean, I drown in his eyes.
Yes, I'm that cheesy.
And a total teenager.
"Yes, of course, because what other reason could there be, right?" he challenges back.
I feel my brows knitting in the centre, a frown etched on my forehead. "Are you trying to trick me into something?"
An expression, more innocent than a baby washes over his face. "What? Absolutely." A pause. "Not."
I get what you're trying to do, Aarib.
Although I feel something else entirely, I roll my eyes to shrug off his snarky remarks. "I'll see you then," I mumble, nibbling on my bottom lip like a real fool I am. Could I make it any more obvious that I was, in fact, very nervous at this moment? I kinda don't want him to leave.
Heavy on the kinda.
Stop it, I scold myself.
I close the door, but not fast enough to not see the smile tugging on his lips. It did something funny to my tummy.
Butterflies?
Oh, heck no.
Nope. Nope. Nope.
No butterflies.
I put a palm against my stomach and press my back against the door. I hear his car—no around two cars pulling away. My eyes close on a soft sight. . .
A marriage.
Could it be that bad?
Guess I would eventually have to find that out for myself.
The following morning I wake up feeling like crap. No, seriously. There is this foul taste in my mouth as if I haven't brushed my teeth in days and I am also sweating like I ran a mile. My hair is sticking to my neck and the air in my room is too stuffy.
Oh God.
I smell horrific!
In a daze, with my eyes not even fully open, I push my myself out of bed and limp to the window, occasionally bumping into objects and muttering an 'ow'. Pulling away the curtains, I am attacked by the harsh daylight that pours inside the room, illuminating it, and yank open the window.
Oh God.
Cool breeze filters in, blowing across my face and neck, making me sigh in delight. With the sweat all over me, and the wind snaking around me, I feel so much better and start cooling off. I think I stay by the window for fifteen minutes or less, and then hop right into the bathroom to take a nice cold shower. The sweat is really making me feel uneasy.
Ten minutes later I am out of the shower, humming to some tune. Where'd I get this cheerful mood from? Don't I remember the little show of last night?
I do. Huh. And yet here I am, smiling at myself in the mirror after getting dressed in some Pakistani traditional clothing that mom ordered for me from the store Khaadi.
Last night I couldn't stop thinking about Aarib. I mean, that was pretty much expected because I am, in fact, starting to like him in a whole different way. Maybe it's because I actually considered marrying him?
Aarib is a very handsome man. He's got that lean body with broad shoulders and muscular biceps and that narrow waist. I'm also positive he's hiding some six-pack—
We're not talking about that.
I dust some pink powder on my cheeks, and swipe a chap stick on my lips because they are looking chapped. Doing a quick work of blow drying my hair, I wrap it in a low bun and to top it all off, I put in some dangly gold earrings.
I look like it's my first day as a new bride. Only the henna is missing.
I didn't want to go to school today. Kind of ironic, because I really want to see Aarib and tell him I will marry him. If I have that courage. I should.
I don't.
Ugh.
Someone knocks at my door. I peer over my shoulder and find Azaan smiling sheepishly at me.
I've forgiven him for what he did. No, he didn't apologize to me, but I know he will someday. Maybe his ego is stopping him from saying it, because if it were me, I would've hesitated too. Especially if I had to apologize to my sibling.
"The air conditioning sort of stopped working at night."
Explains my state in the morning and all the stuffiness in my room. I thought I was going to have a heart attack.
"Yeah I guessed when I woke up covered in sweat." Leaning forward, I started to inspect my eyes, picking out imaginary dust. I just wasn't in the mood to make small talk with my brother.
He was silent for a moment. "I'm sorry."
I feel a smile ghosting my lips.
"Sorry, what was that?" I turn to look at my brother, fighting a smile.
He laughs. "Stop. I said I'm sorry. I'm sorry for hurting Aarib that day. I overreacted. Shouldn't have done that."
"Well," I sit down on the dressing stool. "I forgave you quite a long time ago."
Curiosity sparks in his eyes. "Really? But you've been so distant with me lately."
I've been distant with my whole family lately. "It's not you. There's kind of a lot on my mind lately." Like Aarib. His smiles. His obnoxious personality.
Shut up!
"You should apologize to him, too. He'd really like that," I said, hope lacing my voice.
If I am to be Aarib's wife, which I inevitably will be, I think it's better my brother starts to not hate him too much.
Azaan scratches his neck.
"Why do you look like I just told you to jump off a cliff?" I question.
He laughs again.
"Come on, it can't be that bad to apologize to someone," I grin.
He takes his time to ponder over it. Then, at last, finally, nods.
"I'll do that," he mutters with a defeated sigh, dropping his head.
An idea pops up in my head.
"We could invite him over tonight." I shrug coolly when Azaan raises a brow at me in question. "I mean, we're having a family dinner tonight so we could invite him over. He could bring his mom too."
"He's not family."
Yet, the word rests on the tip of my tongue but instead I say, "I know. I didn't say he was. I'm just saying he lives alone with his mom. It would be nice to invite him over for a change." It's pathetic how hopeful I sound. It's like I am almost taking an advantage out of this situation.
I am, though.
Who knows if some other day when Azaan goes back to hating Aarib again, will he allow to let him come over?
I'm not taking risks.
No way.
"Doesn't he have any family other than his mom?" my brother decides to take a full report of Aarib.
Should I lie? "He has a brother who lives with his father in San Francisco. His mom got a divorce." Okay, I am not sure if she really got a divorce but that's not completely a lie, considering there is a chance.
Andddd my brother is still trying to think of some other ways to say no to me.
"Azaan, it's just a dinner. Can you stop and not go all big bro crap here?" I plead, sighing. It's still nine in the morning and this conversation has already worn me out.
"Okay."
Stupid excitement explodes in my chest. "Is that a yes?"
"Yes, Haya. But you're not calling him. Send me his number and I'll call him myself."
I pout like a child who didn't get the toy that they wanted.
"Okay, will do so," I chirp.
Azaan gives me a questioning look but leaves the matter and my room. Oh my God. I couldn't have made it any more obvious how excited I am for tonight.
I hop on my bed and grab my phone, searching up Aarib's number. My fingers make quick work of it. I immediately type a quick text to Aarib first. What would he be doing right now?
Oh, right. He'd be in school.
Salam. My brother is going to call you in a bit. Nothng big, he just wants to invite you and your mom over for a family dinner we're having tonight at a restaurant in town. Nobody knows anything about this. . .situation that Is going on. Like, obviously why would I tell them. Anyway, I hope today doesn't go badly. See you.
I hit sent.
I wait for his reply before sending Azaan his number.
After five painful minutes, my phone finally dings and I hurriedly open the text.
Will see. Have some work to do. Let you know if I'll be coming or not.
Hurt slams in my chest like a truck, leaving behind a sickening feeling. Any trace of happiness I felt is gone now, replaced my something cold and icy. Could he be any more uninterested? I can practically tell from his text he doesn't want to come.
Whatever.
It's completely my fault.
I shouldn't have suggested this in the first place to my brother. Not only that, I also got extremely hopeful that Aarib would be delighted to join us.
I scoff.
I am such a fool. I do this to myself, and then wonder what went wrong.
"Yo, send me his number, Haya!" Azaan's calls out.
"Just sending!" I shout back.
After sending Azaan the number, I carry myself and the dark gray cloud of sadness floating above my head downstairs, and into the kitchen where Maira is pouring some orange juice into a glass. I try to shoo away the imaginary cloud away from my head by punching in the air.
It just stays there, grinning wickedly at me.
"Are you okay?"
I straighten up. Smile awkwardly, though I'm pretty sure it doesn't reach my eyes. "Yep, better than ever."
Somewhat not convinced, she still lets my weird behavior pass by. "I heard Azaan talking to someone. He was inviting them over to our dinner tonight. I wonder who that could be."
My breath quickens. "Oh, uh, um that would be Aarib."
I pull back a chair and take a seat, scooting lower and lower while drumming my fingers on the table.
"Aarib? That's interesting."
I look up to a very amused Maira sipping her juice. Warmth floods my cheeks. She knows how eager I would be to see him, but Aarib's message from earlier wipes off the half smile from my face as quickly as an inflating balloon.
"Yeah. Apparently Azaan wants to apologize for his behavior. I suggested we could invite Aarib and his mom too. You know, just for fun."
She grins broadly. "Yeah, I know."
She's still smiling at me.
"What?" I laugh.
She chuckles. "I wonder if he's just as eager to see you, too."
Pfft. "No, he isn't." I look behind me to make sure nobody's around and tell her that I told Aarib and he seemed far from interesting to come tonight. "So, no. I don't think he's eager to see me."
She tucks her pink hair behind her ears. A funny expression passes her face. "Can I tell you something?"
And there goes my heart crashing against my chest like a lunatic. "What is it?"
She settles down in a seat opposite to me. Looks over my shoulder, probably checking if someone's around.
"Some days back, your mom and I were sitting in the lounge, just chatting about random stuff. She told me she's been asking around people for a good match for you—oh my God why do you look like you're about to throw up!"
My mom what?
Bile rises in my throat. I have to force myself to breathe. In. out. In. out.
"Haya, you have to know that nobody will force you to marry anyone. It will be totally your decision," Maira blurts, probably seeing my horrified reaction.
I wasn't expecting this at all. And why would I expect it? It's not like I am always thinking about marriage!
"Haya, please say something. You're scaring me. I knew I shouldn't have told you." Her voice breaks.
Okay, Haya, stop being such a baby and please stop acting so shocked. You knew this was going to happen one day or the other.
"No, thanks for telling me," I somehow manage to mumble. "Just kind of difficult to absorb in."
"It shouldn't be difficult. You should tell her if you like someone. Even if your brothers don't approve of him at first, they'll eventually have to agree. Everything will be fine." Her hand found mine and squeezed lightly, a simple action that said she understood me.
When I break the news to my family that Aarib is 'the one', I know Maira would be there by my side. I know mom wouldn't have any issue either, but my brothers. . .
I cringe at the thought.
The day rolls away just as night came in bringing along with it the giddy feeling in my stomach. Every minute that brought me closer to the evening left a bundle of anxious nerves in its wake.
I bit my lip nervously and admire myself in the mirror.
According to Maira I look gorgeous enough to bring any man to his knees. With the red lipstick hugging my lips and the black winged eye liner on, I did, in fact, look good. I don't normally wear such dark shades on my lips, but this lipstick had been resting in my dresser for ages now, begging to be taken out.
For the dress I decided to throw on the one mom got me for my fourteenth birthday, a sleek looking jersey dress that hugs me in all the right places, bringing out all the curves of my body, and trust me, I'm a very curvy girl. Like, very. For the scarf, I grab a brown soft jersey and wrap it around my head and let it fall over my chest.
A smile breaks out on my face.
For once, I am actually quite satisfied with how I look.
Someone clears their throat.
I jump out of my skin and clamp a hand to my mouth, stifling the tiny scream that built inside me.
"You scared me!" I whine, my breath caught in my throat. "Why do you always have to do that."
Azaan quirks a suspicious brow my way. "Uh, what are you wearing?"
Oh, heck no. We're not doing this.
"I'll wear whatever I want to. You didn't seem to have much of a problem when I wore it on my birthday some years back," I challenge, walking over to my closet and pulling out a black shrug from the hanger and quickly putting it on.
"There were no boys, and you celebrated it at home with your four fake friends."
"So what, Azaan?" I spin around in sudden fury. "You don't have to be such a snitch. I get it that Aarib is the last person you want to be seeing but you can't do anything about it now so just don't try to find reasons to make this evening bad for me." I fold my arms across my chest. "You invited him yourself. Now bear with it because there's no way I'm changing and literally nothing is wrong with my clothes."
He blinks. "I never even asked you to change your clothes. It's the lipstick I'm talking about. It doesn't look that good—"
"Now that my sibling has said it doesn't look nice, I am pretty sure it looks perfect."
He shakes his head in disapproval. "I wonder when you will grow up."
I make grabby motions with my fingers, sticking my tongue out at him.
He raises a brow. "Is that supposed to be a zombie move?"
I straighten up and smooth a hand down my front. "It's supposed to be nothing. Let's go now. We shouldn't be late."
If I said I was nervous before, I was definitely tense and edgy now.
I keep darting my eyes to the restaurant door to see that now. . .now he will walk through. Now that bell will ding indicating someone's arrival. It's been fifteen minutes and nothing.
My shoulders slump in defeat.
I wanted him to come, like, really come. This was a chance to show my brothers that Aarib is not a danger to us, that behind the callous, cold, calculating man is a boy who feels emotions other than anger and fury.
Emotions were clogging my throat. Although there were not many people in this restaurant, I felt like someone is chocking me.
I need air.
I rise up from the seat and all heads turn to me, abandoning whatever conversation they were having.
"Everything alright?" Mom asks in worry, her eyes examining me.
I force a smile on my face. "Yes. I just need some air. Is that okay?"
"Of course," mom replies at the same time Azaan says, 'I'll come with you.'
"No," my answer is quick and to the point as I narrow my eyes at my brother. "I'm not twelve."
Mom smacks Azaan's arm, giving him a warning. "Stop treating your sister like that. Haya, you can go out and have some air."
I sigh in relief and mumble a thanks to mom.
Outside, the sky is blanketed with a dozen stars, a small breeze in the air that makes me shiver a little. I pull the shrug tighter around myself and wrap my arms around my torso to block out some of the cold.
I walk a few steps away from the restaurant when a familiar black BMW pulls up alongside the curb and I almost stop breathing.
He came.
All the darkness immediately leaves my body in waves, rolling off of my shoulders. Happiness and hope bubbles inside of me, filling my heart with warmth and I no longer feel the cold of the night. All I feel is eagerness. Happiness.
Aarib came.
It's like I'm struck by a truck and I can't move. My eyes are fixed on the driver's side and when the door opens, my breath hitches.
He jumps out of the car and is mumbling something to someone, and then I also notice a woman coming around the car and joining him.
His mom came too.
Contentment washes all over me.
It takes two seconds for Aarib to spot me. And oh boy, he looks mad. I think now I know why, because I am standing outside all alone. I can sense a lecture on its way.
He's wearing his usual clothes; black jeans and a white basic t shirt and on top of that a black leather jacket. He also replaced his boots with the usual converse high tops. Over all, he looks achingly beautiful. Just as always.
When they reach me, a smile automatically lights up my face.
"You done checking me out?"
My cheeks blaze red. Did he just say that in front of his mom?
Yeah, he very much did.
Traitor.
"Aarib, behave nicely," Mrs. Feroze smacks Aarib's arm but he looks unfazed. I see a wicked glint in his eyes. He's doing this on purpose. "You must be Haya," his mom chirps in the sweetest way possible. She's actually really cute. Chubby, but not fat. Not very tall, but taller than me and shorter than Aarib. I notice she doesn't have blue eyes, so he must've gotten those eyes from his father.
I step forward and hug her. "Yes, it's really nice to meet you," I mumble, and pull back.
She doesn't let go of my hand. A warm emotion flashes in her eyes. She smiles at me brightly and broadly. "I've heard so much about you. My son has told me very wonderful things about you and your family. I absolutely cannot wait to meet them."
I sneak a glance at Aarib. What has he told him Mom? Did he not tell her about the punch Azaan gave him?
The corners of his mouth twitch—I look away before the grin could creep up on my face.
"We should get going," Aarib pipes in. "I'm starving."
I am, too.
Once inside, Maira and Hassan who are facing the door snap their heads to us. Maybe Maira sees the smile on my face, or Aarib just beside me, because a knowing grin spreads on her face and she winks.
Oh God!
I hope Aarib didn't see that!
But I know he saw that, because I felt him chuckle softly beside me.
Thanks a lot, Maira!
My mother gets up instantly when we approach the table and both the moms hug each other like they have been friends since forever. Hassan gets up and shakes Aarib's hand while Azaan pretends to keep on ignoring him.
I grit my teeth.
He seemed just fine before when the chances were little to none of Aarib showing up. Now that he was here, Azaan didn't just look unbothered, he even had the nerve to sigh annoyingly to prove he couldn't care less.
I decide to let his behavior pass by.
So the seating arrangement was like this; Maira, Hassan, and Aarib sat on one side, while Azaan, and the two moms were seated opposite to them. Then was left me, so I just asked the waiter to bring me a chair that he put next to Aarib's mom.
"Thank you," I thank the waiter and he smiles formally before beginning to take orders from everyone.
This evening could either go perfectly well, or be a disaster. Obviously I will try my best to not let it be ruined, but Azaan obviously has other plans.
And when he begins to play twenty questions with Aarib, I almost cry in frustration.
"I'll be done with high school this year," Aarib coolly replies to my brother's question, playing with the ketchup bottle. "And I would love to go to college somewhere away from here."
My heart sinks when he says that. So he's leaving in a few months and he didn't once bother telling me?
As if sensing the sudden shift in my mood, he glances my way and I can tell by the look in his icy blue eyes that is thinking the same thing I am thinking.
Our marriage.
Am I not supposed to marry him anymore? I mean, I didn't want to before but now I do. Does he think this is a child's play?
A pang of hurt courses through me.
"Where do intend to go? Oxford? Harvard?"
"NYU," Aarib replies smoothly. He places the bottle back where it originally was, and fixes his stare on me. Leaning forward, he braces his arms in front of him on the table and tilts his head to the side. "I've heard you want to go to Pakistan for your further studies?"
Not gonna lie, I am taken aback by his observation. It's actually quite scary that he knows these things about myself, things only my two friends at school get to know. Not even my family knows about my plans.
Realizing he's waiting for an answer, I clear my throat—not because there is something stuck, but I want time to think—before speaking. "Yeah, that'd be nice. I thought going to my old home and meeting the family I've only met twice in my life would be refreshing. Besides, my cousins tell me a lot about the LUMS university in Lahore."
Hassan gapes at me. "You never told any of us you want to go back home! We'll miss you so much. Who's gonna annoy me every time then?"
I chuckle, cheeks beet red. "Hey, stop. It's not like I have booked my ticket and my flight is next week. I just thought of that. . .not sure if it's really a good idea." I gulp, remembering here my life has a huge threat. "But I really wanna spend some time with my relatives."
Aarib's mom put her arm over my shoulder and pulled me to her. We were sideways hugging. If I was embarrassed before, I definitely feel mortified now.
Aarib smirks and settles back in his seat, obviously enjoying the show.
"You're a very good daughter! And, take my advice. It's always a good idea to spend time with the family you otherwise don't." Mrs. Feroze pats my head. "I've always wanted my son to get married in Pakistan. I even have a girl in mind for him. . ."
And that was when I was no longer listening.
Jealousy shoots right through me, making my heart go a little crazy inside my chest. The thought of Aarib marrying someone else just makes me think about all the violent things.
Bad, bloody things.
"Haya."
Maira's voice pulls me back to reality. Mrs. Feroze lets go of me, her eyes flashing with concern.
"Oh, um, what? Sorry I zoned out," I stupidly explain my weird behavior.
"Clearly you did," Maira shakes her head at me.
I am about to ask what Mrs. Feroze was saying to me before I oh so conveniently zoned out when Aarib utters loud and clear. . .
"I know who I want to marry. And she's sitting right here, in front of me."
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