บท 57: It's Not Okay
Today, I decided to be a good girl.
So why is being a good girl so hard??
I couldn't stay awake in class no matter how hard I tried. The least I can do is be nice to other people from now on. I'm sure Lona would be proud of that.
So please tell me why....
Why do I want to punch William so bad?!
We were sitting at the lunch table and he kept poking me in the face. I chuckled lightly, "What an honor to be touched by your highness."
He smiled, "I know it's such an honor."
He started poking harder. I forced a smile trying to refrain from biting off his finger. "If his highness pokes me any harder I might just cry."
"If you don't like it, then just yell at me like you usually do."
"Oh, I could never yell at his highness the Prince. That would be too rude of me."
He stopped and stared at me with dissatisfaction. He tapped his fingers against the table and thought for a moment. Then he smiled, "Since I'm your highness, that means you have to listen to me. Right?"
Ugh. I have a bad feeling about this.
I smiled, "All of your people must listen to you, your highness."
"Good. Then I command you to swear."
I forced myself to blush, "Oh, I could never do something so unseemly and vulgar in front of the Prince."
He frowned, "I command it."
"I could never insult you like that, my Prince."
"I don't care. Just do it!"
"I politely refuse."
He started growing irritated, "You can't refuse! I will throw you in jail!"
"Then I shall be thrown in jail. I would rather be in jail than insult his highness."
His eyebrow twitched, "No you wouldn't. I know you."
"I am overwhelmed with happiness to hear you say that, my Prince."
He groaned and smacked his head.
I continued trying to hide the sarcasm in my voice, "My highness is so kind and smart. He has such an amazing and interesting personality. Not boring in the slightest."
He looked back at me, "Huh? Are you being sarcastic?"
I shook my head, "Of course not. It fills me with joy to be in your presence. Every moment is like a dream come true."
He frowned, "You're definitely being sarcastic."
As we went back and forth, Dante looked over to Millie. He asked, "What's going on?"
Millie sighed watching us with her head propped up by her hand. "Seri is trying to be a good girl. She tried to pay attention in class, but failed. So now she's trying to be nice and respectful to Prince William."
Dante looked at us and muttered, "Oh." He looked back at her, "Why?"
She shrugged, "I can't figure it out either. She said she got in trouble last night, but I don't think that's what caused her to act this way. You and I both know she wouldn't listen if someone told her to act like this. However, everytime I ask what really caused it, she ignores me."
He glanced back at me, "Hmm."
Meanwhile, I was too busy trying to act nice with William, that I couldn't even muster enough brain power to hear what they were saying. Why is it so mentally exhausting to try to be polite to this dumb*ss?
I went to reach for my cake and William grabbed the plate before I could take a bite. He smiled at me teasingly, "It's mine now."
I felt my face grow dark. I forced a smile, "I would be honored if the Prince had my cake."
He frowned, "Fine. If you're so honored, then I will eat it." He took a bite and smiled, "Mmn. Delicious"
I clenched my fists. Do not hit, Seri. Do not hit.
He chuckled, "Are you upset? You're face is all scrunched up."
This b*tch is about to die.
No, Seri. We are trying to be a good girl, remember? Deep breaths. Deeep breaths.
He took another bite, "Wow. It's especially good today. It must be their masterpiece."
DEEEEEEEP BREATHS.
Millie scolded him, "Prince William, stop teasing her. Just give her back the cake."
He shrugged, "I will if she stops this act of hers."
Millie smiled, "I didn't know Prince William misses being teased by Miss Seri so much. You are such a masochist."
Dante and I both chuckled. Get him girl!
William was shocked, "Millie! How do you even know that word?!"
She answered innocently, "Seri taught me."
Oops.
He turned back to me, "How could you teach her that?! Also! I'M NOT A MASOCHIST!"
I nodded, "Of course, your highness. You are NOT a masochist."
He huffed in anger before sneering, "See? You're clearly acting. I bet your agreeing silently to yourself right now."
He grabbed another piece of cake and stared into my eyes as he took a bite, "Mm. Delicious. Too bad you can't try it. I'm sure you would like it."
I forced myself to smile even though I was shaking with anger. I was sure I must look terrifying right now since I was trying so hard to smile, but my face was scrunched with anger wanting to explode.
I tried to speak calmly, "It's not an act, Prince William. Don't you prefer me this way?"
He went off in irritation, "No! It's annoying. I like you better when you go around shouting and trying to start fights. This version of you is too boring. Why are you even acting this way? What did you do? Hit someone?"
I grabbed the plate of cake and smashed it into his face. The plate fell onto the table leaving his face completely covered in the cake.
He shouted, "Oi! What was that for?"
I chuckled darkly, "Oops. My apologies. My hand slipped. Now please excuse me. I have business elsewhere."
I stomped away still fuming, leaving behind my plate of food completely untouched.
I thought I would be hungry later, but I was surprised to find out I wasn't. The reason being, I was forced to look at Lona's black eye while on the carriage ride to William's and Dante's house.
I gripped the seat and forced myself to look away from her.
Lona smiled and patted her lap, "You don't look so good. Why don't you lie down on my lap?"
I shook my head still afraid to make eye contact with her. I muttered, "I'm fine."
She knitted her eyebrows in concern, "Are you sure?"
I nodded, "Yes, I'm a dignified lady now. It's too unbecoming to lay on someone's lap."
William frowned at me, "You say that but you're face is turning green."
I choked down the urge to vomit, "Nope. No problem here."
William glanced over at Lona, "By the way, why do you have such a nasty black eye?"
I frowned feeling a disgusting feeling in my stomach. I wish I could say it was vomit, but I knew it wasn't. She chuckled awkwardly, "Oh and here I even put on makeup to hide it. Don't worry about it, Prince William. It was just a work accident."
I tossed my head and shouted, "IT WAS NOT!"
I bit my lip at my sudden outburst and turned away. I scooted as far away from her, wedging myself against the side of the carriage, and crossed my arms. I forced myself to look out the window and ignore everyone else.
The carriage grew very quiet. William looked completely lost, "What was that for?"
Dante however, understood perfectly. He had been observing all day and connected the dots quickly.
He glared at him, "William. Enough."
William was surprised to hear Dante speak so sharply to him. Even when he was irritated, Dante never spoke to him in this way. He quickly shut his mouth and didn't dare ask anything else.
We rode the rest of the way in complete silence. I felt as if I was suffocating. I just wanted to run away.
As soon as we stopped, I flung the door open and jetted out. I didn't even want to look back as I ran.
I felt too ashamed. Too guilty. I hated feeling this way.
Lona shouted after me, "Seri! Wait!"
But I ignored her.
She turned to Dante with a worried face, "Dante! Please-"
He nodded, "You don't need to ask."
Then he quickly rushed after me. William stood there blinking in confusion. He started running too, "Wait for me!"
I noticed them catching up and ducked behind a tree. When Dante ran by I grabbed onto him. I looked at him in desperation, "Dante! I need a favor!"
He looked down at me confused, "A favor?"
I looked at the ground and spoke through my clenched jaw, "I need you to punish me."
He raised an eyebrow, "Hah??"
"I need you to punch me in the eye. As hard as you can."
He shook his head, "I can't."
I tightened my grip and looked up at him with pleading eyes, "Please. You have to."
He stared down at me. He spoke sharply, "No."
I gritted my teeth and shoved him, "Come on! Just punch me!"
"No."
I pushed him harder, "PUNCH ME!"
Even as I pushed him harder and harder, he didn't even try fighting back. He just kept repeating, "No." with a cold expressionless face.
I couldn't take it anymore and shoved him harder. This time, he tripped and fell onto his back with a thud. He winced slightly in pain. He tried to get up, but I grabbed his shoulders and pushed him back down.
I shouted, "WHY WON'T YOU FIGHT BACK? WHY WON'T YOU PUNCH ME??"
He stared up at me with his golden eyes, "Why would I?"
Suddenly, all of the strength in my arms disappeared. I started shaking and looked down. I glanced up at him with hot tears streaming down my face.
I whispered, "Because I'm an awful person. I hurt the only person who genuinely cared for me in that wretched house."
His gaze softened, "Lona?"
I nodded still biting my lip. I could taste blood, but I didn't care.
He reached his hand out and held my face. He attempted to wipe my tears away, but they kept pouring out. William had caught up to us and froze not knowing what to do.
Dante spoke quietly, "It was an accident, wasn't it?"
I glared, "It doesn't f*cking matter if it was!"
"Why not? I'm sure she knows you didn't mean to. It's okay."
I screamed, "IT'S NOT OKAY! IT'S NEVER OKAY TO HIT SOMEONE YOU LOVE!"
I felt unwanted memories start to stir, driving me crazy. Not knowing how to appease myself, I screamed and bit down on his wrist.
His eyes widened in surprise, but he made no attempt to shake me off. He just laid there allowing my teeth to sink into his skin.
He spoke softly, "Well it's the same for me."
I growled still refusing to let him go, "What the f*ck does that even mean."
William walked over and rubbed my back. I turned my eyes to glare at him. He smiled back, "He means that he can't hurt you because he cares about you. The same goes for me. And Lona."
I released his wrist from my bite and covered my face in shame. I couldn't bear to let them see me like this.
I sobbed, "It doesn't matter. She's going to leave me now."
Lona had finally caught up and looked at me with a pained expression. A few tears fell down her face, "My dear... I would never leave you."
I didn't believe her, "You will eventually. Everyone always does. Willingly or not."
She walked over and bent down, "Why would you say that? No one's left you yet. We are all still here."
I glanced up and saw their faces all smiling at me. However, I couldn't force myself to tell them.
I didn't mean this life.
I was talking about my other one.
The other one where everyone left me, one by one. Until I was completely alone.
It happened then. It will happen again.
It's only a matter of time.
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