บท 19: V
"YOU okay? Kanina ka pa tahimik." Napatingin naman siya sa kaibigan. Iang araw na rin kasi siyang naging busy, at ngayon lang ulit sila nagkaroon ng oras na magkasama. Yinaya siya nito, pero imbis sa labas sila tumambay mas pinili nalang niya sa apartment niya.
"Ayos lang ako, kamusta ang book signing mo?" pag-iiba niya. "Pasensya na at hindi ako nakadalo."
"Maayos naman Kaia. No worries, your busy." Kinuha nito ang bowl na may lamang popcorn. "nga pala, nag-usap na ba kayo tungkol sa gaganaping Charity Program?"
She heaved a sigh, hindi pa niya nakakausap. They are both busy, and having spare time together is impossible. Lalo na at pareho silang hectic ang schedule. "Not yet." Ika niya, "we are both busy, ayaw ko namang pag-usapan 'yon sa phone."
"I understand." Muling tinuon nito ang atensyon sa telebisyon. They are currently watching a foreign drama in English dub. Though her mind goes with something else, wala siyang naiintindihan sa pinapanuod nila. "Yet, I hope whatever conflict you both have won't do anything with the program." Maya-mayang sambit nito.
"It will be fine." She knows better "if anything goes wrong ako na mismo ang gagawa ng paraan."
"Kaia, you should do the right thing,"
"How? Komplikado, isa pa balak ko naman talagang gawin after the Charity Program." Who would have thought na magkaproblema siya? Akala niya ayos na ang lahat, hindi pa pala. Because someone came back from the past. "Masyado pang mainit sa mga tao ang usaping iyan. They won't not let it go easily, not when…"
"Not when? What Kaia?"
"I…don't know. Something has been missing out." She knows by now; it will not be the best decision. Kaya naman hindi siya pwedeng gumawa ng agarang aksyon. She'll must think about it first. "Teka lang…" she trailed off when she remembered something. "…alam mo na ba ang tungkol sa statement na inalabas ng Sison Company about Ink Publishing?"
"Yeah mukahang desidido ang mga ito." Everyone knows about it, kaya naman there was no surprise kung laman na sila ng balita at mga pahayagan. The press conference just makes the situation worst.
"Wala paring inalabas na statement ang Publishing Company tungkol sa issue. I'm too sure na ginagawan na nila ng paraan."
"I hope it'll be fine. Hindi katulad sa nangyari noon."
Valuing someone, yet in the end being betray by.
Speaking of…
*~*
Chain of Memories
To value someone, brought happiness and pain at the same time. You never know what will happen after the said circumstances. Yes, somehow it hurts big time. Dumadating ka saa punto na sana ay hindi nalang nangyari ang bagay na iyon, na sana hindi ka nalang nagpahalaga. Sa ganoon ay hindi masakit. Yet who we are who said those?
Sa buhay ko, dumadating sa punto na nagpahalaga ako ng husto. Kasunod noon ay napakahirap para sa akin ang tanggapin ang nangyayari. I loss the trust and never again put my trust. Naisip ko kasi na baka maulit ang pangyayari. I won't want to experience the same thing, again. Still we can't be that sure.
We value because we simply care. And pain will be a part of it. It is a part of life. We are not made to be selfish being; natural for us to value. Our feelings may not be that accurate.
"We feel pain, simply because we care."
I sighed. "Is it possible not to feel anything?" I cannot help but asked.
"No."
Yeah, we are not robot to say, we don't have feeling. Ang reyalidad ng tao ng napakakomplikado. Iba ng pananaw ng bawat tao. Kung paano hina-handle ang bawat desisyon kaya naman kahit ako mismo ay walang karapatan para husgahan ang ibang tao. Kahit alam nating mali, hindi parin nararapat na husgahan. Maraming mga dahilan kung bakit nagagawa ng tao ang isang bagay na hindi katanggap-tanggap sa lipunan. I don't have the right to correct them in the harsh way or the opposite. God knows every whims of the heart, but we humans don't have the right to judge. Simply, we don't know the reason why. Or what circumstances push them to do something. I can only give the understanding not the punishment in behalf.
Lahat naman tayo nakakagawa ng mga bagay na kahit kailanman ay di magiging tanggap sa lipunan o kaya naman sa Diyos. In short, walang perpektong tao. In that realization, nasasaktan tayo kasi somehow naiintindihan natin ang kalagayan ng taong 'yon.
Deep inside my heart, hoping for something. I cannot turn back the times and do differently. I don't even know the person thinking. Hindi ko hawak ang kanyang pag-iisip, at kung ano man ang rason niya para gawin ang isang bagay na maraming maapektuhan. Being betrayed.
From that point, no one could never deny how hurt it can be. It hurts to the point, you'll ask yourself. Why? What's wrong? Some of the question which impossible to fade. Yet no answers came in the surface. I have nothing to say good thing lalo na sa mga taong iba ang pananaw. We can say, might be others wanted to get revenge from what they've been through.
For me, I don��t have to do that. What's with the revenge thing? Mababago ba nito ang katotohanan na mayroong isang bahagi ng buhay mo, you experienced to be betrayed of? None. Wala naman mababago. Para saan pa at gagawin moa ng bagay na iyon? Like you're rendering something of mere nonsense reason which never help.
What is revenge for? Revenge holds you in moving forward – having a brand new start. Revenge never wanted you to forgive. After all you did to revenge, no satisfaction. It never gives the contentment.
"You may have betrayed thousand times in life. Just heal the pain and live. The only thing you could do. No one is perfect, all people make a mistake. Always do remember, you can't fix one mistake by other mistake. Don't let emotions confide your being and later on decide a wrong choice which time will come, you'll remorse."
Those sentiments never left me. Nanggaling iyon sa isang tao na napakaimportante sa buhay ko.
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