บท 39: Chapter 36: Valentine's Heart Break
Jordan's POV
A little over a month has passed, and this hasn't gotten any easier. I can barely handle going to school, seeing her every day makes this all too real. Mom and dad are pissed and confused as to what's going on. They don't know why we broke up, and I refuse to tell them. All they know is we broke up, neither of us are happy, I'm barely sleeping, and I'm not returning her calls.
The only sleep I get comes when I listen to her voicemails. Hearing her voice calms me, but it doesn't last long.
I hear people whisper behind me. None of what's happened has been good for my reputation. Everyone thinks I've lost it. They think I abused her and that's why she left and now I'm an inch away from a total mental breakdown. That last part might be true.
Shoving my books in my locker I take a chance and look at her locker. I catch her staring at me, I didn't even realize she was here yet. Neither of us look away. I feel my heart speed up and I can't help but debate going over to talk to her. That thought is thrown out the window when I see the pain in her eyes as she ducks her head.
I can't stop watching her, as much as it hurts, I can't look away. I feel my stomach clench as she opens her locker and over a dozen roses spill out. I can't hide my anger as I clench my fists. The anger fades to pain when I see her turn to me expectedly. She thinks I did that, and it hurts that I can't say I did. Taking my eyes off her, I see Dominic come up behind her with a twisted smile on his face.
I see his lips moving as she turns to face him, but I don't hear anything. I take a few steps forward to listen.
"Well, yeah," He chuckles, "Who else would..."
I see them both glance at me, him more so. I can't fight my sneer which actually seems to amuse him.
"I'm sorry about you guys by the way. You deserve better," I watch him take the rose she's holding and put it in her hair, I don't like him touching her, "Maybe you could let me see if I can give you better?"
"What?" Her whole body goes stiff.
"Tomorrow's Valentine's Day, and I thought-"
"It is?" She almost seems scared.
Fuck it is. I know most girls love Valentine's Day, but I never cared. I'm no idiot, I've been with a couple girls but it was never very serious, I never cared about Valentine's Day but now... It feels like my heart is getting ripped out all over again. I listen some more as Dominic tries to charm Rhea and I fantasize about breaking his teeth.
"Yeah," His smile grows, "I was hoping I could maybe take you out, go to a nice dinner, maybe see a flick?"
She stays quiet for a few moments and I hear people start whispering. I feel my heart speed up more as her silence stretches, but when she does I feel my stomach drop and anger boil.
"O... Ok."
I don't stick around, I'm halfway down the hall by the time the bell rings. Paying no attention to the people in my way as I brush past and into a nearby bathroom. I'm lucky the bathroom is empty because as soon as I step through the door I introduce my fist to the tile wall. I don't hold in the pained yell that follows as I grip my hand, I broke some skin and it throbs but it could be a lot worse. If I got my hands on Dominic they'd be bloody.
She should be spending Valentine's Day with me! I'd give anything to be able to come to school tomorrow with a huge thing of flowers, and a teddy bear with chocolates, I'd give anything to take her out to some fancy dinner and then sit on the hood of my car and count stars.
But that won't happen, instead she'll be with that jackass. I feel the darkest parts of my mind come to life in this moment.
She fucking said yes, does she want to be with him? Was I misreading her this whole time?
No, no way. She was afraid of him, anyone could see that, she looks at him the way she looked at her house when I dropped her off. He probably knows she's scared, and that's why he asked like that, so she'd be too scared to say no. I knew the douche was leading up to something!
My heart breaks a little more. She said yes. I slide my back down the bathroom wall and sit on the floor. I need to get out of here, I can't be here right now, if I see that tool I'll break him. If I see her I'll snap and tell her everything.
Picking up my backpack I rush out of the bathroom and towards the parking lot. Maybe if I go home and go back to bed I'll wake up and find this has all been a dream, I'll wake up and she'll still love me and be mine.
I don't cry much, but this girl has made me spill more tears in a month than I have in years. I really hope my parents aren't home, especially my dad, I'm not in the mood to deal with him and his judgmental crap. He told me I was an idiot for screwing it up with Rhea, and kept pointing out I didn't fight as much when I was with her. Worst part is he's right, all I can think about as I drive is how better my life was, how much better I was with her around. My grades are slipping, I haven't been to school as much, I've already had four detentions for fighting, and I hate it. I want everything back to the way it was.
I shove my tears away as I pull into my driveway. I don't see my mom or dad's cars, I know they'll get a call from school and chew me out but at least that'll happen later.
Without even grabbing my bag, I match up to the house and shove open the door. I don't notice Rosie until I see her jump at me slamming the door shut.
"Jordan?" She looks concerned, "Is everything alright? You're supposed to be at school."
"I can't believe she said yes, I keep trying to tell myself that she did it because she was scared but what if she wasn't?" I feel my anger bubble at the thought of them out together and I kick the wall, "What if she always wanted to be with him? I knew he was planning something, I knew it but I didn't do anything about it. God fucking damn it! This is all my fault!" I kick the leg of the table by the door before I slam my head against the wall.
"What on earth are you talking about? What is going on?" Rosie sounds horrified, it reminds me of how Rhea sounded when I broke up with her.
"I messed up Rosie," I feel my eyes water again as I shake my head, "I messed up so much."
She puts down her rag and comes over to me, gently wrapping her hand around my arm and pulling me to the living room to sit.
"Is this about Rhea? Did something happen?" She watches me waiting for a response that won't come, "Jordan dear, no one knows what happened, you're miserable and no one understands why any of this came to be. I can't help if I don't know everything."
Rosie knows more about Rhea than most people. Rosie grew up with an abusive stepdad until she was fourteen and her mom divorced him. If anyone would understand it's her, so I tell her everything, I tell her about Dominic terrifying Rhea at school and playing on her insecurities. I tell her all about what happened over winter break and how it killed me to hurt her but if I didn't, Dominic would tell everyone about her dad. I tell her the stuff I said to Rhea and how today Dominic asked her out and she said yes.
"Jordan honey, she needs to know," Rosie puts her hand on my shoulder, "You have to tell her everything. If what you say is true then she doesn't want to be with him, she wants to be with you. And if he's willing to use these things against you two, who knows what he has in store for her."
"I can't tell her, I can barely be in the same room as her without wanting to get on my knees and beg her to take me back. Who knows what Dominic will do if I tell her, I can't risk it. That's her biggest fear, the truth about her dad getting out. She's scared she'll be taken away from him and everything she knows forever."
Rosie tells me I need to do something, guys like Dominic never have good intentions. With a final hug of reassurance she gets up and gets back to cleaning.
I sit on the couch and think about what I can do. I think about who I can trust to help me fix this for Rhea. She may never forgive me, or trust me again but I don't want her stuck with that dipshit Dominic and I don't want her spending her whole life in fear of her dad. There's got to be something... I need to talk to Mr. Marsh. He adores Rhea, if I can get him to listen without punching me he might be able to help.
I pull out my phone and find her voicemail from before we broke up. I listen to it over and over again just enjoying the sound of her voice saying she missed me.
As I climb up the stairs to my room I think about her and how nice it would be to find her waiting, asleep in my bed. She's always so cute when she's asleep, her mouth always hangs open a little and sometimes she'll start talking in her sleep. Although I'm not surprised, I'm disappointed to find my bed empty.
Going to my desk I grab one of the framed pictures from Winter formal. She looked radiant that night, her smile made my heart flutter. I haven't seen her smile at all these past weeks.
I broke her, I ripped her heart apart and dropped her in Dominic's lap. If Rosie is right, and anything happens to her, I will never forgive myself. I doubt she'll ever forgive me for any of this.
This is going to be the worst Valentine's Day ever.
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