บท 4: Focus
A pair of hands were on her.
They were pale and large, and familiar-looking; Cassie instantly recognized them as the same hands she had observed make an endless number of potions over the years. But instead of chopping, or stirring, or even paging through a book, they were on her bare flesh. Their owner was making graceful, calculated movements as the appendages made their way from her collarbone to her shoulders, down her arms. She shuddered under their expert caresses, and soon she found herself squirming as long, slender, fingers began to dance their way across her belly, her chest now heaving from the anticipation of where they could be going next.
In her dreaming state, she slowly began to wonder why on earth she didn't have a single piece of clothing on, while the blurry figure above her that was responsible for all of these tantalizing sensations seemed to be fully covered in black robes. At the moment, however, the realization of the blatant difference didn't dampen the mood.
For a few more blissful moments, the hands continued their fluid motions on her fevered flesh, and Cassie could feel something heavenly building inside of her. But, just as quickly as this dream came on, the mood swiftly began to change, as if someone had entered her psyche and was now commandeering the direction of it. The hands that were touching her were suddenly cold, and Cassie gasped in shock as one harshly gripped a wrist while the other went to her throat. Wide-eyed, she tried to get a better look at her assailant, but all she could make out was an obscure shape of a person with no distinguishable features of a face or hair.
"Get off me!" she growled, and the grip on her neck tightened as she struggled.
"Foolish girl," a cold, high voice snarled back. Then, some of Cassie's memories, old and new alike, began to flash around the two of them, like someone was pulling them forward and rifling through them like a scrapbook. It was agonizing, and Cassie was screaming when she woke up that morning, startling the other girls in her dormitory and starting them off to an early day as well.
When she was fully awake, she couldn't remember the nightmarish end to her dream. All she could recall was the figure in the black robes touching her and how good it made her feel. She made a silent promise to herself not to look at the High Table at breakfast this morning, for fear of losing her day's focus if she laid eyes on the Head of Slytherin. She was immensely proud of herself when she was able to follow through with it, giving herself a mental pat on the back as she left the Great Hall, having not glanced up at Snape once.
Her first class of the day was a rather uneventful double Herbology lesson, which in Cassie's book meant it was a rather good one. Afterward, she had received a message from Madam Pince to go to the library, so she headed there to get set up for her tutoring sessions. At first, her thoughts as she walked were on what topics the younger students might be coming to her would be about this first week. But once she realized she was looking around, hoping to catch a glimpse of a tall, black-haired figure in the crowd as moved about the castle, her feelings of self-control were quickly dashed. Cassie knew she was going to be in trouble. Even the very thought of him had her stomach in knots now. Her cheeks would flush when she would remember her recent dreams or fantasies of him.
She felt like every time they were in the same room, he would somehow know, and not for lack of logical reason, as Cassie was well aware that Snape was more than capable of reading minds. Fortunately for her, she was naturally gifted in the area of Occlumency, in addition to having been trained by Snape. It had been a necessary thing for her to learn at an early age, having been pursued multiple times in her young life by prospective dark wizards and hopeful followers. Together, she and the Potions Master had also discovered that she had inherited the ease of Legilimency from Lord Voldemort, but it had horrified her, as she had seen him use it as a form of torture on people countless occasions. She had vowed never to use it, knowing that it could be a slippery slope and a gross misuse of her powers.
After not seeing Snape on her short journey to the library, Cassie attempted to refocus her thoughts and approached Madam Pince, who was looking as severe as ever.
"Miss Black, follow me if you'd please," she said without any sort of friendly exchange first, and Cassie obliged. She was pointed towards a small room off to one side of the library that was equipped with two large desks facing one another, six small desks in between them and two cauldrons. "You may have your choice of a desk. Your hours will be Mondays and Wednesdays, from 7 pm to 9:30 pm. You may switch or take hours from other tutors, pending approval from myself or your Heads of Houses, of course."
"Alright," Cassie said, trying not to grimace at the formality of it all. She wanted to help younger students, not perform mandatory community service. "Do I have another tutor on with me?"
The librarian pursed her lips as if inconvenienced by such an obtuse question and went to the classroom door to point out a piece of paper that was tacked there. Cassie stepped up to it to find her name, along with the name next to it: Theodore Quartermaine, a seventh-year Hufflepuff. She didn't know him very well, but from what she knew of him, he was kind and friendly to other students, and as far as she knew, he didn't think of her as the antichrist.
"You will report here tonight after dinner for orientation," Madam Pince said.
"Orientation?" Cassie asked, surprised that there was such a thing, but the older witch had suddenly scurried off, feeling the need to fuss after a student that was carrying a stack of books so high they were about to drop them. Cassie would have used a charm to straighten the stack in a heartbeat if the librarian wasn't so adamant that magic not be used near her precious texts.
Then it was lunch. She was able to keep her mind focused on eating and not looking at the High Table by going over that morning's Herbology lesson and anticipating what they might be doing in Charms that afternoon. She had to keep on task this year and couldn't afford a huge distraction. Her NEWTs were this year, and she had to do well so she would be accepted into Auror training. Her marks were usually decent, but not for lack of effort in some areas.
Potions, especially Potions. That damn subject had always given her grief, and as Professor Snape had reminded her time and again over the years: 'You do well in certain subjects because of raw talent, not because you have brains. All in all, you really are dense. And you have problems keeping focus, staying on task. You need excitement or grow bored very easily, it is an irksome trait that needs to be trained out of you!'
Even as Cassie was replaying Snape's insults in her head, she was focusing more on the timbre of his voice and the way it sent shivers up her spine rather than the malice of his message. She shook her head slightly when she realized what she was doing, trying to get him out of her head. The girl next to her gave her a strange look as she got up to leave.
"Damnit," she muttered under her breath and was going to leave herself, when a voice behind her made her jump.
"Miss Black," the voice of the Potions Master reached her ears, and Cassie slowly turned to find him standing there. He was so close that he had to step back to allow her to stand fully and start walking with him.
"Hello, Sev - Professor," she said, taking a shaky breath.
"I'd like to speak with you privately."
"Alright."
"Not now. When you are free, Miss Black?"
Cassie gulped. Images of last night's dream were rushing forward in her mind. "I have class until dinner, then orientation for tutoring right after." They had just exited the Great Hall. "Can't we just talk now?" She didn't want to have to anticipate seeing him later. She wouldn't learn a thing in class today.
"It's not something to discuss in a hallway," he said, and she could tell by the stern look on his face and the crease deepening between his eyebrows that she wouldn't win this one. Not that she ever really won their arguments. "Come to my office after dinner."
Something struck a nerve within her, and before she could stop them, the words came out of her mouth. "I have an appointment to keep, Professor. You come to the library."
One of his eyebrows raised sharply, and she knew she had done it. "How about I put you in detention, Miss Black, and you can forget about your little tutoring endeavors? Will that teach you some respect?" His voice had raised, and students that were walking out of the Great Hall were starting to stare. Had any one of the bystanders been told that he had been comforting the young witch the night before, albeit rather unwillingly, they never would have believed it, witnessing the exchange now that seemed so typical between the professor and his students. He had a soft spot for Cassie, and might even admit to some sort of friendship with her, but hated being disrespected in front of the student population.
He expected her to keep at it and snarl something back at him, as it was typical for her to not back down at this point. When she didn't, he knew at this point he might have taken it a little too far. But he'd never say it.
"If that's what you choose, Professor Snape," Cassie said quietly. He stayed silent for a few seconds before responding.
"My office after dinner. I won't keep you long."
So Cassie went about the rest of her day knowing she would have to go to Snape's office again, and her mind kept drifting to picturing him in it. His height, his scent, his voice, his mannerisms, all of it threatened to distract her as she practiced the advanced skills she had waited seven years to learn while at Hogwarts. She still did quite well in her Charms lesson, as anything involving wand magic came quite naturally to her and rarely needed to be shown to her more than once before she mastered it. Nonetheless, there were facts and text she knew she had to memorize for the end of year tests and the very idea of failing them was making her quite anxious for being only her second day of classes.
She knew she needed to calm down. Not having Charlie or Tonks there with her was making everything seem so much worse. After making a mental note to write her cousin a letter when she had the time in the next couple of days, she felt a bit better, and then she found herself in Arithmancy, having a hard time paying attention to the lecture and the charts that came after. She felt lost, lonely.
Dinner was a short ordeal, as she didn't find herself to be very hungry. This time, she specifically looked up at the High Table to see if Snape looked like he was going to be done eating soon. She made eye contact with him and he nodded slightly to indicate that he saw her, and she stood up. Then her eyes were drawn over to Quirrell, who was staring at her. As soon as she focused on him, he looked away.
"Quirrell was staring at me," Cassie muttered to Snape quietly when he met up with her. She had waited for him at the staircase to the dungeons, and they started to descend together.
"I noticed," he replied curtly.
"Thoughts?"
He didn't reply at first, as they were passing a group of third years in the hallway. Snape muttered greetings to them as they passed, and didn't speak until they were a safe distance away. "Something is going on."
"What?"
"The usual. Fear. Admiration. Spying for the Ministry."
"That's a new one," Cassie said, smirking as they entered his office. Images of the two of them pushed up against his desk flashed in her mind and she immediately pushed them aside, looking intently at some sort of gross pickled ingredient on a shelf instead.
"No it's not," Snape replied, and she laughed a bit.
"Okay, not new. Just haven't had that happen for a while." Fudge had always been a bit wary of Cassie, especially the older she got, and nothing he did to keep tabs on her really ever surprised her. "Okay, Severus, I've got a schedule to keep. What did you want to talk about?"
"First and foremost, do not speak that way to me in front of other students again," he growled dangerously, and his black eyes glared with so much intensity that she almost looked away, but she didn't. Now alone with him, she wouldn't dare back down from one of his challenges.
"Yes, sir," she said dryly and must have had a hard time telling if she was being sarcastic or not, because he blinked a few times before continuing.
"Second, the reason I wanted to speak with you is that your dorm mates have informed me of your habitual screaming in your sleep - "
"Habitual? It's the second day of classes!" she exclaimed, and he leaned forward on his desk, his lip curling as he glowered at her.
"Do not interrupt me."
"Those bitches," she muttered under her breath, and then she looked up at him again. "Sorry."
"Is something going on?" he asked, and she detected the ever-so-slight softening of his tone as he spoke to her. It made her heart all-a-twitter, the way his expression subtlety changed when he was concerned but trying to reign it in.
"No," she lied. What was she supposed to say, that she was having sex dreams, and he was the reoccurring star? She didn't even want to begin to imagine his reaction to that.
He was looking at her exactly the way he looked at her when he didn't believe her, and they both knew it. "It's important that you come to me if something is going on."
"I've been telling you what's been going on," she said somewhat sincerely. "When have I ever not?"
He didn't respond to her then and folded his long arms over his chest as he watched her. She felt like he was staring right through her.
Orientation to tutoring consisted of a know-it-all sixth year Ravenclaw telling Cassie what was expected of her, what was considered cheating and doing the homework for the students, and under what rare circumstances the students could earn extra credit for their courses. The majority of it was common sense to Cassie, and within twenty minutes she was headed back into the main part of the library to start her own mountain of homework. She was thrilled to find Juniper, Alpit and a few other students she was acquainted with, even if they were mainly silent as they worked at the same table. What bothered her was when towards the end of the evening she felt the faintest, slight tug as if someone were trying to peek under the fabric of her mind. She was experienced in feeling someone trying to enter her consciousness, and this was like a minuscule percentage of it, almost as if she were imagining it. It stopped as soon as she looked up and started to look around the mostly deserted library, and she decided that she must have been overtired and hallucinated it. She went back to her dorm soon after.
The other witches in her dorm told her that her screaming woke them up again that morning, that she sounded like she was being tortured. All she remembered was Snape, and what she imagined his quarters were like, and a cushy fur rug near a crackling fireplace...
Today she had Potions. Between all of the seventh years, there were nine of them that had done well enough to advance to this class, and seven of the nine had worked their keisters off to be there. Cassie was grateful to have Juniper and Alpit there, but already she could tell that Juniper was sweating bullets.
"Relax, June," Cassie said quietly as the class unpacked their supplies and textbooks. "Snape's not even in here yet!"
Just then, he burst into the room with a sour look on his face and all the attention was on him. Cassie's insides flipped over several times, a confusing mix of lust and dreading the impending doom.
"Wit-Sharpening Potion, from memory. If you screw up, you will start from scratch, as many times as needed. If you do not complete before class is up, you will copy the instructions, along with the entire textbook, on Saturday night in detention. Begin."
To say there was pressure was a huge understatement. One Hufflepuff was crying in the first twenty minutes, having to restart once already. In the first hour, three others had to restart, and Snape had no problem going around the room and making the product of their efforts disappear with a simple wave of his wand. Ninety minutes in, and Alpit was nearly there, but his purple solution was off by being the slightest bit too light.
Alpit audibly groaned when Snape made his potion disappear, as he knew there was little chance he'd be able to get another batch done in the time they had left. Snape sentenced him to separate detention for it. Cassie opened her mouth to defend her classmate, and Snape must have noticed it, because he was suddenly right beside her, bending forward to breathe down her neck.
"Yes, Miss Black?" he drawled, allowing her to challenge his decision to bully Alpit.
She could feel his hot breath on her skin, and she closed her eyes for a moment, swallowing hard, making herself concentrate. She was almost there, she had to avoid detention.
"Nothing, Professor Snape."
He walked away without another word, satisfied with her compliance. She, along with five of the others, was able to complete the potion. The others were destined for a Saturday night with Snape. For a second, Cassie found herself wishing she was one of them, and she silently scolded herself.
"Miss Black, I'm rather surprised," Snape said to her as she packed up her things, and a few of the other students glanced up to listen to them banter. "Finally learned to pick up a textbook over the holiday, eh?"
Cassie's lips spread into a small smile, and she looked up at him before answering. "Yeah, finally learned how to read!" she said cheerily, and then walked out with an exaggerated spring in her step, earning a few muffled giggles from the stressed students as she went. She knew she probably aggravated Snape just then, but she was also just responding to his insult. But there was the tiniest, most desperate glimmer of hope in her that wondered if he was disappointed that she wouldn't be in his Saturday night detention, too.
As the day went on and her first tutoring session grew nearer, Cassie was wondering if the whole thing was just some horrible idea and if she should just quit while she was ahead. The school year was already proving to be a busy one with the homework load she had been given, and she had to make sure she was focusing on her studies. This would only take away from her time to study. But she reminded herself why she wanted to tutor in the first place; it was an opportunity to help younger students, and it was also a chance to put an extracurricular on her resume. She had not been chosen to be prefect because parents had written letters to the school requesting that she not be given that much power and influence. Some of the professors had jumped to her defense, but Cassie had chosen not to fight it and just stay under the radar.
For similar reasons, she had chosen not to become an Animagi; if she had chosen to start the process at Hogwarts, she would have had to register with the Ministry, and she could foresee what would happen then. Whatever animal she might have decided on, the public would have had access to the information and would have panicked every time there was a squirrel or a chicken near an attack or natural disaster and they would have pointed fingers at her. McGonagall had been sorely disappointed in Cassie's decision not to even consider it but had understood the desire to reduce the fear from the magical community.
She finished her day of classes, had her meals, started some homework and then it was time to head to the library. She wondered if Harry Potter would be seeking homework help tonight, and hoped that if it were the case, that they could avoid the topic of her parents for the time being.
When she entered the little classroom, Theodore was already there and set up at his chosen desk. He greeted her with a warm smile.
"'Ello, Cassiopeia," he said, and Cassie winced.
"Cassie," she corrected. "Hello, Theodore. Is this your first night, too?"
"Sure is. Can't be much too it, I gather," he said. And he seemed right. Students started to slowly file in, mainly first and second years, wanting help on essays and to be shown the correct ways to use their wands on certain spells. Not surprising to Cassie, the majority of them tended to go to Theodore over her, and she figured it was because they knew who she was. For a solid half-hour, she found herself sitting alone, until the bushy-haired girl from the train, Hermione Granger, and Neville Longbottom walked in. Neville's face instantly went green again when he saw her, and she saw Hermione whisper hurriedly in his ear. There was a line of four students waiting in front of Theodore, and finally, Neville seemed to agree with what Hermione was saying, because they approached Cassie's desk.
"Hello Hermione, Neville," Cassie greeted them. "What can I do for you?"
"You know our names?" Neville choked out in disbelief.
"Well, yeah," Cassie said slowly, trying not to laugh. "We met on the train, and I saw you two get sorted, and we kind of go to the same school, so..."
"I just thought, with being a seventh year and all," Neville offered as an explanation, and Hermione nudged him.
"Anyway, we'd just thought we'd get some help on Charms," Hermione said. Cassie waited for her to explain further, but the first year started to fire questions at her instead, 'What spell is used to unlock doors?' 'How would you move your want to extinguish a flame?'. Finally, after answering about five of these in rapid-fire questions in succession, Cassie put up her hand.
"Wait, why am I being quizzed?" she asked Hermione with a raised eyebrow.
"I just wanted to see if you knew them," Hermione answered. Cassie wondered if she had just been passed the test for being good enough to 'tutor' the Gryffindor.
"Well, I'm not the one learning this stuff, you are," Cassie replied. "So again, I ask, what can I do for you?" It turned out that Hermione just wanted to be asked a series of questions she already knew the answers to, and Cassie was fine doing it for the bright witch. She paused only to check in with Neville, who was sitting at a desk and listening quietly, and he insisted he was learning just by doing this. Her session ended with the two of them, and Hermione thanked her profusely for her time, even though Cassie was sure that Hermione hadn't learned anything new. Neville looked her in the eye when he said good night to her, and Cassie felt pretty good when she headed towards the dungeons for the night.
That was, until, she felt that little tug on her mind again. It went away as soon as she whipped around to look for the culprit, just like last time.
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