บท 26: I Won't Ask For You to Love Me
Shouko realized one thing after she said to Kyoya that she would cultivate feelings with him. He had become clingier than usual.
And cuter.
For instance.
Shouko scanned through the vegetables inside the fridge. She was thinking of what should she make for dinner.
Mrs. Shimizu had been dismissed. Even though the older lady was quite surprised when she was told to just rest at her home, she bid her goodbye with the understanding to let the husband and wife depending on each other.
Especially when she saw the eagerness in her young master's eyes as he looked at his wife.
"What do you want to eat?" Shouko looked up to Kyoya who stood beside her, asking for his opinion.
"Anything that you want to make," He answered without thinking.
Shouko peered at his expression. His eyes were full of vitality and he couldn't stop from grinning like a young boy in love. Shouko was tempted to laugh seeing his face.
"Then, how about some chestnut rice?" Shouko gestured at a bowl of chestnut placed on the kitchen island. "Mrs. Shimizu said they were just sent by her husband. It's a perfect dish for autumn."
"En." Kyoya nodded. His lively expression right now was like nothing could wipe off the smile that had been curling up his lips. "Anything you say."
Shouko laughed, she shook her head helplessly.
Both of them had early dinner. Kyoya was an excellent helper in the kitchen. Whatever task Shouko asked for his help, he executed them perfectly. He had even helped her washed all the dirty dishes once they were done with their dinner.
Shouko smiled from the side as she watched him diligently wiped all of the damp plates.
It feels so good to have a reliable husband ah!
"Kyoya, do you want tea or coffee?" Shouko looked at the cans containing tea leaves and coffee beans that were arranged neatly on a shelf. They were all from different brands. "Mrs. Shimizu made a pumpkin cake for us."
"Tea," Kyoya turned around, his eyes settled on the figure of her that was facing the other side. His eyes raised into a smile.
After brewing the tea, Shouko brought a tray of teapot and cups to the lounge. The floor-to-ceiling windows of the lounge were overlooking the quiet lake opposite the villa.
It was a serene night as the moon shone on the surface of the lake, leaving sparkles in its wake.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" Shouko laughed softly as she noticed that Kyoya had been staring at her since the moment she handed him a cup of tea.
"Oh, nothing," Kyoya shook his head. His smile was only deepening even when he was caught looking at her. Both of the tips of his ears reddened.
At this time, they sat side by side on a two-seater couch. The appropriate gap that Kyoya would always leave between them whenever they sat together got narrower but Shouko didn't mind.
Shouko smiled. Her heart was full of sweetness seeing him acting like this. He appeared youthful with the way he would occasionally sneak a peek at her or openly staring at her.
"Ah!" Shouko suddenly recalled something. She quickly placed her cup on the saucer and focused on Kyoya. "You said you'd tell me about it! The thing about me saying the same thing to you before."
Kyoya blinked, he was reminded that he had indeed promised to tell her about it.
"Oh, that..." A low laughed escaped his lips. He smiled at her, his eyes were full of indulgence as he added, "I'll tell you."
Shouko waited for him to begin with anticipation. She really wanted to know the bits of how their relationship started. Maybe, in this way, she could start remembering the past.
Kyoya's eyes fixated on Shouko's bright and clear eyes. A memory from five years ago resurfaced in his mind.
It was the second week of their marriage. Although Kyoya had threatened Father Yuasa for the sake of protecting his wife, he was actually had yet to have an interest in their new relationship.
He would have breakfast with her in the morning and if he didn't have any social engagements at night he would come home early and have dinner with her. But, most of his time was still preoccupied with his demanding job in the company.
His mindset was simple. He had a wife and later, maybe a child who would inherit his legacy. Both of them would treat each other with respect since he didn't have any intention or expectation for them both to love each other.
For him, love was an impossible thing for a man like him.
They slept in different rooms because he still wanted her to familiarize herself with him. If she greeted him, he would return it back with a nod.
Sometimes, he realized that his new wife would always smile at him even when he would only answer her with a grunt and expressionless face.
Her smile was different from those who were fawning over him, either due to his background, look or wealth. When they smiled at him, their eyes would be clouded by greed.
But, her eyes were clear and bright.
"What is this?" Kyoya looked at the white box in her hands. It seemed like a pastry box.
When he wanted to leave the dining room, she suddenly stopped him and showed this box to him.
"I realized that you love sweets. If you don't mind, please bring this to your office," She answered with a smile.
Kyoya nodded once. He extended a hand to take it from her. The sweet scent of cinnamon and sugar drifted in the air, piquing his curiosity. He had heard Old Toshio reporting to him that his new wife would sometimes use the kitchen to cook or bake but this was his first time receiving something from her.
Kyoya lifted up his eyes from the box. Then, with a monotonous voice, he asked her, "What do you want?"
"En... ah?" Shouko was completely puzzled with the sudden question. She blinked once. "What do you mean?"
Kyoya looked back at the box before he answered her, "You baked sweets for me. I should give something to you too. What do you want?"
"Ah? I do not want anything," Shouko quickly waved her hands, she was completely taken aback with his way of thinking.
"Why? It is something expensive?" Kyoya frowned. "You can just use the card I gave you. You don't need to ask for my permission. Or, it is still not enough?"
He remembered that he had yet to receive any notification that informed him she had used the card.
Shouko's mouth was gaped open at this time.
Kyoya had indeed given her a card right on the first day of their marriage. It was a black card with no preset spending limit. Shouko was so terrified when he suddenly inserted the card inside her purse the other day. She felt like she was robbing his entire wealth!
"No! No! It's not that!" Shouko was distressed. She had always felt that her new husband was a pragmatic man but she didn't expect to this extent!
"Then?" Kyoya was totally confused right now. If not for the person standing before him was his legal wife, he would have long left her behind and ignore her.
Shouko sighed. A helpless expression appeared on her delicate face. "This is just my gift for you. You don't have to give me anything in return."
"Isn't a gift meant to be reciprocated?"
If someone sent him a gift, he would return the gesture later. That was how he had always worked because he disliked the feeling of being indebted.
He wasn't short on anything yet people would always find an excuse to gift him with something. Especially before a collaboration was started.
Shouko sighed again. "Sometimes, we do need to return the gesture but we still need to look at the situation. I just baked some sweets for my husband. If I baked them every day for you, did it mean I'd receive a gift from you every day too?"
Kyoya pursed his lips, suddenly he lost any words to say.
"Kyoya," Shouko softened her voice, it was like she was speaking to a child. Like the children she had always met in the orphanage. "I know we got married due to interest; to fulfill Grandpa's wish and save my father's company but I do not have any intention to treat our marriage just as a business transaction."
Her heart was suddenly in turmoil as she tried to arrange her words. It was kind of embarrassing but she needed to make herself clear to him. She told herself to not divert her eyes from his peering gaze.
"We are practically strangers at this moment but you are still my husband. I won't ask for you to love me because I understand it's not something we could force to happen but I'd try to grow feelings for you."
"Grow feelings?" His eyelashes fluttered as a surprise flashed in his eyes.
Shouko nodded. Her gaze was resolute. "Once I'm married, I'd only grow feelings for my husband. Even if I do love you in the future, you don't have the obligation to reciprocate my feelings. I just want to let you know my stance."
For the first time, there was a ripple in his usually calm and indifferent gaze when he was met with her soft yet alluring smile.
"... I said that?"
Kyoya snapped out of his trance. The memory of five years ago faded as he focused on the little lady who sat beside him.
"I really said that?" Shouko laughed in disbelief. "Wow! I must be so embarrassed inside even though I looked calm during that time."
Kyoya chuckled, his low voice sounded magnetic in the quiet room. "You indeed looked calm."
Shouko laughed again when she recalled his story. She could imagine herself standing in front of Kyoya with his usual expressionless face and trying to make him understand that it was completely fine for him to just receive the sweets from her.
"At that time, I finally realized that I was a husband to someone, to you," Kyoya said with regret. "It was true, as you said, I was treating our marriage as a transaction but your words did enlighten me a bit."
"Then? What did you do?" Shouko asked. She let her gaze lingered on his face longer than usual.
Kyoya paused to think, he then chuckled once again. "I began trying to treat you as a wife instead of a business partner. It was hard but, I was glad because you didn't shun me."
He remembered that Grandpa was so happy when the old man realized how different he had treated Shouko compared to their early days of marriage. Grandpa joked saying that his cold heart had started to melt. He then understood Grandpa was just hoping for the best for him.
For him to know another form of familial love instead of the one given by his grandfather.
"Kyoya."
"En?"
Kyoya looked at his wife. From his seat, he could smell her sweet scent. It was not the one due to expensive perfume nor shower gel, but the one scent originated from her body. He had always thought she smell like the roses planted in their home.
Sweet, subtle yet it was enough to relax his mind.
"I will try to grow my feelings back to you," Shouko smiled softly. "Like the time from five years ago."
Kyoya nodded. As time went by, the warmth in his heart diffused to his entire body.
He thought he could have a good night's sleep with her voice promising to grow feelings to him back. But, the reality was far from it.
He was still okay when he bid her good night yet, right at the moment he stepped inside his room, fear and anxiety began to surge in his heart, creating a void within him.
He was afraid if it was all a dream. A sweet dream that would torture him once he woke up.
Kyoya closed his eyes, cold sweat started beading on his round forehead. He clenched and unclenched his fists, trying hard to stabilize his emotion.
"We are going to be alright. We are going to be alright. We are going to be alright..."
He repeated the words as if he was chanting a mantra.
But, the void was still there, drowning him in the abyss.
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Side theater:
This conversation took place once they were in love.
Shouko: You know, I was so surprised to receive a black card from you! We have just gotten married at that time!
Kyoya: Why is that?
Shouko: I felt like robbing all of your money! What if I was a greedy person? Won't you regret it?
Kyoya: Love, I still have a few more cards with me <taking out all of his cards and gave them to Shouko> Just swipe them all.
Shouko: ... I'm afraid I'd get a heart attack first before swiping them all.
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