บท 22: I Don't Want to See Her Suffers Again

He brooded in silence after the unpleasant disturbance in the morning. No one dared to approach him and he couldn't care less about it. His assistant was the only one who would see him if there was anything that required his attention.

Then, he buried himself into work to avoid himself from going outburst in rage again.

Close to noon, he received a call from her.

Three calls.

All of them were left unanswered.

Kyoya didn't know why did she suddenly call him. She rarely did so but this time, she tried calling him three times.

As much as he wanted to hear her voice, he dared not to pick up her calls. He didn't want her to hear how helpless he sounded right now yet the yearning to listen to her voice continue to surge in his heart.

While he was wallowing in regret, he once again received a call. This time it was from the mansion's landline. An uneasy feeling sprouted in his heart. Once he heard Old Toshio's frantic voice, his mind blanked out before he ran out of the office and head to the basement car park.

"Young Madam fainted!"

Kyoya didn't remember how did he get inside the car, pressuring his driver to drive faster, getting off of the car and ran to her room.

He could only feel remorse and fear at the moment, berating himself for not answering her calls and was terrified if something really bad happened to her.

His heart was suspended for a moment once he saw her lying weakly on the vast bed. The image of her lying motionless on the hospital bed a few weeks ago came into his mind. Both of the images overlapped together.

His blood ran cold as a terrible sense of horror spread throughout his entire body.

If... She woke up and said she forgot about him again, he didn't dare to imagine how his entire world would crumble.

"Kyoya."

Kyoya snapped out of his daze. The sound of her voice brought him back to reality. That was when he realized the feeling of her soft body embracing him.

She... hugged him?

"I'm sorry," She spoke again, her voice was muffled by his shoulder. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you worry."

Ah... He forgot.

The very moment she regained consciousness, he swiftly brought her into his arms and hugged her tightly as if he was afraid of her slipping away from his palm. He had even voiced out the thing he was most terrified of. And then, when he realized what he had said in the chaotic moment, he wanted to turn away and hide.

The very next second, she grabbed hold onto him, bursting into tears and embraced him.

Kyoya pursed his lips. He raised his hands and embraced her back. He laid his forehead on one of her shoulders, inhaling her scent to calm the erratic beating of his heart.

At this moment of time, he allowed himself to reveal how vulnerable he was. He wanted to be selfish and spoiled for once. The thought of her despising him for showing her such an ugly side didn't even flash in his mind.

Because he knew she won't.

Shouko's body was numb by the time Kyoya let go of her. She carefully looked at his expression. The redness in his eyes receded a bit. He didn't appear as terrible as earlier. Relief flooded in her heart.

"What happened?" She asked in a low voice. Her head was still feeling dizzy when she tried to recall the events before she lost consciousness. "I remember that I was in the library before..."

"Old Toshio found you fainted. I came back as soon as I received his call," Kyoya looked down, he was playing with her fingers. His rough fingertips traced her palms before they went to her smooth tips. The coolness of her fingertips brought a frown to his face. "Your hands are cold."

"Oh, I didn't realize that."

Shouko let him twirled with her fingers. She was still worried when she recalled the fear and anxiety in his eyes when once she woke up and the helplessness in his voice when he pleaded for her to let him hug her. Maybe this was his way to calm his heart.

"Your hands are cold," He repeated his words.

Kyoya began rubbing her hands with his, trying to spread warmth to her cold hands. His action was gentle yet something about it made Shouko couldn't help but think of a young boy.

A feeble young boy.

She was unsure whether he noticed it or not but, it seemed like he had bared his naked soul to her.

His weaknesses, his vulnerability.

She had seen all of them clearly.

Fool, Shouko smiled sadly. Who would have thought you're as fragile as us ordinary humans? Even though you're supposed to stand above all of us.

Perhaps, your burden is even heavier than most of us.

Shou arrived shortly due to Old Toshio's call. Although reluctant, Kyoya let go of his wife's hands. He waited anxiously for the examination done by his friend. Shouko would occasionally smile at him, silently telling him that she was alright.

After the examination, Shou gave both of them a few pieces of advice.

"Sister-in-law is alright. In my opinion, you're stimulated by something that triggered your brain. Do you remember anything?"

Shouko didn't answer him immediately. She pondered for a moment, trying to recall what had come into her mind before she passed out. Her brows furrowed slightly as it was quite difficult for her to remember.

Unbeknownst to Shouko, Kyoya was waiting for her answer with deep worry inside his heart.

"I can't remember it clearly..." Shouko pressed the back of her hand against her forehead, a soft sigh escaped from her lips. "It was just... I suddenly felt pain. The images were blurry so I wasn't sure."

Shou paused to think, he glanced at his friend's unkempt appearance through the corner of his eyes. It was evident this usually cold man was caught off guard with his wife's sudden fainting. Being his friend since childhood, Shou had long been accustomed to the fact that only the dainty woman sitting on the bed could stir such great emotions within him.

"Well, what did you do before the pain came abruptly?" Once again, Shou asked.

Shouko thought back of what she did in the library after Old Toshio left. She recalled that she was reading a book after she failed to try to call Kyoya and then... "A drawing."

"A drawing?" Both of the men were confused hearing her words.

Shouko nodded.

"What kind of drawing?" Shou asked again.

"It's a drawing of stickmen," This time, her voice became clearer. "Like a child's drawing. And, this is not the first time I've seen it."

"You... when was the first time you saw it?"

"En, last week I think. I saw it was doodled on one of the books inside the library," The stickmen drawing of a family of three popped inside her mind. "And... today I saw another one. It was drawn in another book."

Both Kyoya and Shou were stunned. They exchanged a glance with each other. Understanding the meaning behind his friend's gaze, Shou knew he should drop this subject at this moment.

"It might or might not be what has triggered your headache today so for now I hope you'd just take a good rest for now," Shou said firmly, trying to distract Shouko from thinking of the matter. "If anything happens, please consult with me. It's best if you do something relaxing rather than thinking of it."

"Oh... alright," Even though she was actually baffled with the sudden change of topic, Shouko didn't think of otherwise. Her head was still feeling a bit of pain so she didn't want to overexert her mind.

Shou looked at Kyoya, he silently gestured for him to follow him out of the room. Kyoya nodded slightly. His face was still pale.

"I'll send Shou out first," Kyoya walked to the bedside. He bent down and tightened the shawl around her shoulders. "Old Toshio will send dinner in a moment. Wait for me, alright?'

"Okay," Shouko nodded obediently, she smiled softly in order to appease the man's worried face.

Kyoya took one last look at her before he walked out of the room. Shou was waiting in front of the staircase. Kyoya motioned him to follow him to his study. Both of them remained quiet until the door was closed properly behind them.

"You're lucky she didn't remember anything yet," Shou said truthfully, he looked at his friend's solemn face. "But, if this continues, it'd be a big disaster once she regains all of her memories."

Kyoya pursed his lips tight. He understood Shou's words but he was still in a denial.

He had asked Old Toshio to erase all of the traces. How could she suddenly come across a drawing? Was it something unknown to him?

"You have to make up your mind, Kyoya," Shou spoke again when he saw Kyoya didn't have any intention to answer him. "As a doctor, I won't lie if your wife asked me something but, as your friend, I understood why do you want to hide it. You should..."

"I don't want her to get sick again," Kyoya's deep voice cut his words.

"You mean..."

"I don't want to see her suffers again," Kyoya closed his eyes. His heart ached dreadfully as if thousands of sharp spears piercing through its flesh. "If possible, I don't want her to remember what happened in the past year but I know someday, she might remember those painful memories again."

"Kyoya..."

"I understood it's inevitable but, I'm at a loss. I don't know what should I do. I could be the bearer of pain for her but... it's impossible."

Shou was rendered speechless. His friend had always been cold and aloof. It was hard to see him being emotional like he did during this moment. While he was racking his brain on what he should say to him, Kyoya's helpless voice echoed again in the study.

"I still remember her words before the accident. It's the first time I heard her being calm after so long. Do you want to know?"

"I..."

"She asked me if it's still possible for us both to return to our happy time." The corners of his lips turned upward slightly yet his eyes appeared dull. He was staring blankly at the photo frame placed on the table. "I was too happy. I agreed with her but, who knew, the next time I talked to her was when she has lost her memories of us. I don't know if fate was playing a joke or not to me."

After he had gotten used to hearing her sorrowful voice whenever she talked to him, it was the first time she sounded calm. How could he not have his hopes high up?

He had begun picturing their happy moments together. Something that had long become a distant memory to him.

But, all of his hopes crushed the moment he heard of her accident.

"Kyoya, I suggest you take a break to somewhere else," Shou voiced out his opinion, he casually put both of his hands inside the pockets of his pants. "I mean it."

His words drifted off in the air. There was no reaction from his friend. Shou sighed, he kicked the imaginary dust on the floor. He spoke again, trying to persuade Kyoya.

"You're quite emotional right now. Your insomnia has acted up again and you are anxious about your wife's condition. Moreover, I heard from Ryoya, that woman came to see you today. With all these things happenings it's better for you to go for a short getaway. Bring her with you too."

Kyoya turned his head, looking at his friend. "Do you think so?"

Shou nodded his head, he appeared resolute. "It's best for both of you. Maybe, in this way you could properly think of what you should do next."

Kyoya looked back at the photo on the table. It was a photo of the two of them with a vast lake as the background. Suddenly, he recalled the moment they went to the lake.

It was a bright autumn morning. She looked so beautiful in her pastel yellow dress and a white long coat sheltering her from the cool breeze. She jumped in joy as she pulled his arm to quickly follow her.

"Love, it's dangerous to jump like that," Kyoya couldn't help but reprimand her a bit when he looked at the cobbled path under their feet. He was nervous if her heels would suddenly be stuck in between the paving stones.

"So, what? I have you to catch me," She answered brilliantly with a giggle. Her eyes twinkled with delight as she suddenly tilted her head up and pressed a soft kiss at the corner of his lips.

Kyoya chuckled helplessly. She really knew how to turn the tables according to her favor.

It was a happy memory that he missed.

After a while, Kyoya nodded. "I would take your advice."

Shou's right. Maybe, just maybe, after this break, I would know what to do.