บท 21: You Didn't Forget About Me Again, Right?

"Was it... his mother?"

As she dropped the question, she was hoping she was wrong.

But, the head nod from Old Toshio confirmed her suspicion. With the confirmation, her eyes began to tear up.

"What kind of abuse?"

Her voice was just a whisper in the quiet library.

"That..."

Old Toshio was quite hesitant. When he saw the expression of the young lady, his gaze grew heavier. Her clear eyes were no longer beaming, only sorrow and pain were reflected in them right now.

He would give her a harsh blow if he told her.

"That... I'm afraid only Young Master could tell you. I am sorry, Young Madam," Old Toshio bowed his head, expressing his regret. "But, at the very least, I want you to know that since both of you truly became a husband and wife, Young Master's insomnia has greatly lessened. He could be relaxed when he's with you."

"Did he have a specialist attending to him?" It was a plausible guess since he was the supreme leader in Kashino family. The health of the master was an extremely important thing.

"There's a hypnotist attending to Young Master named Dr. Sagawa. Besides him, Young Master Suzuki is responsible for him too," Old Toshio calmly introduced the two men to her.

Young Master Suzuki? He must be the one Kyoya called Shou, right? But...

"He has a personal hypnotist?" Shouko was puzzled. "Dr. Suzuki isn't enough to help her?"

"That..." Old Toshio sighed. "Young Master's body has slowly built tolerance with all the sleeping pills he has consumed in the past. To avoid him facing the repercussion of having too many sleeping pills, we have to resort to having a hypnotist's help even though... it doesn't help much either."

"What? How come?"

Old Toshio paused, he remembered back what Dr. Sagawa and Young Master Suzuki had relayed to him when he inquired the state of his young master's health. Both of them had the same conclusion.

"The hypnosis would fail if the patient's mental barrier is too strong," Old Toshio worded their words one by one. "Young Master is famous for his cold personality and his self-control is great except for the things that have scarred him during his childhood. If he's unwilling to share what is burdening his mind, even the greatest hypnotist couldn't help him."

"That... I have no word to say," Shouko closed her eyes, tears had been threatening to fall down. She interlocked both of her hands, gripping tightly to each other. "I... didn't know that his past is so pitiful..."

Old Toshio nodded, he felt uncomfortable for inciting pain to this young lady. But, it was inevitable. It was better for his young madam to know about it soon.

"Please forgive him, Young Madam and I hope you'd help him. I'm afraid to say that if he didn't rest well, his health would be in great danger."

Shouko was initially disappointed when Old Toshio refused to tell her the entire story but she understood why he did that. As much as she wanted to know, it was the best if Kyoya himself who told her this.

All of those painful memories might be the ones he wanted to hide deep without letting anyone knew.

That man... he's always showed me that he's alright. Who would have thought...

All of a sudden, her heart throbbed in pain when she recalled his tenderness that he displayed to her.

"Thank you for telling me this, Old Toshio," Shouko smiled, relaying her gratitude. "I'm really thankful because you told me this."

"Young Madam..."

"I might not remember him and all of you yet but so far, I love living here," Shouko chuckled softly. The light in her eyes returned, brightening her countenance. "I could see everyone is treating me with sincerity. I can tell that my time living here in these five years is one of the greatest things happening to me."

"Oh, that..." Old Toshio felt awkward, her words brought a sense of guilt to him yet he quickly recomposed himself. The old man smiled as a hint of melancholy flashed in his eyes.

When he spoke again, his words were laced with advice.

"Young Madam, you're the best thing that could ever happen to Young Master. I hope, whatever you might remember, you would believe in yourself and in him. After all, in these five years, both of you have your own share of happiness and sorrow."

Shouko didn't find any abnormality hearing the old man's advice. She at the very least understood that there would be no way for her and Kyoya to just live in pink bubbles of happiness.

To fall in love with someone, you learned to smile with him in bliss and accepted the demons inside him.

When she herself had her own demons tearing her inside.

The clock continued ticking but Shouko was still in her daze.

"I wonder... how much he has suffered?"

A sour feeling began spreading in her heart before it slowly enveloped her entire being. She felt so helpless right now.

He was still hurting over the unpleasant experience during his childhood yet right now, her condition must be increased his suffering. She could only imagine the anxiety and fear that he felt when she said she didn't remember him.

Should I call him?

Shouko reached out for her phone. She was hesitant, afraid of interrupting him but the feeling of wanting to know if he was alright overwhelming her. Having made her decision, she tapped on the Call button.

The first ring...

The second one...

And the third one...

All of them were left unanswered.

"Is he busy?" Shouko thought it was possible but somehow her heart felt otherwise.

Since there was nothing she could so, she could just spend her time in the library and ate when the time arrived. To this day, she had managed to read all of the books written by her. Each book got better and better but she still loved the series the most.

But, a thing had been disturbing her from the start.

From what she saw, she would publish at the very least four books annually but even after the last publication of Aiko and the Moon which dated to autumn last year, there was no sign of any new books getting published.

She tried to speculate but only had one answer - she might be taking some time off from writing.

"En?"

Shouko flipped to the page that suddenly caught her eye. Right now she was reading a compilation of short stories written by another author who was in the same publishing company as hers. What had diverted her attention was a piece of paper placed in the middle of the two pages.

"This is..."

Another drawing of stickmen came into her view. The style was very much the same as the first one that she saw before.

This time, the child stickman was drawn as if he was doodling on a book while the mother stickman sat beside him with a smile on her round face. There was a childlike scrawl next to the figures.

Our secret time together.

Our... secret time?

Shouko blinked her eyes. In a spur of the moment, a pain spread from the back of her head.

"Ah!"

Her face contorted, her eyes squinted shut as sweat began beading on her forehead. Shouko pressed her temples, trying to ease the agony but it was only in vain.

At this moment, countless blurry images popped inside her mind at the quickest speed, refusing her to look at them properly.

The image of a sweet smile of someone that she couldn't see the face.

Scattered books on the floor.

A pile of crayons.

The view in the garden.

All of them were vague as if they were blanketed by thick mist.

What... are these?

The images overlapped one another and when she tried to focus, all of them stopped and vanished.

"Urgh!"

As quick as the pain came, in an instant, it faded away.

"Ha... ha..."

Sweat dripped down from her forehead, the cool air of autumn suddenly turned hot. Shouko pressed her temples, she was still feeling the residual pain.

"What... was that?"

What...

Her consciousness began to deteriorate. Shouko urged herself to stay awake but a wave of exhaustion crashed onto her. The last thing she remembered was her view slowly turning into a black void before her body falling into the abyss.

Shouko didn't remember how long she had lost her consciousness. What she did remember was there was a warm feeling enveloping her hands. As she stepped away from the darkness, she squinted her eyes as she tried to wake up.

The first thing that greeted her sight was a pair of eyes, full of fear and anxiety.

It was a familiar face.

"...Kyoya?" Her voice was hoarse, she realized her throat was parched. "What..."

Her words were cut short when suddenly her whole body being embraced tightly. Shouko was stupefied. Her eyes widened for a moment before she felt the trembling of the person who hugged her.

"Kyoya?"

"Let me hug you, please..." His voice sounded so terrified, so helpless as he hugged her.

Shouko opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out of it. Kyoya's warm breath fell on her collarbone as he buried his face deep into the crook of her neck. Both of his strong arms wrapped around her body as if he was afraid to let her go.

Old Toshio's words this morning popped inside her mind. A layer of moist slowly blurring her eyes. Through the layers of clothes, she could clearly feel how much his body was trembling in fright right now. Shouko closed her eyes, she slowly raised her hands and returned the hug.

He flinched when he felt her slender arms embracing his waist yet he did not say anything about it. Instead, he further tightening his arms around her.

"I'm sorry for worrying you," Shouko mumbled, her voice was muffled by his collars. "I'm sorry..."

Kyoya shook his head, he wanted to speak yet he could only choke a sob.

Both of them remained in the same position as the passage of time continued. Shouko didn't know how long they were embracing each other when Kyoya slowly loosening his arms.

When she clearly looked at his face, her lips parted in shock.

His eyes were bloodshot. His jade black hair that was always neatly styled in the slick back fell over his forehead as cold sweat dampening the line of his forehead. His whole body carried a sense of frailty, a far cry from his usual confidence and indifferent air.

To say he looked like a mess was an understatement.

"Kyoya, I..."

Kyoya blinked his eyes, his hands that were holding on her arms were still quivering. At the moment he spoke again, he sounded so much in pain it ached her heart.

"Shouko, you... you didn't forget about me again, right?"

"I..."

Seeing the shock in her eyes, he suddenly realized what he had blurted out loud.

"I didn't mean..." Kyoya quickly averted his eyes from her gaze, he seemed like he wanted to hide at the moment. He looked at the door, his body unintentionally moved to get away from the bed.

Seeing him looking so flustered, Shouko quickly held onto his arms.

"Kyoya! Don't go!"

Kyoya froze. His expression stiffened before he slowly turned around and looked at the small hands holding onto his arms. His gaze was careful when he traced her fingertips, up to her arms until he once again looked into her eyes.

There was worry in them.

"I'm sorry..."

"Why are you sorry?" Shouko couldn't understand.

"I... I don't want you to see me like this but... I was truly afraid," Kyoya closed his eyes, he hung his head low. He appeared so dispirited. When he opened them again, the fear in them intensified making it hard for her to hold back her tears. "What if once again... you forgot about me? What if... once you woke up, you'd only hate me? I'm scared, Shouko."

Shouko bit her lower lip, she was unable to say anything.

It had been close to a month since the moment she found that she didn't have any recollection of him. Since that time, she had never seen him so vulnerable whenever they were together. He was always polite with a faint hint of carefree in him. The only time she saw him looking so fragile was during the nights she found him sleeping in her room.

To see him in such a state at this moment, it was hard to say she didn't feel touched by his feelings towards her. Especially when she was reminded of the fact that despite his tough and cold exterior, he carried a deep sense of loneliness in his heart.

"Kyoya, look at me," Shouko gently placed her hands on his cheeks, urging him to meet her eyes.

On closer look, she saw faint traces of tears on his face. Her own eyes were brimming with warm tears.

This man... he has even cried for me.

Kyoya reluctantly followed her words, his bloodshot eyes were fixated on her face as his pupils were quivering. Then, a gush of tears flowing down her face, startling him.

"Shouko..."

She's... crying?

Shouko chewed her lip. Without saying anything, she lunged forward and tightly hugged the man as he did to her earlier. Her warm tears started dampening his collars.

She didn't know why but, at this moment, she wanted to cry for him.