บท 18: Are You Happy Here?
Rosy Mansion.
Shouko was now paying attention to the series that she had written. She arranged the books according to their publishing dates. As for the stand-alone ones, she would look at them later.
Aiko and the Sea. Aiko and the Island. Aiko and the Wind. Aiko and the Sun. Aiko and the Moon.
When she first began drafting Aiko and the Sea, it was on impulse. She got the inspiration during her field trip to an orphanage located at a beach in the south of the city. There, she met an interesting girl around six years old. At that time, she realized that the girl would always look at the sea when her peers chose to have fun playing together with the other volunteers.
"Momo, what are you looking at? Why aren't you playing ball with them?"
Seeing the little girl so fixated on what she was gazing at, Shouko couldn't suppress her curiosity and went to approach her. She crouched by the little girl's side, her eyes were focused on the small face.
"I'm looking at the sea," Momo answered honestly. Her bright and innocent eye gleamed as she smiled. "I wonder, what is laying beyond that."
With her small hand pointed to the sea, she appeared as if she was ready to embark on an adventure. Seeing the small face with such a determination, an idea struck on her. Once Shouko returned from the orphanage, she started drafting the book.
By using Momo as the model, she wrote a story of a small girl going for an adventure on the sea. She befriended the sea creatures and even gained a loyal companion in the form of a small fish. Every little process she experienced during drafting it, she enjoyed it very much.
But, Shouko remembered that when she wanted to let Momo read the draft first before sending it to a publisher, she received a piece of shocking news from the director of the orphanage instead.
"I'm sorry, Miss Yuasa," The director sounded so tired and sorrowful when she picked up her call. "Momo is no longer with us."
"What... do you mean?" Shouko's own voice grew distant as a bad premonition crept in her heart. Then, she quickly recomposed herself and said, "Oh! Do you mean she got adopted? That's great! I could contact her adopted parents then."
There was a long pause as the sound of the director's breath turned heavier. In the next second, she broke the news. "Momo is loved by Heavens. She went ahead of us."
In that instant, Shouko remembered she felt her own heart shattering into pieces.
Apparently, the little girl had been sick since her childhood. That was why she was abandoned by her parents who struggled financially in the first place. If not for the director's compassion, she couldn't even survive the little number of years she had been living.
From that moment on, Shouko vowed to perfect the story before sending it back to her editor.
"Aiko... a beloved child," Shouko traced her fingertips over the illustration of the little girl in a white dress. She asked her editor to illustrate Aiko according to her request. "You're loved by many, Momo. You're not alone."
Shouko closed her eyes. No one knew but her first meeting with the little girl had left a deep impression in her heart.
Because the little girl had reminded her of her own self.
Alone. Unloved. Yearning for affection.
That was her.
"Haa... What I am thinking about," Shouko rubbed the corners of her eyes as her eyes started to brim with tears. She let out a soft sigh, her fingertips were trembling as she looked at the illustration of the little girl in the white dress.
Shouko rearranged the books in the order and brought them to the bookshelf. She began placing the book one by book, her mood was suddenly downcast when she thought of the little girl. As she was absent-minded, Shouko didn't realize she had accidentally pushed another book from its place. The book tumbled down and fell to the floor.
Thud!
Shouko quickly crouched down. Her eyes stared at the title of the book. This one was a collection of love poems with cute illustrations inside.
365: The Days I Love You.
A chuckle escaped her lips, lifting her mood a bit. She wondered when did she buy this book? She loved poems but not to the point of buying the books. Or, because she had so much money she began collecting poem books?
Shouko giggled again. She stood up and began flipping the book before she stopped at a page bookmarked with a metal bookmark in the shape of a pair of flapping wings.
Her eyes went to read the poem.
Before I came to know you, love,
Little my life was worth to me,
I prize it now all things above,
And wish long in this world to be.
- Fujiwara no Yoshitaka-
At the end of the poem, there was a small note written beside it. It was unfamiliar writing. The note was written - I begin to long for you but, do I deserve you?
"This..."
Shouko pursed her lips. The handwriting was neat and exquisite. She could only think of a person writing this note.
"Was it... him?"
His smiling face appeared in her mind.
Shouko was reminded of him sleeping inside her room last night. His knitted brows slowly easing after she lightly held his hand. It was also troubling her when she could vaguely feel that the scene was familiar.
Did it happen frequently in the past?
"Why did I think that way?"
Shouko heaved a sigh as sympathy for that man grew in her heart. He was a good man in her eyes, how could she just feel nothing seeing him like that?
She continued flipping the pages and found another poem being bookmarked. This time, the page was bookmarked with a dried flower.
I'll throw my voice into the stars
and maybe the echo of my words will be written
for you in the clouds by the sunrise.
All I am trying to say is,
I will love you through the darkness.
-Christopher Poindexter-
Like the previous poem, another note was written under the poet's name.
All of your perfects and imperfections, I would embrace them all.
Her cheeks turned hot reading the note. She didn't expect him to be such a romanticist since before.
She flipped the pages again but none of the poems were bookmarked so she placed the book back on the shelf. As she retracted her gaze from the love poem book, she unintentionally saw a corner of a paper sticking out from another book.
As curiosity piqued her interest, Shouko reached out for the book. It was a children's book written by another author. It was a story of a small family. On the paper, she saw something interesting. It was a drawing of three stickmen in different sizes.
The first one is the tallest, with its beady eyes and a straight line as its mouth. On its neck, a necktie was drawn. The second one was the smallest, its lips curved upward and there were two teeth under the curve. Both of its stick hands were linked to the first stickman and the third one. The drawing of the third stickman was obviously depicting a woman with its hair long. Its lips curved upward too. If the first one got a necktie, the third one wore a skirt.
"Hehe, who drew this?"
Shouko was intrigued by this newly found drawing. She tended to find these stickmen drawings whenever she visited any orphanage for her social studies in college. Since most children had yet to develop their skills in art, they loved projecting what was on their mind with simple drawings like this one.
And this was obviously a drawing of a family of three.
Maybe this drawing was inspired by this children's book?
Now, her mood was totally lifted up. She no longer felt the sadness when she thought of Momo earlier. As the saying went, even when one left the world, the loving memories would still remain in the hearts of those who hold her dear.
Eternally.
That evening, after tea time, Shouko received an unexpected call from overseas.
It was her dearest Aunt Masako whom she hadn't heard about.
"Shouko, are you okay? Ono has told me everything!" The older lady's frantic voice could be heard clearly through the speaker.
Shouko giggled, feeling funny when she tried to imagine her aunt's panic face.
"I'm okay, Aunt," Shouko answered calmly. She swept her gaze toward the opened French doors of the lounge she was sitting at. The sun was shining so bright today. Seeing the exquisite view of the garden made her smile. "How's your adventure in the forests? Did you find anything unique?"
"Don't change the subject, we're talking about you here," Aunt Masako retorted. "Is it true that you do not remember anything in these five years? Anything?"
"En, no," Shouko answered honestly. "My memory stopped somewhere before my graduation. Apart from that, I do not remember anything currently."
Shouko deliberately concealed the fact that her memory exactly ended at the time before she met Kyoya for the first time. She didn't know why but her heart was telling her it was better if she didn't make a fuss over it.
"If that so... how are you living right now? You're still staying with your husband but... don't you find it uncomfortable? After all, he's supposed to be stranger to you right now."
"About that..."
Shouko paused, thinking back of the man of the house.
From the moment she woke up without her memories until now, he was nothing but considerate and kind toward her. Kyoya had never forced her to do anything that she would dislike. He would slowly and patiently guide her if she had any inquiries.
"I am pleased to be here, Aunt," Her soft voice drifted in the air, spreading in the autumn air. "I might feel a bit uncomfortable at first but Kyoya has been so attentive to me. I can see that he treasures me so why should I feel uncomfortable? I am happy here."
Hearing her niece's optimistic view, Masako couldn't help but sigh.
"You are too positive, Shouko. I don't know whether it's a good or a bad habit to be had."
Shouko let out a giggle. Ever since she was young, Aunt Masako had been nagging her for always being too optimistic. Her aunt wanted her to be more cautious with the way she was living but, she couldn't help it.
If she didn't view the world with her optimistic ideals, she was afraid she would be lost in her own darkness.
"Alright, I think I shouldn't nag you too much since I wasn't there with you so I didn't know everything happening there," Aunt Masako spoke again. "At least Ono has met you and since you're comfortable with your husband, I do not have anything to worry about. I indeed know that young lad is a good husband to you."
Hearing her aunt who seldom praised other people said a good thing about Kyoya, Shouko smiled softly. The corners of her eyes raised up slightly as faint joy gleamed in them.
"Don't worry, Aunt. I'll tell you if anything happens. So, just enjoy your time traveling, alright? Oh! Don't forget to bring me back an uncle-in-law too!" Shouko laughed happily as she teased the older woman, the sound of her laughter floated freely in the air. "Don't think you could say you haven't met any man that you're interested in during your travel?"
"Aish, this girl! Don't make fun of your old aunt!" Aunt Masako grumbled yet there was affection in her voice. "Alright, I won't bother with you anymore. My friends are calling me right now. We're going inside another forest next."
"Alright, Aunt Masako," Shouko did hear a few voices in the background from where her aunt was calling her. It sounded like they were in a bar. "Be careful."
"You're the one who should be careful! Talk to you later~ Bye!"
"Bye."
Shouko lowered down the phone from her ear once the call got disconnected. Actually, she had many more things to talk about to her aunt but she understood their time wasn't suitable so she could only wait for their next conversation.
She noticed that her aunt didn't even mention her father and her stepmother. It was a good thing for her though.
As she was slowly lost in her daydream, the corner of her eyes caught a tall shadow from her side. Shouko blinked, she raised her head and looked at the owner of the shadow. Her eyes turned into lovely shapes of crescent moons once she saw who it was.
"Kyoya! You're home already?"
Kyoya stood a few steps away from her, his expression was a bit stiff, attracting Shouko's attention.
"Kyoya, what's wrong?" At this moment, the image of him sleeping in discomfort flashed in her mind. Shouko quickly stood and approached him. "Kyoya? Are you alright?"
Kyoya was still in silence. His dark eyes were peering into hers as if he was trying to see through her soul. Even though Shouko found it weird but she didn't feel repulsive with his stare.
Somehow, she could see a trace of fear in those dark orbs of his.
Something that didn't befit his usual cold and indifference air.
"Kyoya..."
"Are you happy here, Shouko?" His hoarse voice quietly cut her short, puzzling Shouko at first with his sudden question.
"What do..." Shouko finally realized something. It seemed like he had overheard her conversation with Aunt Masako. So, he had returned earlier?
But, instead of reprimanding him for eavesdropping, she smiled gently.
"Yes. I'm happy here."
Her few words managed to bring back the light in his eyes. His thin lips curled up into a smile.
At this moment, when the sun was shining its golden rays on the side of his face, Shouko found herself being enchanted by his smile.
Something in the way he smiled at this very moment made her inevitably drawn to him.
"Good," A word came out from his mouth. It sounded so soft, like a whisper in the wind. His smile turned brighter. "It's good if you feel happy here."
Because, if you were happy when you were with me here, I could stop being dragged away by my own dark thoughts.
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hansora
hansora Please expect a slight delay in these upcoming days since I would be busy preparing for Eid al Fitri
We should be visiting our family, relatives and friends but due to COVID-19, we are advised against that. This year's Eid could be so different than usual but I'm still happy to celebrate it.
Am planning to torment my sisters by helping me preparing our food for the festive day :p
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