บท 70: Chapter Four: The First Time She Asks
"...and it looks like winter will finally come for Hokkaido, as a large snow storm is set to hit most of the region tonight. Expect at least several inches and possibly even six."
Sitting on a couch that was not her own, Haruna sighed a bit after hearing the weather forecast. She had nothing against snow or winter. In fact, there were time when she even enjoyed it. However, plenty of snowfall also meant real practice for her club. All members would most likely get a message any minute from Izumi Komatsu, president of the Girls Snowboarding and Skiing club, telling them that they'd be heading to the Hidden Corner Resort for their first official practice.
Of course, Haruna could get the message and it still mean nothing. She had already skipped one day of school and was considering skipping another. Going to school meant seeing Kanako, and that was something she wasn't sure she was ready for yet.
"What's the matter Haru-chi? You look more grumpy than usual," Chitose said as she walked into the room. "I'm not grumpy. And shouldn't you be at class or something?" Haruna shot back. Considering what Chiyo had told her before, Haruna was sure that Chitose should've been back at college. Most of her time was spent in Sapporo, but she would come back to Iwanai sometimes to check up on Chiyo. Her current visit seemed a little long though. "What, you think I'm some delinquent like you?" Chitose joked. "I'm not a delinquent…" Haruna muttered. She had heard that line plenty of times. Most teachers and plenty of students just assumed she was one because of her attitude, but it was pretty far from the truth. Haruna's grades were middle of the road, but she did always show up on time and usually turned in her assignments. No different than any other student.
"Well whatever," Chitose said with a wave of her hand. "I'm still here because of the storm comin' in. I just sent an email to my professors too, so hopefully they'll understand!" "Hopefully?" Haruna repeated in her head. Really, this was the first time she had interacted with Chitose so much one-on-one. It was almost a given that Chiyo was always with them, but she had gone out to walk with Michi, leaving just the elder Wakabayashi and Haruna alone.
Chitose took a seat next to Haruna and joined her in staring at the television screen. "Hey Haru-chi," she began. "Do ya have any siblings?" "Huh? No, why?" Haruna answered. "Oh. Want me to be your big sis?" Chitose asked. "What?" Haruna said, a look of confusion and annoyance on her face. "Aw c'mon, don't look so miffed. If you said yes, I'd treat ya just like I treat Chi. Pretty sweet deal right?" "...Where the hell is this even coming from?" Haruna asked. Chitose shrugged. "I just thought ya looked like ya could use a big sis in your life right now, what with ya being all heartbroken and all." "I'm not…" Haruna tried to deny it, but it was true. Her heart did feel broken, although it was hard for her to call it heartbreak when there had never even been a relationship. "Then again, if it feels this bad now, then maybe I'm better off not dating Kanako…" she thought.
While Haruna's feelings for her childhood friend were certainly still alive, they meant very little in the face of what Haruna was sure was true. Kanako had gone back to tell Akio yes. They were probably a couple now, so on top of not wanting to see Kanako, she also had no desire to see those two together either.
"So how 'bout it?" Chitose said. "Pass," Haruna said curtly. "Wow. Not even a second thought," Chitose said with a laugh. "But how about I give ya some sisterly advice anyways?" Haruna looked at her. "Why?" "Why, huh…?" Chitose repeated, her eyes gaining a look of nostalgia. "I guess it's because I just wanna get to know ya better." "I'm lost," Haruna said flatly. "Well ya see," Chitose continued. "Chi was… not in a great place when she first came here. She ever tell ya about it?" "About before she came to Iwanai?" Haruna asked for confirmation, which Chitose gave with a nod. "Kinda. She said some serious stuff happened, but she never went into detail." "Yeah, that makes sense," Chitose said.
She paused before going on. "If she hasn't told ya, then I won't either. That's up to her to decide. But ya do understand that what she came from wasn't good right?" Chitose asked to Haruna. She nodded. "Alright. Well, thanks to all that mess, Chi hadta move up here and live with me. Naturally, that meant she didn't have any friends. It didn't take her long to meet that Hiraoka girl, but personally, I was always happier she met you." "Huh? What do you mean?" Haruna asked. "It seemed like… once Chi met ya, she was a lot happier. I don't really know if that's true, but that's what it looked like to me. Guess because of that, I've always been grateful to ya, especially since you stuck around with her." "Chiyo… has done a lot for me. She��s definitely annoyed me plenty too, but in this case… I think the good will always outweigh the bad," Haruna said. "That's good to hear," Chitose said with a smile.
"So I guess what I've been tryin' to say is that you being with Chi has made me curious about ya. We hardly see each other too, so I thought I'd take this opportunity of it just being the two of us to try to get a little closer. And what's closer than sisterhood?" Chitose explained. "You two really are related," Haruna said with a sigh and a small laugh. It was the exact kind of thing Chiyo would've come up with. "Thanks for the thought, but I'll still pass."
"Too bad," Chitose said. "But I'll still give ya my advice anyways." "Why?" Haruna asked again. "Because I can tell how much you mean to Chi, so I wanna help ya out too. That so wrong?" Chitose said, finishing with a smirk. Haruna blushed a little at the expression. It was hard not to. Chitose had a face that both guys and girls alike could easily fall for, plus the body to match.
"So here's my two cents: just talk to that Kana-chan girl you like. It can be pretty amazing what just a conversation can do," Chitose said. "I think that's easier said than done…" Haruna mumbled. Chitose nearly said something else, but she heard the door open, followed by an "I'm home!" call from Chiyo. "You here Haru-chi? Big sis?" "In the living room Chi!" Chitose informed her little sister.
Walking in, Chiyo was wearing her school uniform, although it seemed rather pointless. After all, she hadn't gone to classes either. The only reason she had put it on was so she could be on school grounds without getting questioned (as much). "Did you walk Mi-chan home?" Chitose asked. Chiyo nodded emphatically. "Yep! It was fun!" she said happily. Chitose smiled warmly at her. "That's good." Seeing that expression, it became abundantly clear to Haruna just how much Chitose cared about Chiyo. "She just wants her to be happy…" she thought.
Could Haruna say the same about Kanako? Obviously their relationship was different from the Wakabayashi sisters, but childhood friends weren't that far off. Knowing each other for as long as they have, could Haruna honestly say she wanted Kanako to be happy, even if that meant being with Akio? "...I can't," she decided. No matter how much she tried, there was no way she could think that. Haruna wanted Kanako to be happy, but she wanted the girl to be happy with HER, not Akio. It was a totally selfish thought, but from the bottom of her heart, that was what Haruna wanted.
Coming further into the room, Chiyo approached Haruna. "How are you doin' Haru-chi? Any better?" "I think I might've just made myself feel worse…" Haruna said sadly. "Maybe I should make some tea," Chitose said, creating an excuse for herself to leave the room. Chiyo took her place on the couch. "So are you going to school tomorrow?" she asked. "I don't know…" Haruna mumbled. "Okay," Chiyo said simply, then, "Hey Haru-chi, can I braid your hair?" "What? Why?" Haruna said. She was beginning to get tired of asking why to both of the Wakabayashis. "Well, you hardly ever let me, so I thought I'd try asking," Chiyo said. "I hardly let you because you tie my hair so tight it takes forever to undo it, not to mention it gives me a headache," Haruna said. "Please Haru-chi! I'm sure it'll help your mood. And I'll be gentle, promise!" Seeing Chiyo plead, Haruna relented. Chiyo hurriedly shuffled closer to Haruna before picking up the girl's hair in her hands.
"Geez Haru-chi, your hair is like, totally silky. How do you even do this?" Chiyo asked with a bit of jealousy. "I wash it," Haruna answered plainly. Chiyo kept running her fingers through Haruna's hair. "It really is so beautiful," she said softly. "T-Thanks…" Haruna said, starting to feel embarrassed. "Can you start already? Although I don't see how this will help my mood.��
Chiyo began by grabbing a large bunch in each hand. "A new look helps cheer anyone up!" she said as she started tying the hair. She was just doing one braid in the back, having Haruna turn her head so she could tie it properly. Just as Chiyo had promised, she was working gently.
It was quiet between them for a few minutes before Haruna spoke. "Did you… see Kanako at all?" she asked nervously. "Nope. I'm not really sure where Kana-chan was. The only person I saw was Mi-chan," Chiyo said. "I see…" Haruna said quietly. "Haru-chi, are you really not going to go back to school tomorrow?" Haruna didn't answer. "Okay, I get it," Chiyo said, then, "Hey big sis! Is it okay if Haru-chi spends the night again?" "Huh?!" Haruna exclaimed. "What? You're not going to rush home before that storm hits are ya?" Chiyo said mischievously.
Walking back into the living room was Chitose. "Sure, she can stay," she said. "Alright!" Chiyo celebrated, but she was early. ���On one condition," her sister had continued. "Haru-chi goes to school tomorrow." "What? But she-" Chiyo tried to protest, but was cut off. "Ya can't run away forever, right Haru-chi?" Chitose said. Haruna looked down at the ground. "Yeah… right…" she muttered. "Then it's settled! Haru-chi, gimme the cell number of one of your parents. I'll talk to 'em to let 'em know what's going on okay?" Chitose said. "Sure," Haruna said absentmindedly.
Once Chitose got what she asked for, Chiyo turned a concerned look to Haruna, who had her back facing the gal. "Haru-chi, you sure that's alright? You don't have to force yourself y'know?" "No, your sister is right. I'll have to see Kanako eventually. Putting it off won't do me any good. Besides, if I keep skipping school, my parents will lecture me to the end of time." "Well, if you're sure…" Chiyo said, although she herself wasn't sure.
Finishing Haruna's braid, Chiyo guided Haruna to her bedroom so she could see herself in the full body mirror Chiyo had. "Ta-da!" Chiyo said with flair. In the reflection stood a girl quite similar to Haruna. Dressed in a pair of borrowed jeans and a baggy pink sweatshirt, Haruna's usual straight black hair was now done in a perfect singular braid that had been placed on her right shoulder so she could see it better. "This… actually doesn't look too bad," Haruna commented. "Why does that make me feel like you expected so little out of me?" Chiyo asked flatly, but she quickly recovered. "You like it? Gonna keep your hair like that from now on?"
Haruna thought for a moment. "Nah, it's too much work," she decided. "I keep my hair straight down because I don't have to do anything." "Well at least you comb it more than you used to," Chiyo said with a sigh. "But who knows? Maybe you could show it to Kana-chan and she'd like it!" This comment proved to be the wrong one, as Haruna's face fell downcast. "Yeah… I wonder if she would…"
Realizing her mistake, Chiyo flailed a bit. "I'm sorry Haru-chi! I'm trying to cheer you up and I just made it worse!" Turning to face the gal, Haruna smiled weakly. "It's okay. I know you're just trying to help, so thanks." Looking back at the mirror, Haruna gave a small shrug. "I guess it actually wouldn't be too bad to do this style once in a while." Chiyo beamed. "I can do it for ya if you want!" "Sure," Haruna agreed with a laugh.
As the night went on, nothing much happened. Haruna still felt down, but she at least seemed more herself than she had before. Unfortunately, when it came time to go to sleep, Chiyo could see the anxiety riddling Haruna's face. "Nervous about tomorrow?" she asked. "Y-Yeah…" Haruna admitted. "It'll be okay Haru-chi. I know it'll be," Chiyo said. Going over to turn off the lights, Chiyo flipped the switch before crawling into her bed. Haruna had her back to the gal while lying in the futon on the floor, but only a few moments of silence passed before she spoke.
"Hey," she started. "Do you think Kanako hates me now?" Hearing the question, Chiyo rolled over to look at her friend. "Haru-chi, can you look at me?" she asked kindly. Haruna did, unease in her eyes. "I promise that Kanako doesn't hate you. There's no way she ever could." "But how can you know for sure?" Haruna asked. "Y'know, sometimes Haru-chi, you just know. I think this is one of those things." It wasn't much of an explanation, but Haruna still appreciated it, taking those words as comfort as she drifted off to sleep.
*****
When Kanako had been on her way home, she had felt rather livid. "What is wrong with her?" she thought angrily. "She says she wants to talk, but then all she does is be mean to me and Haruna!" This was in regards to her latest interaction with Michi. When she had said she wanted to talk, Kanako had partially hoped that it'd be to give an apology. After everything that had happened between the two of them recently, Kanako thought she was at least owed that much.
She hated to put it that way, but considering all of the arguments Kanako had had with Michi since the beginning of their second year, it was impossible for Kanako to see herself as anything other than the person deserving of an apology. Time and time again, Michi had approached her with seemingly no other intent than unleashing aggression upon her. Perhaps if it was only directed at Kanako, she would've just found a way to deal with it much like she had with Haruna. Instead though, Michi's tirades were constantly directed at many people, especially Haruna and Chiyo. That was what bothered Kanako the most.
When they had first started fighting, Kanako had wanted to find some way to fix things with Michi. After all, she had done a lot for Kanako in the past, so it felt only right to do her best too in an effort to keep her as a close friend. However, that line of thinking was flawed. It assumed Kanako had done something wrong, and through the more fights she had with Michi, she began to see that the fault lie with her.
The conclusion that Kanako had come to was that even if she tried to fix her relationship with Michi, her efforts would have very little effect if the person they were directed toward had no desire to change. Over and over, Kanako had noticed the constant trend in Michi's arguments. It was always about Michi playing the victim while at the same time trying to play the hero and show just how bad Haruna is, despite her complete lack of evidence. Kanako had tried to hold out hope, but when Michi had had her outburst in front of the school, that had been the final straw.
Kanako couldn't give up on Michi entirely. After her years of fighting with Haruna, Kanako knew she didn't give up her feelings for her friends easily. And, with everything Michi had done for her, there was no way Kanako had it in her to cut ties. But, she had reached a resolution in her heart. She would only make up with Michi if Michi approached her first. That felt like the only way their friendship could be repaired. Michi needed to take the first step on that road if she still wanted Kanako in her life.
As Kanako walked, she let out a long sigh, her breath hanging in the cold air. The temperatures had been dropping rapidly, and it was always this time of year when Kanako began wishing she didn't have to walk to school. "So cold…" she thought as she rubbed her hands together. Doing so made her see that both her hands were free. "Haruna…" she thought again. The girl's name had come to mind many times in the last day or two, and it seemed like every little thing was a reminder of her not being around.
Kanako wondered if Haruna would be at school the next day. A part of her hoped she would be. It hadn't been that long since the two of them had made up from their years-long argument, so Haruna suddenly being gone again was beginning to make Kanako anxious. She started worrying that Haruna would never come back.
But there was also a part of her that hoped she didn't. If she did, how would Kanako face her? How would she respond to Haruna's feelings? Kanako still had no idea what she would say. She was still trying to process it and what her answer could mean for their future. Saying yes didn't feel quite right, but saying no meant potentially losing Haruna forever.
It wasn't like she really didn't want to see Haruna. Rather, it was just her not wanting to deal with the awkwardness of the situation. "What should I do?" Kanako muttered to herself. For a moment, she almost wished for everything to go back to how it had been, back when Haruna was more enemy than friend. Quickly, Kanako shook her head. "Even if it's all complicated right now, there's no way I'd ever want to go back to that," she thought. Her current situation was certainly difficult for her, but compared to the past, the present was much more preferable. Even so, that didn't mean answers came more easily. Sighing yet again, the main thought going through Kanako's head was, "Since when did my life get so complicated?"
*****
The next day, Kanako awoke to a world of white. Everything in sight was blanketed by snow, creating blindingly beautiful scenery. "Wow…" Kanako breathed. She had seen the first snow of the year many times, but each time always felt like an experience. "I wonder how much is out there," she said aloud. "It looks like it might be around six inches maybe…" Shivering from the cold air seeping in through the window sill, Kanako began to get ready for the day. It was still early, but she figured that was probably a good thing because of the new snow.
Thanks to her early start, Kanako also got to school a little early. "I guess it really is because of Haruna that I get here on time now," she thought, wondering how she had gone from being constantly late to a little more than punctual. Changing out her shoes, she stood back up straight just in time to see Haruna and Chiyo walking by. "She's here…" Kanako thought. At the same time, Chiyo noticed the staring eyes.
"Heya Kana-chan!" she called. Haruna looked as well, causing both her and Kanako to flinch. "She's looking at me," Kanako thought nervously. "Kanako…" Haruna thought. But, before either of them could say a word, Kanako scurried off. "I'm not ready…!" she thought. She could've just said a normal greeting, but considering the circumstances, that felt pretty out of place. The morning minutes were also not enough time to have any serious conversation either, so seeing no other option, Kanako ran away.
"Ah…" Haruna let out. "It's okay Haru-chi! I'm sure Kana-chan is just in a rush," Chiyo said, trying to comfort her friend. "Yeah… sure…" Haruna said quietly, thinking that seeing Kanako run off like that felt more like avoidance than someone hurrying. "Maybe it'd be best… if we did avoid each other today…"
Later on during lunch led to another awkward encounter. This time, Kanako had tried to approach Haruna. She still felt less than prepared, but after how she had acted in the morning, Kanako thought she should at least try to start the conversation. "Um, H-Haruna?" she said shyly. When Haruna saw her so suddenly, she froze up. The words left her mind and Haruna could feel the sweat building on her forehead. "S-So, uh, I was thinking that maybe we could-" Before Kanako could say "talk during lunch," Haruna cut her off. "Sorry, I gotta go," she said quickly before dashing off. "Maybe we shouldn't talk today after all," Kanako thought dejectedly. As it turned out, neither girl was quite prepared to hear what the other had to say.
Then, when the final bell rang, they nearly collided in the hallway. Kanako and Haruna had both planned on leaving as fast as possible in an effort to avoid the other, but now face to face, they could only stare in surprise. "U-Um-!" "Sorry-!" They said at the same time. An awkward silence took over before Haruna put a stop to it. "Hey, so… can we talk?" She knew Chitose was right. She couldn't keep running away. Something told Haruna that if she passed up this opportunity, she might never get another one.
Kanako stood in front of her, obviously nervous. "...s-sure…" she said quietly. Haruna breathed a small sigh of relief. "Let's go somewhere else then." Beginning to walk away, Kanako followed Haruna until they reached their destination. "Hm?" Kanako let out, looking at the room they had stopped in. "Isn't this your club room Haruna?" "Yeah… Sorry, we don't really have a whole lot of time. The president really wants us to practice at the resort today, so she and the others are meeting up at our advisor's van right now. With nobody else here, I thought this place would work best." "Are you sure you won't be late?" Kanako asked, a little concerned. "It's fine. I'll text Izumi-senpai real quick to let her know." Haruna proceeded to take out her phone and type out a message before hitting send. "There."
Standing in the middle of the club room, Kanako looked around. There wasn't a whole lot in it, but that made sense due to most of the sporting equipment being kept in a storage room. Along the walls was a mix of bookcases and trophy cases, both completely full. The books were nearly all about either snowboarding or skiing, although a couple of shelves seemed to be dedicated to various sports manga. Within the trophy cases were glittering objects of plenty of colors and shapes. Some were typical golden cups, while others were miniature sculpted snowboarders or skiiers done in silver. A few were even glass, and nearly all of them were mark with the name Izumi Komatsu.
"Wow. She really is talented," Kanako commented as she stared at the trophies. "Yeah, there's a reason she's the president," Haruna said. Suddenly, Kanako yelped. "Huh?!" she exclaimed. "W-What?!" Haruna said, surprised by the outburst. "H-Haruna, you've won a competition?" Kanako asked, pointing to a small trophy near the bottom of the case. "Ah… yeah, I did. I think there are two others in here too." Kanako looked at Haruna, wide-eyed from this discovery. "I didn't know you were so good…" she said in amazement. "I'm not that good. I've never even gone to nationals. Plus, the competitions I did win were pretty small, with only us and a couple other schools participating," Haruna explained. "But still… that's amazing," Kanako said. Haruna noticed Kanako was smiling as she went back to looking at the trophies. "Why does that make her happy?" she wondered.
Deciding to ask some other time, Haruna took a seat at the table in the middle of the room. "Hey, Kanako…" Haruna said. The girl stopped staring at the trophies and turned around. "Can we…" she trailed off, letting Kanako fill in the blank. "Oh… r-right." For a moment, Kanako had been caught up in the new environment, but now she had been brought back to the reason why she was there in the first place, so she took a seat.
"So, um… about the other day…" Haruna began, causing Kanako's nerves to strain. She wasn't sure if this was a conversation she could really have at the moment, but she also knew that if she ran away now, there'd probably be no coming back from it. Making up her mind to face her fears, Kanako listened.
"...sorry…"
Haruna's voice came out small. Her eyes looked like they were filled with guilt. "I… shouldn't have said what I said…" "What?" Kanako said. "I told you I'm in love with you... Y-You hated it, right?" Haruna said, her voice trembling. "I…" Kanako began to say, but Haruna kept going. "Well, I guess it doesn't really matter anyways. You're dating Miyashita-kun now, aren't you?"
Kanako looked down at her shoes. "...no...I'm not…" she said quietly. "...Huh?" Haruna let out. Kanako didn't say anything at first, but she decided to tell Haruna what had happened. "Akio-kun… was just tricking me…" she said weakly. "He said that he didn't actually mean it. He… doesn't love me…" A tear formed in the corner of Kanako's eye, but she wiped it away. Even if her feelings for the boy were dead, that didn't erase the pain he had caused.
"He tricked you?" Haruna said, anger boiling inside her. Kanako meekly nodded. It was true that Haruna wanted Kanako to choose her, but she still knew how much Kanako loved Akio. She was sure Kanako would be feeling pretty hurt from something like the boy she was in love with lying to her about his own feelings. "What the hell…" Haruna muttered. "I should go track that idiot down and knock some sense into him." Going to stand up, Haruna rose to do just that, but she was stopped.
Clutching the corner of her sleeve was Kanako. She was still looking at the ground, but standing just slightly at an angle from her, Haruna could see Kanako's eyes were tightly shut. "Kanako?" Haruna uttered, confused by the girl��s actions. However, Kanako gave no response. She just sat silently, holding onto Haruna's uniform. Ultimately, Haruna sat back down.
Once she had, Kanako released her grip. The message conveyed seemed to be clear enough: don't go after Akio. Haruna could understand that much, but she did get the feeling that there was more to it. "What does she want?" Haruna wondered. Briefly, she considered that it meant Kanako was wanting her to stay with her, but Haruna gave up on that idea. "Even if she isn't dating Miyashita-kun, that doesn't automatically make her have feelings for me."
Suddenly, Kanako spoke. "...I… didn't hate it…" "...eh?" Haruna let out. "Y-Your confession…" Kanako said, finally looking back up at Haruna. "I didn't hate it." Hearing Kanako say that put Haruna at a loss. What did it mean? What should she do? Surely there was no way it meant what she wanted it to. Swallowing hard, Haruna decided to push a little further.
"You know… I… never got to hear your answer," Haruna said cautiously. "Y-Yeah, you're right," Kanako said. "B-But, you didn't really ask me…" "O-Oh, right…" Haruna said, realizing that was true. All she had really done was yell how she felt about Kanako and then ran off. "God… how dumb am I?" Haruna thought. Although, now facing the girl she loved once again, Haruna wondered what would happen if she did ask.
"If I… actually asked you out right now… w-what would you say?" Haruna asked nervously. "I…" Kanako began, balling her hands in her lap. "...don't know.�� "I see…" Haruna said, then thought, "It's not a no… but it's not a yes either." Put in an optimistic light, Haruna was on the rise. Kanako wasn't dating Akio, and on top of that, she wasn't rejecting Haruna either. That should've all been good, but Haruna got the feeling it wasn't.
Taking a glance at Kanako was all Haruna needed to do to gain that feeling. The expression on Kanako's face was one of high uncertainty. She looked uneasy, nervous and worried. Haruna knew whatever Akio did was probably playing a role in Kanako's current demeanor, but she couldn't help but think that she was playing a role as well. "If Miyashita-kun really did turn down Kanako, then I doubt she'd want to pursue another love interest only a couple days later."
In Haruna's mind, it wasn't likely. On the surface, things seemed to be looking up for her, but when looked at more closely, she was at even more of a disadvantage than before. Kanako was now heartbroken. The odds of her falling for any guy again anytime soon were pretty low, let alone a girl. "Haaa… this sucks…" Haruna thought.
"Hey, Haruna?" Kanako said abruptly. "What?" Haruna said back. "C-Can we… still be friends?" Friends. The word stung Haruna again. She was getting tired of hearing it. "We…" she began. "...can, but… are you okay with knowing I want more than that?" "More?" Kanako repeatedly. Realizing she'd have to say exactly what she wanted, Haruna sat up straight and looked Kanako directly in her eyes.
"Kanako… I love you," she said, making Kanako go wide-eyed again. "I love you so much it hurts. I love your simple ponytail. I love your beautiful, deep blue eyes. I love small lips. I actually love that you're shorter than me," she said with a small laugh. "I love how kind you can be. I love how you defend me. I love how your hand fits perfectly in mine. And most of all, I love that you were willing to give me a second chance after everything I did and said to you. If you hadn't, I never would've discovered these feelings I have for you."
Haruna paused to take a breath, then continued. "Everything I just said Kanako, I want to keep it all to myself. I want it to be mine and no one else's. Not Chiyo's, not Miyashita-kun's and definitely not Fukuhara-san's. Can you honestly say, knowing that I feel all of that for you, that you're okay with still having me as a friend?"
Kanako was silent as she tried to take in every word Haruna had just spoken. With each one that sunk in, Kanako swore she could feel her heart beat. With each one, she swore the beats got closer together. By the time it was all in her, Kanako's heart was racing. She could feel how hot her face had gotten and how sweaty her hands were. Her mouth had gone dry and the only liquid seemingly remaining was attempting to come out of her eyes.
If Kanako had to put how she was feeling in that exact moment, it probably would've been sheer, overwhelming appreciation. Never before had she heard someone express their love for her like Haruna just had. It was hard to believe it was even real. It made her so happy. But…
"I… don't know if I can answer your feelings Haruna," she finally said. "But I do know that I don't want to lose you again. I-I think if I did, I'd never be able to recover from it." "Wanting me by your side but not giving me an answer? That's pretty cruel Kanako," Haruna said somberly. "I know…" was all Kanako could say in response. She still just couldn't say yes. Too much of her remained uncertain of if that was what she really wanted. To her, appreciation was different than love, so as much as Kanako appreciated Haruna's feelings, actually answering them was something else entirely. To give a reckless answer would be even worse than not giving one at all, so Kanako abstained.
"Alright," Haruna said. "I'll stay with you." "R-Really?" Kanako said, a little surprised the girl agreed. "Yeah. I think even if I wanted to leave you behind, I couldn't. Not anymore," Haruna said. "Haruna…" Kanako uttered. "Thank you…"
Just as the conversation ended, Haruna heard a voice and a door slamming open at the same time. "Hey, hey Haruna-san! What's taking you so long?" Izumi shouted, marching into the room with her ridiculously long blue hair trailing behind her short stature. "Oops. Did I interrupt?" "No, we just finished," Haruna said, standing up. "Hm, hm? You're Kana-chan aint'cha?" Izumi asked the other girl. "Y-Yes," Kanako said. "Hey, you wanna join our club? You do, right, right?" Izumi said excitedly. Haruna bopped her on the head. "She's already got a club. Leave her alone." "She could be in two y'know?" Izumi suggested. "I-I'm not very athletic," Kanako responded. She wasn't the worst or anything. Kanako could run and play games fine in physical education, but competing in high-level sports was a different matter.
"Alright, alright. Haruna-san," Izumi said, turning her attention back to the girl standing next to her. "We need to leave now if we want to get a full practice in." "Okay. Then I guess I have to go," Haruna said, looking at Kanako. "Right. Do your best at practice," Kanako said with a smile. Haruna smiled back before walking out the door. Kanako followed after her, but she split off once she was out so she could go to her own club.
As Haruna watched her go, she felt happy that things had gone better than she had thought they would. Unfortunately, that conversation had done little to get rid of the doubt in her mind. Akio was no longer an obstacle, but Haruna couldn't help but think that somehow, Kanako had grown more distant from her.
End of Chapter Four.
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