บท 2: Reason
Abigail was aware she sounded like a woman unhinged.
You're crazy, Abi, a whisper in her head told her but the oddest thing was that she didn't resonate with that sentiment. She was totally sane and completely clearheaded.
This was the most daring thing she had ever done in her life and the most terrifying, too. Yet, she was calmer than ever; more certain about this than anything else.
The man directed a gaze of disbelief at her. His eyes pierced through her as if he was trying to pry into her soul, but when he saw the unwavering look in her eyes, he shook his head.
"Yellow, what's your name?" he finally asked.
"Abi... Abigail Lee."
"Abigail..." he echoed her name while idly playing with her yellow scarf once more. The way her name rolled off his tongue was oddly pleasant.
He seemed to be thinking about something as he stared into her eyes before a wicked, devastating smile appeared on his glorious face. "Sorry, but..." he started as his gaze once again traveled from her head down to her to toes. "I'm not interested in unattractive girls."
His comment and that playful smirk on his face made her blush.
"Just you wait! I will prove to you how attractive I can be!" Abigail was quick to retort. She didn't even know how she managed to speak like this. She was used to not giving any attention to what other people said about her looks.
But then, the man's response was another fascinating chuckle.
"You really are unbelievable." he said before his expression abruptly shifted again. The corner of his lips turned down in disapproval. "But I'm serious. I'm not into younger girls."
"Ina Moore is just two years older than me." she argued, not backing down.
"Miss Moore is... a mature, sexy woman. And you're..." He raised an eyebrow. "Even though you're two years younger than her, you look like a granny."
Abigail's lips parted. Her embarrassment making her face so red. The way she was dressed up today was indeed a little unfashionable and she was also wearing eyeglasses but she at least knew that she did not look like a granny! Her best friend even called her cute a while ago!
Wait... could it be that... he's purposely saying these to deter her? Or is he testing her?
"I purposely dressed like this today." she then told him confidently.
"Oh... really?"
"I will show you."
The man snickered, a subtle shake of his head accompanying his amusement. Then for a moment, an unusual and seemingly dangerous gleam flickered in his eyes while he observed her. Yet, as abruptly as it had appeared, the glimmer vanished when his hand came to rest on her head.
"Go home, Yellow. It's late." He smiled and entered his car.
"Wait!" she called out, but the man only waved at her before the car then left, leaving her astounded.
Abigail bit her lip and buried her face into her palms before she entered her car. Her heart was still pounding. The man was long gone, and yet, she was still nervous?! Could it be that this nervousness was the aftershock of her bravery?
Shaking her head to clear her mind, Abigail had just started the engine when someone knocked on the car's window.
A man was standing there, smiling at her. The man was wearing a black leather jacket and he was also very handsome. Is there something wrong with this place? Why is it that overly good looking men keep popping out of nowhere?!
Abigail didn't dare roll down her window. What her eyes looked for first were the locations of the CCTV's. When she spotted one right above her car, she relaxed a little, but she was still hesitant.
"You're so damn outrageous Abigail! You didn't fear offering yourself to that scary stranger but now you're afraid to open your window to this harmless looking one?!" she mumbled to herself, shaking her head as though she was now convinced that she was indeed unhinged.
The man knocked again, flashing his pleasant smile, as if he was using his beauty to lure her out.
"I have something to give you." She read his lips.
With a sigh of resignation, she finally eased the car's window down slightly.
"Hello, Miss..." he grinned, flashing his white teeth at her. He was truly another out-of-this-world beauty. Although, to her, that ruthless man still beat him good when she compared their looks.
"What is it? Do you need something?" she asked politely. The man leaned in and gave her a piece of paper.
"If you want to meet that man again, just contact me and I'll tell you where to find him," he said, smiling kindly at her. He had a pleasant atmosphere about him that made one feel like he had no ulterior motives. He also looked like the kind of man that would easily entice people with just his sweet smile. Still, Abigail had a hunch that this one might be dangerous, too.
"That man?" Abigail creased her brows, trying to confirm, even though
she already knew who he was talking about.
He nodded. "That cold man who told you that you're unattractive." He
grinned, and Abigail blinked at him, blushing again.
"You know him?" she asked after clearing her throat.
"He's my friend."
"W-why would you want me to meet him?"
"Because you want to show him that his judgement is wrong. So let's just say, I'm helping you prove your point." He grinned again, obviously encouraging her.
Abigail creased his brows when continued speaking.
"You don't want to? Did you already change your mind?" he asked, looking a little disappointed.
But the moment he began retracting his hand, Abigail took the piece of paper he was holding out to her.
The man grinned with a sense of accomplishment before stepping back. "Bye, Miss Yellow! Until next time!" he waved, and then before she knew it, he disappeared from her sight, leaving her blinking in confusion and curiosity as she stared at the note in her hand.
...
As Abigail drove away from the city, her thoughts began to wander.
At twenty-two, Abigail had yet to experience a romantic relationship. She was raised in a nurturing, affectionate family, so she had blossomed into a kind-hearted and soft person. People often likened her to unsullied snow – polite, pure, and innocent but many also labeled her 'Miss Goody-Two-Shoes' or 'Little Miss Priss'.
As she was growing up, Abigail had gotten used to other people mocking her, but her grandparents always encouraged and advised her to not let the water around her enter her ship, otherwise, she would sink and drown. She had been raised to keep a positive mindset and she, herself, decided that there was no way she would let those kinds of people drown her.
She had a reason for why she had never had a boyfriend in her twenty- two years of existence. When she was seventeen, she realized that she had a trauma she was afraid of having someone fall in love with her.
Abigail had witnessed just how much her father suffered day by day, even years after her mother died. Her father loved her mother so much that even after nearly two decades since her death, she was still seeing her dad crying at night, looking at his wife's photo. She had seen just how painful it was to lose someone you loved through her father—it was nothing but torture. She even once heard her father saying that he didn't feel alive anymore since that day her mother left him.
Years ago, Abigail was also diagnosed with the same illness that killed her mother. It appeared that she inherited the illness from her and since then, she'd been battling with it. She was only seventeen at that time and she knew that just like her mother, she only had 5 more years to live.
That was why she always rejected the boys who showed any interest in her. There were a few of them, but her fear would always be triggered, especially when someone confessed to her. All she could say to them was 'sorry'. Due to that, Abigail avoided boys as much as she could. She even purposely dressed quite unfashionably in order to become less attractive.
However, as years passed by, Abigail started to question herself. Will I die just like this?
The desires that she had been suppressing all this time were getting out of control the closer she gets to her end. She had been dreaming of wanting to experience how it would feel like to love someone. She wanted to know how it would feel to have butterflies in one's stomach, and how it would feel to kiss and embrace that person you loved with all your heart, romantically. She had read fairytales and love stories, and she couldn't help but wish she could at least experience this so called romantic love before she died. That was her only wish right now—to fall in love, to find someone she could fall in love with without fear.
But she was torn. She was afraid and worried sick. She didn't want to leave someone behind to suffer when she was gone. She didn't want anyone to experience the loss and pain her father was going through until now. For years, she'd been thinking about it, and she thought she had already accepted her fate, but now that her due date was getting closer, the desire in her heart only kept on getting stronger. So she decided to be brave and try her best to make her wish come true with the little time she had left. The only way she could think of to fulfill her wish was to find a man whom she could fall in love with but who would never fall in love with her.
She had heard and read stories about one sided love. She heard and read that that kind of love was excruciatingly painful but... she still wanted it. If this was the only way for her to experience falling in love, she would be willing to throw herself in it, even if it meant being hurt. She thought that she could handle the pain of loving someone who didn't love her back more, than dying without knowing what love felt like at all. Perhaps, she was thinking about the quote she once read when she was eighteen that said, 'It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all'.
Abigail once anonymously shared her situation online and asked what to do. Her thread garnered lots of attention and different contradicting reactions.
"Since you don't want someone to fall in love with you, why don't you go and pick a bad guy? I mean, there are a lot of jerks and heartless men out there who only know how to break hearts." was one piece of advice that garnered her curiosity.
Abigail still had a year left. And she was doing alright. The people around her, except her family, didn't even know that she was sick. But her mother was like that back then, too. Abigail somehow knew that her health would start to worsen in the fifth year—this year. She could even foresee that she might have to start going back and forth to the hospital in the next month or two. Yes, she was aware that she didn't have much time left.
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