บท 29: Almost a suicide note
Honestly, I don't know how to express these chaotic emotions tossing to and fro inside of me.
I feel numb, sad, angry, tired, in pain, and a bunch more of stuff I don't really understand.
It also actually feels blank as well
I don't know why I started writing this, I don't really think I have the energy to finish this at all, nor do I know where the fuck this is going.
I know what I want tho. I want to fucking die. I want this life to end.
I'm just holding by the thread that's ready to snap at any moment.
Besides, no one would really notice if I vanish, right?
I've been alone since the beginning and still am.
Most of these people around me are all lies in a human husk.
Real relationships are extremely rare. It's a lot scarcer than how you think it is. Most are just in for mutual benefits.
That being said, if you have someone who you think is real. cherish them, treasure them, take care of them because all of what you think you have can vanish in the tick of a second
I've actually been researching ways to kill myself, oh believe me there are lots of ways but sadly I'm a coward. I don't have the courage to end my own life.
If somebody out there can find the pity to push me towards the afterlife please do so. please I beg of you. where art thou?
Am I babbling nonsense right now?
I'm sorry, my rationalization is being clouded by the moment and I'm being taken over by the impulse.
To be fair, there were 3 people whom I think at some point can be considered a real relationship but they are better off without me. I'm just an inconvenience and a disappointment to them.
Wait! Is this a suicide letter?
I hope so.
I think I'm getting sleepy if I let myself shut down right now will I no longer wake up?
I'd like to take my chances.
Good night, I guess?
Fuck! I still woke up
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