บท 60: Memorial

A few days go by, she sleeps in the room but I am not sure how it's going. I have been in my own room in the basement. I was hoping it was letting her let go of him, being able to stay in there, now I just wonder if I made her think of him more and make her closer to him. Only remembering everything, and how much she loved him. This is a hard situation to be in, to watch the person you love dearly so in love with someone else. In the eleven years, I have been in this world, I have met a lot of women. I have had a lot of affairs. I am nothing like my brother when it comes to sex and relationships. I have had my share, just never feeling towards anyone that way I feel towards Alexa. Why her? You may ask, out of every other woman I have been with? Her kindness, her heart, I saw everything she went through with my brother, how she loved him so deeply. How he hurt her, she wanted to give us everything that we didn't have in our last life, and she did. Giving us a family, a home, a life worth living. I know I only got all that because I was his brother. Because it would make him happy to see me, but without that, I wouldn't be here at all.

Through the years, we grew to care about each other, yes more on my end then hers of course but I got to know her even more. We spent a lot of time together when she worked at the agency, we became best friends as she always reminds me now. Telling me everything, even things I didn't want to hear because I was too jealous of my dear brother. I know how she thinks, what makes her happy I just fell head over heels. Then I couldn't do anything but accept we would be just friends for our lifetime. Now, you dear brother opened up this opportunity to me, the chance to have what I wanted all those years, and I won't let it go. I am still fighting your shadow, it haunts me daily but I will get through this, and let her as well. You saw that her being with me, would be best. You know deep down no one could love her like me, not even you!

I have an idea of a way to maybe give her some more closure and the wish you wanted, even though I can't make it exactly what she wanted. I feel that maybe it will be something. I am going to take the day off redoing the garden.

"Hey Ichiru, you're not going to work today?" I ask seeing Ichiru still here.

"No, I am going to take the day off. I wanted to do some garden work if that's ok with you?" Ichiru asks.

"Of course, do whatever you need to. I was planning on going food shopping with the kids. The place will be all yours for a bit." I answer.

"Great, I will have a surprise for you when you return then," Ichiru replies.

"I can't wait to see. I have to admit, it's really nice having you here." I respond giving him a light hug.

"That makes me feel really good to know that. I am glad I can bring a smile to your face." Ichiru comments.

"You do, even when I don't always show it. I will see you later one, have fun playing in the garden." I state.

Ichiru just smiles from ear to ear.

I take the babies food shopping, its the highlight of my day. Which I have to say is sad but true, I been a stay at home mom now for months. Which is a good thing and I was for our son, just sometimes being in that house drives me nuts. I had more freedom before so this takes a bit of getting used to. I also do like having Ichiru there, I know he isn't Zero but seeing him walking around makes me feel part of him is still here. I do forget sometimes and fall into a daze just watching him play with the kids or as he stands there talking to me. I see glimpses of Zero. Those small glimpses bring me back to life, make me happy. They let me feel he is still here.

I pick up a few things at the store, also picking up some steaks for dinner for later. I spend a good two hours out, trying to get everything done that is needed. It takes longer than before due to the twins.

I head home, to Ichiru now inside, washing his hands. He sees me with the bags and hurries to take them from me. The twins already inside playing on the floor.

"I will go get the rest out of the car," Ichiru says.

"Thank you, I picked up some steaks for dinner. I hope that's ok?" I ask.

"That's wonderful, maybe we can grill them? I have something to show you when I return." Ichiru comments.

"Ok, that sounds great and I can't wait to see," I respond. Putting the groceries away.

Ichiru goes to get the remaining bags, bringing them in and laying them on the counter. He then grabs my hand taking me into the garden. My eyes light up at the sites before me. It's gorgeous.

"How did you do all this in that short amount of time?" I ask.

"I had it planned for the last week, I picked up everything just making sure you didn't see any before now,"Ichiru says.

"It's gorgeous, where did you get the Cherry blossom trees?" I ask in amazement.

"I ordered them, they came today while you were out, so I got lucky with the surprise. I ordered three of them, one for each. I know you wanted a place to say goodbye. I know you wanted more as you wanted to be able to be put to rest beside him. I wasn't able to make that part happen, but I made a place in our garden to be able to say goodbye and also a place to visit. I put the tree's near each other, one for my mother, my father and this one for Zero, with a little plaque for him. I added the bench so you can sit and pray. We didn't get a funeral so this is like one. I even got lanterns we can let go tonight." Ichiru explains.

"I can't believe you did all this It looks wonderful and means so much. I love it. Thank you." I answer giving him a long hug.

"I thought you would. you can let go more now. " Ichiru answers.

I just smile at him, I know he is trying so hard to help me. This thought is beautiful, I look around at the blossoms falling down, the pink pretty ones on the floor, it gives me hope. I look at the Plaque that says Zero Kiryu beloved son, husband, and father It makes me feel that all I been going through, all that happened wasn't fake. I have a calm wash over me, I feel you're here with us, and it makes me feel at peace.

We finish up with dinner and putting the twins to bed, Ichiru goes to his room and I go to mine. I lay in bed feeling restless. I just toss and turn not able to sleep. I look at the clock and it's now two am. I wonder if Ichiru is up? I crawl out of bed, putting on my slippers. I walk downstairs till I reach the basement door, now asking myself what am I doing? I just need to be near him. His presence makes me calm, I walk down the stairs seeing Ichiru just laying in his bed, I don't want to wake him. I take a seat on the other side of the bed on top of the covers, I take my slippers off and slide into the bed.

I feel the bed shift and I open my eyes, she came to me, she needed me. My heart swells from knowing this. I extend my hand to her, as I did when we were in her bed. She accepts it. I see she is on top of the covers, so I grab the blanket at the end of the bed and cover her. I don't say a word, I just hold her hand, as she closes her eyes to get some rest.