บท 18: Baby Shopping
The next morning, I wake up in Zero's arms. It's so warm and cozy laying there in bed so close to him. I can't ask for anything more. I know he is trying his best to make me feel ok. He is such a good man in so many ways. His loyalty alone is what made me fall in love with him. The rest was just icing on the cake. Even in this life, he still has the same inner self. I am so glad that didn't change. It just makes me wonder if he was so loyal and attached to Yuki, is he still now? I know he doesn't bring her up or his past. I think that's just because he doesn't want to hurt me. I know he feels he owes me, for giving his family back to him. I just don't want him to stay with me. Only because of that. I want him with me because he truly cares. Because he feels the way I do about him if that was even possible.
We lay in each other's arms for the morning, enjoy each other's company. Talking about what we need for our child. Zero happy and excited to go shopping for him. Wanting him to have everything he never had. It makes me smile to see him so engrossed in all this.
While laying there, When he kisses me, electric tingles run through me. When his hands touch me, I melt into him. I never felt this way before. I am so lost in him, I don't want to see anything else around us. I try my best to put all my worries in the back of my mind. Not wanting to see this could fall apart at any time.
We get up to go out to look for baby things. I am already going on for five months now. The time is going pretty quickly. I am not even sure, we will be married before this child comes into the world. I do have to say, it would make me feel a bit better. Zero keeps saying that he is going to marry me. I just haven't seen any ring as of yet. Then I'm not even divorced yet. What a mess. It's just with Zero, I want to do everything. I want to be his forever. Or at least to my dying days. In a way, I am glad I never felt this way about anyone else. Its a curse in many ways. To love someone so much you would do anything for them. That their touch makes you so crazy you can't help yourself. This isn't me, not the real me. I was never that blinded by love. I did love my husband very much when we got married. He made me happy, but his touch didn't do this to me. And I started seeing things clearly after a year of marriage. I was no longer lost in the love daze. I wonder if that will happen this time? Just my love is much stronger, he has a hold on me, no one has ever had before.
After shopping, we just lay the items in the baby's room. Zero telling me, he will put the crib together soon. That we will do it together. Which makes me very happy. I love doing anything with him. Just this was even more special to me, it was our child. A part of him growing inside of me. A smile would grace my face every time I thought about that. Even in times when I felt so much despair. That would help me get past it.
"I enjoyed today," I say.
"Me to, It was a lot of fun baby shopping. There are so many things for them. It's crazy." Zero responds.
"I know, Enjoy my little body now, because once I turn six months, I turn into a blimp."I giggle.
"I am sure you're fine," Zero responds.
"You will see." I smile.
"Are you ready for tonight?" Zero asks.
"I guess. I am sure your mother is going to ask us a lot of questions. She seems to like doing that." I say.
"Yes, she is always bothering me about the divorce. I see her every day at work. I haven't gone there very often to their house. Just on Sunday to shoot hoops with Ichiru. It gives us time to talk and be alone. I enjoy that. I am so glad he is himself. That he isn't sick or weak. He actually kicks ass at work." Zero responds.
"I am glad. I know how much you care for him. He is really cool." I respond.
Yes, Ichiru was cool, but in a way, it was very weird to be around another man, that looked exactly like the man I adored. I tried not to be alone with him, or around him for too long. I couldn't help myself but stare, trying to see the differences. Which the only one was the damn hair cut. Otherwise, they were the same person on the outside. Oh and the tattoo. Zero took that into this world, it just means nothing here. Just a plain old tattoo. Otherwise, I couldn't spot any difference.
The evening came fast, which I wasn't really looking forward to. For some reason anytime, I had to go to his parent's house I got angsty. The last time wasn't much fun, since then I stayed away. I have been busy, with all my own stuff. I didn't really need to go there and put up with her shit. I knew Zero wanted us to get along and wanted them in our child's life. I understand that. I didn't mind it either. I just wish, she would accept me for who I am. Not trying to pick on everything. I have done in my life. I didn't plan on cheating on my husband and leaving. Things happen. Its life. Move on. She just couldn't seem to.
I knew she was always picking on Zero at work. Saying things about me. She found it funny that my husband was making me sell our home. Feeling I deserved it in a way. She would always put little things in Zero's mind. He just did his best not to let it get to him. Knowing that neither of us ever thought this was going to happen. We knew the true facts. It just didn't make it better without her constant nagging. Why did it matter, that I was married? To her anyway? I didn't take her husband. No, I took her son. Just couldn't she see, I Loved him? She was always telling him, I was using him. Wanting his money, and his home. I had my own, which I gave up for him, but she didn't see it that way.
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