บท 8: Chapter 8
As the weeks go by, my stomach doesn't get any better. I know something is wrong, but I am not sure quite what it is. I go to the doctor's on my day off. Sitting in the waiting room, time ticking away. I feel so lost, so empty. I use to be so alive and so much fun. I can't let this get me down. I know, I have to move on. It's just so hard at the moment. While I am sitting there daydreaming, the nurse calls me into the room.
"The doctor will be right with you." The nurse says
"I take a seat. Thinking this is probably just from my nerves. All the stress, I been putting myself under lately. And for what?" I say to myself.
Then the doctor comes in.
"Alexa, How have you been feeling? What seems to be the problem?" The doctor asks.
"Well, my stomach is always upset. I can't really eat. I am always queasy. I think its just my nerves. I have been under some stress lately. So is there anything, I can take to make myself feel better?" I ask.
"Let me check your tests. Well from what I see, I now know why you're feeling this way."The doctor answers.
"Why? Do I have an ulcer? Damn. That's just what I need." I say.
"Heh, no. You're pregnant." The doctor reveals.
"What?? That can't be." I say.
"It is. The test we ran is positive. If you like, we can see how far along you are? We have an OBGYN on hand." The doctor says.
"Sure. I still think you made a mistake." I answer.
"We will see. She will check you and give you an ultrasound." The doctor replies. Giving me the referral.
I go next door to the OBG. Still, in a major shock, This can't be, is all I keep telling myself. The OBG takes me. I go into the room, take all my clothes off-putting this gown on. I lay on the table not sure what to think at this point. I just try to stay calm. Till after she tells me what is really going on.
The OBG comes in and ready to do her thing.
"Ok, let's see here." She says taking a seat at the end of my feet. "Yep, there is a little tyke in here for sure. Everything looks wonderful. I will give you an ultrasound to see how far you are along since your not sure." The OBG says.
I just lay there in shock.
"She lays a towel over my legs and lifts up the gown to show my stomach, which she puts some cold gel on. This wasn't anything new. I had two other children. I just lay there letting her do whatever. Still not thinking straight. She starts the ultrasound, where I see this beautiful baby. I just start to cry.
"From what I am seeing, your about three months. The baby looks wonderful, healthy everything is good. Do you want to know what it is?" She asks.
"Yes Please," I say. "Its a boy." She responds.
My heart leaps out of my chest. A boy? tears keep streaming down my face.
"I think everything should be ok. Your a little older with this one, but everything should be fine. Just keep your appointments so we can watch." She tells me.
I just nod. Walking out of her office with my Ultrasound pictures. I sit in the car, just staring at them. Could this be? Where all of a sudden, I start laughing to myself. Well, that just shows you, kids, even in a dream or anime, if you don't use protection. You get knocked up. I am carrying his baby. I have part of him with me. I just rub my tummy happier then, I have been in a while.
I knew I was in big trouble though. There wasn't any explaining this. I haven't had sex with my husband in years. He would know it wasn't his. I didn't really want to blame him for it anyway. This was my baby. The son I always wanted, and best yet, with the man I always wanted. I did get something out of this. I knew I would have to do, what I told Zero. I would have to leave my husband. This just showed me that had to be. I wasn't going to explain to him, about all the things that took place, he would think, I was crazy and try to take my kids from me. I would just ask him to leave. Not even telling him about the child. ITs not his? Why bother?
I go home and make dinner. Getting my girls ready for bed. Then I head to my own room. Where my husband looks at me funny and knows something is wrong.
"What is going on? I know you haven't been yourself in a while. What is happening?" Joel asks.
"A lot within myself. I don't want to be married anymore. I want my freedom back. I want a divorce." I say.
"What the hell is wrong with you? Why would you want to give up our life? Are you cheating on me?" Joel snaps.
"I did have an affair. It is over now. It just made me see that what we have, is something I don't want. I want more out of a relationship. I don't know if I could ever find what I am looking for, but I don't want to settle for this." I answer.
"You had an affair? What the fuck? With who?" He shouts.
"No one you know. It doesn't matter." I answer.
"If it's over maybe we could work on our marriage. You just need to tell me what you want." Joel states.
"If I have to tell you, that means you don't know me at all. I am sorry, but I think its best you leave. You can see the girls anytime you want. I just want out." I say and walk out of the bedroom.
I feel free. I know that had to hurt him, but I also can't expect him to raise someone else's child. That would hurt him more. This way he can move on and maybe get a life he is happy with as well. He would only look at this child and hate it, see me cheating. Never really knowing just how much I truly loved its father. That would kill him.
The next morning Joel gets up and I see him take his duffle bag with him. He just looks at me as he gathers the kids. I know he is hurt. I see it written all over his face. I know that look well, I felt the same when Zero was asking about Yuki, after being with me.
At Cross, Zero goes to Kaien's office. Needing more answers than he was given. The last two month being torture for him.
"I need to talk to you old man," Zero says.
"What do you need?" Kaien answers.
"If Alexa came here, would I be able to go to her world?" Zero asks.
"Maybe, but why?" Kaien asks.
"Because all I do is think about her. What does she look like? Is she ok? I know how I acted hurt her. I see everything she told me was true. I want to if anything tell her, I am sorry. How I really feel." Zero responds.
"How about if you get stuck in her world? Then what? This could be dangerous."Kaien answers.
"She took that risk to be with me. Leaving her children and family. I have nothing here. Its a chance worth taking." Zero comments.
"If she is married and her husband finds you, he may beat the hell out of you." Kaien states.
"We are adults, I want to talk to her. He can't beat me for that." Zero remarks.
"You don't even know, what her world is or about? You may not like it. You know, the way she turned into what you wanted to be here with you. You will turn into what she wants there." Kaien states.
"Yea, I know she didn't come here as herself, because my main wish was for Yuki. So she showed up as her. I know her main wish is me. So whatever else she has planned is fine. I finally know, she wouldn't hurt me." Zero replies.
"If you are sure, There needs to be a connection, when you go to bed. You think about her strongly as you fall asleep. Letting it take you to her world. Just like she did to you." Kaien says.
"I can do that," Zero responds.
"What about Yuki?" Kaien asks.
"What about her? She didn't think of me when she left with Kaname. She hasn't come anywhere near us. I want more than that. I want to be someone's only. I just hope she still sees me like that." Zero comments.
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