บท 37: Opening the Door to Her Heart 2

With her eyes closed, she could almost feel his breathing getting very close to her face. He's so close to me!' Her heart sped up like a race car's maximum limit. Without her sight, her sensitivity to touch became higher than usual.

She could hear his arm reaching out towards her right as his body leaned closer. Nobody spoke a word in this minute of interaction. On the other hand, Lin Que was smiling at her shy reaction. Enjoying the view from the angle, he had positioned himself; he purposely slowed down the progress of what he wanted to do.

Oddly, she didn't feel any movements.

Click

Her eyes popped open and blinked thrice as he went back to his seat. Feeling the tightness around her waist, she lowered her gaze to find her fastened seat belt. 'Did he come close to me to buckle my seat belt?'

"Seat belt?" She whispered in a questioning tone.

"Did you expect me to start the car with your safety at risk?" He almost laughed at her confused expression.

"No.." she brushed her fringe to hide her embarrassment. She totally got the wrong idea!

Before securing his seat belt, he purposely leaned towards her again to meet her eyes. Reaching over once again, his fingers traced down in the order of her fringe, nose bridge to her chin. He whispered, "Or did you think I was going to do something else?"

Bringing his thumb close to her bottom lip, he paused a few centimeters from it. He wished he could continue teasing her, but if he did she'll probably run off to ride a cab instead. Considering the consequences, he retracted his hand and secured his seat belt.

"Sit back. We'll get there around half an hour." He focused his eyes on the road and hands on the steering wheel.

"En." She responded right away and tilted her head towards the window.

Surprisingly, there was less traffic than expected, so they arrived in less than half an hour. After getting out of the car, Lin Que followed Lily to her grandmother's grave.

"Can you hold the flowers for me?" She handed the bouquet over for him to hold.

"Sure."

From her purse, she took out a pack of wet wipes and started cleaning the tombstone. As she wiped away the dirt, bird feces stains and dead insects, the saddened look on her face grew more evident. When she cleansed the last spot of the tomb stone, the redness of her eyes could not be unnoticed.

Finding a nearby garbage bin, she threw the dirty wipes away. Closing her eyes and taking in a deep breath, she steadied her emotions before walking back to retrieve the bouquet from Lin Que. Carefully, she placed the bouquet slanted while leaning onto the tombstone.

She forced a smile. "Grandma, I came to visit you today. Every time of this year, you always see my face. Heh, hopefully you're doing well. I brought a friend with me today. His name is Lin Que, a doctor who I met by chance. Even though he looks like a potato, he is a very nice one. I was very good this year. I did my body checkup and listened to his words."

"You always nagged me whenever I had a small cough or cold hands. See? I'm all grown up now. Look at these fresh Carnations. Aren't they pretty? If you were here, these flowers would be a wonderful match with your sweet smile. But you're not. But that's okay because you're always in my heart. That'll never change."

She hugged her knees as she spoke with tenderness and yearning in her voice. Staring at her while standing, she looked like a fragile, wounded deer that is afraid to step out of its hiding spot. Like an animal's instinct to stay put and not come out of its comfortable zone when facing danger, she too, was hiding from reality.

Her body trembled, not from the wind's embrace, but from her own fear. Reaching out, her fingers traced her grandma's engraved name and tears clouded her eyes. As if wind brought along dust to her eyes, she looked downwards to avoid it. Her actions might look natural in front of strangers, but it didn't escape his observant eyes.

When she whispered, "Grandma" again, he could feel her unease. She wanted to open her eyes and see her grandma alive, but she knew it was hopeless. She still didn't want to accept this cruel reality.

Bending down next to her, he stroked her hair silently as if he was encouraging her to speak out her insecurities. Feeling his warm palms stroking her hair gently, it reminded her of the younger days. Dripping tears fell down her face, whimpering cries escaped her mouth and trembling hands pulled onto his shirt.

"Let it all out. You've been holding onto this long enough. I don't know what happened, but your grandma wouldn't want to see you like this. She wants to see a healthy, cheerful Lily." His arms wrapped around her and repeatedly soothed her back.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, grandma. If I didn't say I wanted cotton candy in the amusement park, you wouldn't go to get it for me. If I stayed where I was and didn't get lured away by a plush toy, you wouldn't have chased after the car. It was my fault for getting kidnapped. It was all my fault."

Buried deep in his arms, she quivered and strained her vocals as she cried in agony. As if the time on the ticking bomb had gone off in her body, she clenched her hands on his wrinkled shirt. "The kidnappers had you bring the ransom without the intentions to release me. They already knew the police became a part of the investigation."

"They purposely took you along to set an example for the police to see. When those people beat me, you dodged those hits despite being injured already. After a few days, they finally let us out. Tying us up and trapping us in the trunk of a van, you slowly stopped breathing but I couldn't do anything to help you."

"From screaming through the duct tape on my mouth to kicking the trunks hoping to be discovered; I tried my best. But the wires around my wrist were knotted tightly. I couldn't untie it. I watched you suffer through beatings and slowly to your last breath. It was all my fault. My fault...all my fault."

She struggled to get words out as she choked through her words. Fright consumed her body cells as she shook fragilely like a falling leaf. As if one touch could create an irreversible crack to its body; her body wracked with raw sobs. In staggering exhaustion, she exhaled another hot breath out of her body.

"When I woke up, strong waves of anti-bacterial scent filled my nostrils. It was suffocating me every second. I turned to the side and asked 'mom, dad, where did grandma go?' All I received were silence and a hug. Even though I was seven, I knew something was wrong. I shut myself away and didn't dare shed a tear at your funeral. I wasn't worthy to cry. Nobody blamed me, but I blamed myself."

"It's because I didn't listen. Because I was a bad girl. The kidnappers didn't know the money was tracked and was arrested soon after. Still, I would never forget their faces nor would I forgive them. Since then, I couldn't trust anyone wholeheartedly. I never told anyone about my family or much about me. I was afraid and still terrified right now."

"The incident repeats every time this year. Every time metal scratches against a board or something screeches in general, I get tensed up. As if everything is happening in front of me again; repeatedly. But grandma, you'll never be back. I'll never be able to see you again." Her heart shattered as she finished the last words.

He didn't know when, but his hands had stopped rubbing her back. Instead, he wrapped her tightly as if he wanted to merge with her into one; he wanted to protect her from all harm. At this moment, all he could do was be by her side and be her outlet.

"It's not your fault. The people who are at fault are the kidnappers. They probably conducted similar or even worse crimes before yours. Which child wouldn't like candy? Plush toys? Which child wouldn't have low guards against strangers even after being taught not to follow strangers? You're not at fault."

"Your grandma didn't blame you. Nobody did because you aren't at fault. What could a seven-year-old have done? Could you have physically fought them? No. You've suffered and witnessed things that nobody should ever have experienced. Your grandma loved you dearly. She wants you to live happily and smile cheerfully. Not live every day with this burden."

"You've kept this to yourself for long enough. You can slowly put your heart at ease. Slowly, let it go...I'll be here to share this burden with you. If you want to cry, hold onto someone, laugh, smile and many other things I'll always be there for you as long as you name it. Slowly, this pain will lessen, but this doesn't mean you'll forget your grandma. She'll always be in your heart. Always smiling at you."

Her fist loosened as her grandma's smiling image floated in her mind. Her friendly sunshine smile would always be alive in her. Somewhere deep inside...