บท 38: Noah's Day

A voice wisps within the darkness, enchanting the delicious soul of light, "You have no one. Your parents did not want you. You are all alone, and no one can save you from the horrendous fate. Trust in me, and I'll let you have everything within your grasp and more. Don't you agree? You've suffered, cried, and pained by your loneliness, why don't we fill that void of sadness with your desires…like having the woman you love, keeping her to yourself just like you want…well?"

Noah frighteningly replies, "w-who are you? What do you want with me?"

"Ooh? I'm you!"

He vehemently denies, "no, you're not! I know who I am! You can't make me do anything! I want to protect her with all I can do! You're nothing but a mindless thought that wants to consume me in this trickery. I won't fall for your temptations."

"Even if it's your hidden desire to have her all to yourself? She'll leave you!"

Noah firmly replies, "I know myself more than you, so don't act as if you know my life. If you were me, you would've noticed that my love for her is pure. All I want is her happiness, so leave me alone!!!"

He wakes up, panting from the nightmare. He shakenly sits up, trying to control his breathing, but his heart can't stop pounding feeling it can come out of his mouth. "what the hell?! What…was that?" he wonders aloud glancing at his surroundings, "that's right, I came here…" he calms down, "I've been staying here for two weeks, I keep forgetting each time I wake up," he grunts.

Since that night, Noah left to stay at a close friend's farmland in Bakersfield. Since staying there, he's been helping mend to their fields, animals, and, most importantly, spending time by himself.

It's early dawn, he tiredly walks out into the patio through the slide door, though as he walked outside, he twitches surprised to see his friend, Oliver Sallow, a white 50-year-old man full of farming experience. The owner of the cottage house Noah is currently staying at. He met Oliver once by chance, and immediately the two became friends, but to Oliver, Noah is both a friend and son.

"sun woke you up?" he sarcastically says, noticing Noah's swollen bare face.

"more like a nightmare…" he silently whispers underneath his breath.

Oliver cocks his head with a frown, "something you dreamt of?"

Noah quietly nods, staring off into the sky's aurora, "since that day, I've had panic attacks more often than before," he sighs, looking down "It's killing me."

The old man nods, "I think in life we all go through a few attacks, anxiety is the worst, but I believe our fears exist for a reason. Nightmares don't necessarily mean anything. It's just a manifestation of your fears. Those damn demons just want to scare you," he stares at Noah's shocked face as if he knew what he wanted to hear.

"H-How did you?"

Oliver proudly laughs, "sometimes young folks like you need a time out. You have to get out of the bigger picture to see where you are and where you're heading. It's easy to give in, but what if you continue?"

Noah gasps as if he's secretly answered his questions to life, "you're a sage old man," he cracks a smile.

"Nah, I'm just a parent, I raised my daughter all on my own after all. And now look at her, all grown up, tending to the animals as a vet."

"You sound sad, isn't that something to be proud of?" Noah glances at his sad eyes.

Oliver's gaze trails off into the sky, "of course it is, but I can't help but think that she'd find herself a better job if she were working in the city rather than just some old farm" he sighs feeling regretful, "I just want the best for my daughter. Her mother ran away to the city. I'm guessing she probably stays here for my sake since I'm getting along in my years."

Noah sincerely comments, "maybe she just does not want to leave your side, because if she does, she's afraid you might disappear."

The old man's expression widens, replying with blinking eyes, "Woah! And I thought I was wise," he laughs.

"You'd be surprised, not a lot of fathers like you exist in the city."

"Ya, don't say? I don't understand those kinds of men, how can ya call yourself a father if ya can't think about your children's future?"

"yeah…" Noah lowers his head, "parents."

Oliver pats his shoulder, "Is this about your mum? Are you still looking for them?"

"I am, but I'm scared…what if they don't want to see me. I can't explain it, but I feel something like a piece of me is missing, and maybe just maybe they are the missing puzzle to completing me."

The old man heavily sighs scratching his head, "that's tough, I don't know what to say, but there are two kinds of parents. The ones who care and then there are the ones who don't. That's just life, but I do believe you deserve to know the truth about them, leaving you behind. Are you sure you did not have any siblings? Aunts, uncles?"

"I don't recall having any siblings, or else I know I'd remember them clearly. If anything, I would've gone to look for them instead of my parents. Ugh!" he grunts annoyingly, resting his chin on his hand, "It's so difficult."

"You'll get there, don't worry too much about it. Hear that? Even the roosters are up. Let's have breakfast before working" he pulls Noah inside warmly, wrapping his arm around his shoulder.

When they walked inside the house, they're surprised to see Kiara, a young woman around the same age as Noah setting the table, "what are you two standing there looking dumb? Let's eat!" he cheerfully smiles.

Oliver runs to the table full of food, "thank you, my precious daughter! Wow! This all looks very delicious!" his mouth salivates, staring at the eggs, bacon, sausage patties, and more.

Just as Noah was about to sit down, Kiara's eyes sparkle, "good morning Noah," she says sweetly.

He awkwardly replies, avoiding her stare, "g-good morning, thanks for the food."

***

After having breakfast, Noah changes into his work clothes, different from the clothes he'd usually wear at A Star. These tattered clothes were comfortable compared to wearing a tight suit. If he had to choose, this was Noah's favorite work clothes to wear, especially while working outside.

He continues his daily routine or at least the habit he's gotten used to since staying there.

He nonchalantly whistles, walking across the fields entering the stable where the horses are, "hello~ beauties!" he smiles, staring at the horses when he notices Kiara peek her head from the corner of his eye. He immediately gulps wishing he could play it out to be a joke of some sort when hearing her snorting laugh.

He sighs, shaking his head in denial, "she couldn't have heard me, right? What a joke! She heard me! Damn, I didn't think I'd feel this embarrassed!" his face flusters bright red.

Kiara was examining one of the horses when she heard approaching steps and a high pitched voice, out of curiosity she looked over to see who it is and was shocked to see it was Noah. She couldn't help but break out in laughter after hearing such a different cheery voice tone come out of Noah.

She bates her eyelashes like a butterfly, "hey~ Noah."

He turns to look at her pretending as if nothing happened with a fake smile, "h-hi Kiara, uh" he swings his arms back and forth awkwardly, "wha-what are you doing here?" he bites his lower lip.

She stands, turning her attention to the brown horse before her, "Sila is pregnant, so I'm constantly checking up on her status, she can go into labor any one of these days."

"Oooh! I see, then I'll be on my way," he nods, walking away from her tending to the rest of the horses.

From a distance, Kiara notices Noah's kind gestures towards the horses and is dazzled by his smile. Her face blushes light pink while staring at him, sincerely caring for the horses.

"He still remembers you," she comments as Noah turns, "huh?" petting the horse.

She reaches for the horse when it moves away to be pet by Noah, "see," she smiles, "he likes you a lot, he missed you" her eyes turn sad.

Noah can't hide the grin on his face while petting the horse, "I missed him too."

"When are you going back?" she asks trying to hide her disappointment.

"Hmm, tonight," he sighs unhappily, making Kiara think perhaps he does not want to leave when she offers, "why can't you stay a little longer? It's been two years since you came back."

He chuckles, "I don't think that's possible."

"Why not? Can't you call your boss for more days off?"

"I don't want that," he says thoughtfully, shocking Kiara with the shift of his tone.

"Then that means today might be the last time I see you…" she nervously bites her lip, "right?"

He quietly nods, but knowing this might be her only chance to say what's on her heart, she courageously speaks up, "actually Noah," she stammers, looking at his mesmerizing brown eyes, "uh, umm, well, I-I l-like you."

She's taken aback to see his blank expression, "Noah?" she asks, wondering if perhaps he didn't hear her, "did you hear me?"

He nods, still quiet, with only the horses in the background, "sorry, I mean, uh, I just don't-I've never been confessed to like this, so it took me by surprise," he looks away fidgeting his fingers nervously.

On the other hand, she found it cute. It wasn't that he didn't like her back but that her straightforwardness came to a shock to him. But Noah immediately rejects her, "thank you for liking me, but, there is someone I" he struggles.

She finishes his sentence, "like? So you already have someone in your heart. I should've figured," her voice sinks in disappointment, knowing the truth.

For once, he genuinely feels terrible, "I'm sorry!" he bows. But she surprisingly stops him, "no, please! It's not a big deal! I'll get over it somehow" she smiles, trying to lighten up the mood.

But it's gotten a lot more awkward than before, "again, I'm sorry."

Knowing that her presence will only continue to make him uncomfortable, she leaves, "I've got to go check on the rest…" She pauses, looking back, "goodbye, Noah." She says sweetly in a sad tone.

***

After cleaning the stables, he takes spirit, the horse he was petting earlier while talking to Kiara out for a ride. Fortunately, there are long paths available for the horses to roam around. Knowing this, he takes spirit on those paths.

While riding spirit, Noah feels the wind swaying his hair sideways while trying to keep his posture line correctly to keep from it hurting afterward. It took a bit of practice to recall how to ride a horse, but after a week, he finally took the reins of spirit and continued to ride him.

He loves feeling the wind on his face, the thrill rushing through his veins, it's one of his ways of escaping his reality, and his deepest secret is his love for animals, cats, dogs, horses, snakes, everything.

He'd probably have a dog, cat, or even both by now. But thanks to Belen, she talked some sense into him, convincing him the struggles of owning an animal.

He seriously took her persuasive advice, seeing how hurt she looked when talking about the pet cat she last owned. Therefore he decided to admire them from afar, or if given a chance, he'll interact with them, but when around Belen, he tries to hold himself back to look professional.

In this case, Belen isn't here, so in a way, he felt free to love and interact with the farm animals as much as he liked. He knows Belen does not mean bad when it comes to farm animals. It's just the smell that she dislikes. But to Noah, it didn't matter because what he saw was the cute animal rather than the smell.

He pulls the reigns of spirit hauling, as he did, Noah ties him underneath the shade of a huge red apple tree. Feeling the few rays of sunlight seeping from within the tree branches calms his thrilling blood. Nothing but silence, one of Noah's most favorite sound after riding, is feeling at peace with nature, listening to the music of the wind twisting in the green trees, the warm sunlight kissing his face, and the broad view of the fields.

He sits down on the fresh dirt, sighing calmly, "why can't it be like this every day…"

Since he started working for Belen, it's safe to say that he's rarely gotten a day off, his days would often get cut short, but he was seldomly given any time to himself.

In the beginning, Noah did not like getting a day off because he knew just how significant his presence is to Belen and how much she needs him. While at the same time trusting that she's more than capable of dealing with his workload, but he hates being a burden. Instead, he tries his best to fulfill his duties and responsibilities, which gives him little to no space to breathe.

His mind is very different. He recognizes his flaws very quickly, but at the same time, the only one who always points out his hidden treasures is Belen. She helps him discover bits of diamonds that he has in himself without realizing it.

Thanks to her, it boosts his confidence, and he works harder to perfect his talents. In reality, its difficult being around Belen, but he's gotten used to it and only focuses on being by her side. What's odd about their friendship is that they understand each other almost entirely, they harmonize.

"This all started because of that fight" he looks down at his phone, turned off. The fight he's referring to is the argument he had with Belen about how she treated Mabel. Since his vacation, he made sure to turn off his phone and cut off all communication to focus on himself.

Most importantly, what's been eating up at his mind was the last words he heard that night from the doctor revealing cancer has been detected in his body. He hasn't dared to call back and ask further. Instead, he decided to stay in the dark.

"I don't want to go back just yet," he sulks, turning to see spirit, also staring back at him. This makes Noah laugh, "for a second there. You had me thinking you knew what I was saying."

"You know spirit. I don't know how to confess to the woman I love. Yet someone so boldly confessed to me, can you believe that? You were there" he brushes spirits hair, "I'm afraid to see Belen again, I feel guilty for keeping it a secret from her that I'm talking with her sister. But! I also prefer she heard it from me before she jumps to conclusions, right?!"

Spirit nods, swaying its tail, Noah sweetly smiles, "maybe I should tell her about it," he sadly sighs, "I don't know how she'll react but its better than hiding it. Ugh, spirit! I wish I were you. That way, I wouldn't have to deal with such things" he carefully lays his head, wrapping his arm around spirit's head, "I am tired but…its Belen. I don't want to leave her. But I'm scared she'll leave me first," he releases him, "especially since that bastard showed up!" his face grimaced, "Sometimes I think about the difficulties I had to go through to just find a job and get a diploma" he groans, "but all that to just be a secretary? Forever…?"

He stomps his feet "I don't get it! Why did she hire him? I-It's like you letting someone else ride you, right boy?" but to his surprise, spirit pays him no mind, "whatever, I just don't know what to do. What if…" he pauses, "what if they get married…won't I just be in the way? I don't think I'd be able to bare seeing the two k-kiss" he violently shakes his head to rid himself of the image.

A gentle inner voice speaks to him, "what do you want to do? Who are you?"

Noah pauses for a moment but instead ignores it, "let's go back spirit, I have to wash you" he mounts him, "hyaa!" he shouts as spirit runs.

***

Before entering the house, he stops near the patio removing his rubber boots, gloves, and plastic overalls. His muscular physique is revealed through the ragged clothes when he enters the house. A white medium hair cat greets him.

He hurriedly rushes to his room to shower and change apologizing to the cat, "sorry, whiskers, I can't pet you right now."

While removing his clothes, he stares at the mirror, examining his body. Noah is handsome. He exercises regularly and eats well, which is why it came to shock him when he discovered cancer was detected in his body.

He intently stares at his naked body, wondering, "where is it? In my organs?" he tilts his head, "my intestines perhaps?" he sighs, giving up as his anxiety starts churning his stomach. Feeling the beat of his heart, beginning to thump faster and faster, only scares him when he enters the shower.

After a hard day's work, physically, a shower at the end of the day is one way of calming his heart, worries, and anxiety.

As he immersed himself in the warmth of the running water, like a sponge, his body soaked up the water's heat.

***

Oliver enters the stables noticing the light on, "where's Noah?" he asks, glancing around, "Kiara, have ya seen him?"

"I think he finished early. He should be at the house."

"What're ya doing here?"

She's sitting inside a shed with the pregnant horse she was examining earlier, "I think she's about to give birth, I'm going to stay here for the night."

"Really?" he looks over, noticing the horse laying down, "but he's going to leave tonight, ya sure ya don't want to see him?"

She scoffs, "its fine dad, I've already said what I needed to earlier. I think me being there will only make things awkward."

"Aww, you got rejected, didn't you?" he pats her shoulder, "you're going to be okay darling, he's not the only man around."

She sniffs, holding back her tears, "I know, I know that it's just, I feel dumb for even trying. He likes someone else already. I never had a chance to begin."

"Alright alright, want me to tell him something?" her dad pretends to act tough, "I'll hit him if that's what you want" he begins to crack his knuckles making her laugh, "stop dad, I still like him, I don't want you to ruin his face."

Her dad sincerely smiles, "you'll be alright, don't worry about him. I'll relay the news that your busy watching over Sila."

"Thanks, dad."

***

Meanwhile, Noah is in the living room playing with whiskers and a black and white cat named tux. "grrr" he playful growls playing tug of war with tux, but he won't let go, when Noah comments, "you have a strong grip there."

He gives up once whiskers jump up on his lab, kneading on him, "you win this round tux," he laughs, gently petting whiskers as she lay down on his knees purring.

"I wish I can take you with me," he whispers, admiring whiskers white long fur. "you're beautiful, do you know that? And soft."

Someone opens the door, tux, and whiskers immediately rush to see who it is welcoming Oliver. Noah stands surprised, "you know cats normally don't do that. I keep forgetting they aren't regular cats," he chuckles.

Oliver talks down sweetly to the cats like he would to a baby, as the cats continuously rub their bodies against his leg, meowing as if saying, "welcome, we missed you!"

He walks deeper inside, noticing their food bowl, "ahh! That's why! Ya'll are hungry!" the cats continue to meow, guiding him to their empty food bowl.

"Cats," Oliver playfully sighs, shaking his head, "are you leaving already?" his eyes widen seeing a bag on the sofa.

Noah looks back, "yeah, I was waiting for you and Kiara, but…where is she?" he glances at the door and back at Oliver concerned.

"Aah! She's at the stables, one of our horses is about to give birth so she won't be coming."

"Oh" Noah's voice lowers, "then I guess I'll be leaving, thank you for allowing me to stay here" he carries his bag heading out the door. Oliver follows him, "I hope ya enjoyed your stay! Seriously next time I should charge ya."

He nods, "I agree, it was fun. I'll miss riding spirit, take good care of him."

Oliver realizes that something is bothering Noah, more than this morning, "what's wrong? Don't want to go?"

Noah turns with a troubled expression on his face, he opens his mouth, wishing to speak, but no words come out. Instead, he sadly shakes his head, Oliver nods, "whatever is going on in your life just know, you can always come back here, you're pretty useful" he cheerfully smiles.

Noah manages to mumble, "not long ago, I recently found out that I have cancer" he looks down ashamed of keeping it to himself. He overhears footsteps rush to him when he looks up, shocked to see Oliver hug him, the hug a father would give to a son. Strong and steady, something Noah's been missing his whole life, a father figure.

He couldn't keep his emotions under wraps as tears silently flow down his cheeks. After a while, Oliver asks, "since when? When did you find out? Where? You look perfectly healthy from what I can see."

"I don't know either, all I know is, two weeks ago my doctor called and informed me. But, I haven't been able to call and ask."

"What do you mean you haven't been able to call? There is reception here!" he frantically shakes him.

Noah nervously shakes his head, "I…," he clenches his teeth, "don't dare to call."

Oliver frustratedly sighs, "you have to call!" his loud voice shocks Noah to flinch.

"You have to call, Noah. Cancer is not a joke. You need to find out what kind it is and what stages of it you are in! Once you know, then you'll be left with the possibilities of receiving treatment."

Oliver knocked a sense of hope in Noah, making him think maybe there is a possibility that what he has can be curable. "Thank you, Oliver, for worrying about me, this has been consuming my mind the whole time I was staying here. I didn't know who to tell, but I was afraid at the same time to tell anyone."

Oliver nods, "Shit, I really don't know what to do. Oh! Wait here! Let me give you some fresh milk and fruit to take with you" he goes to the back, bringing out some boxes full of fruit. Noah happily accepts them while taking it to his car. Oliver helps him, when finally Noah turns to him, "thanks again, for everything. I'll try to visit more often."

Oliver smiles, "of course! You have to! Or else spirit will forget ya face!" he jokingly utters.

Noah smiles, "right." Just as he was about to get in his car, Oliver shouts, "don't be scared ya, coward! Make sure to come back!" he waves.

Noah drives away wearing a relieved smile on his face, genuinely grateful, and sighs heavily, "tomorrow, I'll see you again…Belen."