Two good things happened while we were journeying back to Bob's village. The first among them was that I was able to figure out a few things by referring to the knowledge I already gained from studying at the Swordwick Household since young.
From what I can tell, I was a Monster that had just been born into the world and have yet to undergo any Evolutions. My own personal strength, if I had the same intelligence of a normal Monster, would be equivalent to a regular E Rank Aura User.
This was one of the differences between Humans and Beasts. While humanity had varying levels of Magical Talent, the Magical Capacity of Beasts was dependant on their species. Monstrous Beasts (known as 'Monsters') being the ones who always started off at E Rank and Evolved depending on how long they have lived or their environment.
To come into this world as a Monstrous Beast is understandable considering I hadn't become independent of my original body. In fact, I could vaguely still feel my connection to 'Damian'.
We had the same soul, body, and extremely flawed personality. Therefore, it's only natural I couldn't really 'reincarnate', but instead take control of a body that was 'separate yet bound to my original'.
I'm actually pretty happy that 'dying on the inside' didn't split me away from my body completely. I will have to go back sooner or later... so naturally, there isn't a reason for me NOT to enjoy the strange and ethereal 'perspective' I had given myself.
I looked at my hands, suddenly wondering... why I subconsciously chose this kind of female body to be a 'limb' to my actual ghost-like one. Was it due to my desire to be 'different' or something else...?
Anyway, the second 'good thing' that happened to me today is being surrounded by Monsters on my way back to Bob's village. I was feeling the need to eat a snack on my way to visit Bob's home village.
From what I can tell from their dark greenish skin along with their short stature, they were most likely the 'Goblins' of this world. Unlike what you would see in an RPG, it was actually 'required' for all Adventurers to kill these disease-ridden vermin who give no benefits to humanity. Their low lifespans and high fertility weren't the problem, it was their methodology to go for the women first for... getting more children, their useless meat that couldn't be eaten, and their lack of any treasures.
They were pinnacle of a dusting species, one that even Ogres and Trolls couldn't match. Though most of their inherent downsides probably had to do with their 'Sub-Attribute' being fully 'Evil'.
When we saw them, only I seemed happy to find fresh meat. Bob himself looked tired instead.
"I'll handle these pests."
"You sure...? Aren't you still affected by a 'curse'?"
"No worries. I just need some exercise. You can use the time to recover." I waved him off and went straight into my 'Combat Persona'. I calmed down before analysing my current advantages and disadvantages. There was a lot to take in...
Being the barbaric species that they were, they attacked as soon as their poor senses had detected me. I chose not to rely on martial arts as those were made to fight Humans and instead relied purely on my battle instincts to take them down. I punched, kicked, and grappled while focusing around the metal gauntlet on my arm.
Unlike others, I didn't feel tired and my body became easier to use the more I fought. It was as if my true body (shadow) was becoming a great puppeteer through experience in using his 'Puppet Body'. Aha! That's how I'll refer to my female 'limb' as it seems so appropriate. Fighting became much more easier once I found my own 'battle tactics'.
It was to the point I had enough at leisure to ask:
"What are you looking at me like that for?" I was surprised as I saw Bob's horrified expression.
"I don't understand how you can fight like THAT without feeling anything." He answered as I gouged one of the Goblin's ear with my thumb, slapped that same spot to induce pain, then crushed its feeble life using the gauntlet on my left hand.
Hmmm, I feel he's on to something.
"How do you fight then?" I spoke while disarming what I assume to be an axe made of wood and stone from a Goblin before tripping it up so that fell in his direction. Bob's reaction was quick as he used Wind Swordsmanship to cut off its head.
Ah, now I get it!
"You focus on efficiency of slaughter while I focus more towards crowd control." Is what found out.
"Do all Dark Users fight like you...?"
"Nah, it's probably just me."
"That's good... So, what was the point of telling me to rest when you're just going to drag me into this fight." Bob was doing just fine using his menacing looks to bluff strength and letting a 'girl' like me take care of all the Goblins who saw me as weaker.
"I feel more at ease when I'm fighting with someone watching my back." I told him honestly as I tested out my new abilities. The corpses of the Goblins disappeared into my True Body and were stored into the alternate space that was my stomach. I was also getting a knack for controlling pure Moon Mana through my Puppet Body rather than relying solely on my combat experience.
Fighting with Bob was an eye-opener. Even though he was tired, his movements weren't clumsy whatsoever. As expected of a Specialist, he showed no signs of inexperience that normal 'Users' of an Elemental Affinity were prone to.
In the case of Wind Users, it was widely known that mastering Wind Aura enough to become a Specialist meant overcoming the inherent difficulty of getting used to what is essentially Super-Speed.
When Wind Aura covered a person, their weight and other physical attributes didn't change, unlike when I use Weightless Marrow, that's why the styles of how people used Wind Aura differed from person to person. It matched their personality...
Bob himself seemed to be a very methodical but adaptable type. Even though he saw my way of slaughtering Goblins terrifying, I too felt his own methods were a little overkill. There was a moment in battle when he had been disarmed and the Goblins tried to swarm him. However, before his sword even fell a few centimetres, he was able to rearm himself and cut them down like a chainsaw.
There was a distinct 'flow' in his movements that felt different from that of a stream. Instead of going from one place to another fluidly, it felt more like he was 'snapping' each movements with sharpness.
Like I said before, he was clearly more effective than me in the killing department. Though I can probably pat myself on the back and not be envious since my 'style' was meant for Humans.
Unlike Beasts, there was a lot of ways to use feints and mental games to make a Human hesitate. The former on the other hand only cared for victory to the point of resorting to anything to get a win.
"Looks like we're finally finished." After giving the last Goblin the directions to Hell, I cleaned my hands using the same way I disposed of the corpses. Oh, I'm so happy 'Shadow Beings' had a stomach that could save sustenance for later~
"Your Magic is pretty handy. You saved us from having to go through another wave of Beasts due to Monster blood making a stench." I also felt the same, that was also one of the reasons I used it.
"What kind of person are you anyway?" I asked in interest towards this very open-minded Specialist.
"Why would you ask?"
"You're being too accepting of a stranger you just met." He didn't seem the type to be this careless.
"Trust me. I'm just doing whatever I like.... Hah hah hah, phew~ Oh yeah, I live with my Mom, so you best take care of her if you're going to live with us temporarily." He said while leaning on a tree, finally getting some well-deserved rest after battle.
He finally started to breath after relaxing a little.
"Yeah yeah, I know all that." I also took the time to observe my own condition and calm my mindset so I could talk properly. I'm not much of a interesting guy when in Combat Mode since I'm less talkative.
A silence arose for good dozens of minutes as I thought of something to say. I had a question in my heart that I took some time to express the right way without seeming a little too awkward.
"Responsibility of taking care of family... Is it something your proud to shoulder?" I suddenly asked to break the wordless atmosphere. Bob didn't even look at me as he answered naturally:
"It's not about 'being proud'. It's just something a filial son should do. What? Did you abandon your family?" He asked a sharp question in response. I felt my body freeze at than moment, feeling a complex feeling of self-loathing as I justified:
"I didn't...! Technically... I think." If I could call my only friend my family as well, then it was true.
"That's not an answer." I understood that as well. It is really not like me to be so honest. Maybe I feel like he'd understand if I told him... Hmmm, am I trying to validate my previous actions? I don't know anymore. I just wanted a break from my 'siblings'.
"What if I said that I'm here AND there at the same time?" I didn't know why I answered this way, but I did so anyway. Even if he ends up not believing a word I said, I can at least tell myself that I tried.
"...!" He widened his eyes to look at me in interest.
"Let's make a 'What if' scenario. Say there's this person who has two personas, two 'outlets' where he could be himself... albeit both having different parts of his true nature. The first is the outlet where he does what is 'convenient to him', while the other one does what is 'right'." I tried explaining my circumstances to the best of my ability.
"What do you mean by 'right'?" He wanted clarification to my vague goal of doing 'what is right'. After all, right and wrong was subjective to each person. There was no universal law to it.
"For example... Hmmm, try answering this: What is the value of life?" I gave a philosophical question.
"It's priceless," Unexpectedly, he didn't even take a second to think of an reply off the top of his head.
"...What an immediate answer. You are quite an interesting person. Others would normally hesitate for a moment." Now I was even more sure that he'd be able to understand me. I feel like we're similar people despite having different circumstances.
"Why would they do that? It is so obvious." He made a doubtful expression towards me.
"That's only a subjective view. If life was indeed as priceless as you say it is. Then what about the Goblins we just killed?" It is a big contradiction to slaughter 'priceless' lives without remorse.
"You know 'this' and 'that' are different." He didn't seem moved at all by me pointing out such a thing.
"I know. Life of fellow Humans are precious and shouldn't be taken lightly. However, my other 'outlet' would immediate give a vastly different kind of answer. Or should I say 'I' would give it?"
"What would he say?" He leapt on to my hypothetical train of thought pretty easily.
"The me who is unfiltered and without a conscience would say that the value of life is 'nothing'. Just like a blade of grass, just like an ant, just like everything we Humans unknowingly trample under our feet." He seemed moved by the sheer ruthlessness of my 'common sense'. This answer said a lot about the king of person I am.
"This is getting confusing. Let's say that you ARE the conscience-filled version of- Oh, I forgot to ask your name." Is he trying to change the subject? It would probably be better that to keep it that way...
"My name Si- Hilda."
"You lied."
"There are more mind-boggling things that is best I leave for later." I ended our conversation with a verbal promise to tell him more later. My reason to talk to him was for a very specific reason.
As I said before, we are not split personalities but different 'outlets'. Instead of using the analogy to refer to us as 'split ends' with the same origin, it is more accurate to call us two sides of the same coin. Meaning as long as I change myself here, my 'Damian' self will also change, that's just the kind of 'siblings' we are, almost like twin brothers...