บท 37: Top Notch
I looked up at Jon. His arms were still around me and I wasn't panicking. He was sincere; he wouldn't do anything I didn't want him to. I felt oddly safe standing like this.
"Yeah. Like this, right now, this is okay. I just don't like unexpected contact. This is…actually kind of nice."
"It's really nice," he sighed. "Do you want me to let you go now?"
Here he was, giving me an out, and I didn't want to take it. I wanted to know my footing here and that wouldn't happen if I left. "No."
Jon tightened his hold on me slightly. "That's good. I didn't want to let go anyway."
I laughed a little. The situation was absurd. I was letting a man hug me and I was actually kind of enjoying it. "Jon?"
"Mm?"
"Do you still want me to come to the zoo with you guys on Saturday?"
"Of course I do. The girls are really looking forward to it."
"Oh." So he didn't want me there but also didn't want to let his kids down. That was okay. It was probably better that way.
"I wanted to spend more time with you anyway. I was hoping you'd want to come back here for dinner afterwards," Jon admitted. "Would you be up for that?"
"You still want me around all day?" I asked, shocked. I didn't understand him at all.
"Why wouldn't I? You're still you. I love spending time with you, like I said."
"Then you don't just feel sorry for me?"
"Lori Latham," he said seriously. "I told you I'm here for the long haul. This doesn't change anything at all."
"You really are too good," I mumbled. I hadn't meant to say it out loud. He'd probably take it the wrong way.
"Nah," he teased. "Not too good. Maybe just good."
I slugged him softly on the back and he laughed. "Someone's feeling better."
"Well, you finally cheered up," I said. "I'm glad I was able to make someone feel better today. I seriously doubted my comforting skills for a bit there."
"Yeah, in the future, hugs are better than pats on the head."
"Shut up."
We both laughed together a minute. His arms were still around me and I still didn't mind. "Lori, do you want to go home now?"
"Not yet. Just let me savor the hug." It was the first time I had been okay with being hugged in a long time and I wasn't quite over the novelty yet.
"Aren't you tired?" Jon asked with a yawn.
"No but it seems like you are," I noted. This had to be the longest hug in the history of hugs and we were still standing there like idiots.
"Is it that obvious?" He yawned again. "Okay, I'm tired. Crying is exhausting. I admit it. I cried. Go ahead and revoke my man card."
"Don't be stupid, everybody cries. Goodness knows I've done it enough lately. I never cry this much."
"Why have you been crying so much?" Jon asked, concerned.
"Stress," I said simply. "Lots of stress." That wasn't the only reason, but it certainly contributed. I couldn't explain the real reasons for my emotional instability of late.
"I'm sorry you've been so stressed. Is it because of me?"
"Partly," I confessed. "I'm going into uncharted waters here and that's kind of stressful."
"Well, we're doing it together. That counts for something, right?"
Together. I hadn't felt truly together with someone in such a long time. Cindy and I were an unstoppable team. I hadn't felt like that with anyone since. Like it was me and someone else against the world.
Even with Nick it didn't quite feel like that. But the way Jon talked…it made it seem like I was part of a team again.
"Yeah. That's something."
A moment later, Jon spoke up again. "As much as I've enjoyed this hug, we both have work in the morning and I'd like to be awake for it."
I stepped away, feeling stupid. "Sorry."
"Don't apologize!" he insisted. "It was a great hug. Top notch."
I snorted. "Did you really just say 'top notch'?"
He blushed. I couldn't remember seeing him blush before. "I'm sleep deprived, don't judge me."
I raised my hands in a placating gesture. "I'm going, I'm going."
As I was almost out the door I heard a faint "Goodnight, love."
I scuttled to my car, breathing heavy. I couldn't believe everything that had happened and I had no one to tell. Faye was out of the question—her assumptions about whatever the heck this was couldn't be challenged.
Nick had an early shift and needed to sleep. The thought of talking to Jace about this was laughable. So I sat in my car, looking up at the stars and told Cindy everything.
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