บท 14: Being A Man
"They got home, really tired and unlike how they went. They got back filled with negative energy and silence was taking over most of the time.
it was 6pm, nothing much to do outisde anymore so both just did casual things."
'Muruem watched TV and Herald read some manga while listening to the one and only, Buckethead.
Herald's plan for the week was to spend 3 days with his parents, 3 with his woman.
One alone, that being the day in which he will make up his mind and take the final decision'
*The last day came*
'Muruem woke up early for her job, and so did Herald.
A little conversation took place.'
Muruem. "...What are you going to do today?"
Herald. "I don't know exactly, i'll go out and think more about the offer before i give a definitive answer.."
Muruem. "I see... Don't feel pressured from anything, do what you think is right. I believe in your decision making..."
Herald. "Thanks honey, i appreciate your words."
Muruem. "I'll get going then, take good care Herald."
She kisses him quickly and heads out.
'Herald then completes his breakfast and takes a long shower. In which he had all his eyes focused on his reflection in the mirror. and especially on his weird looking third eye..
Herald only at that moment realised that his powers do not work on him, looking at himself through the mirror with his eye wide open doesn't activate the fate revealer power.
But it can be that looking at a reflection cannot activate his powers and didn't keep analyzing after that. He has now a more important thing to think about.
The conversation in his inner self went on like this..'
"...What does he mean exactly by i will destroy myself by myself??
Is it possible that these powers without being professionally trained and tamed, will go out of control...
Yes, i think so...
In just two days i was about to lose my mind, i would have surely if not for Oumad and Guiado,
i cannot handle it alone in early stages.
Two choices are left now, either accepting and going to the Academy, or declining and sacrificing my power in the process. Declining the only opportunity i had to be as close to God...
Never i thought i will think i'll decline such thing, but i had no idea that it comes on the expense of great matter... But what am i saying? Nothing is greater than...
Maybe i am not the person i thought i am, i could not through out my life completely isolate myself from earthly status, i went against God's law on many occasions. It is true that my belief is unshakeable but that alone was never enough to get me to the next level...
It actually did but it cannot keep me alone in it.
Since forever, i hated everytime i was completely oblivious about the near future... I hate uncertainty.
I'd rather live my life as a normal man...
I have a woman to take care of, a family to provide for, brothers and sisters to be next to..
I am afraid if i took the path Guiado wants me to, i will have to seperate myself from all of them."
'Herald's psyche is leaning on declining.'
'He then got out of the bathroom, the weather was kind of hot so he wore fresh light clothes, tied his hair to the back of his head and went out. To where? He doesn't know but he can care less about that. The reason why he is going out is just to reflect deeply on everything and come up with the right decision.'
'Then he thought no place is better to do that in other than the sea.
It always calms anyone's soul and mind
So he went there.'
'The sea though, wasn't calm.
The waves were hurting the poor big rocks standing so fearfully in front of it's rage and wrath...'
'That's how Herald read the situation as soon as he saw it, and thought about how humans are just the same in front of God's will and written fate.
The big rocks being humans, look strong and stand tall when the sea is calm and kind. As soon as it rages, and its teeth clank deep on the -once so strong and tall- rocks, they turn weak and vulnerable... and with no other option but to stand and face it for as long as it wants.
He thought for a second that, maybe running away won't change a thing? It is true that there are infinite fate lines but he doesn't know his yet, and whether he chose to stay or go. Chances that both lines will reach a similar point are always there.
But again, might as well just stay and if anything was to happen, it will.. Regardless of the decision.
Does the human have free will? A question that rose above in Herald's mind in the midst of thinking. Now that Herald knows beyond the human limits. He's starting to think that Men, do not have it..Before, he always thought they do, that God purposely gave it to humans as to let them take his test without anything interfering...
Will staying fulfil and answer any of the infinite questions Herald has had through out his life?
Will going do? Or just raise even much more complicated subjects...'
'Herald failed at being the man he wants to be...
This failure being at first, realising his deep ties with earthly matters that delay and stand in the face of his transformation to a higher being.
Second, not being able to take a sound defenitive answer as a man is a total failure for him... After all the years and experiences he got, he should be able to do so.'
'Herald went back, with the taste of defeat in his throat...
He didn't know what to tell Muruem, when she got home he didn't talk to her at all after the cold kiss she gave him after coming back from work...
She will go on and ask him'
He with very little words, not even looking at her eyes replied.. "I dont know yet.."
'Muruem also did not know what to say back to such answer.. So she just went to her room
The atmosphere was very dark and cold throughout the night.'
'Herald stayed very late at night at the hall room, watching movies while watching nothing. He was lost and still trying to come up with an answer.'
Madly, he shouted out loud. "FUCK IT!!!!
FUCK IT!! FUCK IT!! FUCK IT!!"
'Muruem was in their room failing in her trial to get some sleep.
Hearing Herald cursing placed immense fear in her heart. This is not a simple invitation to complete his studies..
It has to be something way more dangereous!!
Said she in her mind...'
'Herald after moments, went to his bed, next to Muruem'
But this time, for the first time in so long..
They aren't cuddling in their sleep...'
*THE PROMISED DAY, IS NOW*
Guiado. "Without unnecessary openings.
What is your decision, Herald? "
Herald. "There is no other way to put it but this, Guiado...
I refuse your offer!"
Guiado. for the first time showing some feelings on his face, feelings of disappointment and pity...
"..So, this is it?
You haven't found enough strength in you to continue on?"
Herald, with a fake smile on his face. "You right away put it in a better way...
Yes i could not...
I hate it more than you do, so please! I sacrifice my powers to you here and now...
To my old life i shall come back."
'Guiado, without any endings as well.
Gets closer and puts his finger on Herald's third eye, then thrusts it in there!!!
Before Herald could feel any pain...Guiado had disappeared from his sight..'
'His hand reached to feel his third eye.
Nothing, to be found...
He is now truly, the man he realised he is....'
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