บท 249: But, If I'm Not Going To Be Special Or Extraordinary, What's The Point?[5]
It's an accepted part of our culture today to believe that we are all destined to do something truly extraordinary. Celebrities say it. Business tycoons say it. Politicians say it. Even Oprah says it. Each and every one of us can be extraordinary. We all deserve greatness.
The fact that this statement is inherently contradictory — after all, if everyone was extraordinary, then by definition, no one would be extraordinary — is missed by most people, and instead we eat the message up and ask for more. (More tacos, that is.)
Being "average" has become the new standard of failure. The worst thing you can be is in the middle of the pack, the middle of the bell curve.
The problem is that, statistically speaking, pretty much all of us are in the middle of that bell curve almost all of the time, in almost everything we do. Sure, you might be a world-class putt-putt golfer. But then you have to go home and be a lousy father and get drunk on cheap beer faster than 90% of the population and piss the bed at night. Or worse, you could be Tiger Woods. No one stays exceptional for very long.
A lot of people are afraid to accept mediocrity because they believe that if they accept being mediocre, then they'll never achieve anything, never improve, and that their life doesn't matter.
I find this sort of thinking to be dangerous. Once you accept the premise that a life is only worthwhile if it is truly notable and great, then you basically accept the fact that most of the human population sucks and is worthless. And ethically speaking, that is a really dark place to put yourself.
But most people's problem with accepting being average is more practical. They worry that, "If I accept that I'm average, then I'll never achieve anything great. I'll have no motivation to improve myself or do something great. What if I am one of the rare few?"
This, too, is a misguided belief. The people who become truly exceptional at something do so not because they believe they're exceptional. On the contrary, they become amazing because they are obsessed with improvement. And that obsession with improvement stems from an unerring belief that they are, in fact, not that great at all. That they are mediocre. That they are average. And that they can be so much better.
This is the great irony about ambition. If you wish to be smarter and more successful than everybody else, you will always feel like a failure. If you wish to be the most loved and most popular, then you will always feel alone. If you wish to be the most powerful and admired, then you will always feel weak and impotent.
All of this "every person can be extraordinary and achieve greatness" stuff is basically just jerking off your ego. It's shit sold to you to make you feel good for a few minutes and to get you through the week without hanging yourself in your cubicle. It's a message that tastes good going down, but in reality, is nothing more than empty calories that make you emotionally fat and bloated, the proverbial Big Mac for your heart and your brain.
The ticket to emotional health, like physical health, comes from eating your veggies — that is, through accepting the bland and mundane truths of life: a light salad of "you're actually pretty average in the grand scheme of things" and some steamed broccoli of "the vast majority of your life will be mediocre." This will taste bad at first. Very bad. You will avoid eating it.
But once ingested, your body will wake up feeling more potent and more alive. After all, that constant pressure to always be something amazing, to be the next big thing, will be lifted off your back. The stress and anxiety of feeling inadequate will dissipate. And the knowledge and acceptance of your own mundane existence will actually free you to accomplish what you truly wish to accomplish with no judgments and no lofty expectations.
You will have a growing appreciation for life's basic experiences. You will learn to measure yourself through a new, healthier means: the pleasures of simple friendship, creating something, helping a person in need, reading a good book, laughing with someone you care about.
Sounds boring, doesn't it? That's because these things are average. But maybe they're average for a reason. Because they are what actually matter.
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