Kim stared at her phone dumbfounded. In a daze, she walked back to her room. She least expected to hear what he said. She sat down to think about their situation. Had she really been wrong? Did she treat him poorly? Recalling what he had said, she thought back to the kiss. "If he kissed me and acted like I did.. would I like it?" Her answer made her realize she was at fault. Of course if a guy did that then he's a jerk. You can't leave a girl hanging like that. But he was a guy, right? Aren't they more used to rejection? Aren't they wired to scale over rejection from girls like nothing happened? Besides she didn't reject him, she was the one who initiated the kiss.
She had only kissed him and gotten moody because of certain problems she didn't wish to talk about and he did not understand. But thinking back, if he had been the one to kiss her and then treat her like a stranger, like she didn't exist, like she didn't matter, she would be offended. He would have been a rotten bastard to her, a jerk, a selfish person who would leave after getting what he wanted. After all if he wasn't sure of his feelings, why act on it? But all these and more is exactly what she did. She even attempted to sleep with him then ran away on her own after he left her hanging. If the reverse were the case, she would probably think he only wanted to sleep with her after which, leave her hanging. The normal hit-and-run popular with guys.
But is this really enough to ignore a person? She questioned. She was dealing with things of her own too. Her question would make a passer-by understand she wasn't in love with Carl. Can you possibly love someone and treat the person like he didn't matter to you? As she sat in her room, her roommate came in to see her in a foul mood. She wasn't someone who would interfere in someone else's business but since she's her roommate, her mood would eventually affect her. So she decided to butt in, just once. "Are you okay?" Rose asked with a frown.
"Yeah.. I mean do you think I was wrong?" She asked. Rose looked at her if to say 'how would I know what you're talking about?' Realizing she hadn't even told her the problem. Kim recounted the story. Rose observed her for a bit before commenting, "Do you know you have a problem with the way you think?" Sighing, she added, "You're much more selfish than I perceived. Anyway it's your problem." Rose said before lying on her bed. Kim was dazed, she wanted someone to tell her her fault. "You said I have a problem with the way I think, what do you mean?"
"Are you so blind, you can't see it or you're pretending to be ignorant?" Rose glared at her. "You certainly do not love him, let him be, don't dump your emotional garbage on him." She added. Kim was left speechless. She hadn't thought about love but at least she liked him, right? But emotional garbage? Wasn't that a little too harsh? She had difficulties of her own. "Oh..." Kim commented. Rose gave her the eye before picking up a book to read.
"I just.. have a lot to deal with." Kim said. "Deal with it don't bring it close to me." Rose said, flipping through the book. Kim did not understand that Rose did not want to talk anymore about her problem so she continued. "I just need time..." Rose rolled her eyes at her. "You didn't know you needed time when you kissed him?" Kim was quiet. She didn't know how to answer the question. She had always wanted to be with him, she wanted more than friendship. But now, she couldn't move forward anymore, she was stuck in a point in time. "I..." Rose immediately cut her off, "I don't need your explanation, neither do I care about it, you should go talk to someone that cares and don't rub your moodiness over this place."
Rose indeed had a sharp tongue, she doesn't care if you're hurt emotionally by her words, she would tell you the truth to your face. Kim sat down in shame, her hands played with her phone while she contemplated everything Rose said. Nobody actually cares.. she should talk to someone that actually did. The truth is that, if she told Carl her reasoning, he would probably kill his feelings for her. She was wrong, yet she was trying to justify her wrong by giving useless excuses. "Boys are wired to be rejected," what nonsense is that? Did she really not have compassion? It's clear she put herself first, but this way of thinking is dangerous. She doesn't acknowledge the hardship of others, she only thinks of herself. She tries to down play his feelings. To her, his hurt cannot be compared to hers. Even when she is wrong, rather than feel remorseful, she tries to justify the wrong.
It didn't actually matter if she would figure out her wrong and call him or not. He had already made a decision, she wasn't ready for a commitment, he didn't want to force her or waste his time either so he would just treat her as his friend, nothing more. Although this was what he told himself, he couldn't help but hope she would run back to him.
Though he wanted to ask her about her actions lately, it was clear she didn't want to talk about it. He was lost in thought as he stared at his phone, he missed her a lot, he really wanted to go see her too, he had no choice but to remain where he was. His father may find out once he leaves, that would create more problems for him. Plus she didn't want him to, for reasons best known to her.
Without much thought he turned off his phone and left the office. Everyone was on Christmas break, since he felt bored at home, he decided to come out and work and remove her from his thoughts entirely. Very quickly, he walked out of the office, he got into his car and drove off. If not for the fact that it was holiday, he would have gone to look for a house already. He had this gut feeling that she might not want to live with him any more so he should prepare to leave.
On new year's day, she sent him a text message wishing him a happy new year, he curtly replied, wishing her the same. He made no move to contact her again, Kim saw this as him giving up on them. Forgetting she pushed him away first. On the bright side, she realized she had a problem and she had to fix it but she had no idea what it was. She was like broken doll, pretending to be okay.
You can't pretend to be okay forever, pushing aside your problem. There were cracks already, if not mended, it would only lead to further breakage. Sometimes pretending to be okay is nice but after lying to yourself for so long, the line between truth and lies eventually become blurry. You won't be able to tell what your real emotions are.
Presently, her emotions were jumbled. It was all over the place, she couldn't tell if she was saddened or pretending to be saddened. She didn't know if she truly loved him or if she just needed to have someone. She had continuously lied to herself that she needed no one and she could do things on her own. After moving from one home to another, you pick certain experiencs people who have parents would never understand. You realize you're alone in this big world and no one really cares. Then when someone starts caring, it scares you. You try to run away from it. You don't want to depend on it at the same time, you don't want to loose it.
Though, she said she was okay, though she laughs like there was nothing wrong, this is only a front to hide the real state of things. How could she let people see her for who she truly is. You can't trust anyone these days, after all, your enemies don't betray you. It's your friends that stab you in the back while smiling at you. Unbeknownst to you, you treat them as friends, you confide in them, but they use those secrets against you. She could not trust people, this is not shown in her words. In fact, she acts like she trusts you but that's exactly what it is, an act. She didn't trust Carl enough with herself. She couldn't bring herself to trust him so she was hurting them both. Pushing him away while pulling him towards. Unrequited love wasn't complicated, you just love someone. She just liked him, but then she got greedy, wishing he would reciprocate that love, but if he did, she would push him alone. She was too guarded, she had built her defences over the years and she was content in her comfort zone but Carl wanted her to come out of her cave, how could she agree so soon. How could let him talk her into destroying those defences she built herself.
She may not accept that she's broken, but there was something missing. Indeed, she wasn't born this way, no one is but circumstances change people, it shapes them to become who they are. She had learned life lessons from an early age, these lessons prevent her from fully embracing the now. She couldn't come to terms with reality as there were so many obstacles blocking her path.
...
On the second week of January, Carl sent in his resignation letter, he was done playing with the Stans, though, he wanted to know their secrets, he didn't have the time to be there. He needed to train himself, he needed to build himself. He needed to brace himself from his unknown enemy. And working there will not help him. So without waiting for approval, he left the company.
Readers,
Sorry, school has resumed so I'm having a hard time balancing it all. I promise to quickly adjust. I created a Telegram group chat, because I'm having problems with my Discord invite link, I just joined it so I'm not used to the interface. Please join my Telegram group if you have it, the link is in the synopsis. Thank you for supporting my book. Keep voting and reviewing.
Author.
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