บท 20: The Forbidden fruit (4)

"I did all of that because I love you…" I turned around; He pressed his forehead against mine. He was breathing heavily so was I. I looked into his eyes and I realised that his love for me was pure, his eyes were now teary. I couldn't help it, I can't stop now, I have to tell him everything. I tried cutting lose from his grip because I wanted to release everything that was cooped inside.

"…Babe, I tried to kill myself because I couldn't bare the pain…" tiny drops of tears were rolling out of my eyes by then "…but you chose to rescue me from my own self… when we shared that kiss, I felt this tiny breeze in my heart and all of a sudden it became so strong… I looked into your eyes… I asked myself this question 'is he the one I've been looking for?' and I got the answer from your eyes, I saw deep within you… I added what Musa said and your parents and I knew that you loved me…"

"Babe…" he quickly grabbed my hand; I did not have the audacity of facing him.

"Please allow me to finish…" I requested.

"Sorry" he said only said this because his eyes were already filled with tears, as for me I was in tears; they were already flowing through my cheeks.

"That night we first kissed, I will never forget it, kissing you made me feel alive and the blood flowing in my system changed… I wanted to lose myself to you, because you have changed my life all of a sudden." I turned around to look at him. He had walked towards the window. His right arm was leaning on the window; his left hand was inside his pocket. I stared for a while looking at this tall figure of a man that I love from the depths of my soul. I went to him and cuddled to him from his back. I had to open up to him and tell him everything because I somehow deluded myself. This lie kept on haunting me when I was away. If only I had opened up to J.R on the word go, if maybe I had told him earlier enough about the way I had felt about him, perhaps the day of the accident wouldn't have happened. For I was there when the Pastor told him about the Dark Cloud that was hovering upon him, maybe if I had acted earlier maybe our love life would have been miles away.

"Are you done?" he said. I had to open up everything. And leave no stone unturned.

"…My love, I'm sorry that I deluded myself the whole time trying to be strong and playing hard to get, whilst knowing that I was in love with you the whole time…" I said. He then turned around and wiped the tear drops on my cheeks.

"Sweetheart, I knew that you were falling in love with me day and night just that you were definitely scared to admit it…in fact, I knew that you told Trevor and Mercy that you were falling in love with me but you were…"

"…Bu… but…" I said.

"Shh…" he placed his finger on my lips. "I pretended as if I never heard anything from you guys…it is also the same night, that you stood up for me and told the Police that you loved me and I would never hurt you…" he said clinging on my chin and rubbing my cheek.

"Oh I feel so embarrassed right now…" I decided to move away from him and closed my eyes, but because of his romantic ideas… he removed the hand on my face and he held my cheeks and looked me straight into the eyes and said.

"I love you, I need you I just can't wait to marry you and make you my wife… you needn't to be ashamed of the past it is what made you what you have become today, let us focus on the future now." He kissed me so slowly and gentle and hugged me so tight. It has been said that 'No clothes are much more warmer for a girl than being on the arms of the man he truly loves' well that's the truth, feeling the warmth of his heart and his hands arms holding you tight closer to his heart beat and the beat of it clearly races with yours, clearly when your man holds you like that and you had a meeting scheduled in an hour or so, surely you were going to be late, because the tenderness of him holding you makes you forget about what's happening around you it seems like it's only the two of you living on another planet.

Damn I miss those good old days, when he would wrap his arms around me and make me feel appreciated. Speaking of it right now brings sorrows into my life. Some days I wake up with tranquillity in my soul and the bones attracted so hard like a coin in a magnet. For a moment there I knew for sure that the stress that I have has gone to another stage soon I'll be admitted in hospital being diagnosed by stroke caused by stress. I then remembered J.R's words 'please look after my kids, take good care of them while am gone I know we will meet again and all of this sorrows will end' you know a positive thinking is what keeps us going. It's not like everyone out there whose laughing and smiling, they don't have problems, they do, what we need to do is have a right attitude at all times. The mind works mysteriously; whatever you set it to do it does that and is followed by the heart.

After we had talked and laughed about the old things and youth life we lived, we went out on that cold weather we did not want to use a car but we wanted to walk and chat alongside the road. We held hands we never left each other's company. We stuck together and enjoyed each other's company.

We met up with Trevor and Mercy and discussed a way forward to the day we will be tying the knot. Mercy called her wedding planner to arrange everything and told them to change the venue and arrange it for two couples everything should look alike. Mercy and I grew up together, we were inseparable friends. To see her so happy about her wedding, that really placed a smile on my face. She was in control of everything, when I say everything I mean everything. All I needed to do is to add just a few ideas that I have always had on my mind for my wedding. Not that I have always dreamt of having a double wedding. That never came into my mind. It has always been about me, however since my friend has pre-planned her wedding that gave me assurance that nothing will go wrong. I have always trusted her and there's no doubt about the wedding being a huge mess but it'll become a success.