บท 27: *The World According to My Drunkle LaLa
*Scratchy VHS quality video. Polka music is playing as the camera pans over a temperate forest clearing with dilapidated camper trailers and glossy chromed out Herly motor cycles with ape hanger handle bars. There were at least 50 skinny mixed breed dogs with mangy coats. There are the ubiquitous piles of scrap and trash on just about every bit of free space *The camera stops on the only trailer without wheels. It is clearly the oldest structure in the trailer park most of the aluminum siding has started falling off the trailer
"In Graceland the only stationary camp of the 2 million Junk Gypsies.Lives Drunkle LaLa, he selflessly instructs the little babies of the Kinfolk that made it back home in time for the Spring spawning." says a narrator that sounds eerily similar to a well known Aussie nature documentary maker. *camera pans to the opposite side of the trailer where a bunch of car tires that have been cut in half to make cradles. Inside of these cradles are a bunch of babies wearing little wifebeater onsies drinking Mt. Dew out of baby bottles. Some have on little baby aviator shades others are hugging lugwrenches or chewing on piston rings. It stops on a middle aged man with a big bushy beard wearing black bike leathers playing an accordian*
"Howdy viewers these is the fresh vermin born this year. I have to tell them the story of the world. First off I want to say flat earthers and round earthers are just plain nuts. The ones that thought the world is shaped like a coin was partially right the world ain't a coin it's a cylinder much like this can of Onanaga Beer I am about to drink. The crazy god that lives in the depths of space tossed a great big old beer can from the window of his space pick up truck and magnets and shit caused us to stop here boom there the Earth as we call it Planet Beer can as all other space voyaging races know it was born." The man stopped playing his accordian long enough to go inside his trailer to get an Onagaga beer in the can. "We grew out of the space germs that stuck to the can before the magnets and shit stopped us in our orbit. You might be asking why I'm telling this story to a bunch of baby gear heads the short answer is because THE KING commands it and also because they are always crying anyway so nobody can blame the tears on my storytelling or music making."
"Learn another song LaLa." Shouted a pot bellied redneck from 2 trailers down.
"I got a tune for you Cletus son of Tommy." LaLa's playing grew faster and diabolical putting the accordian in a whirling fugue until the accordian was out of tune ghostly demons formed from water vapor.
Cletus flew up into the air as the demons from the Hell's Puppet Song grabbed him carrying Cletus with them into the sky and he began to dance a jig.
Cletus began to bleed from his ears as he was under the demonic vibrational assault.Then he fell to the ground unmoving as the song reached its end.
"Sorry guests some people have no taste in music. I had to give Cletus a tune up before I play the babies a lullaby it's their afternoon nap soon."
"This cultures study moment brought to you by Onangaga Beer the only beer guaranteed to be rat shit free." said the narrator before the cut to commercial.
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