บท 46: A Terrible Feeling

Asrar currently hated everything about his life. He fell onto his bed with a groan, pushing his sandy blond hair from his face. He had hurt her. Twice. Thinking of the stricken look in Hazel's eyes he felt terrible.

He wasn't sure which had hurt her more. Finding out that he had been lying to her. Or his rejection of her.

He wished he wasn't a sorcerer. That he could cut that part of him out. But it was impossible, ever since he had first used it he could feel it inside of him. And such magic always found a way out. He couldn't just ignore it, as the nature of his magic could be very dangerous. There was no way he would ever let someone else get hurt just because he was afraid.

Asrar stared at the ceiling. He'd always known she would find out eventually, but he hadn't expected that he would actually be the one to tell her. Thinking of how hurt his princess must be right now, was making him feel uncomfortable.

He had always been protective towards her, but now he was unable to do anything to make her feel better. She wouldn't want his help anyway now...the thought was depressing because he had been taking care of her as long as he could remember.

He wondered idly what his punishment would be. Whether it would be death or exile. He didn't know which one he would prefer. Well, it didn't matter for the next year anyway. As long as they were in Carendlus, he was in a way protected.

In an odd way it was kinda a relief to finally get it off his chest. He was tired of lying, of not being able to fully be himself. He wished though that she had gotten mad, instead of going completely pale in the face. He would have rathered her get mad than hurt.

But, this was the way life was. He couldn't change his blood, just as he couldn't change the way people saw it. If Hazel hated him now, then so be it. He would rather die but he was fairly likely to anyway.

He was broken out of his depressing thoughts by a loud scream. Hazel! Instantly he was on his feet and out the door, having grabbed his sword on his way. If she had been attacked, he would rip whoever dared in pieces. No one hurt his princess. No one.

He threw open her bedroom door, "Hazel! Arst thou alright?"

A streak of brown went past him, grabbing his arm. Hazel plastered herself against his back and he could feel her trembling. He peered into the room and saw nothing.

"Asrar..." Her voice trembled and was rather faint, "Kill it..."

Hearing her, he understood. Spider. "Where, my princess?"

Still pressed up against his back, she pointed past him.

"Alright, I dost see it." He pried her off of him so he could move closer to it. He quickly stepped on the arachinad. "It is dead." He quickly scanned the room for any more of the small threats. He didn't see any.

"Thanks, As." His princess hugged him again. Now that he knew she was out of danger he found himself painfully aware of the way she was pressing herself against him. It was highly inappropriate. He was unsure of how to handle this.

"Hey, I just thought of something." Hazel's eyes were glowing. He inclined his head towards her. "I was wondering, is there a way for magic to keep spiders out?"

Asrar was surprised by the question. Hazel had always found the thought of magic disgusting. "I dost not know, my princess. Possibly?"

"Could you?"

For some reason, the fact that Hazel was asking him to use magic was a little bit soothing, albeit odd. "I twould not know how."

She looked disappointed, "Then what good is it?"

Asrar felt his mouth twitch. Was Hazel's fear of spiders overriding her distrust of magic? "I couldst find out?"

His princess nodded. Then she glanced away, "Asrar...I won't tell Father. Don't get me wrong, I'm still upset with you."

"Thank you..." Asrar looked down at the petite young girl. "My apologies on lying."

She shook her head, "It's understandable, you were in a pretty tough situation. I am still not completely comfortable with it, of course. But that isn't why I am upset." She looked up straight into his eyes.

Asrar suddenly had a bad premonition. Once Hazel made up her mind about something, she was fairly stubborn. And he was starting to have suspicions that his princess liked him as more than a friend. She had kissed him after all, and while Asrar was no expert on the subject he was pretty sure that was supposed to be a major sign.

He was suddenly very much aware of the fact that they were all alone, and he started feeling nervous. "Well, um... I shouldst probably be going...I mean you do need to sleep...sweet dreams, my princess." As he spoke he pulled away from her hug, and beat a hasty retreat.

He went back to his bedroom, and fell onto the bed. His emotions were in a jumble. On one hand, he hoped she would move on. She deserved someone much better than him. On the other...a small part of him felt extremely happy.