บท 31: 第31章: To Have A Chat
They were back again in a day. Waiting there from early morning, even as Dianyu took a yawn. She was tired as she woke up quite early, with last night stretching quite late. But she did want to know more than just what she could do at this point. More than what she could even see at this point. Mostly keeping to the side, as Feiyu kept a lookout. Not wishing to lose it once more.
She was careless then, and it was the first time. As such, it was fair to not know the enemy and for them, as she learned was that they did not lose anyone. Strayers were outliers, not the common. They were rare to be found, even now. Because it meant to leap into the unknown with no clear insight or idea just where it will lead. To some that was dangerous, that was undesired. And most importantly, they could not trust that their eventual end will be worse than their actual fate.
So few let themselves choose their own lives because they knew it was not a certainty. Some could make the decision because they trusted themselves, that even if they do make mistake it could only further them. It could not set them back at the end of the day. She knew that this was a fact of life, not everyone will fail if they didn't have a fate. And some did not like what they saw.
She was one of them, she questioned why so many trusted them.
"She's here." She knew what she needed to do, stay by the inside where Feiyu was more able to handle things there. It was for the better too, at least from her own knowledge. As Feiyu said that she was here to observe not to participate, it was too early. And this didn't require two, and neither was she trained enough.
And that she thought that this will have been a good entry. A good beginning to what was in store for her next.
Feiyu stepped forward heading to find the ghost once more. Holding her instrument close, where it was to keep her senses sharp. Dianyu didn't think that her life will have become this until it had already done so at the end of the day. She held her parasol, where Feiyu taught her a few things. Even how to properly channel it. Especially now, where even that may prove useful. At least as a distraction since she will be following Feiyu.
And why they won't be giving her much of any dangerous assignments. Something that seemed to have bothered her, or perhaps she enjoyed them. But to take a student was a step in making herself more aware of what it meant to find a path, and what it meant to lead others to their own. Because she was doing the same thing now, teaching Dianyu just what it meant.
The apprentice did want to get a better view, as being so far back made it hard for her to observe. As much as she crept up, making sure that she wasn't heard. Before leaning against the wall. Which put her in a far better position. Feiyu was already with the spirit. "You know better than to linger here."
"I'm the only one who can set them on the right path."
"Except that there is truly no right path. Your afterlife is not decided by your choice but by how you live your life."
"But fate is the one who does it all."
"Then why are people paying for their sins in the past. We should pay for it in our end, not wait for some poor reincarnated soul to do it." It was unfair, as she knew that some had lost their limbs as a child. Some were born blind, deaf or otherwise. And to some, being born a woman meant a setback. That they were at a disadvantage compared to men.
They had to bear with so much more hardship and to be limited to no more than their household. If children were truly that precious, then why weren't mothers considered the best. Being a mother was tough, to teach their own child right or wrong. To teach their child to survive and live in such a world. Fathers rarely needed to do it. Their job was to discipline and to make all the major decisions.
Her mother taught her all she knew and managed to run an inn on top of all that. Her father never did a single thing for her. And from what she knew, neither did Xiaoyan's father.
"Because they deserve it."
"Then tell me, why do they preach that it is a sin to be a woman. That to be one means to have sinned, to have done something. That we are destined to do little more than bear children and take care of the house." There was no answer to that. "That we are to blame if our husbands fail, that we are to blame if the country has ill luck. Just look at the word for ill-virtues, why are so many about women."
That kept her quiet. Although Dianyu had little idea about what it meant either. She didn't know enough about it. "They say we are always less than men, that we cannot be compared to them in every way." Even as she was now holding her guqin. "I can play this, and you can tell whether I am worse or better than them."
It was a trick of sorts, even as Dianyu closed her own ears. She knew what came next, what was going to happen next. She was going to play, to send them back. Even as Feiyu began by playing the first string. It was an easy enough matter, as she heard sounds that only an instrument will make.
She closed her own ears further, to think of other things. Knowing the drill enough to not do it. Feiyu's object was of a wide radius and affected anyone. It could only be heard and that was difficult to avoid unless she did this. Even was a far distance she still has needed to do this. It was a necessity. Rather than anything else.
She leaned against the back, knowing that this will be gone in an instant. Just as she knew it stopped. "Dianyu!" She grabbed her umbrella in that instant, holding it close to her. As much as she kept her eyes all around. One of the difficult things here was that her umbrella was big but will not shield her completely.
At the side left her exposed on another, and she quickly brought it up. And pouring energy into it. She saw at Feiyu rushing over, as much as she kept her umbrella. It was the best choice now. Even as focused her eyes in the next instant on her feet. It was the most important to her. As she covered her top but she was weak here.
She was right as the ghost grabbed her feet. But her hands swung, as much as she used her energy to hit her back. Feiyu had run over in time. "Look after the girl." She nodded before running back there. It made sense why she stopped, perhaps the girl had not known better. Or that Feiyu thought that using her child will be more than enough to stop her.
Back there, the girl was not crying. Even as she was still lying on the ground, her hands on her ears. Her face was stained with tears, perhaps unable to withstand the song any longer. Feiyu did not continue because of the child. Perhaps there was a side effect when someone heard it for too long. She took her own umbrella and shielded it, while gently holding the child's hand.
"Why?" The only question that she didn't know how to answer. "Mother was the only person who cared for us."
It was miserable, but her mother was not meant for long. "She died in the epidemic, and for a month I was so alone. Why are you taking her away?"
"Because you need to face reality. Your mother can't stay for eternity, my real mother didn't." She barely lingered long after her own birth. As she was adopted when she was barely a month old. She knew it, she didn't miss it. There was no way to miss a woman that gave her life but was never there for her. She didn't even know what she looked like at the end of the day.
"Did she die?"
She grimaced. "Yes, she did. But I was taken in. And I have left my own mother."
The girl looked at her puzzled. "Don't you want to be with her?"
"Maybe you don't think that you want to leave, but one day you might realize that you want a different life." There was no certainty, but as a child, she always told her mother that she wanted to stay by her side. It was only later that she wanted to when she was older.
It was a big thing as many looked at her in askance. She was a girl, she was going to marry, she was going to want children. By this point, she still didn't want to think of herself as a mother. A few years down the road might be uncertain but she didn't want them at her age. She simply wanted to be a girl, and the moment she began to bleed she was no longer a girl.
A woman, expected to take on duties. It was strange then, that all of a sudden she was expected to mature. It was baffling at how daughters were treated like a child one day and the next they became an adult. It was as though bleeding simply changed them as people, not simply a traumatic experience for them personally.
"I was a child who said that once. But as I grew older I didn't want that. You might want this now, but you will never fully know until you're older." Perhaps it was the fact that she was only slightly older than her that kept her listening. Even as Feiyu had completed it. Surprised at how things turned out.
"You're not going to be alone. There is someone who will take care of you." Even as she turned to look at her. The girl nodded, before running off to pack her own things. "Sometimes, you don't need to really struggle. But you do have a way with words."
"Perhaps I just understood what it was like to be a little girl. What it was like to want my mother. I made a lot of foolish promises then, my mother never took any one of them seriously." And at that age, promises rarely meant a lot than just talk. It was ridiculous to hold them to that, especially as parents. She learned that too, as she heard what she told her mother as a child. It was anything if not surprising.
"That's right. A child hasn't seen the world enough or went through enough to understand themselves. Or to know the true weight of them at the end of the day."
"Were you like that once?" Feiyu didn't say a word. Perhaps she shouldn't have.
"At that age, I told the crown prince I will marry him." And she understood just how a child didn't know what they were until later. "But a child is often shielded from the truth, or won't comprehend it until later."
"I'm still not sure about myself."
"You're only fifteen, that is to be certain. I didn't too, and my mother thought that it was the ripe time to marry. The best time to push for one." Perhaps the fact that she needed to know her past let Feiyu reveal all these answers to her. "In such matters, you aren't a student to me. You're a friend, someone who can listen to all this."
"Then, I suppose it was better of me to have dreamed of walking the world."
"You have no idea how that is different. But traveling isn't a bad thing, it opens your eyes and expands how you think. The world is a vast place after all." And to limit herself to simply a house, which at best could only be a city. She didn't want that. It was too small for her. She didn't mind that it took years for her to see.
"And that it is something that will help you figure out just who you are." Feiyu gave a nice smile. Before realizing that the girl had already overheard it.
Feiyu didn't say anything else, before walking. With them following her a step behind before she walked behind them.
"Is it hard to travel?"
"It can be hard, I came from a small town. But you tend to see things although I'm not the best person for such advice, I haven't seen enough yet." She had only been through a couple of towns before stopping by Chang'an.
"Maybe we should too, I mean it can't go wrong that we simply take a few years to go around." The boy nodded in agreement. As the children began to pester her about all that she knew, regardless how little it had been.
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